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Ace Darwin Awards

Started by Bubba, September 19, 2002, 19:50 hrs

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1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was
awarded  $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her
ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a
furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably
surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little
brat was Ms. Robertson's son.

2. June 1998: A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won
$74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his
hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't
notice there was someone at the wheel of the car, when he was
trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

3. October 1998: A Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania
was  leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the
garage.  He was not able to get the garage door to go up since
the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't
re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and
garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on
vacation. Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for
eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a
large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance
claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The
jury agreed to the tune of half a million dollars.

4. October 1999: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was
awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on
the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle
was on a chain in its owner's fenced-in yard. The award was
less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been
just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who was
shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

5. May 2000: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay
Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania $113,500 after she
slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage
was on the floor because Ms. Carson threw it at her boyfriend
30 seconds earlier during an argument.

6. December 1997: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware
successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring
city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and
knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms.
Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies
room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge.  She was
awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

And the winner is: Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City. In
November 2000, Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32 foot
Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home, having joined
the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left
the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of
coffee. Not surprisingly the Winnie left the freeway, crashed
and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not
advising him in the handbook that he couldn't
actually do this. He was awarded $1,750,000 plus a new
Winnie.  (Winnebago actually changed their handbooks on the
back of this court case, just in case there are any other
complete morons buying their vehicles.)
Like Grandpa used to say, "maybe there ain't nothin' wrong, but, somethin' aint' right."


Ok, look; about this "Ace" claim to infame here...

I did not do any of these things. I did not enact these acts.  

I do not resemble these remarks.

I don't know why the little sob wasn't related to her... I don't know what the dog did to deserve it.  I don't know where that thing is, let alone how she broke it.  I'd probably have to mix something with Pepsi if I'm having dogfood.  

I don't know why he bought a Winebago without autopilot.  He should've gotten an RV from Elkhart, IN; the RV capitol of the world.

Capital.  Ok, Midwest.

Something should've punched her in the teeth.  

I am not responsible for any debts or public disturbances not my own.  

Ace; I am disclaiming this whole mess.
Ring bells for service.


Those were great, Bubba!

Looking forward to Dover this weekend?  I sure am!


Yup,,, need to get DJ in the top 10, so he sits at the head table in NYC,,,, really, really cool if Michael [ #15 ] could snag a top 10,,,,,

Don't know what to make of the Tony Stewart thing .  I am NOT a TS fan,,,,,,,AT ALL,, but dorky, drunk, bimbo fans in the motor home area seems to be a tad much,, something that the drivers should not have to endure.

Then you have the reporter "shove" then the EMT "supposed" punch,,,,,,  no doubt, he does need to cool down as, right now, all these "things" are happening only to him,,,,

Maybe he should throw a water bottle,,,,,,,, distance himself from his target,,,
Like Grandpa used to say, "maybe there ain't nothin' wrong, but, somethin' aint' right."


LOL!  I don't think I've ever seen Ricky Rudd do something like that, but I suppose with a season like he's been having together with the changes for next year it isn't surprising.  Short tracks and night races seem to turn tempers up another few notches, and makes for an interesting show!

I'm not sure what to make of the Stewart stuff either.  The incident at Indy was certainly his fault (although the fact that Nascar made him go to the inspection area instead of his garage and forced him to walk all the way across the garage area contributed to it), but these other things make you wonder if it's just people taking aim at an easy target.  Maybe I should make up a story about him punching me in Charlotte and get my share of the action!


well,,,,,,,, you might win some free tickets or garage passes, if you settle out of court,,,

Tony Stewart,,,, he seems to be just doing a job,,, maybe he doesn't love the sport.  He was resisting the head restraint systems,,, even said he was claustraphobic,,,,, how can he "squeeze" into a rcae car if he is claustraphobic ??

Then he made a "supposed" comment about the fans in Alabama,,,,,,,,,,,,  he is sure having a hard time making freinds,,,,,,,, but he is up there in points,,,,,,!

Maybe I am being to kind to him,,,,,,,,,, maybe he is a spoiled brat jerk,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, he sure is not having a good time,,

Now Ace,,,,,,,,,, there is a race car driver, he can throw a beer bottle with the best a' them !

Empty of course,,,,,,,, "hic"
Like Grandpa used to say, "maybe there ain't nothin' wrong, but, somethin' aint' right."


I should now like to kill this poast, as it's no longer about Me but has digressed to NASCAR bill-hilly asides.

Ace; enuff's enuff.
Ring bells for service.


Ace, he straps himself in and drives it like he stole it,,,
Like Grandpa used to say, "maybe there ain't nothin' wrong, but, somethin' aint' right."


Ok, look now, I killed this thing. Stopped it dead in its tracks. Your tracks. You're tracks.

And you went and resuscitated it.  Resusitated it.  Breathed life into it. Dangit.

I do, however, appreciate the inclusion of myself in it.  Even though depicted as some gone-in-45-seconds revinoor gone nuts.  Bootlegger.  Whatever they are.  

Ace; I don't mind squeezing into the car, but I've found the trunk claustrophobic.
Ring bells for service.