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Started by Joanie, February 06, 2002, 19:33 hrs

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What a funny joke Bubba, that's a good one.


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Yeah, and the older I get the funnier it is. Not that I hunt turkeys, though I may just have to take it up, considering. I did shoot at a pack of coyotes tonight. Or rather at six pair of green eyes glittering in the light of the flashlight. Doubt I hit anything, but at least our critters are protected for the night.

http://www.poasters.com/images/bear.gif" border=0>


I just got this off the web news; weird thing. I'll copy it here:

A.P. Tulsa 5:00 CDT

Reports of U.F.O. sightings and even a reported landing by an alien spacecraft overwhelmed phone lines at Oklahoma police and television stations in the early morning hours today.

Citizenry across the state reported multiple sightings of round, spinning multi-colored disk-shaped aircraft in the starless skies above both North and South Oklahoma. The reports of these sightings were uncannily similar, which has baffled scientists and law enforcement agencies, as literally all reported soundless, fast moving shapes in the sky that would appear as if from nowhere, hover momentarily, and then fly off suddenly.

In a rural section of the state a family reported an actual landing of one of the craft.  As the homeowner Bob Roor, known throughout the state as the leading palindrome expert after his book "My Life is Bassackwards" became a bestseller and Midwest icon, stated: "It was something, let me tell you... we're out in a yard watching these things zip across the sky... They woke us up, as we were all startled by their not making any sound.  We're seeing what must have been dozens of them suddenly appear, hover, dissapear... Then we watch this one actually start to drop slowly down.  Thing comes down right over by our neighbors, which is some distance away, but it was such a clear night we could make it out perfectly.  I don't know the family; think it's some guy who writes, too.  Mostly weather reports from the area, and poems about his cat and stuff. Only real commotion over there was when he chased a big-legged UPS woman one day who was delivering more computer stuff to him. Geez Louise, he must own like 12 of the things, with all the equipment he seems to have over there. Anywho, this disk comes down, over by their place... we see these pale, large headed beings step right outta the thing.  They're sorta grey [sic] with big, green eyes.  Must have been a half dozen of them, all told.  Mostly humanoid, but couldn't really make out facial features from that far off. Except they start walking for their house... they looked peaceful enough, but I'll tell ya, if they've got that kind of flight technology I would not want to tick them off, you know what I mean?!  So they're walking slowly toward their house and I kinda make out the neighbor say something, because he's apparently outside too... something about "criminy, more stinking coyotes" or something like that.  And then, louder, "I'll show you what's what" and I hear at least one shot, maybe more... These creatures, man, their eyes got even bigger... and I see the 6 of them sorta separate, and then lurch back to the spacecraft.  They didn't so much as run, but did more of a "hop, hop, skip/jump" motion.  I don't think any were hit, but they seemed both shocked and upset.  Last thing we see is one sorta gesture at the neighbor; they only seem to have like 3 digits on their hands.. little guy only used the middle one, and made a sound sorta like a cat does when it sees a dog come into the yard...  Man, I hope they don't take that personally or come back for revenge or anything.  Like I said, they seemed peaceful and all, but now, I don't know... I wish I had a dang good AM radio, just so I could keep up with news today.  I gotta figure there's going to be a lot more where this came from."

Authorities expect to compare the various reports called in, to check for any discrepancies as well as similarities, to begin to analyze and attempt to understand the nature of these claims.  Updates are anticipated throughout the day, and police urge the states' citizens to remain calm until they can discern the accuracy and nature of these supposed sightings.

Man, hope Bear's ok.. he lives over there, someplace. I don't know though if he's in North, or South.  Ace: concerned.

Ring bells for service.


Huh, you laugh, well spoof anyway, but hey, this ain't Indiana. Coyotes have become a real problem around here, not funny at all. They've killed a total of about a dozen chickens, at least that many cats, and two Australian Shepherds (dogs, not immigrants) at two of our neighbors since last summer, and we're right between those neighbors. They're getting bolder all the time, even showing up in daylight.

These aren't the scrawny, mangy little dudes either; I've seen two as large as German Shepherds. One of the neighbors has three dogs, a Great Dane, a chow mix and a pit bull, and these coyotes turn around and chase them back to the house. Unheard of. Some folks around here swear they're wolves, which of course is very unlikely, but I guess it is possible they've interbred with large dogs dumped by people from town who seem to think that's smart. Whatever.

Anyway, yesterday afternoon I threw some stale bread into the back yard for the birds, and a couple of hours later right at darkfall Maya, our young Dobie, started pitching a fit. I took her out, and when the automatic lights came on a pack of coyotes were revealed on the hill north of our house, maybe fifty yards away. They turned tail and disappeared over the hill in a second. Whether they were after the bread, as my wife claimed, or maybe after other critters who were after the bread, I don't know. But that was just too dang close.

