Bar Joke

[pat]

A man walks into a bar; he sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the barman, "Why are those two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling?"
The barman replies, "It's a competition which we run every night. If you can jump up and touch the meat, you get free drinks for the whole night."
"Great!" says the man, "but what if I can't reach them?"
"Then you have to buy all the drinks for everyone all night," the barman answers.
"Do you want to try?"
"No, but thanks anyway."
"Why not?" asks the barman.
"The steaks are too high."

[Ace]

I agree; we should bar that joke.

From the chatroom.

Ace; the pun is the lowest form of humour.

[pat]

A Rattlesnake had just joined a club after his Panda friend had recommended it (being a member for quite some time).

They were sitting at the bar having their beers when someone yelled "21" and there was a small uproar of laughter. A few minutes later someone else yelled "34" and another roar of laughter rose up. The Rattlesnake, confused about this asked his Panda friend "Why is everyone laughing at the numbers being called out" His Panda friend said, well we've been telling the same jokes for so many years that we just numbered them all and if you want to tell a joke you just call out a number"

The Rattlesnake nodded and said "Can I try?" His Panda friend nodded and the Rattlesnake called out "121" and everyone in the club roared with laughter and it didn't die down for at least another 15 minutes after. "Why did everyone laugh so hard at that joke?" the Rattlesnake asked. His Panda friend said with a small chuckle "We haven't heard that one before."

[Ace]

Thanks; good one.  I used it, and it worked fine.  

Instead of downloading stolen free stuff from Kazaa, and then having it break down, I download jokes from Pat.  

They usually work fine.  If not, then just like people who pirate stuff and then complain when it doesn't come out to their satisfaction, I'll complain.  Vociferously.  

I'm still trying to figure how I can get a Honda home, so as Honda doesn't know about it and lose their bandwidth.  I'm waiting for the day "I'm banned, with...".  Probably Bubba.

So far, so good.  Jokes are working, as advertised.  But remember; if not, I'm raising a stink.  

Not a panda-level stink, but an odorous one, nonetheless.  I like words like "nonetheless", which I guess are compound words.  They're efficient, and say a lot.  Alot.  Like "Wheretheheckdidmyballgo" or "whatthe@(!ishetryingtodo" or "Whattheheckwereyouthinking?!?" or "crapweasel".  

I shall now see if I can purloin a gif thingy off someone's website, since I have none, and apply it here to drain their bandwidth.  I just hope they can't trace it back to me.  

ace; also, Pat still had his name on this poast chain, so I had to step in.  NObody's stealing my jokewidth.  They could have some of my beltwidth, though.  That I wouldn't miss.

[pat]

I shall now see if I can purloin a gif thingy off someone's website, since I have none, and apply it here to drain their bandwidth.  I just hope they can't trace it back to me.

I just hope that no pandas with funny grins pop up.

[Ace]

Me too.  Nobody needs that.

Or more impressionable youth.  

Ace; soon a Scotsman on a horse will probably prance in.

[Bubba]

Instead of downloading stolen free stuff from Kazaa, and then having it break down, I download jokes from Pat.  


Hey wait a minute,, Kazaa is cool,,,,I download stolen free stuff all the time,,,, but most of the artists are dead,,,,,, well the Stones look dead,,, Fleetwood Mac is going back on tour, so they can still collect revenue for their old songs,,,, and the Da' Yuppers,,,, well, no one ever bought their stuff anyway ?  And,,,,,,, just where can you go to buy the "Rodeo Song " ??  

[pat]

Scuzzy and Ace walk into a bar and have a seat at a table.
The bar maid walks over a gives them a look and says,
"What is this a joke??!!"

[Ace]

Hey. I thought we barred that joke.

What happened to the dog, the toad and the Rabbi...??!!.  !.  !.  .

I know one thing; if Bubba and I walked into a bar Pat wouldn't be buying. Dangit.

Ace; in my dreams.

[pat]

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat`s music.

While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he`s not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he`s not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" "Don`t worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat`s a ventriloquist."

[trav]

I shall now see if I can purloin a gif thingy off someone's website, since I have none, and apply it here to drain their bandwidth.  I just hope they can't trace it back to me.  

I just hope that no pandas with funny grins pop up


hehe

[scuzzy]

Whether or not it can be traced back to you doesn't matter. You're still taking someone else's bandwidth. I know I get irritated when people rip off our bandwidth, for which we pay out of our pocket. Plus, your usage of someone else's bandwidth is easily traced back to us, for which WE can be held liable.

How about simply not lifting images from someone else's site?

[Ace]

(Dear Dude; for your own safety use quotation marks""around lines you paste from my poasts, so others won't think inane comments I've made came from you.  Criminy, if I could do that with my own, I would...)

Well, I wish I had the skill and technology to actually be able to steal something.  Shoot.  Last I tried I got gibberish and even when I did hoist a gif thingy from a poast the dang thing turned on me.

I guess I'd go after that giant Ozzy if I knew how, except:
1. It's giant
2. It's Ozzy

I will say this; for a giant Ozzy jpeg picture thingy, it's awfully big.

Ace; once I get my own site, I'm gonna wait in the bushes around the edge of the screen just so I can catch somebody trying to steal something.  Well, if I have anything worth taking.  I gotta figure that's not likely, though.  It's like driving a Taurus.  I mean, who's gonna go outta their way to steal it, you know?

[trav]

Uhhh...Ozzy has returned

Ace: "oh no! not Ozzy!"
Pat: "aghhh!"
Neon: "woah!"
Dude2004: "hey ozzy, glad your back"

(a few seconds pass)

Ozzy: "hey everyone!!!!!! MUWAHAHA!"

[Ace]

Yeah.  Glad to see your back.

Means you're leaving...

Ace; criminy.

[trav]

hehe