BARTER, SELL OR TRADE POASTS

[Bill]

The other favorite trick I really enjoy is to simply leave the decorations up year round.  Don't have to turn them on, the icile lights just look great hanging from the roof and gutters on Memorial Day.

Bill; BTW, to save you the trouble of pointing it out, I misspelled "blow-ups."

[Ace]

Shoot, I wasn't going to point out any spelling errors.  That's not me.  I let the whole "inflatables" thing go, you'll notice.

I wouldn't mind a blow-up in Murphy's yard.  That'd be aight.

I'm hoping for Da Bears to blow up Favre soon, and hasten his retirement.  And then the BCS pairings, especially since the #3 and #5 exits last night.  Go WeisGuys.  

Ace; it looks like Bev's idiots sorry family are going to put the lights on her front pine. Of course, outdoor pine trees grow, annually.  This could be a challenge...

[scuzzy]

I heard someone say blow-up, and it perked my interest.

You know, I'm getting some great ideas from this thread. Putting the Christmas decorations up in July will certainly make my life much easier. Waiting until July to take them back down also makes good sense. Heck, just leaving them up all year is even better. Thanks.

Come to think of it, Wal-Mart and other retailers could do the same. I think they're working their way toward that anyway, since each year retailers put the Christmas decorations up a little earlier than the last.

I also like the idea of pushing things into the river. As soon as I get done here, I'm going to push all my appliances into the river at the end of my property. Okay, it's not a river. It's more of a ditch, but it should work just as well. It's also a great place to dump all of my old computer parts that are outdated.

If by some chance the appliances won't fit into the ditch, I'll use Ace's brother's river.

Scuzzy; For my epitaph, I want "THIS IS MY TOMBSTONE" (I prefer to yell so the dead can hear me)

[Ace]

"The Dead Never Sleep" as they say in Ring II.  Criminy, that girl creeps me out.  No way I'm ever having a well.

"Suddenly, he flipped the switch that dropped her in the hairy ditch... Avon Calling; nevermore."

Rick Crumpacker, 6th grade, in our class newspaper.

Ace; yes, it was in the mode of "The Raven."  

[Buffalo2102]

I haven't seen The Ring II, I refuse to watch it.  Not because it would scare me but because I haven't seen The Ring I yet.  Maybe like some other movie series they can be watched independently but it just wouldn't seem right to watch II before I.  Kinda like eating dessert before the main course;  it can be done but it's just not right.

Just put up my tree and xmas deccies yesterday.  It's a real tree so I guess it'll take itself down after a while.  If not, I think I'll just move it into the garden 'til next xmas.

Buff; well, well, well.

[Ace]

No; don't do it.  Definitely start with I.  Ring II refers to it, but you won't really get what or why without the preview.  I will say they both genuinely creep me out.  Those, and The Grudge, had to have the most horrific characters and build up, ever.

Something about the Japanese when they try to scare themselves.  Or us, I guess.  No way am I ever going to travel there, if they've got that sort of stuff crawling around.

We get a real tree, too.  Plus put up a fake one.  My idea, which will make millions, is to create a real tree kit.  Real trunk, and branches, of a real tree that you assemble every year.  It's got the convenience of an artificial with that scent and authenticity of an actual fir.  It's gonna be huge.

I gotta get working on that.  Glad you reminded me!  

Ace; I wonder if they have artificial tree farms, where they grow the fake ones...?  That'd be something, to cut down your own aluminum tree.

[Bill]

Anyone have a power hack saw?  I guess a Sawsall would cover it, too.

How about aluminum that smells like fir?  A Frazer Fir, in particular.

Bill

[Ace]

You know, you've got to be careful going around wearing a real tree, because I hear there are whackos out there who will throw paint on people wearing firs.

I bet the Leland Stanford Jr. University team mascot had better watch it, being a tree.  Especially if he's anywhere near their marching band.

Ace; those people make jesters look normal.

[Bill]

Jesters normal?  Nah.   You can't have everything, DA Bears won and ND is going to a bowl game.  You get the see the Weisguys again.

Bill; that's why I don't go out in public.

[Ace]

They've acquired that Jersey nastiness.  I hear New Jersey isn't particularly fond of Bears, right now.

