Alleged Business Signs - read quickly before Ace kills it!

[JimS]

Alleged business signs.  If they aren't true, they should be.


On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
"We're #1 in the #2 business."

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
?Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

At a Proctologist's door:
?To expedite your visit please back in."

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

On a Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

Pizza Shop Slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."

On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Hello.  Can we pick your nose?"

At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg.  We want tows."


On an Electrician's truck:
?Let us remove your shorts."

In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."

At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."

On a Fence:
?Salesmen welcome!  Dog food is expensive."

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary.  We hear you coming."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.  However, if you don't, you will be."

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry.  Come on in and get fed up."

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully.  We'll wait."

At a Propane Filling Station:
"Tank heaven for little grills."

And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."

[Ace]

Hey, those are pretty dang good!  I may have seen some of them before but they're worth remembering and a re-run.  

Oh.

Shoot.

Dangit...  man.

You said not to.. and I... oh, shoot. Dangit.  Criminy.

I'm sorry.  Man, I hope that didn't kill it....  I mean, they were pretty darn good.  

Shoot.  I wish I hadn't.... dang.

Ace; darnit.  I oughta just walk around with a sickle, and a long robe... stupidstupidstupid

[JimS]

Take it easy, Ace, don't be so hard on yourself.

Just stay in rehab - I'm sure, if you keep trying, you'll beat this...

[Ace]

Yeah, your right.  Not my right.

I'm thinking if I just stay outta poasts, at least until they've run their course (their course; not my course) with a little care and watering they'll all blossom as good poasts should.  I just need to

Oh shoot again.  shoot shoot shoot.  No, not you Scuzzy, dangit.

What part of "stay outta" don't I understand.  What color is the sky in my world.  Well, pretty grey today.  Probably white, to Pat, with the lake effecting things.  Affecting.  

Oh, and you mispelled "Reba" too.  That's ok; since she got her hair cut I think she just looks strange, and her show looks like a throw-away.

Ace; I'll beat this.  I will.  I will!!  even !!!

[pat]

You?re right lots of the blowing and drifting snow. Just spent the last hour digging the cars out. Winds out of the west so I had to throw the snow to my right otherwise it just come right back in my face, nothing right about that.
Dang snow.

[Ace]

Snow stinks.  Well, not usually literally.  But I did get dumped on by a plow truck yesterday; got a windshield full of grey matter.

So; you were facing North, huh.  That is a skill, here in the snowbelt.  With a snowblower, too... you can really kick up a cloud that will suffocate you if you aim the thing into the wind.  Like spitting into it, but colder and a lot more of it.

Glad the poast is alive.  I was afraid I killed it, by appearing.  I figure as long as I don't actually poast

oh.

oh oh.

Ok; look.  Somebody step up. like Pat did.  Keep Poasts Alive, as Jesse Jackson would say.  Don't Let It Die.  It doesn't have to be immortal, like the Pizza one.  Just don't let me be the one to end it prematurely.  I hate it when I end things prematurely.

Ace;  I do.  I hate that.

[pat]

Is there any other point on the globe, besides Ace?s driveway, from which you could walk a mile south, a mile east, and a mile north and find yourself back at the starting point? What colour would the Bear be?


I?m guessing No and Black and White.

[Ace]

I don't know if there are actual bears at the North pole.

Criminy, if the thing's black and white it's a panda, and I'd go another mile East and another mile East and 15 or 30 miles more any dang direction, if that's the case...

Geez Louise, I've never known an animal to take so dang long to become extinct.  You'd think they could get with the program.

Ace; wear a tinkly little bell around your neck so as to alert bears to your presence.