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The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, starring Sean Connery, was horrible. I wish I hadn't seen it. The entire movie was completely ridiculous.

Others that did nothing for me:

Wyatt Earp (Kevin Costner)
Mission: Impossible (all of them) The TV series was the best; the movie series destroyed it
300 (too far fetched; too dark of a theme)
Batman (all them)
Anything with "Star Wars" or "Star Trek" in the title
Cast Away (yawn)

Scuzzy; I don't know what to put here

First, let me note what I agree with Scuzzy on:

Yes, that is a nice tie you have on today, and that would be the best donut to select.

Ok, otherwise, you're way off on "300."  I mean, you just can't do better for a highly stylized graphic comicbook adaptation of a based-on-history event.  Plus, what a Guy film.  That is not in no way a Chick Flick.  And I liked League of Extraordinary Guys ok.  Although it was a jumble of characters.  But it looked cool, in parts.  The first Batman, with Michael Keaton and Jack Nicholson, was a'ight.  But, yeah, they tend toward goofy.  I get bored by impossible missions.  Geez Louise, though, the original Star Wars group was swell.  Although the afterthoughts were just a waste of time.  Jar Jar Bling Bling bringing it crashing down.  Star Trek, true.  Cast Away coulda just set the camera on the beach, and filmed the tides for a couple hours.

For me, Ishtar really was one pile of stink.  And I still say "Beloved" was the loooongest movie ever made.  Criminy, that was uncomfortable. 

I bought two "classics" this last year, since I'd heard so much about them and thought they must be great, but hadn't seen them.  One was "Freaks", the 30's something murder/carnival freak show classic.  What a weird, strange, and bizarre (and DATED) movie.  And "Taxi Driver" with DeNiro.  Criminy, was that stuck in the 70s and not nearly as cool as I thought it would be.  Both a mistake.

Oh, another we bought that was way below entertaining was "Sideways", the wine Odyssey.  Just sorta annoying and uneventful, except as a character study of characters you really don't care for and don't like much.  Even the wine wasn't exciting, culminating in a Merlot.  Talk about dark, if not far fetched.  Another yawn fest was that Anthony Hopkins one from last year... can't even remember its stupid name.  He kills his wife who's having an affair and frames the cop so the entire movie is him taunting him until the end when he figures out even with the gun switch the bullet could be traced to the actual one duh.  Geez was that tedious.  One of those with a flash of action to start, then two hours of talking about it follow.

Usually we buy movies, unless we borrow one.  So we really have to make a bonehead decision to buy one that isn't enjoyable.  We don't go to theaters or rent. 

Ace; Costner can bring a period piece to a crashing halt... Robin Hood, anyone?

I haven't seen the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen yet but it would have to be really bad to beat my worst ever movie - Vanilla Sky.  What the heck was that all about?  I kinda pride myself on being able to watch just about anything but that was a real test.  About the only film that I've wanted to walk out on and I've seen some real turkeys.

I (vaguely) remember seeing Taxi Driver whan it first came out and it was really shocking.  I really enjoyed it but have resisted the urge to see it again because I feared that it would seem dated and I would be disappointed - sounds like I was right.

That's true about Costner, he's definitely a man of extremes.  Whatever he makes will either be really good or really awful.

Buff; Have Merltot on hand...just in case.

Well, wash that off fast.  That stuff can stain.  I'll tell you what's even worse is merlot on shirt, or lap.

I didn't see Vanilla Sky, since I'd read it stunk.  I guess that's how I try to insulate myself from really bad flicks, is trying to pick up what the word is and go from there.  That, and looking at the box to see if it looks cool.  Or, reading Pat's reviews and picking those up.  Or, reading scuzzy's and doing the opposite.

With my sisters in law I can usually go with opposites... one can't stand to be challenged, and the other likes really stupid stuff (like anything with Adam Sandler) so if they think it was good I can stay away.  You know, a recent one that was really impossible to do right but came out ok in my estimation was "The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy."  And I usually find Bond movies too dumb but I really did enjoy the last Casino Royale (with cheese).

