More Blond(e)...

[Bill]

The bigger "I wonder"is do they all thalk to each other, at the same time?  That would be scary, or at least hard to follow.  

"Sharing the same space"  might be more meta-physical; confusing at the very least.  

That Other Guy; Bill is busy.

[Ace]

Well, yeth.  I'm thure they all thalk to each otherth.  I beth they thalk to otherth peopleth, too.  Thilly thing ith, they probably don't thay that much to each other hear.

Hearth.  

Ace; Thay; shoot me now, I'm a duck.

[Bill]

Saanks.

Geez, one keyboardo..........

[pat]

Yep, that guy.
Ok, not That Guy.

Ace, he don't miss nu-tin.

[JimS]

Geez, it's rough, I tell ya, livin' wit all dees wimin...

One of the LinS, I don't know which one, PURPOSEFULLY left the vacuum cleaner RIGHT OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR!!!  RIGHT WHERE I WAS RUNNING!!!  ON PURPOSE!!!  How they knew exactly where to put it, I dunno, but it was a direct hit.  POW, SPLAT, BLOOWEE (enter your own favorite "Batman" adjectives here), one fractured toe...

It's rough, I tell ya.  Can you imagine what it would be like if one or more of them were blond(e)?

please... make it stop...

[LinS]

Well JimS, maybe we should change the name of this forum to "The Broken Bone" in your honor.

[Bill]

Here we have all the makings of a multi-sided, territorial, on-line "discussion" of whose "rights" supercede whose?  

Go Ss!

Bill;  nuttin' like it.

[Ace]

I Nominate JimS for the Broken Bone Poaster Person Annual Award.  I feel he should serve as Head of the Broken Bone Poast.  Making him the Broken Bone Head.

I'm thinking maybe you just oughta volunteer to vacuum occasionally, so she wouldn't have to plant the thing there to make you notice it.

I sympathize with anyone with a broken toe.  That has got to be painful.  Which toe took the hit?  If it was going to the market at the time, it'd be like a hit and run.  Well, run then hit.

And don't feel bad if a keyboardo slips through.  I'll be right there to draw your attention to it and identify it and isolate it and quarantine it and make sure the world knows about it.  So that it will not cause harm or infest any else's poast.

Ace; I'm on it.

[LinS]

I nominate JimS to be the guest of honor (and I use that term loosely) at the first annual "Poast Roast". Not to be confused with pot roast...
Well done! (JimS facing adversity head and toe on, not the pot roast.)

[Ace]

This is my Quest
To honour this Poast
No matter how Hopeless
No matter if Toast
To lift up on my Toes
Filled with Pain and a corn
To run barefoot in Rain
And avoid spam and
Internet Porn.
And if my poor toe heals
then I know I'll be true
to this glorious Poast.
And my Roast
will be hot in the pot
And I hope to be adverse
to most.

Ace; add some onions.

[JimS]

Geez, Ace, we can't keep up with you...

Broken Bone Head?  I've been called worse.  Just ask my wives.

So you're thinking I oughta volunteer to vacuum occasionally?  My father always used to say, "Whenever you think, I get in trouble."

Good job on your ode to this poast, though.

Now, if I may return to our purpose in being here:

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde.  The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore.  So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore."  So she swam out five miles, and got really tired.  She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it."  I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve."  So she attempts to swim out.  The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired.  After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it!  I think I'd better try to make it, too."  So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island.  The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!"  So she swam back.

A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven.  When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test."
"Oh, No!" she said, but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.
"Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.
The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"
"That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter.
Then she started to sing "Andy walks with me!  Andy talks with me! Andy tells me..."

Okay, one more:
Q:  How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A:  She fell out of the tree.

[LinS]

To poast, or not to poast: that is the query:

Whether 'tis nobler in our minds to suffer

The slings and arrows of Ace?s derision,

Or to take on a plethora of philosophical questions,

And by answering them, conquer them. To die: to sleep;

No more; and by a sleep to say we end

The toe-ache, and the thousand natural shocks

That flesh is heir to, especially when coming into direct contact with major household appliances.


I heard JimS muttering this ?

[Ace]

Well, sure, I could use some sleep about now.  And I hate to do this, but you did mispell "hair."  I'd agree that it's a lousy thing when you get yours caught in an appliance.  Not that I have that happen to me, these days.

I'm not going to get all Shakespearean over this.  Or Miltonean or Keatsean or even Stephen Kingean.  It's too late, and I went off in iambic pentameter here once and legend has it that was once too many.

Ace; I don't think Query was part of this poast, either.

[Bill]

If they can fall asleep, the toes ain't that bad.   If they can walk, they can vacuum  or scrub the kitchen floor.

Good job on the new jokes, Andy.

Come on, give the ladies a break;  a keyboardo once in awhile  is OL .
Isn't  like they're  writing Hycus.

Bill; I don't do windows

[Ace]

It is my sworn duty as Jester to critique anyone who writes better than I I mean me and attempt to bring them down to my level.  So get used to it, huh.

Criminy, just using "plethora" in a sentence is enough to make my toe twitch.

And, no, no one need poast a photo of a "toeswitch" that will turn mine on or off.  Not that I couldn't use that during gout.

We don't know they are Ladies.  Sure, they may say they are, but that's like taking the JimS at face value, since we've never seen theirs either.  For all we know I'm actually a young attractive teenage Asian girl, poasting from Nebraska.  And not some grumpy middle aged jester doofus in a Nike jester cap with dingly bells bathed in sarcasm and cheap tequila in the trailer state of Michiana...  Well, for all you know.  I finally got that one figured out.

