ACE Recovers, again,

[Bill]

You really should take better care of yourself.  Twice, in a month, you've been 'under the weather', at least twice, that we know of.

Drove some of us crazy for a while, being here with a "cold" and this time chasing nirvana in the form of Greenies, only to succumb to the sneaky, whining elves plot to commandeer your alternative reality machine and your faux workstation.  

Today,s special is commas,

You certainly made a speedy recovery, not to be confused with Speedy Delivery, who never quite makes it to my neighborhood.

But now, at least, you can relax, kick back and have a Heineken -no, wait- maybe try some Crown Royal, and enjoy what remains of the Christmas season, Grinch, Murphy, and all,

-Edit-
Sorry, I missed a comma,

[Ace]

If you saw me, you'd probably think me lucky to be alive.  Or, you could feel lucky not to have seen me.

I had to read that twice; first, I thought you said "Royal Crown" and I'm thinking "big whoop... go grab a can of cheap cola."  The other sounds better.  And I did just grab a Heineken; it's nearly 11:00 here so that time of day.

I've got a couple by Nirvana downstairs...  I guess I could put one on, but it's not really Christmasy.  I'm glad to have today, and tomorrow off.  Well, the weekend too; duh.  That'd be like a 4 day weekend.  Hold it; 3 1/2.  Time flies when it's 15 degrees outside.  Or stands still, if you're waiting for the car to warm up.

Ace; the Grinch is pronate.  Maybe I could pour water on the freaky thing and freeze it solid.

[Bill]

You'd better stay inside.  First thing you know, you'll be back here with the flu, which always lasts longer than a cold and,,,we wouldn't want that.

You also probably ought to leave it alone.  Next year he could roost in your yard, then what?

[Ace]

Well, then I'd probably be able to get a better photo of it.  Not that I'd want one.

If I still had the hose hooked up, I could just spray Murphy instead.  That would probably be getting to the root of the problem.

Ace; I'm full of Christmas Cheer.  Oh, and the first Heineken of the day.

[Bill]

The title is appropriate for today, the rest of it isn't.
Just thought I'd move it up so people would realize you're still here.

[Ace]

Well, I'm not there.  I'm here.  And I can't have a Heineken right now.. I'm at work, dangit.  And I don't want it to be Christmas; I want it to be Spring.

The Murphy part holds true.

Ace; I'm still here.  Then I'll be home.  Then I'll be back.

[Bill]

I vote for Spring, like tomorrow.  Dang snow storm.
Could have been worse. We only had a foot.  Local Weather-hypers were talking about a "back-lash" effect and predicting a second foot.  Fortunately, it didn't happen.  Fortunately my neighbor owns a snowplow and HE did the driveway, as in, volunteered, didn't have to ask, wanted to do it cause I'm a nice guy, for free.
He should only know.

Bill; no sore back today.

[Ace]

Let me know if you get a third foot; I'd like a picture of that...

I wish I had a snowplow...  I could really surprise Murphy.  

Ace; I'm not predicting any new limbs or appendages.

[Bill]

Your wish is my command, sort of...

Enjoy.

[Ace]

That could move some leaves.  And take out his dang rustic little fence and all the quasi-Western homespun knick knacks and doodads they've got littering the front of the house.  

I would love to plow a certain grinch, 11 months from now.

Ace; that thing looks sorta like the creatures in Pitch Black, except yellow.  I bet I could get a good parking place with one, too.

[Bill]

Western knick knacks and do dads in Iana?  Yeah, sure Western, if he thinks its still 1800.  I could understand corn cobs and rusted tractors.  Or, in your town, antique vestments and other ND related goodies.  

So in addition to OCD,  your neighbor has a fanciful, steer roping, ride off in to the sunset, John Wayne/True Grit personality.  "Armed with his faithful leafblower,..."

What are you doing in that neighborhood?

Bill; the Pale Rider. Hey, I don't do tanning salons.

[Ace]

What am I doing..?  Criminy, I'm looking out my dang den window over my faux Scandinavian computer desk watching Murphy confuse himself with wind direction and Bev's kid and son in law meticulously treat the driveway like a CSI crime scene.  Oh, and going out after the blizzard to see if I might arrange to go for a ride after while setting off the air bag inside my chest.

Geez, what the heck do you do for fun in your neighborhood?  It's not like I got a dang dog to walk, you know.

I don't do tanning salons, either, having that thing cut off my ear.  I'd rather not try to grow more.

Ace; I suppose I'll have to poast a dang photo.  Geez, it's one thing after another here.

[Bill]

So we can expect you here all day?  Better than working I guess.

[Ace]

Why, do I get overtime if I work all day?  Actually I'm at work but heading to the doc this PM for the follow-up.  If everything checks out I hope to go over to Murphy's and shovel all his snow back in his driveway.

That whole thing about looking out my window was a ploy; a ruse.  But the part about my dog was true.

Ace; I'm working dang hard, dangit.  Well, for awhile there, I was.

[Bill]

Good luck, I hope all is well.  

Ask him to give the results to your wife.  Ignorance is bliss.

[Ace]

Well, I woulda liked to ignore him, but he was sorta hard to get rid of...  I did find a test I can pass, at least.  It's called "EKG."  

Next week is a "stress test."  Well, besides "Work" and the normal ones.  Guess I better practice on the Nordic Track.  What'd be funny would be to put wheels on a treadmill, and then go down the sidewalk on it.  Man, I bet I'd get some weird looks with that.