I hate to have to walk out on a movie, since we're watching them downstairs in our rec room.  It either means staying out of the basement or leaving the house completely. 

Ace; I would not have chosen that donut, today.

Although not the worst movie I've ever seen that, A Scanner Darkly, I bought last summer gets right up there. I don't know what I thinking when I bought that but it just didn't do it for me. The first Jurassic Park was ok, but the others, not so good.

And anything with chainsaws or Chucky in the title, that's just wrong.

I liked the 2nd Jurassic Park, with the duo T-Rex's and the waterfall scene with the snake, then chomp, and the hanging trailer and ship/wreck.  The third was stretching things, although the big critter at the end was ok, I thought.  You know what's wrong with those, now, is that NOW they've figured Velociraptors had feathers and were about a big-Turkey size so instead of these 6 foot tall maneaters we're talking a big bird, coming up to your knee or waist, maybe.  Geez.  "Scream."

A good scary doll movie was "Magic", Anthony Hopkins' about first feature film suspense horror movie.  With Ann Margaret, no less.  But Chucky doesn't cut it.

Real chainsaws scare me enough not to see them in films.  And, no, I never saw Saw.  No plans to.  Or "Hostel" although it is an interesting play on words.  I'm tortured enough just at work.

Ace; I've used a scanner, and they bother me some.

I'm gonna have to see Hitchhiker's Guide, just to get it over with.

Kevin Costner starred in Open Range, along with Robert Duvall. The movie remains one of my all time favorites; excellent throughout. I tend to lean toward good westerns, and Unforgiven (Clint Eastwood) is also near the top of my collection.

I avoid most scary flicks, simply because they're often overdone with stupid plots, special effects, jump scenes, etc. But I did very much enjoy The Changeling (George C. Scott). The plot, acting, set, music, etc., were done to perfection. Of course, The Sixth Sense was also great... "I see stupid people. They're everywhere. They don't even know they're dumb."

I admit that I did like the original Star Wars series, and I loved watching Star Trek on the tube back in the 60s and 70s. However, I quickly grew tired of all the hoopla and cult followings. Unfortunately, too many TV series converting to movies turn out to be terrible. Maybe my expectations are too high. I love the old Hawaii 5-0 series and I hope it's never converted to a movie, as I'm convinced it will be destroyed. I'm waiting to see what happens with the Get Smart movie that's in the making, but I'm not expecting much.

I recall the Mission: Impossible TV series was original with excellent plots. I really enjoyed watching the well-timed teamwork by the agents, and their undying commitment for each other. The key to the TV series was the flawless teamwork, which was stomped on and destroyed by the one-man army concept in the movie portrayed by Tom Cruise. No teamwork, no honor, nothing. Just a bunch of backstabbing.

I too avoid going to theaters anymore, although I still get dragged there on occasion. I don't like the movie crowds, the sticky floors, the new horrible-tasting and overpriced "healthier" popcorn, waiting in lines, and having to arrive very early for a halfway decent seat. I most despise going to an anticipated movie on opening night. Given a choice, I'd much rather watch a movie at home.

As for owning vs. renting, I do both. However, I don't like renting movies from the local businesses. I instead use Netflix, whom a give 4-1/2 stars out of 5 for an excellent value and ease of use.

Scuzzy; I like merlot in stomach.

Look, I don't know why you keep popping in here and interrupting our discussion of the worst movies we've ever seen...

You know, I just figured out how I get this stupid inflated poast rate... You say something, and I respond, and Buff says something, and I respond.  Then Pat says something, and I respond.  Then Buff, then me.  Then you, then me.  Geez Louise, no wonder I'm loading up on these totals.  I'm all over the place.  Heck, that's not even counting the ones where I poast, and nobody responds, so I do.

