THIN AND ASHEN wEDNESDAY

[Ace]

It is Officially Fat Tuesday Day, the Sanctioned and Officially Recognized Holiday after Christmas as The Next HolyDay

hooray.  It is Fat Tuesday because It Is Tuesday, And Because I am

Well, Let's just say it's Fat Tuesday.  Mardi=Tuesday.  Gras=big ole' fat old.  In French, it's "Tuesday Fat."  They're sorta backwards, in several ways.  

Wednesday, though, is not the start of Lent.  No sense in rushing into a season of deprivation and atonement.  We've got time before that, unless anyone is really compelled to atone for whatever.  Then, go ahead, but understand I'm not going to yet.  

Ace; tomorrow: big lardbutted Wednesday.  Nothing personal.

[Bill]

And there will be a parade today, along every  commuter highway in the country.  
Now there is national recognition for Fat Tuesday.

Bill

[Ace]

Buncha fat people parading around... that'll be lovely.  They should get some of those big fat parade balloons, with no strings attached.  With a chorus of Maroon Toons.  Looney ones.

Ace; dang, these pants are tight today.  It must be Tuesday.

[Mark H]

It is Officially Fat Tuesday Day, the Sanctioned and Officially Recognized Holiday after Christmas as The Next HolyDay

No it's not. It is Wednesday.  ;D

[Ace]

Today's Day Planner from the guy who's been announcing his birthday, from May of last year.

Right you are, MarhK!  It is now officially

BIG FAT WEDNESDAY!  A special HolyDay recognized by some church, as the day after Fat Tuesday!  Who Knows what Tomorrow Will Bring!!

Wednesday in French is Mercredi; So it'd be Mercredi Gras.  That's pronounced "Mare Cruddy"  uh.. Grass.  Like in Cruddy Old Gray Mare.  Day.  So, for all who are old and gray and fat, here's Your Big Fat Old Day!  Enjoy!!

I think multiple exclamation points really accentuate the fun and spirit of this holiday.  Much like the little known fact that Halloween is an officially sanctioned holiday recognized by the Church as the day before the Holy Day of All Saint's Day, then Fat Tuesday is also as little known and yet bogus as a holy day Before Ash Wednesday.

Yeah; they give out those candy corn things and 3 Musketeer bars instead of normal communion for Halloween.   3 = Trinity.  

Ace; it might be wondered why these little known facts are known, so little.  Coming Attractions: The Day Before The Resurrection Of The Groundhog Day.

[Ace]

Now, don't get scared.  I didn't say "End of Days, Day" or "End of Time Day" or "End of the Ayre's Sale Days, Day."  Nothing that final, or conclusive.

Geez Louise, it seems like only a year or so ago we were celebrating like it was 1999 and the millenium was turning, except for those idjuts who were counting "from the year 0"...  I've had some years that turned out to be a lot of nothing, but it's not like I put that on my checks.

Other thoughts for The Final Days sorry "Thursday" - named after Thor.  And something in French, but who cares about that.

* Read the manual before you install your next printer to make sure your install will and won't get a mess you can't uninstall.  I'd do what Mark said Bill said he should do, since Whiz had it right.

*If Iran doesn't believe in The Holocaust then it shouldn't bother them too much when they suffer one.

*Remind me next year not to yell "I've got a Bomb!" and run around and off an airplane.

*Remind me next year not to pull a knife on a bunch of cops in N.O.

*Actually, it's ok if you remind me this year, too.

*A guy babysitting in NY got the toddlers drunk, along with himself.  Apparently the parents are at the hospital, having another baby.  Please; keep them coming.

*My new year's resolution is to go up to people and tell them they're beautiful and that my strings aren't attached.

*Maybe even to Pat, if he buys me a couple margaritas.  I tell ya, Tequila is a hallucinogen as far as I'm concerned.

*This is gonna be the weirdest weekend, with Saturday bowl games and New Year's Day with the NFL and not College and then Monday with Bowl Games.  That's like Bizarro New Years.

*I missed Boxing Day again this year.  I gotta circle that on the calendar for next year.

*I miss working for the State of Indiana, when I used to get Martin Luther King Jr. Day and Veteran's Day and Columbus Day and Election Day and all those great holidays off.  

*I am at least relieved to learn Mardi Gras and Halloween and The Day Before GroundHog Day are recognized by the church, and I can claim them as my personal days per my religion.

*There's got to be something for "The Day Before Valentine's Day."  I mean, shoot, it's a saint day and massacre and cavity inducement all in one.  Somebody had to have something as a preview.

*"Day When I Broke Up With My Girlfriend With Bad Teeth To Keep From Killing Her Day and No I Stopped Saying She was Beautiful And The ONly String I wanted Was One Around Her Redneck Day" is now on my church calendar for next year.

*Now that the after Christmas sales are on, I'm going to Osco's to see if I can pick up some discounted boxes of Duck cards for next year.  Those things are hilarious.  They should have ducks in the mangers, since it sure would have lightened up the spirit there.  

