Top 100 things you don't want the sysadmin to say.

[Red Squirrel]

 ;D

100. Uh-oh.....
 99. Shit!!
 98. What the hell!?
 97. Go get your backup tape. (You _do_ have a backup tape?)
 96. That's SOOOOO bizarre.
 95. Wow!! Look at this.....
 94. Hey!! The suns don't do this.
 93. Terminated??!
 92. What software license?
 91. Well, it's doing _something_.....
 90. Wow....that seemed _fast_.....
 89. I got a better job at Lockheed...
 88. Management says...
 87. Sorry, the new equipment didn't get budgetted.
 86. What do you mean that wasn't a copy?
 85. It didn't do that a minute ago...
 84. Where's the GUI on this thing?
 83. dang, and I just bought that pop...
 82. Where's the DIR command?
 81. The drive ate the tape but that's OK, I brought my screwdriver.
 80. I cleaned up the root partition and now there's LOTS of free space.
 79. What's this "any" key I'm supposed to press?
 78. Do you smell something?
 77. What's that grinding sound?
 76. I have never seen it do *that* before...
 75. I think it should not be doing that...
 74. I remember the last time I saw it do that...
 73. You might as well all go home early today ...
 72. My leave starts tomorrow.
 71. Ooops.
 70. Hmm, maybe if I do this...
 69. ``Why is my "rm *.o" taking so long?''
 68. Hmmm, curious...
 67. Well, _my_ files were backed up.
 66. What do you mean you needed that directory?
 65. What do you mean /home was on that disk?  I umounted it!
 64. Do you really need your home directory to do any work?
 63. Oracle will be down until 8pm, but you can come back in and finish your
     work when it comes up tonight.
 62. I didn't think anybody would be doing any work at 2am, so I killed your
     job.
 61. Yes, I chowned all the files to belong to pvcs.  Is that a problem to
     you?
 60. We're standardizing on AIX.
 59. Wonder what *this* command does?
 58. What did you say your (l)user name was...?  ;-)
 57. You did _what_ to the floppy???
 56. Sorry, we deleted that package last week...
 55. NO!  Not _that_ button!
 54. Uh huh......"nu -k $USER".. no problem....sure thing...
 53. Sorry, we deleted that package last week...
 52. NO!  Not _that_ button!
 51. Uh huh......"nu -k $USER".. no problem....sure thing...
 50. [looks at workstation] "Say, what version of Dos is this running?"
 49. Oops! (said in a quiet, almost surprised voice)
 48. YEEEHA!!!  What a CRASH!!!
 47. What do you mean that could take down the whole network?
 46. What's this switch for anyways...?
 45. Tell me again what that '-r' option to rm does
 44. Say, What does "Superblock Error" mean, anyhow?
 43. If I knew it wasn't going to work, I would have tested it sooner.
 42. Was that YOUR directory?
 41. System coming down in 0 min....
 40. The backup procedure works fine, but the restore is tricky!
 39. Hey Fred, did you save that posting about restoring filesystems
     with vi and a toothpick?  More importantly, did you print it out?
 38. OH, SH*T! (as they scrabble at the keyboard for ^c).
 37. The sprinkler system isn't supposed to leak is it?
 36. It is only a minor upgrade, the system should be back up in
     a few hours.  ( This is said on a monday afternoon.)
 35. I think we can plug just one more thing in to this outlet strip
       with out triping the breaker.
 34. What is all this I here about static charges destroying computers?
 33. I found this rabbit program that is supposed to test system performance
     and I have it running now.
 32. Ummm... Didn't you say you turned it off?
 31. The network's down, but we're working on it. Come back after diner.
     (Usually said at 2200 the night before thesis deadline... )
 30. Ooops.  Save your work, everyone.  FAST!
 29. Boy, it's a lot easier when you know what you're doing.
 28. I hate it when that happens.
 27. And what does it mean 'rm: .o: No such file or directory'?
 26. Why did it say '/bin/rm: not found'?
 25. Nobody was using that file /vmunix, were they?
 24. You can do this patch with the system up...
 23. What happens to a Hard Disk when you drop it?
 22. The only copy of Norton Utilities was on THAT disk???
 21. Well, I've got a backup, but the only copy of the restore program was
          on THAT disk....
 20. What do mean by "fired"?
 19. hey, what does mkfs do?
 18. where did you say those backup tapes were kept?
 17. ...and if we just swap these two disc controllers like _this_...
 16. don't do that, it'll crash the sys........ SHIT
 15. what's this hash prompt on my terminal mean?
 14. dd if=/dev/null of=/vmunix
 13. find /usr2 -name nethack -exec rm -f {};
 12. now it's funny you should ask that, because I don't know either
 11. Any more trouble from you and your account gets moved to the 750
 10. Ooohh, lovely, it runs SVR4
  9. SMIT makes it all so much easier......
  8. Can you get VMS for this Sparc thingy?
  5. I don't care what he says, I'm _NOT_ having it on _my_ network
  4. We don't support that. We _won't_ support that.
  3. ...and after I patched the microcode...
  2. You've got TECO. What more do you want?
  1. We prefer not to change the root password, it's an nice easy one
  0. Just add yourself to the password file and make a directory...
 -1.  This won't affect what you're doing.
 -2. `We are shutting xxx down from 8.30 to 10.30 on Thursday to install a
        new tape drive.'
        The machine was up at about 2pm sans-tape drive
 -3. `I just have to install these three patches. It should not take more
        than a few minutes.'
        The machine was working again about 3 hours later...
 -4. Umm, did anyone have anything important in /usr?
 -5. We had to format some tracks, and we seem to have hit an inode track.
        Half the files are still there though...
 -6. Ooops, I should really have change directory before doing that
        chmod -R bin.bin .
 -7. I just made an extra 2 meg of space in /,  I stripped /vmunix.
        Oh,  so that's why ps doesn't work.
 -8. Ignore the errors.  It complains too much.
 -9. I got these instructions off the net.  I'm going to follow
        them exactly.  Let's see if they work.
-10. Heard at my workplace when I found emacs wouldn't run :
        "Oh I took that thing off, it was huge and nobody uses it. It's
         a stupid editor anyway." --Spoken by an MS-DOS programmer
-11. I don't know if this is ethical, but...