I like horror movies, for the most part.  Not the slasher ones, as such, but the really deep and horrific and bothersome ones.  The Ring.  The Ring, II.  Grudge. Grudge, II.  All those creeped me out, big time.  Vampyre Flicks.  I'll probably like that new one about being with 30 Nights up in Alaska.  Probably due to the smog from Malibu, and California Warming.  I noticed 28 Days Later was on TV the other night; that was a'ight.  Although the sequel sounded more like a computer zombie game than a movie.  I guess I like them since they can be "state of the art" as far as effects and cinematography, and often have cool background music.  The whole Blade series I liked.  6th Sense, and the Others, and spooky ghost stories are fine by me.  But not 13 Ghosts.  That was just jumpy and dumb.

You know what was a pretty cool Lance Henrickson freaky Halloween cool movie?  Pumpkinhead.  That was one bizarre story and creature.  And well crafted.  I liked the Johnny Depp Sleepy Hollow Movie, as well as the Jack the Ripper flick with him and his absinthe stash.

Speaking of M. Night Shymalhanyanian, in contrast to 6th Sense every OTHER movie by him is just awful.  The Crop Circles one with Mel Gibson was cool, but The Village was THE most dissapointing groan inspiring "Aw.. you gotta be kidding" story line buster of all time.  And from what I can tell the one with the "portal" in the swimming pool thingy was also a bust.  He does the best CLIPS of movies, where you think "Man, this looks really good.." and then you find out they are NOTHING like what really goes on. 

he oughta do commercials, since he's great for about 15 seconds.

Ace; I sure hope they don't do a "Cavemen" movie....

I'm not a great fan of horror flicks but that is mostly because I have found most of them to be too far-fetched or cheesy.  Or with poor special effects.  That is a shame because I think that if a horror movie is well done it can have a really high impact on the watcher and leave a more lasting impression than any other genre.

I do like a well-done sci-fi horror - I loved Alien and The Thing is one of my all-time favo(u)rites.  The Exorcist is a classic, along with Psycho and The Shining.  I also like the Blade series, although Vampire movies are not usually my cup-of-tea.

Buff; Also great for 15 seconds (ask my wife).

Great, here I go again.  What time do you guys wake up in England?!

I've got the whole Alien collection.  They all have something to offer.  I thought that was a great development, to finally have an alien that wasn't... well, humanoid.  Criminy, every one from Star Trek to most of Star Wars was just some costume variation of a human.  Except the Tribbetts.  The first drive in movie I went to as a kid (not driving, just sitting) was The Blob. 

The Exorcist bothered me for quite awhile.  I usually like Stephen King books better than the film adaptations, just because he usually has some freaky thing "mewling."  I will say Stephen King is sorta scary looking, just by himself.

I find it hard to sleep after either the Ring or Grudge, just because both offer a hairy lurching squishy goshawful girl lurking around.  And any scary movie I'm watching on my tv that has the scary thing come out of a tv in the scary movie is just crossing the line, as far as I'm concerned.  Stupid scary jokers. Besides having the scary premise based on watching a scary video.  That's just sick.

Ace; America was won by minutemen.

I wake up when I'm ready.

I have the whole Alien collection too but only mentioned the original as that was the best IMO, probably mainly because it was a very original concept at the time.

I haven't actually seen Ring yet, although it is on my list of movies to see.  I have resisted the call to watch Ring II since I haven't watched the first one yet.  I guess the first one can't be too bad since they made a sequel?

I'm not a great Stephen King fan, books or otherwise, but I may just like him more if he were to star in a film of one of his books.  He would make a good psycho-killer.

QuoteExcept the Tribbetts.

Tribbles?

Buff; A whole minute?

No; Tribbetts.  I think their first name was Aleks.  They put Spock and Kirk in Jeopardy.

Criminy.  I didn't know this was gonna get graded.

Ok, so to change the subject, sure, the first Alien was the Best Alien.  I mean, boy howdy, was it ever Alien.  Each has its moments, to me... The general deceipt of the second, and return.  The swimiming ones, from the prison flick.  The mother of all aliens and the love child from the last one.  Always a good time.

Do the Ring, and do the first one first.  The second really takes you under for more creepiness and mayhem.  And keeps on the storyline and the theme.  Strange that both that and Grudge originated in Japan.  I sure don't want to do a sleepover, there.