I went out later with a good lantern-style flashlight and my rifle, and saw their eyes staring back at me from the pecan grove about 150 yards to the east. It was like they had our place staked out. Chilling.


That's when the alleged shooting took place. But no carcass this morning.

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Well, since this is the Funny Forum:

Look, Bear - You ain't gonna hit nuthin' with that cork gun. You might be able to pop a coyote in the eyeball if you can get close enough to it, but all that will do is make him sore in more ways than one. That's generally not a good idea.

I've always believed that if you're going to use violence to resolve something, then you have to be serious about it. After all, violence is no laughing matter. I'd gather up all my friends and arm them to the teeth. 44 Magnums, claymore mines, 30-06, homemade flame throwers, double-barrel shotguns and slingshots, grenades and dynamite, should all make for a good start. I'd also outfit my pickup with enormous, heavy duty tires and armored plating, after jacking it up a good 10 feet. With a little effort, you could wrap a couple of large inner tubes between the front and rear tires, just for special effects.

Of course, you'll want to practice on the local squirrels. I like to catch them, tie them up with duct tape, unscrew their stupid little heads, and run them over with the family van. Then I shoot at them. A lot. A hell of a lot. Next, I set them on fire. Lastly, I stomp on their nuts out of spite.

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Alex Garcia

Antec Performance TX640B Case | WinXP Pro SP3 & Win7 64-bit | Gigabyte GA-EP45-UD3R | Intel Core 2 Duo E8500 Wolfdale LGA 775 3.16GHz Dual-Core | 8GB (4x2GB) PC6400 G-Skill RAM | eVGA 7600GT 256MB PCI-E | 74GB WD Raptor SATA 16MB Cache | 74GB WD Raptor SATA 8MB Cache | 320GB Seagate Barracuda SATA 16MB Cache | External 640GB WD Caviar SATA 32MB Cache | Sony DRU-V200S DVD/RW | PC Power & Cooling Silencer 500W | Samsung SyncMaster 2494 (24") LCD Monitor | LG Flatron W2361V (23") LCD Monitor


Boo !

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SeaSonic S12 550W, Athlon 64 X2 6000+, Asus M2N SLI-Deluxe, nvidia 9600 GSO, 2x2 gig Crucial Ballistix, LG DVD/RW, 2x Western Digital Black Edition 640gb,  SAMSUNG 226BW Black 22", Canon PIXMA MP600,  Logitech X-230 speakers, Logitech Comfort Duo keyboard & Mouse, Windows 7 64 Home Premium & Vista 64


Hello, People of Earth.  We are the Inhabitants of the Planet Mongo.  We have taken over one of your primitive Earth Computer Communication Devices from a Sub-Species denizen of your Planet; one named "Ace."  We do not for a NY minute believe that is his real name, but since he is so slow-witted, it hardly seems to matter, now, does it.

We are hear to announce our Extreme Displeasure, and Your Impending Doom, for the unwarranted Attack early this morning/late last night in the outer reaches of North and/or South Oklahoma, which is what we believe you call the place.  It is, from all accounts, part of the "Mid West" even though any reasonable Mongovian would find it far more to the West-West than Mid anything.  Indiana; that would be truly the Midwest.  Low Hills, if any at all; a large lake, that, if one might close one's green eyes, would resemble an Ocean, even.... Yes; that would be Paradise, as it were.

We, though, were able to fly by, en masse, this AM over your aforementioned and misbegotten territory of Oklahoma to offer our hands in peace and our technology to you; in exchange for that one thing we can't get enough of and can't, due to our climactic conditions on Mongo, make for ourselves...

Yes.  "Choclatey Shatners".  Capt. Kirk himself, if he was alive and had his own hair, would even sign over the Enterprise for such a treat.

But, alas, even though we came unarmed and not even with a cork gun, were attacked without cause or remorse by some reckless rube whom apparently mistook us for some dog-like yet harmless local irritant.  I mean, criminy, except for howling inappropriately and genuinely being a nuisance, what's a coyote ever done to deserve death by firing squad!J#$@!  Not like they're squirrels; coming right up to your door, their chubby little arms extended and their bear-like posture revealing their true agenda... taking your nuts.  Eating some; hiding the rest.  Like that leaf is gonna be there, right there, months from now.  Geez Louise...

And so, people of Earth, we regret to inform you; we shall return by nightfall, and are compelled to destroy your planet absolutely.  Obliterate it, as it were. Discombobulate you all.  Kick the living tar outta ya.  Stick those primitive weapons where the sun don't shine, and we're not talking about our 12th moon, Diode.  You are all doomed.  You are all to exist, no more.  We came, we saw, we extended our peculiar yet pudgy 3 fingered appendages in peace to you... and you had the audacity, and ill-temper, to try to blast us right between our luminescent yet softly inviting green eyes.... Criminy, no wonder you guys got so much latent hostility down there.  So; prepare to meet your Maker.  