Well, beside the normal ones I get.  

I gotta rig up a beer holder on the thing, if I'm gonna have to spend time on it...

Ace; you'll never break this heart of stone.

[Bill]

Well, that's good news.  You'll love the stress test if you haven't had one before.  Its fun.  Don't kill yourself getting ready for it!

Walkers on wheels get the same kind of looks from me.

Ok, then, you passed.  Back to work.

[Ace]

You know who'd be good on one of those?  "Walker; Texas Ranger."

People with walkers on wheels oughta wear roller blades, too.  I bet that'd get their hearts pumping.

I got 30 minutes until work. Don't rush me.

Ace; "work work work" as Mel Brooks would say.

[Bill]

Chances are pretty good their hearts are already pumping, at least occasionally.  If they're doing anything at all, except being dead, their hearts are pumping.  

'Course there is humor in the obvious, isn't there?

Bill; stress test survivor.

[Ace]

Just as an update, for the viewers.  I did my stress test today.  A lot like "Tuesday", in general.

First off, I was surprised it went that fast.  No, not quick; fast.  The 3rd tri-minute section was a jog.  I then went for "extra credit" past the 9 minute mark....  I was doing ok, but I got so cotton mouthed I couldn't swallow. Or breathe.  That just wears me out... I can do anything, if I'm moisturized.  When I'm that dehydrated I just don't want to bother.

Blood pressure was 118 over 78 at rest.  Pulse was in the 70's (it's under if my chest isn't being shaved...)  Hit well over my "target" pulse.  EKG was fine.  No probs.  Apparently I'm healthy.  I know; if you looked at me you'd figure "not."

And, so: the theme.  Ace Recovers Again.  I tell ya, there's just no quit in this guy.

There's a definite "I'm gonna go on break, now" and a " I need to take the afternoon off.." and a "I don't think I can get out of my driveway (since my tricycle is missing a wheel)."   But no "quit."

Ace; I am imbibing in Pizza King pizza and Merlot and life in general.  Tomorrow, back to the All Bran grind.  And bananas.  In pajamas.

[Bill]

"I guess I'm OK" would have been enough, thank you very much.

If you going to be in your PJs tomorrow, at least have the decency to cover the mirrors when your in the room.  Oh, and we don't need any new "special" avators just now.  

Bill; take the moral high ground.

[Ace]

You're just jealous that I have such a command of paragraphs.  I left out a lot of detail as it was.  I used to have an exercise bike, but I wasn't getting anywhere with it.

If you're on the moral high ground, I'm going with the mental low ground.

Ace; guy mispells "avatar" too.  I'm even ahead on technical computer lingo.

[Bill]

Glad you caught that one, too bad about "misspell" though.

While you're imbibing on life, these might make for tasty treats, porks wings, with or without feet:


BTW, what flavor lollipop did you get for passing?

Bill: probably "malt".

[Ace]

I bet it's hard to catch a flying greased pig.  I didn't get a lollipop; now I feel cheated.  Pork flavoured would've been different.

I like malt; chocolate malts, single malts, and hopped up malts.

Ace; with pork.

[Bill]

Well, you can deduct the price of a really good lollipop from your co-pay and send the Doc a note and tell him/her why.  I do it all the time.  Nothing the matter with passing around the cheated feeling.  I mean, they're human too.  

Big Butterfly nets work well.  The tricky part is getting them on the BBQ; they squirm alot

[Ace]

I suppose big butterfly porkchops could be caught in big butterfly nets.  That makes sense.

I don't know about the "human" part.. they sure have a strange glee in making captives run in place on motorized mats, and shaving chest hair off those helplessly caught in their web.  

I just put the lid down on the grill until things stop moving.

Ace; I also like to marinade.  Me.  While waiting for stuff to cook.

[Bill]

I didn't say they were humane, just human.

I find the funniest part of visiting the doctor is saying "no".  "Take off your shirt so I can listen to your heart" NO, its cold in here, listen as best you can.  Get on the scale. NO, I weigh xxx.  
You 'd be amazed at how taken aback some of them get.  Listen, I'm paying the dang bill, we're gonna do this my way.  

Bill; a bit recalcitrant, maybe more than a bit.

[Ace]

Just a bit.  I suppose you ask for a second opinion so you can be a double negative.

"Do you want to know what we found by your blood tests..?" NO
"Do you want to know what I think this is on your x-ray?" NO
"Do you want to put this on your insurance?" NO
"Do you want us to validate your parking?" NO
"Tell me if this gets too uncomfortable." NO
"Looks like you're fine, and you can be released today." NO

I will agree that I'd just as soon have those sticky EKG pads on my shirt than my chest.  They can shave my shirt all they want to.

You know, people used to wear hair shirts.  

Ace; I wonder if he ever said "You are NOT going to put that thermometer in my mouth" and he got "Plan B."

[Bill]

The last time time I tried that the "plan B" response was "We can stick it your ear".
;)

Bill; not knowing is more comfortable.

[Ace]

I guess you could hear if things were heating up.  

Funniest medical comic this year: there was a "Close to Home" where the doctor is walking into a patient's room and says something like "I'm sorry, Mr. Jenkins, but I've come to inform you that your tests are back and you only have 10 seconds to live.."  Of course, the patient is already dead.  

Ace; that just cracks me up.  Say No! To Health!  That's catchy.