Glad you're up, but go take a nap... I could use the rest.

Ace; no, not a whole minute.  Was just rounding it off.

There goes (http://www.poasters.com/Themes/babylon/images/starjest3.gif) again; bumping up his count. Maybe I should dock him a few hundred just to show him that I can, while bumping mine up by a couple thousand or so.

I completely forgot about The Shining. That was superb and it left a chill up an down my spine for a long time. Then I remembered to put a coat on.

I barely remember watching Alien, but I agree that it was a great sci-fi horror flick. Especially with what's-her-name starring in the flick. I hated some of the jump scenes while I was slobbering on myself.

I never heard of the Ring; much less the follow up. I'm gonna have to add it to my Netflix queue.

QuoteI'm not a great fan of horror flicks but that is mostly because I have found most of them to be too far-fetched or cheesy.  Or with poor special effects.  That is a shame because I think that if a horror movie is well done it can have a really high impact on the watcher and leave a more lasting impression than any other genre.

Buff, I couldn't agree more.

Scuzzy; I just woke up.

Okay, I'm gonna pull an Ace and reply to my own poast just to bump up my count.

One of my daughters gave me Ghost Rider to watch last night. Although a little corny here and there, I enjoyed the movie much more than I thought I would. Maybe it was the music.

I didn't recognize Peter Fonda in the flick. When the credits were rolling my wife and I saw his name and we both asked each other, "Peter Fonda? He was in the movie?" But I knew Sam Elliott was there before seeing him, since I heard his unmistakable voice first. If Sam Elliott is in a movie then you just know it can't be a total loss, no matter how bad the plot.

If I could direct my own movie, I would call it "I'm Gonna Kick Your Stinkin' B*tt" and I'd have the following stars:

1. Clint Eastwood
2. Sam Elliott
3. Chuck Norris
3. Arnold Schwarzenegger
4. Jesse "The Bod" Ventura
5. Mel Gibson
6. Shrek
7. Bruce Willis
8. Jackie Chan
9. Rin Tin Tin
10. John McEnroe (if I can just redirect his attitude problem)

The entire movie would be based on these characters spending about 1 hour and 45 minutes doing nothing but kicking someone's b*tt all over the big screen.

Scuzzy; you talking to me, punk?

This thread is doing wonders for my poast count too...

I remember during the late 70's and early 80's that there was a spate of horror/slasher film production (or maybe it seemed that way as I was just old enough to go and see them).  The ones I saw included a few classics like Dressed To Kill, Poltergeist and Halloween.  There were also a LOT of turkeys, most of which I have chosen to forget but I still remember one or two like Don't Answer The Phone.

I like your list of stars but would probably add one or two of my own -

11. Michael Caine - usually a tough guy but if he is prepared to dress in high-heels and a dress for his "art" he deserves all plaudits.
12. Sigourney Weaver - I don't think she has done anything half as good since Alien so she should stick to the genre IMO.

Buff; Awake again.....thankfully.

The killer is inside the chatroom...!

Ok, I'm back.  I figured I should sit out a turn, for talking in class.

I'm staying away from Scuzzy's movie.. I'm usually the b_tt of jokes, so I don't want to be the but# of kicks.  I once owned a @utt, but she died. 

I'd add Harrison Ford to the list; he usually gets his way.  Sometimes Anthony Hopkins too.  Oh, and Robert Duvall.  Nicholas Cage, except he goes way over the acting usually anymore.  And whoever played the TRex in the Jurassic series.

Ace; yes, I'm talking to you.  Sir.

If it's the same to you, I'd rather see Sigourney Weaver in high heels. She's not as young as I once was, but that's okay.

I remember thinking Poltergeist was an incredible movie when it first came out. I watched it again last year and was disappointed by how bad it actually was. Some movies are best left as a good memory.

Too bad Bruce Lee isn't around anymore. He was the master b*tt kicker of all time. Even tough-cookie Norris got his rear axle stomped by him on Return of the Dragon.

I might need to add Jet Li and Steven Seagal to my short list of hot shots.