Ducks sure don't fly.  Talk about a bowl free-fall.  It's funny native Irishmen aren't complaining about the political uncorrectness of ND's moniker.  Maybe Florida State or the Fighting Illini could switch to the "Brawling Scotsmen" or "Wicked Welsh" or "Bouncing Czechs" or "Belligerant Belgians" or "Punching Poles" or "Nasty Nipponese" or "Kicking Koreans."  And don't forget the "Hooligan Hawaiians."  Or "Boilermakers" or

Hold it.  That one's been used.  

Ace; the Hurling Hoosiers.  Stand back.

[pat]

We put our Holiday Christmas tree up Saturday. We went out to the Christmas tree farm and got the ride on the Christmas tree wagon pulled by the Christmas tree horse.

The horse smelled more like, ok stop??. not exactly pine, if you get my drift. It was authentic though.

We went back and got the complementary cup of hot cocoa, strapped the tree on top of the SUV and away we flew like the down of a thistle.

[Ace]

What is the deal with you, that every dang vehicle you drive has to be under a tree..?!  Geez Louise, I'll look for you on Grape Road; you'll be the one with the forest parked on your roof.

I did see this stupid call-in thing on the news about "Should Christmas Trees be referred to as something else?"  I'm thinking; ok, I can see the "Have a Happy Holiday" greeting, as a political correct sensitive non-presumptive generic howdy, since it's the season of various religious fests.  But I was pondering WHO THE HECK ELSE PUTS UP A DANG TREE BUT THEM WHAT ARE CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD it's not like there are any others going THAT route...  You got your Festivus Pole, you got your dang Christmas Tree.  The rest you can call whatever the heck you want.  Like "Oh Tannenbaum" translates into "Oh Holiday Conifer..."  

Of course, half the idiots I mean population probably has this clouded notion of the infant messiah born unto Santa and Mrs. Claus at the North Pole in a stable filled with 8 tiny reindeer with gifts from Kris Kringle, Frosty and 3 wise guys.  And probably figured he was the newborn king since his nose glowed bright.  

I am glad you stopped to smell the horses.  It seems we tend to rush through the holidays, and don't take the time to appreciate the wonder and awe of it all.

I'm having a complementary Canadian and cola, to celebrate living through Monday.  It's not hot, but it's cool.

Ace; I wonder if reindeer smell like horse.

[pat]

Yeah, that?s me, can?t see the trees for the forest. I just blend in. I did get another van; it?s decorated with Frankincense and Mirth.

I was over on Grape just yesterday, went to Dicks and some other assorted Holiday shopping places.


Reindeer smell like gummy bears.

[Bill]

 "it?s decorated with Frankincense and Mirth. "

That should look interesting.  A van covered with laughing clowns, or Jesters, burning incense?  Interesting logo for a carpenter, but then......


"Should Christmas Trees be referred to as something else?"  Yeah, dying vegetative waste that make a mess in the room.  You can get the same effect with an appropriate scented car freshener.  Hand it from the ceiling; lasts longer too.

Bill

[Ace]

I've seen those, in catalogs.  The trees you hang from the ceiling.  First, off, I'd think it'd be difficult to hang ornaments.  Secondly, I sure don't want to be the one to water the dang thing.

I think he meant to say Frankenstein and Merv.  I'd rather just have my plain old car smell than some pinesol variant.  So, is it an SUV or a van?  Or a hybrid?  My vehicle is what's called a "car."  

I like finding those old pine needles years later, in the carpet.  Especially barefoot.  I've gotten puncture wounds wrapping the lights on some of our past pick up sticks.  Unwrapping the lights 3 weeks later is even worse.

You know, to add to the legend, some might remember Mary and Joseph heading into Bethlehem on a one-horse, open sleigh.  

Ace; laughing all the way.. you betcha.  And there was no room at Macy's, since Scrooge got the last one.  

[pat]

I thought you called it a Taurus.
I got the van, the wife drives the SUV.

I?ve handed over some billings before and folks have said, ?Surely you Jest.?
But really, my partners and I go by the name of Dewy, Cheatim and Howe.
Nuff said??.

I always like the Scrooge tale; here?s a guys who for the most part of his life is a real SOB, and then, right there, just before the end of it all, repents.
And bam, he lives happily ever after.

A real, Ridding off into the sunset ending.

[Ace]

If the timing's right, I think it could work.  Problem is knowing right when your demise is imminent, to go for the final absolution.  He had a lot of time to let it soak in, and even then he just about blew it.  Normally, when you find yourself lying on your own grave it's a little late...  You'd have missed boat.

Well, if you're into mythology.  Otherwise you just missed the hearse.  That's sorta a van-SUV hybrid.  "Special Underground Vehicle."

