I Hate Spiders

[Whizbang]

For the second time in two years I have been rudely bitten by a poisonous spider.  The first time, one year ago last August, we had just purchased a recliner, and I slept in it one night because our 17 year old cat was nearing the end, and...well; we love cats.  The next morning, my foot felt like it had a very bad stone bruise.  I limped in agony all day at work, wondering what I had kicked.  That night was when I discovered the crater on the instep side of my left ankle.  After getting antibiotics to prevent infection (There is no antitoxin for a brown recluse spider bite, just TLC and waiting), the pain left in about a week; the volcanic looking crater took a bit longer to heal; the tennis ball size bump took a lot longer to go away.  I still have a slight raised area that probably will never go away.

Then, when I got out of bed the other morning, the same kind of pain hit me on the other foot.  Again, I thought it was a stone bruise.  After limping again at work all day, I remembered my previous encounter and checked only to find another bite.  Fortunately, this one does not seem to be of the Brown Recluse, aka, Hermit spider variety.  There is no cratering nor detectable fang marks, and the swelling is beginning to go away.

I mention this because I am a firm believer in fumigating houses to rid them of insects and spiders.  Unfortunately, if the villains come in on your clothes, they can do damage before the lingering pesticide eliminates them.

If you begin to sense muscles in part of your body drawing up in pain, or if the feeling of a deep bruise begins to emerge, look for two fang marks at or near the center of the pain, but not always.  If the swelling increases, see a doctor immediately.  Again, there is no antitoxin for the venom.  The only help is to reduce the likelihood of unbelievably severe infection and necrosis.  Most doctors have no idea how to treat the most severe lesion, and it can become so hideous that even medical staffs are horrified.  Cleansing the wound, application of cold packs, epidural antibiotics, and constant monitoring are the best home helps.  People's bodies react in different ways to the bite.  The above link is not for the faint-hearted, but it could save someone from very severe scarring and even death.  Strangely, there has not been one proven case of death due to Recluse bites.  The pictures within the pages of the provided link would certainly make you wonder why.     

[scuzzy]

You know, I get that same horrific feeling every time I notice that Ace is lurking in the forum. Sutter Home Merlot doesn't cure anything, but I like loading up on it anyway. If I drink enough of it, everything goes dark. And silent.

Scuzzy; I wasn't going to click the link until you told me not to look. Eew.

[Ace]

First I thought it was Scuzzy who poasted the spider bite thing.  I couldn't figure how a brown recluse could survive the cold in Colorado.  My sympathies with you Whiz, as I hate all things venomous and it doesn't take a spider of that ilk to make me hate it any more.  I'd kill every one in existence if I could, even before pandas and right before wasps.

It sounds like gout, as far as severe pain except with a lot more side effects plus a spider hanging on your foot.  Ok, on second thought, it doesn't sound that much like gout.  Scuzzy has never been bitten on the foot since nothing could find a target that small.

Yes, I know my chubby toes and plentiful feet would serve as a "can't miss the side of a barn" target for any number of pests.  Even before swelling from gout. So just realize if you attack my feet then that's what you are.   :P

I have known people bitten by recluses (spiders, not just crazy old people who live alone) and they were impaired mightily for a considerable time, so I know it's not something you recover from quickly.  I do carry several Raid wasp and hornet sprays with me, so if any need for me to fumigate you let me know.

Ace; Scuzzy probably shoots his spiders with a Glock or just sprays Great Stuff all over the web.

[Whizbang]

I had feared that the house was infected with arachnids, but after retracing my steps, I decided that I probably picked up the alien in my boot while spraying the vines on the fences around the property the day before and that the actual bite occurred then without my knowledge.  With all the sticks and stickers that fall into my boots, another bit of discomfort would not have been noticed.  I had visions of the Big Mama that hatched this varmint hiding in the springs under the bed and attacking me or my wife at night.  Nonetheless, another critter bomb fumigation is in the planning stage.

[Ace]

As a spider hater, what's really dumb is that I did watch Arachnaphobia.  At home, thank goodness.  Geez Louise, was I jumpy during it.  I knocked the popcorn flying and hit my wife and scared the kernals outta the dog at one point.  One more reason why I don't go to movies.

