A New Element is Discovered

[JimS]

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science.  The new element has been named "Governmentium".  Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.  Since governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.  However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.  A minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.  Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.   In fact, governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.  This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.  This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass".

[Mark H]

Yep, I received this by email a couple of weeks ago. I also saw it cut out of a magazine and then attached to a bulletin board at one of the plants where I interviewed.

[Ace]

Having worked for the State of Indiana (of which is part of the kingdom of Michiana) I concur.  Criminy; they put the "bureau" in bureacracy, you know?  Of course, you can spell "ace" out of the letters.

That was funny, yet frightening, at the same time.

Ace; the Peter Principle is alive and well.