[Neon]

well that list is mostly terrible. My favorites are:
#100. Uh-oh.....
#99. ****!!
#71. Ooops.
#49. Oops! (said in a quiet, almost surprised voice)

My other favorites are the ever recursive #51-56:
56. Sorry, we deleted that package last week...
55. NO!  Not _that_ button!
54. Uh huh......"nu -k $USER".. no problem....sure thing...
53. Sorry, we deleted that package last week...
52. NO!  Not _that_ button!
51. Uh huh......"nu -k $USER".. no problem....sure thing...

[Joanie]

Neon,

You forgot "Hey Ace what the heck are trying to say"

Joanie

[dcsun]

lol ;D

[Ace]

Geez. How about
"Hey, everybody else, what are you trying to say?(#*&!"

Criminy, I understood about 2 of those.  

I guess I'll stay lo-tech.  Ready for those pleas for help involving stuff like:
"which way does the plug go in the dang power strip"
"where'd I put the stupid Lord of Destruction disk..."
"how can you tell if the case is upside down..."
"if you turn the MAG on its side, isn't that portrait mode?"
"how the heck can you save the stupid desktop color scheme in XP!(#*$"
"how come by Madden 2001 doesn't have the current players?"
"how come my golfer in Links2000 is better than me"
"how come a grid doesn't appear on greens when I golf..."

and my favorite, from my sister in law who still debates that potatoes aren't vegetables:

"Do the fans see that yellow line appear on the field during games?"

Criminy.
Good techie humor though, whether you understand it or not.
Ace; I fill a void here, for those in need of an idiot savant,