*Now that people have gotten over their initial confusion of how Santa and Rudolph visited the infant savior in a manger at the North Pole while visiting his parents Joseph and Mary Christ, we can look forward to the Easter season when the Easter Bunny rose from the dead in the pumpkin patch with the Great Pumpkin after hiding rabbit eggs all over to be discovered by his disciples.

Ace; maybe that Boxing Day is what we call "Sexual Harrassment at Work Day."  That would explain the punch...

[Bill]

You're too much, Charlie Brown.

But you're right about the football stuff.  Gonna mess up my sense of what day it for the whole dang week.  Three days of football overload and then crash 'til the next week end when, hopefully, the schedule will be back to normal.

I'll try to remember to remind you about all that stuff and dates, maybe.

Bill

[Ace]

Geez Louise, as Pat would say I would say; it must be a special day if I was right.  

You know what would be funny?  If they had Charlie Brown say "Oh, Luuucy" like Rickie Ricardo did.   And you know what else? Police came across two teenagers drunk in a car; guy was naked behind the wheel, girl was just wearing a shirt in the back seat.  Both passed out; she got sick on the way to the precinct, and they had to shake her to get her breathing again.  

First thing I thought was; man, I bet Scuzzy would like some action like that.  Second thing was what the fat guy on the porch in "It's a Wonderful Life" says:  "Youth is wasted on the wrong people."

Ace; every time a bell rings, it means a Jester has tripped and fallen.  Again.

[pat]

You know, it isn?t like I?ve never offered. And don?t call me Shirley.

But your right about the, after the day sale, at Osco?s. I got some Pistachios for half price, which was a pretty good deal. They even had some of those five pound Hershey Bars. Dang, those things are huge; they were 29 dollars off of a 37 dollar retail. I didn?t get one though. I mean, what the heck, who needs a five pound Hershey Bar? I did get some of those fancy imported European cookies in those fancy tins. I always like those.

[Ace]

You can get those fancy cookies in imported tins at the Dollar store, too, but they're from 1992.  Out of Paraguay.

Well, I guess the good news is that if you consume a 5 lb. Hershey bar you're only going to gain... 5 lbs.  I used to really really like chocolate, but something about getting older makes me really really sensitive to its consumption.  That 5 lb. overdose could wind up with terrible repercussions.

I did tell my wife that when we finally watch Charlie and the Chocolate Olfactory that I want (French) Vanilla ice cream and hot fudge sauce.  I gotta get in the spirit of the movie.

And maybe Reddi Whip.  Oh, that would be to die for.

And feel like dying, after.  Probably just later that night.  Still, it'd be worth it.  Up to that point.  

My dad liked Pistachios.  I always thought they were sorta weird, and a funny color.  Sometimes I get a craving for hickory smoked almonds, but then I don't.  I don't mind nuts by themselves (like, here) but I really do not like them IN anything or ON anything...  Like a sundae, or brownie.  That is just gross, to me.

I would go out for a margarita, but I just can't do it in cold weather.  It's not right.  I got a single malt Irish whiskey for Christmas (I'd actually never heard of a single Irish) and it is very nice.  Light, pale, aromatic.  That's more in the season.  If the heat wave of Michiana continues and it hits 70 next week then maybe it's time to head to Hacienda or Don Pablos.  Tonight we went Between the Buns.

ace; look, it's the name of the dang restaurant.  I didn't mean it literally...

[pat]

Should have had a double, huh?

I?ll have a double on New Years Eve, and that should do us both.

I was in the Bed, Bath and Beyond store the other day and they had this fountain sorta thingy that you filled with chocolate and it melted and flowed down and back up and around again. Not sure what the purpose of that was, maybe you just reached in and grabbed some in a cup or something as it flowed by. I don?t know???

I?m always sorta amazed at the crazy things that are for sale around the holidays, more so that people buy them.

Case in point; Chocolate Charlie one of those home grown Michiana specialties only available around the holidays.

In a word, yuk.

[Ace]

A coworker got married in September and they had a chocolate fountain going out on the deck... Like an erupting fondue.  With fruit and pieces of cake to spear and soak.  Probably people just put their faces in it, after the free bar opened back up.

Chocolate Charlie is a gosh-awful concoction to my sensibilities, too.  Chocolate over tough marshmallow with nuts.  Like a S'more left out in the rain, and then dried with a towel.  I've played Greg Claeys of Claeys' Candy in tennis.  Thank goodness not for one of those.

Recycled chocolate.  That's a sign of ecology gone wrong.

Ace; beyond my bed and bath is the kitchen.

[pat]

Ok, might as well finish out the year with a dumb joke, I?m off to have a double??.

A pregnant woman is in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant.

Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, Oh no, not my brother, he's an idiot! Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" "Denise," says the doctor.