Ace; being young and Asian I adore "Hello, Kitty!" and anime.

[JimS]

Ace, that's no lady, that's my wife!

[Bill]

Aha!  that should have been "For all YOU know...."  Surely you know if you're a grumpy, middle aged, bald jester.   But then.....

But then, you have a point.  I could be a Generation X, Upper Eastside Professional Dog Walker, doing all this from my oh so chic Blackberry while stolling Central Park with a dozen very fashionable miniature schnauzers in tow.
Well that may be a strech... only 6 .

Bill

[Ace]

Ok; so there are a number of JimS but just one wife...?  That's a twist.  I suppose the Amazons did that, with a harem in reverse.  Well, except for Xena, since she acted like she switched to the other side...

There's hair there.  Around there.  I mean, how would I know it's mostly gray if there wasn't any..?!

I mean black. Thick black luxurious Asian hair.  Right.

Ace; hari kari. I mean Kiri.  I mean Harry Carray.

[Bill]

It was probably only one JimS poasting rather than the collective commune of JimS.  That would account for 1 wife, per Jim

Back to the Park.

Bill

[LinS]

Or,  consider the possibility that JimS used the seemingly singular noun wife in the collective sense, as one would in a "gaggle of geese" or a "parliament of owls".  I wonder what the collective noun is for pandas?

[Bill]

If panda is viewed as an acronym it is "pediatric autoimmune neuropsychiatric disorders associated with streptococcus" and  the collective would be " a bunch of sick kids".

If viewed as "panda" the collective noun is "group" (of stinkin' fur in some folks' opinion).  Pandas are not high enough in the ranking to deserve a unique designation like "pride" or "herd".

We should probably await the judgement of the English Sergeant Major to explain why it isn't a "gaggle of goose".

Bill

[Ace]

The collective for pandas is pile.

As in "stinking pile of pandas, which stink."

One goose can gaggle; sure.  You drink too fast, and it goes down the wrong pipe, you'd gaggle too.  If you tried to giggle while you gaggled, somehow seeing the humour in it even though there weren't any, then there you go.

Ace; it's like I'm the only one who even studied Literature.  Well, at least the night before the test.

[JimS]

Giggle, gaggle, gargle, goober, Google, what's going on here???

I don't know about anyone else, but the only place I'm seeing anything blond(e) here is in the subject line.  And with all of these LinS/wive/wife-in-the-collective running around in my personal and virtual life/lives, it's a sure bet that I ain't seeing anyone who's blond(e)...

We've got Ace running around with my wife/wives (y'know, it's not easy keeping these singular and plural references straight...), talking hair color, Shakespear and other things of which I have no clue about (I'm a bonehead, remember?), with Bill and his Blackberry-carrying dogs and J-AM in hot pursuit.  I shoulda known; even one of the LinS can work a room better than all of the JimS combined.

You'll never realize it here, but she's got a great "phone voice"; boy, too bad there weren't cell phones with unlimited minute plans back when we  were dating...

But, I digress.  In the interest of maintaining the purity of this poast, as if there ever was any, I offer the following:

A blonde asked the pet store sales clerk for help.
"I want some bird seed," she said.
The clerk asked, "For which kind of bird?"
She replied, "Whichever will grow the fastest!"

[Ace]

Well, if you'd guys first add the title then I suppose some of us wouldn't get confused about the theme of the dang poast.

I would also now like to apologize to the JimS for calling their wife a lady.  I did not mean anything by it, and I should be more careful of my choice of words in a family forum.  Although I really can't remember the last time a family cruised through here.  Maybe Cars' family, when they were standing on top of the eye of the hurricane.  As much as they enjoy those things, I hope they don't bring one along when they visit the Caribbean.  This would be an interesting Poaster's Poll: do you say

"Care-ih-Bee-uhn"
or
"Cah-Rib-ee-uhn"?

I wasn't reading that out loud, so I didn't say either, yet.

Ace; I wonder if blondes do push-ups if someone yells "all hands on deck"?

[LinS]

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawnmower?
A: The green WELCOME mat is ripped to shreds.

[Bill]

They just keep getting better.   Your source is clearly better than JimS, or he's slacking.

Bill

[JimS]

Well, this is more like it.  Audience participation.

Bill?  Ace?  Anyone?  BillS, AceS, AnyoneS?  How about it?

[Ace]

And the light's always "green" if you're bipolar....

Ok, you two.  Several.  However many of you there are.

It's not fair to work in cahoots with each other.  The rest of us here work contrary to other impetus.  Not in conjunction with each other.  In fact, it's often startling to see how someone else takes your poast upon themselves.  So if you two are going to be combining forces, and blonde jokes, I am calling a foul.

Sort of citizen's arrest, per Cpl. Fife.

I am not going to attempt to compete with this.  I am outnumbered, and it is not fair.  There's only one, or less, of me, but there are a whole bunch of LinS and JimS and people who come up with something funnier.

Ace; I'd be slacking if I wasn't wearing shorts.

[Bill]

Bet they're blonde shorts.

B-

[Ace]

Fine; make fun of the handicapped.  Sometimes you guys make me look like a fool.

Alright; hold it.  Never mind that.

They aren't blond(e), they are "Off White."  

Ace; they're not going to be white until I take them off to launder them again.