THE SECRET

[Bill]

Oh,Oh. "And James Brown goes..."

Shame, shame.

Bill; not 17, not even 23.

[Ace]

I know; I did that for you.  I figured it was time he went.

What a low-brow lowlife changing experience.  Low carb, low impact, low cost, lo mein.  I'm thinking of taking the BEST of EVERY diet and going with that; high protein, high carb, high fat, high calorie, high fiber, hi de ho.  I'd like to be half the man I used to be.  There's a shadow hangin'

Ok, enough Beatles jokes.  Who loses a drummer and bassist; Beatles are just a bassist and a drummer... hmm.

Ace; when I run it's high impact.

[Bill]

Such thoughtfulness and consideration!  Nothing like a blatant usage error to get the blood churning.

Thanks, I needed that.

Bill

[Ace]

Bill goes "Arrgghhhh."

Look; I'm not one to make careless errors or unintentional mistakes. 

Ace; not if I can't help it.

[pat]

Does that mean you make intentional and careful mistakes.

How precocious of you.

Always remember and never forget it was James Brown who coined the phrase:
You only live once.




Hey, if you don�t believe me, look it up.

[Ace]

Oh, I'm not going on some chase for wild geese.  Criminy, the things fly overhead as it is.  Also, you mispelled "precious."

Look, James Brown may say it but he is not "living in America."

Ace; I know it's a slow start, but it's Monday.

[Bubba]

A bus load of JFK Conspiracy buffs were on their way to a seminar. Suddenly, the bus went off a bridge, and all aboard were killed. 


They were in line to meet God at the Pearly Gate. When the first person from the bus got to the front of the line, he asked God,,,,,"Who did kill JFK ?"

God responded, "Lee Harvey Oswald was the lone assassin".




The guy at the far end of the line, nudged the guy in front of him and whispered,   "whoa,,,,,,the cover-up is higher than we ever imagined".

[Ace]

I'll tell  ya, it's been so long I forgot what the dang Secret was.  I always thought there was a second spitter.

You know what else is weird is that it's always "Lee Harvey Oswald."  Like there's some other "Lee Oswald" out there we might confuse him with.  Or L. Harvey Oswald.  Now "Jack Ruby" is a name to remember, if not make up.

That was worth the effort, BB.  I'll use that one immediately. 

Ace; if Ted Kennedy was driving the car or John John was flying the plane after it could've taken out the whole family.

[Bubba]

Now there ya' go Ace,,,

you are trying to re-write history,,, if we do not say Lee Harvey Oswald [ LHO is an approved  substitute ] you will remove one of the 29 established coincidences between the Kennedy/Lincoln assassinations [ both presidents were killed by  3-name assassins ]. Many spooky people spent many years to establish that list, and you wish to squash it with one stroke of your pen.

Not sure what the list supports ??????  Lone gunman,,,, or multiple assassins, or just makes spooky people happy.


Ace,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,are you happy ?

[Ace]

IMHO, LHO LOL
sorry, I was slipping into web-ese.  I guess it could have been one assassin, with several bullets. 

Am I ,,,,, happy...?  Geez, I don't know.  I mean, sure, it's Friday and all.  That's ok.  I'm not "gleeful" or jumping with joy, or anything like that.  I'm alright I guess.  I haven't squashed anything with my pen, as yet.  I did pop a fly with a rubberband the other day, and a spider too.  That makes my heart grow fond.

How are you Bub?  Are you happy?  You used "sad emoticons" so I hope you aren't sad.

Well, I guess they're not just the standard sad emoticons.  Those look like the "my head smells funny, and that's not pleasant" emoticons.  Sorry if your head smells...  I hate it when that happens, too.

Ace; I can't smell my nose.

[Bubba]

A lot of noses can not smell the body they are attached to,,,, or a nose can not smell itself, mostly happens after a chili and beer fest.

Anyway,,, the 3 name thing,,, it confirms guilt when it is stated with stern authority.

Like when, as a kid, your mother caught you dead to rights doing something wrong, and,,,  loudly, but just short of a shout, announces your name like a wrestling arena announcer,,all three of your names. Then as a final touch,,she finishes with that icy glare that only a mother can conjure up,,,.   No lawyer in the world can get you off, once a mother has made that command.

Sadly,, my wife has assumed the role of my mother, with great zeal. 

[Ace]

YES!  Yes, I know exactly what you mean... My mom would say "Ace Bob

Ok.. hold it.  Be careful here.  Don't give it away...  what's another good palindrome...

Uh.  "Ace Bob Foof!  You stop that this instant!!"

yeah.  Like that.

You know, not only can your nose not smell itself, but your ear probably can't hear your nose all that well either, unless it's whistling.  Some people can taste their nose, if theirs sticks down that way and they've got that Gene Simmons thing goin'.

Oh, and you'll like this; I was hearing this story about astronauts getting drunk before liftoff...  Shoot; like I'm going into space shot off a rocket sober.  Duh.

Ace; I could use a drink before fireworks.

[Bubba]

?
So we agree about the 3-name thing,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, not sure about the nose thing yet, still absorbing that information, especially the tongue-nose thing,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,yikes !

and as far as needing a drink,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I am way ahead of you,,, don't need approaching fireworks to desire an adult beverage, a simple "if the sun comes up" will do.           buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurp !

[Ace]

Or "goes down."  Or "is in my eyes."  Or "is up there, somewhere."  I've used them all.  Shoot, I've had a tequila sunrise at sunset.

Speaking of drug-addled, it's good to see the Tour De France has cleaned up.  Right.  I had a moneymaking idea that could catch on in Illinois, or South Carolina.  You know, there's dog fighting, and there's also chicken fighting.  I was thinking of mixing them up, with a Dog Vs. Rooster fight. 

I don't know if that'd be fair, though.  Maybe Pitbull Vs. Buncha Roosters fight.  Anyway, maybe we could franchise it.  Plus, I'm sorry to hear that your wife is your mom, pretty much.  That doesn't sound like much fun, unless your mom was a really good cook.

I think I'd be ok if my wife assumed the role of my mom, but I'm just sayin' she better not assume the role of HER mom.  Criminy, that wouldn't be good.  I heard one comedian say "The majority of men prefer to be with one woman."
and
"That woman is Jessica Alba." 

Ace; really

[scuzzy]

That's just great. I suppose now he's going to be his own grandpa, too.

How about, "Champion Rooster vs. Sickly Pitbull Pup"?

Scuzzy; I'd rather be by myself. And that self is me.

[Ace]

Heh.  "Who's my daddy!  I am!"

How was Louisiana?  Did you catch anything? 

Speaking of people named after their cats, if I'm in that nursing home and that death sensor cat curls up around me I'm gonna hurl it into a wall.  Stupid death detector cat.  You don't see a dang dog prognosticating death... dog would just lick your hand and feel bad for you.  Well, unless it's Michael Vick's dog, and he just blew his performance review.  Then the dog would probably wish ill of him, too.

ace; I wouldn't be in a nursing home that had a cat.  Shoot, I'd rather not be in a nursing home period.  .