I guess if you hear a loud cracking sound, like a tree makes just before it crushes you, that'd be your cue to start apologizing like heck.

Ace; being a real SOB takes years of practice.  

[Bill]

Being a real Sweet Old Bob is even harder.

...a full tank of gas and half a pack of cigarretts.  We're  on a misson.

Bill; save the fossels, ride a bike.

[Ace]

Especially if the fossils are on the bikes...

That's like 1/3 of a Triathalon.  I could probably run, in water, for awhile.  Until that point of submersion.

I could just see early man, inventing the wheel, then the bicycle, running circles around a mammoth until the big javelin throw.  

Ace; and to think we evolved to 4 wheels.  

[Bill]

The good hunters survived.  I couldn't run in water, let alone anywhere elde.

Sonetimes even the fingers don't wrk.

Bill;  I know things, Denny Crane.

[Ace]

Probably the gatherers and growers did ok, too.  It's sure a lot easier to hunt a potato or a carrot than a sabre toothed cat.  There's evidence of a mountain lion or panther running around north of here; I hope Pat doesn't get attacked by one of those.  He has enough trouble with large flora falling.  

Huh... that sounds like Chicken Little, in reverse. The Floras falling!  The Floras falling!   Pick up your feet, I guess.

My fingers don't work very well, either.  I think I renewed my frostbite last week filling up the tires on the car.  They'll probably be fired...  Fire would probably have helped.

Although I don't think mixing cigarettes and gasoline is very safe.  That could make gas prices go up.

Ace; it could make your car go, up.

[Bubba]

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,it's not the cigarettes that conflict with gasoline,,,,,,,,,,,,it's the matches,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[Ace]

Oh, sure.  Time it so you start off a whole new page, and get top billing.  

Criminy, it's about time the ghost of Winter Past showed to put that whole fire and ice thing into perspective.  I still get nervous when the person on the other pump is smoking and pumping...

I bet guns don't kill people, but bullets do, too.  I'll go buy some bullets to throw at a burglar, then.

I could see one of those old "Ace and Bubba in a pickup truck jokes", where Bubba asks if there's gas in the truck and Ace says "Lemme check" and opens the cap and lights a match to see...

And then, Pat drives up and has a Christmas tree fall and collapse the roof of his van.  Which is good, since he has to get another and that keeps Ford and or GM in business.

Maybe they oughta put the new car lots by the woods...  They could reduce inventory that way, and then build more...

Ace; I know what to get Bubba for the holidays:  [,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,]

[Bubba]

All I need is a new   ,   key for my keyboard

,,,,, ,,  

See, it is not hitting on all eight cylinders

[pat]

Shoot Howdy Bubba, been a while.

You?re just in time to remind me of how much fun this whole lake effect snow thing is.
I?m trying something new this year. I put a stick out in the snow as a marker to see how much we get, this year though I?m using letters of the alphabet instead of numbers. Right now we?re just about up to RS.

[Bubba]

too dangerous to put a stick next to RS here, too slippery, could be deadly,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,

[Ace]

I've tried that alphabet measuring system, too.  Usually we don't get snow up to my S until January or so.  If there's snow up to my S before then, I usually don't go anywhere.  If you're already seeing snow up to U, or RS, then I don't think I'd even go out.

I would like to see an attempt at creating an inferno of burning cars or some combustible materials in Illinois.  I think that might create a global warming in the Midwest, and heat things up here.  Maybe select some late model GM products, and grab some of those blue tip kitchen matches.  

Maybe you could drop the apostrophe key down, to fill in as a comma.  Although if you've been in a comma it's hard to come out of it, I've heard.

A sharp stick on a slippery slope... one impaled Illinoisian.  Mounted, as it were.  We probably ought to work this into a bar joke.

Ace; I guess Santa is blond, come to think of it.

[Bubba]

bar joke,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,.

Let's invite Dick Cheney to a party at the local gin mill, if he snubs us,,,, ,,, it is  RSVP !

[Ace]

I don't know if I want to party with someone with a heart condition.  Or who'd be inclined to waterboard, just for fun.

Ace; somebody else.  Respondez, s'il vous plait.  

[scuzzy]

Looking at the forum's front page, I saw this disturbing blurb:

Today at 07:15:26pm
in Re:IT'S ALIVE! IT'S ...
by Ace

Of course, now it's going to say:

Today at 08:26:59pm
in Re:BARTER, SELL OR TRADE...
by Scuzzy

I don't know which is worse.