Yes, I know I should've probably mentioned that in the Dinner and a Movie chain, but popcorn isn't really dinner and we already stuck Rhode Island into a deficit, so it's not like we don't mix metaphors.  Maybe we could merge Bubba's snake attack with your spider sweep, into a general mayhem poast. 

Ace; when we watch Snakes On A Plane I'll probably take out the coffee table.

[Mark H]

My wife hates spiders more than anyone I know.  ::)

[scuzzy]

You know, there may not be an antitoxin for a recluse bite, but I'll bet that with some effort we can come up with a good anecdote. Well, I guess yours already is, but maybe we can up with a better one.

Actually, we have brown recluses, black widows, tarantulas, wolf spiders, and other multi-legged creatures running around all over the place here. I've never had one chomp on me, but I've stomped a few of them suckers in my lifetime.

Scuzzy; I'm a sucker for a good story. On the other hand, Ace is just a sucker.

[Whizbang]

Unless you like walking on the wild side, don't ever taunt a tarantula.  I saw a tarantula walking across the lawn one day, and decided to tease it with a stick.  He/she stood up on it's back feet for a couple of seconds and then bolted up the stick after me.  I just managed to drop the stick before having an eyeball to "many eyes" ball confrontation. 

At one time they were common around the house.  Red wasps seem to find them very delicious and will actually go into their lairs to kill them.  I could have made a very educational video in pre-VCR days when I saw a web-enshrouded tarantula hole next to the house and bent over to take a look just as a red wasp also spied the hole and stood at the edge flapping its wings to make a noise.  The tarantula bolted out of the hole only to be stabbed by the wasp and then dragged off. 

I remember having seen a biology department secretary at the University of Arkansas posing with one of the 5 inch "pets" on her shoulder.  I immediately took her off my "want to date" list.

[Ace]

First off, I am surprised and astounded that "sucker" made it past the chatroom censorship firewall.  Usually something like that gets chopped up so you end up with a blank spot followed by "er", making it appear even worse.

Secondly, Scuzzy has to be incredibly accurate to stomp on anything.

Thirdly, I'd refer to her as "Crazy Spider Lady" from that time hence.  Fourthly, if either a red wasp or tarantula was anywhere in my yard I'd move.  At least indoors.  We don't see snakes or tarantulas here, and if we did I wouldn't look.

I'm pretty sure anything that lives in a "lair" is to be avoided.  Pandas, I think, live in lairs. 

Ace; I don't walk on the wild side.  Shoot, I'd walk on the other side.  I wonder what the tarantula would've thought of a multi-image view of Whiz, though.

[scuzzy]

Gee Whiz, you weren't suppose to taunt the tarantula with a Popsicle stick. That's like popping a grizzly bear on the nose with 12" ruler. Or about a 31cm ruler. You're just asking for trouble.

If you're going to taunt a tarantula, it's best to use a Glock. At least use a big bat attached to the end of a long broom handle, then swing it toward the fuzzy creature at about 90 MPH, or around 145 KPH. It might help to attach a flyswatter to the bat. If none of that works try using sticks of dynamite.

Scuzzy; don't forget to light them.

[Mark H]

I would take a picture of the spider myself.  ;D

Mark H; I love macro photography.

[Whizbang]

Gee Whiz, you weren't suppose to taunt the tarantula with a Popsicle stick. That's like popping a grizzly bear on the nose with 12" ruler. Or about a 31cm ruler. You're just asking for trouble.

If you're going to taunt a tarantula, it's best to use a Glock. At least use a big bat attached to the end of a long broom handle, then swing it toward the fuzzy creature at about 90 MPH, or around 145 KPH. It might help to attach a flyswatter to the bat. If none of that works try using sticks of dynamite.

Scuzzy; don't forget to light them.

The stick was about 4 feet long.  Those 8 legged creeps are really fast!  It had the appearance of a horse being spooked and then launching itself in a dead run.

Years ago, when I was a kid and lived in town, my cousin, who lived up the street, started screaming one day so loudly that the neighbor came out of his house with a shotgun and wiped out the tarantula that was walking down the road and terrified the little girl. 

[pat]

I don�t hate spiders; I think they�re pretty cool. They have them crazy eyes, all those legs and can spin some pretty neat webs. Sure some of them can give you a little bit of poison, but heck it�s not like they�re being malicious, it�s just what they do. We have some about the house, in the corners, up in the attic, down in the basement. They don�t bother me and I don�t bother them.