Except for one; the one you call "Maya Dobie."  He seems uniquely intelligent, and sensitive, and worthy of salvation.  No others; just him.  Didn't mean us any harm, and appears quite above the norm, there. The rest of you "humans" as well as your "squirrels": nuts to you.

Zwoenglrk: head expeditionary Mongolovian.  And we, in your hour of Doom and Departure from your Garden Planet, Now Reveal Our True Forms and lovely Green Eyed Lady origins.

http://www.freeyellow.com/members6/gmrkar/peewee.jpg" border=0>

Tremble in fear, you earthlings.  Especially the gun-toting, pistol whipping militia-minded maroons...

Ring bells for service.


Ok, look, it's us again. The Mongolovians.


Alright, look, here's the deal.. yes; ok.  Made a mistake.  A "typo". Yes. Big deal. Big Hairy Coyote Deal.  Criminy..

Yes, alright... it should be "Here" and not "hear".  Alright. Ok.  A Typo.  Big Whoop.  So, sue us.  

Look, it doesn't change things.. you've still got a lot of trigger fingered-happy Westerners ready to shoot first/talk later/feed the dog after.  Doesn't excuse anything, to our way of thinking.

So: ok... sorry.  Our mistake.  It's not the easiest Language to communicate in.  In which to communicate... In which we choose to communicate in.. oh, forget it.

We're still going to turn "Oklahoma" into a Gravel Dispensary.  The Coyotes will probably be the only things standing on two legs, after.  Sorry for that; but when we crank up the death ray, it's not like we can limit collateral damage, ok..?

And, if you want our advice: drop the puns, willya?  They're the lowest form of humor.  But if you want a challenge; go with Palindromes.  Those puppies take some skill.  You betcha.

Ok, anyway, thanks for coming out.  Nice to meet some of you, except the psycho who shot first, asked questions never....  I mean, between Wiley and a Bear, I'd have to go with ... well.... not a cat, that's for sure.

Zwoengirk.  His name is my name, too.

Ring bells for service.


Hey Ace, to bad your real name isn't Bob.


a story and word game

by J.J. Schnebel


Do you like palindromes?

Palindromes are words or sentences that read the same backwards or forwards.

If you are called Lil or Anna or Bob, your name is a palindrome.

Backwards or forwards, it is spelled the same way.

If you see a car ahead of you on the road and say that it's "a Toyota" you have put together two words to make a palindrome.  "A Toyota" reads the same backwards as forwards.

It is possible to put several words together into a complete sentence to form a palindrome.

People who know about palindromes like to quote Napoleon (well, not really...) and say,

"Able was I ere I saw Elba."

If you read that sentence backwards, it says the same thing!

Palindrome fans (palindrome pals?) talk of President Teddy Roosevelt and say,

"A man, a plan, a canal -- Panama!"

The letters in that exclamation form words that read the same backwards as forwards.

ONCE UPON A PALINDROME is a story and word game where you, the reader, look for a palindrome to logically end each page or brief chapter.

Here's an example to show how it works.

The scene is the Garden of Eden.

A  man approaches a woman.

He introduces himself in a dignified manner.

He says, "  _  _  _  _  _ ,  _ ' _    _  _  _  _ ."

You can fill in the blanks with a palindrome.

The answer:  He says, "Madam, I'm Adam."

Then she nods and shyly says her name, "_  _  _ ."

You can fill in the blanks with a palindrome.


The answer is "Eve." -- another palindrome!


SeaSonic S12 550W, Athlon 64 X2 6000+, Asus M2N SLI-Deluxe, nvidia 9600 GSO, 2x2 gig Crucial Ballistix, LG DVD/RW, 2x Western Digital Black Edition 640gb,  SAMSUNG 226BW Black 22", Canon PIXMA MP600,  Logitech X-230 speakers, Logitech Comfort Duo keyboard & Mouse, Windows 7 64 Home Premium & Vista 64


Old timer at the doctor's office;

The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?"

The old timer said, "I'm a turkey hunter and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out chasing turkeys up and down the mountains."

The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there has got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?" The old timer said, "Who said my dad's dead?"

The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive? How old is he?"

The old timer said, "He's 100 yrs old and in fact he hunted turkey with me this morning, and that's why he's still alive... he's a turkey hunter."

The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?"

The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?"

The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! How old is he?"

The old timer said, "He's 118 yrs old."

The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went turkey hunting with you this morning too?"

The old timer said, "No... Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he got married."

The Doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?"

The old timer said, "Who said he wanted to?"

http://www.freeyellow.com/members6/gmrkar/ape.jpg" border=0>

Like Grandpa used to say, "maybe there ain't nothin' wrong, but, somethin' aint' right."