Anyway, Ace gave me a great idea in which the bad guy in my movie is a jester-gone-bad. My superstars would spend the entire movie teaching him a lesson he'll never forget. The bad jester gets kicked, punched, slapped, shot and blown up several times. At the end of the movie Sigourney Weaver would dance on his grave wearing only her high heels.

Scuzzy; I just figured out why the Alien creature kept drooling.

What in the world to you mean "the jester-gone-bad"...?  When the heck did a jester go good?!

Only Steven Seagal could be in a coma for years, come out at his original weight, and then smack someone.  I don't know which is worse, his acting or musicianship.

Sigourney was in the deep freeze, for space travel, and looked ok too.  They shoulda had the Ghostbusters raid Poltergeist.  She could be the resident evil. 

Ace; like I'm gonna remember some lesson.  C'mon.

Hey how about Half Past Dead with Steven Seagal., that was one bad flick. Well, not bad like good. Like when someone says you are looking bad today and it's like saying you look pretty buff, (no not that buff), but bad like terrible, rotten, just plain not good.

Alien vs Predator, that one had it all. 

Anyway, I like going to see shows on the big screen. We live close to a town that has a great little theatre, they show lots of stuff you don't see at the big box places. Even the big box places aren't that bad if you go for the matinÃ?©es when they're not too crowded. 

Charles Bronson; another tough guy.  To simulate a cozy neighborhood movie theatre I dump popcorn and candy wrappers on the floor downstairs, and spill coke so it gets sticky.  Then turn on talk radio, during the film.

I can't imagine paying to see manatees.  Sure, I guess they're more entertaining than seals, or walruses...  But not that much.

Ace; my tv came in a big box but I had to take it out to get it to fit in the car.

While we're on the subject of boxes, my new keyboard arrived in a box large enough to hold the whole dang computer! Maybe newegg is over stocked with styrofoam.

Bill

No, dangit, we're on the subject of MOVIES.  Lousy stinking bad movies. 

I guess my favorite movie about a boxer was the original Rocky.  I may have bought the DVD to Raging Bull... I'm not sure.  I know I haven't seen it, if I did.  My favorite song called "The Boxer" was the Simon and Garfunkle one.  Garfunkel?  Whatever.

HEY! Stallone!  Tough guy.  There's another.

I guess my favorite movie about a box was Hellraiser.  That was one mean puzzle. 

Ace; vampire movies usually feature a box.

Okay, so I was driving to work the other day and sort of just daydreaming along for a while and kind of out of the blue it dawned on me that the worst movie(s) I have seen lately are the Lord of the Rings. All three of the darn things. Now, I have read the books, several times. I've also read The Hobbit,             the Silmarillion, Unfinished Tales and some of the others as well. Call me a fan.

For goodness sakes, these movies are rubbish. I realize it's all make believe anyway, but how hard would it have been to at least get the story line straight?

Oh, rubbish.  They were not.  The Lord Of The Rings Trilogy was the greatest single 3 pack movie(s) ever.  Geez criminy; they're gorgeous and exciting and loud and cool and they've got spectacular New Zealand and computer generated landscapes and the best battle scenes ever and when rocks hit rock, you feel it...  I read "The Hobbit" and tried some of the others, and this just jacks up the level of drama and action like all-get-out.

So.  I disagree, heartily.  I suppose they're not "like" the book(s).  Shoot; what Stephen King flick is.  They're still cool as movies, if not "films."  And they're NOT chick flicks, although my wife liked them too.  And even if she doesn't blink, Liv Tyler is a babe. 

Ace; I'd even say they're precious.

Well, I suppose we'll just have to agree to disagree on this one. The funny thing is, just about everything else in the movie(s) was pretty much ok. The scenery was good, the costumes, characters, settings all just about right on. But, I did happen to go to the shows with a friend who knew the story line as well as I did and there were just too many places we just looked at each other and said "what?". I mean, really, for as much as they spent making this (and New Zealand is simply grand) they could have just gone the little bit extra to get it right.