Now slugs on the other hand just creep me out, dang slimly snail wannabe anyway. Shoot with all the rain we�ve had lately they�re all over the place and they�re huge this year. Just about as big as bananas. Jeez I was out picking up sticks and stuff this morning from the storm the other day and got one on myself. Screamed like a girl I did. Evil, disgusting things, worse than a panda����..

[Ace]

Ok, first off, if I was going to macro the dang thing the camera would be at the end of a long pole, and I'd be inside with a string tied to the shutter.  Of the window.  To close it, if the thing came out.

Pat, it's very nice and ecosystemic and biospheric of you to love all creatures and be nice to spiders.  C'mon; get real.  First off, I don't know of any scary nursery rhymes based on slugs.. I mean, if Little Miss Muffet sat down by a slug, she'd be in her mid-twenties by the time the thing moved in.  "Itsy Bitsy Slug" is not some dang finger game suitable for kids, either.

You know, I guess slipping on a slug is about as funny as slipping on a banana.  Not to the slug, but to a witness.  We used to get slugs on our screened in porch where we used to live; I'd get one on a flyswatter, and then flip it over into the neighbor's.  Side of garage.  Or yard.  Wherever they wanted to go.

"They're not being malicious, it's just what they do."  I'll remember that with other things demonic.  "Pretty neat webs."  That's like saying "They weren't bad people, plus they made some pretty nice concentration camps."  I mean, I don't care either if they're in a part of the house I'm not.  But when they crawl into bed or chair with you and bite you with "that little bit of poison" and you acquire "that little bit of necrosis" on "that little bit of leg, you have left" I draw the line.  Geez, they're like ground troops and the hornets are the airfoce.  They're both the enemy.  I would scream too if any crawly thing landed on me.  I wouldnt, though, if a panda fell on me, since I wouldn't be able to breathe from the stench and dead weight bearing down. 

I like "slimly" as an adjective, though.

Ace; try to light a slug.  You better have one good lighter.

[pat]

Oh, itsy bitsy spider, I�m so scared. Puu-lease. Give me a break already.

Youââ?¬â?¢d think there was this big conspiracy and all the spiders were out to get you or something. Theyââ?¬â?¢re just spiders, little bitty spiders. Just minding their own business, trying to get along, do their own thing, eat a fly or two, procreate. Canââ?¬â?¢t blame the spider when something as big as a mountain (relatively) comes along and sits down on the poor little things. Good gads, Iââ?¬â?¢d bite out too. 

Jeez.

Hey, you know what�s fun. Take some slugs and set them out in the sun, on concrete, and see which ones are fast enough to make it back to the grass or which ones just leave a slim slime trail and shrivel up.

Gosh, I hate slugs.

[Ace]

I bet you chase down the poor itty bitty slug that did make it to safety in the grassy knoll and then stomp it to death anyway.  And probably slip, in the process.

Guess it's good that slugs don't spin webs, too.  Or fly.  I could see swatting one on the patio and going "ugh."  Actually, I've never heard a slug say much of anything.  Except for coworkers. 

Where the heck do you buy a bunch of slugs for racing?  Bait shop?  Night crawlers or salamanders or crickets are hard enough to hook.  I don't think I could hold a slug long enough to pack one on a harness.  And I'm sure not going to grab a spider.  Too many eyes, too many legs, two many fangs. 

So, if something's bigger than something and comes down on the little guy, it's the big thing's fault.  So you're blaming the tree for the attack, and you're innocent and free to retaliate.  Real nice.  Poor itsy bitsy oak.

Ace; pandas are poisonous.  Bite one and see.

[Ace]

I still hate spiders, so no change there.  I did want to add that I was shuffling and stacking papers on my desk for shredding and a black spider jumped out and ran toward me, from them.  I gasped and shot backward, from it.  Good thing there are wheels on this chair.  He fell off, I stomped the aggressor.  Geez breathtaking Louise.

Then I see this news blip about a giant communal spiders web(s) in a Texas park that a bunch strung together over 200 yards as a group mosquito buffet.  Great.  Now they talk amongst themselves, and cooperate.  One of the dang things alone is enough...  If there were spiders on this web, I wouldn't be on it.

Ace; now I'll hear Pandas are trying to join forces to plant bamboo.  Or procreate.  That's a sign the end is near.