The new mother thinks, Wow, that's not a bad name! I guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise! Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"

The doctor replies, "Denephew."

[Bill]

Happy New Year all!!

Bill. deuncle.

[Bubba]

Happy Nude Year from Illinoid !!!

[Ace]

geez, I hope he at least puts some pants on.

Happy New Year from the Magical and still Mystical Land of Michiana.  The sun shines, the snow's melted.  This global warming thing is a'ight, so far this year.

And in commemoration, in the immortal words of Allan Sherman:

Old Lang's Sign

I knew a man
his name was Lang
and he had a neon sign
and Mr. Lang was very old
so they called it
"Old Lang's Sign"

Ace; same old same old Jester.

[Bubba]

I shall look for a pair of fast breathers,,,,,, but wait a pair,,,, who decided to call one pants a pair,,, In Illiniod, a pair means 2,,, 1 + 1 ,,, half of 4, is it a pair because of 2 leg holes ?? I guess I better put on a pair of shirts too,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, unless you are referring the odd shaped fruit,,, as in pear,, no holes at all in a pear,where do my legs go?????,,,,,,,,,, so if you eat a pear,  did you eat 2 of them tings'  with no holes that don't fit? But no matter, I would look hot in a pear,,,,,er pair,,,, er set,,,,er compilation.


As Great-Grandpa Bubba used to say:
"there may not be nothin' wrong,,,, but somethin' ain't right"

[Ace]

Well, if it ain't fixed don't break it.

Probably the British, as far as the weird pants plurality.  They do stuff like that all the time; make up bizarre words and spellings for the simplest things, like humour and bathroom and biscuits.  

You know, that could be a whole new category here for the new year: Bathroom Biscuit Humour.

Your Grandpa Bubba was a wise man.  Well, not one of "the" wise men, but still...  I'm thinking I'd actually do well to go with 2 pairs of pants.  I don't know if that'd be two, or four, then.  Like a pair of twins; is that four people?  

I'm not sure what a "normal" shaped fruit is.  Banana?  Pomegranete?  Grapefruit?  You know, there's those weird furry kiwi things; those are kinda funny.  And there's cucumbers and gourds that look just like

well, something funny.  Anyway, speaking of the British, and fruit, I'm glad Reggie Dwight (Ok; Elton) finally got married or betrothed or common lawed or whatever they decided was ok over there.  Speaking of a pear shape; he sure has packed some on.  Pretty soon he'll be up to two pairs, and they'll probably be pretty flamboyant.

ace; I wonder who wears the pants in his family.  

[Bubba]

[ace; I wonder who wears the pants in his family. /quote]

if they use a pair of pants,, could not both wear them ??

[Bubba]

boy screwed that up

[Ace]

I just hope you didn't resolve not to do that, this year.  Because you really screwed that up by screwing that up.  

It's even worse you took two poasts to break it, after you didn't fix it.  Once we get to the bottom of page one, Bill will probably poast something to start page 2.  

I wouldn't want to share pants with Elton John.  I mean, as big as they are, I still don't think there'd be enough room for both of us.  And I sure don't want to get between him and that other guy.  

Ace; I'm glad we have a lot to look forward to, this year.

[Bill]

Well, it's time for a "next page", even if it isn't  doesn't.

Bill

Dang.  There ought'a be a gauge or indicator.

[Bill]

Maybe a pair is required?

Bill
Geez. Still not right.  

[freelance]

mabe ill get to be 1st...

freelance; that'd be a first!

[freelance]

darn!!!!


freelance; second times the charm!

[Ace]

Criminy, which one of you is Tweedle Dee and which one is Tweedle...

It's like watching two old people with walkers racing at the supermarket.  You know they're trying to get somewhere, but you just wish they'd hurry up.

You all should remember the Physician's Oath: First, do no harm.

This is almost better than New Year's Day; The Day After New Year's Day Day when Bowl Games Rule and I Don't Have To Work nyaah nyaah to anyone whom does.  Plus I'm taking PTO for tomorrow.  I should be at 4800 poasts easy by this time tomorrow.

You guys are so dang lucky.  ;D cool, now where's the smarmy one  ;) yeah

Ace; one riot, one jester.

[freelance]

well it was worth a try ;D


freelance; darn still didnt get it!

[Ace]

That could be my epitaph:

"Darn! Still didn't get it."
or
"I finally got it."

ace; I hope I win this. That'd be the first contest of the year I've won.

[Bill]

Well in the meantime, we could always talk about food.  

Then again, we've probably all had enough of that, over the holidays.

Bill; is it lunch time yet?

[Ace]

No.  I had breakfast just a couple hours ago.  I resolved not to pig out this new year, so after gorging myself yesterday I'm going to start today with

hold it.  hold on a minute... ok, I guess that one's over.  Huh.

Ace; time for lunch

ed. note: HAH! WE HAVE A WINNER! ONE FREE LUNCH TO LUCKY THE JESTER DING DING DING ;D