Yeah, yeah and what about that Cujo anyway? Didn't stay on story in that either, but man, I've never looked the same way at a St. Bernard. Heck, I don't even look at them.

I did make some kicking chili tonight though............

I thought the LOTR film trilogy was actually pretty good.  I have read the books probably every couple of years throughout my life and never, ever thought they would be able to turn them into movies.  The stories are just so good and long and the characters are basically fantasy figures.  The advent of decent CGI has made it possible.

As far as the story goes, I thought that the films stayed pretty faithful - as far as they could.  There were obviously large parts missing but that's to be expected when you have to condense books to make movies.  The additional problem with that is that you don't get as much time to establish character's traits and personalities, another thing I thought was lacking in the movies.

Personally, I viewed the movies with a fairly open mind, probably not expecting much if I'm honest.  As a result, I was pleasantly surprised.  However, they are no substitute for the books and I don't think any movie(s) ever could be.

The movies are much better when you can sit down and watch all three in a row.

Buff; a nice drop of Merlot would go well with that.....

Everything goes better with a case of Merlot.  The LOTR sure beat the LOL trilogy.

And; what about the casting! ? ! ,, !  Geez Criminy, these had Rudy as a Hobbit, and Niles Crane playing Gollum, and Liv Tyler, and some little guy as that stumpy little warrior and some big guy as a cave troll and about a zillion of those ugly ogres.  And the effects !..!  Crashing catapulted rocks and walking trees and when those dragon things come screaming outta that cave pit the ultrasonics just go ballistic in surround sound.  And Vigo or Hugo or whatzisname as the heroic guy.

Now, one thing it did do really badly, as in horribly long, was the end wrap up everyone stand around and look heroic and cheer... Geez Louise, like it didn't know how to end, after 12 hours or so.  As bad as the other two all time worst "we can't turn it off" movie endings; the one Star Wars where the same thing happens in a parade to the victors, and that Harry Potter flick where they clap and cheer and smile and get on with it already roll credits half hour ending.  Pull the plug, for cryin' out loud.

I like these new movies based on a video game.. Resident Evil, and Silent Hill, the Assassin.  Pretty soon they'll bring out "Pacman" and "Pong."  Call of Duty would make a great series... soldier and his unit walks down the street, shooting at Nazis, and he gets blown up... starts over, with soldier and his unit walking down the street, shooting Nazis, and he gets shot... starts over, with soldier and his unit walking down the street, soldier ducks into a doorway, his unit kills Nazis, he comes out and joins his unit walking down the street shooting at more Nazis..

Ace; that'd take at least 3 movies to get through one mission.

Worst movie I ever attempted to see was Rodan, the giant pterodactyl equivalent to King Kong.  I can still remember those immortal words from the English dubbed over Japanese when Rodan rose from a volcano, "Yup, that's Rodan alright."

Shoot, I liked Rodan.  Of course, I was probably 4 or so and it was one of the first movies I ever saw.  I even liked that they had flying ones in the last Jurassic Walk In The Park, because it reminded me of that.  I remember that, and Godzirra, but a lousy one was "Reptilicus."  I think they grew the monster out of a foot, that they found...  Gorgo was cool.  Bigger than Godzilla, I think.  And the Sta-Puf Marshmallow Man; that thing was terrifying.

Ace; I think it's funny someone Japanese would say "Yup."

Ok; still a monster flick but on a whole different level... This is gonna be THE GREATEST MOVIE OF ALLTIME.

BEOWULF

cause: it's got Polar Express type computer graphical animationtronics, and Beowulf!  And Grendel!  And Anthony Hopkins as Hrothgar!  And a Dragon, to Boot!  And, bestest of all, as Grendel's Mom:  Angelina Jolie!  Who is naked!  But not really...!  Because:
she's not really there! Get it?  Since she's computer generated.  Which gets it a "suitable for kids" rating.  If I was 13, I'd figure it's close enough. 

Now, this is one of those where it doesn't exactly follow the original story, like those Ringie Dingie Movies.  There's still a Grendel, and Grendel's mom, and dragon, but in this one Beowulf and Grendel's mom make a dragon.  Plus, sounds like they're naked, a lot.  Plus, they have to have strategically placed props, to cover stuff.  Probably Coke products.

If you want to read a funny review of it, try to find Roger Ebert's.  According to him, the names stay the same and not a whole lot else.  Plus, I saw some idiot say "well, you should read the Original in Olde English to grasp the true story."   Thing is, you CAN'T READ OLD(e) ENGLISH.  Geez criminy, just try to wade through Middle English with Chaucer...!  You might as well try to read German translated into Welsh, while wearing a Kevin Garnett Celtics Jersey over your head, to try to comprehend Old English.  Shakespeare is in MODERN English, for cryin' out loud.  What a maroon(e).

I'm betting it's as good as 300!  And that is way cool, right there.

Ace; not a chick flick, either.  Except for the naughy bits with Beowulf hisself animatedly parading around.

Yeah, that looks pretty good. I think while you're waiting for the DVD to come out I'll go to the movies and see it. Yes indeed I'll wade through mounds of spilled popcorn and spilled pop. Have them turn the volume up so I can here it over the guy in the next seat talking on his cell phone, I just love the human interaction of going to the movies.

Say, if you want a good book to read (not in Old English), let me recommend The Legacy of Heorot and Beowulf's Children, by Larry Niven, Jerry Pournele and Steven Barnes. 

They got dragons.....................

pat; Hey buddy, can you move you're head?

Wow; way to push this to a new page and get all the attention.

No, I don't want a good book to read.  I'd like a new magazine.  Last books I tried to read were "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" about this guy in India who's training in magic, but it has some cool gory grungy parts.  I quit that about halfway.  And "Ancient Evenings" by Norman Mailer, which I've tried to find in hard cover since paperback was waay too small and too thick to read.  Otherwise my reading has consisted of "Sports Illustrated," "The Absolute Sound," "Car and Driver,"  "Guitar Player,"  and catalogs.  I hate human interaction; I have a tough enough time with inhuman interaction.

Ace; work is subhuman interaction.

Ok; new nominee.  Worst Movie Ever.  Poorly written, serious gaps in story and logic, and sudden ending just to kill it off.

Wickerman

Nick Cage, in his screaming over actingest best.  Worst.  Nonsensical gaps in logic and plot.  Absolutley no attempt to make of it what they should have. 

Let me give away the "plot": Nick Cage is a cop who stops a woman and child in a station wagon after kid pitches teddy bear out on the highway.  Does it again, he retrieves it while wagon gets pummeled by speeding semi.  Bursts into flames, he can't get kid out (who's just staring passively at him, like he's nuts).  He gets depressed and has a hard time getting over it, although paid leave and pills seem to help.

THIS WHOLE DEVELOPMENT APPARENTLY HAS NOTHING AT ALL TO DO WITH WHAT HAPPENS

Winds up ex-girlfriend sends letter HER kid is missing from mysterious mostly female isle off of Washington. Hops a seaplane there, wears a suit and tie for no reason, doesn't question why there's about 15 guys on the island who 1. never talk  2. work grunt labor  3. sit around in tavern.   Passes pregnant young herd of women, schoolhouse has only girls as no boys are to be found.  Clumsily searches for missing kid, with traces that she's missing.

Ellen Burstyn plays "queen bee" matriarch; large splendorous home (who built all this..?) where she reclines. He stumbles upon one-eyed gross guy in bedroom (boy toy?). No attempt to have OTHER rooms also inhabited.  No followup to apparent pagan "roots".  No hint at really how big this island is or just what all is there.  Just stumble upon things, periodically. 

BIG FINALE: ritual festival of "death and rebirth."  Girl's tied up while the women prance in parade for what seems like miles.  They're pretty toned down, by the end.  Nick saves girl, girl leads him back to women.  It's A SetUp.  He's the one they were after... Even female cop friend was one of them (?).  Apparently need someone tied to them, but not part of them.  He answered the ad.

After they do a James Caan-Kathy Bates thing (whack) he's hoisted up into (drumroll...) a Giant Wicker Man.  Filled with farm animals and him.  Which girl burns down.  The End.

Geez Louise.  Stink.  Stank.  Stunk.  I remember reading racy pagan naturalistic stuff was supposed to be part of it; but besides bees, and a few birds, nuttin.  One of those where you say 1. Why didn't they...?  2. How come nobody ever looked for...?  3. Didn't they know where the plane went, and disappeared? 4. What was that all... 

And the piece that really gripes ya is the whole car wreck/starter gun.  I mean, were they real?  If so, why...?  If not, huh? 

Ace; it was a car wreck of a movie. I give it 3  :P :P :P

That's an excellent review of a movie that I haven't seen, and I agree completely.

With a name like Wicker Man, I would have thought it was about a man who made wicker chairs and other assorted furniture. The movie could have started out with him taking furniture to market atop his station wagon, and then an accident happens where a chair or stool goes flying into oncoming traffic. Of course, all the cars involved in the accident instantly roll over and explode as they do in real life.

He would then take paid leave and lots of pain killers, booze, etc.

Scuzzy; I don't know why I'm not consulted before they make all these movies.

I guess it did have Celtic Women in it... Or Anglo Saxon.  But for the most part, they were pretty husky and unpleasant ones.  Except for Willow, Nicholas Cage's ex-girlfriend.  Willow was a better movie.

If it was done realistically, Cage would have played a depressed cop who went on paid leave and overdosed on donuts, and went chasing a bathroom.  I could have believed in that.  I didn't tell everything, though, in case someone actually does want to see it... like him being allergic to bees, and getting stung.  And then having the helmet put on him where they pour bees down onto his head, and they have to bring him around with his own syringe just so they can cremate him...  Or him digging up a grave and only finding the girl's doll.  Or falling into the flooded crypt...

Oops.

Ok, otherwise, that's pretty much all I can say about it. 

Ace; I usually like movies with dragons, unless they're played by Sean Connery.  Or movies with Nick Cage and Sean Connery.

And what might be the problem with a good Scot like Sean that has the hagus to show up in public in a kilt? Pray tell, laddie.

William of the Lowcountry; nothing down here resembles the Highlands, more like Middle Earth, lots of Orcs.

"Ah Dawn Wahnt Mah Fraydum..."

Sounds like you're in the Lowbrow Country.  Or unibrow country.  Anyway, I thought his name was Sean, not Scot.  You know, as a kid, I thought that was pronounced "Seen" Connery.  Of course, I thought Nova Scotia was "Nova Scottia" as far as pronunciation. 

Ace; I get a lot of stuff wrong...

Now you be carefil wha yu sey 'bout Deliverance, boy.  There ain't no 'brow' here, hair and eyebrows are indiscernible.
As I said, Orcs.

William

You know, looking at Orcs, you gotta wonder "Where are the dentists in Middle Earth..?"  Although not like I'm going to one, unless kicking and screaming.

I wish I had hair and eyebrows forming a formidable front. Like Eddie Munster.  "Scot William".  That sounds nice, together.  I don't remember a dragon wearing a kilt, although I guess the freedom of movement would be sorta cool.

Ace; I mean "cool."

Kilts are the answer to the boxer or briefs question.

Scot William; you're right.

I bet Mel Gibson went commando, under that thing.  That would've gotten it a tougher rating.  Well, unless it was a computer generated Mel Gibson, who wasn't really there.  Sometimes, by his actions, it seems he isn't all there.

You know, as far as disappointment and missed opportunity under the category "way to come up with a hopeful premise and then botch the stupid story and make it far less than anyone ever thought it could be", I'd put Wickerman right up there with The Village.  And both of them looked like they could be good, by the outtakes.  And both had that special moment where you thought "Oh, for gosh sakes... don't tell me.." as the story went sideways and then right across the road.  Or down the prancing path, as it were.  Sideways didn't really have a plot, now that I think of it.  But it sure had Merlot.

Ace has AI