Now that this is the biggest, should we start another one? :P

Heck no!

Shoot, we broke the record. So far, anyway.

Why start another one? If we break the back of the now ex-record holder, we need to break the back in nothing but a big way.

Why not continue to build on this one that will hold the record for a long time. The long time. Longest. Forever? Something that nobody would ever try to break the back of.

A monstrosity. Mammoth! Large!! Very large!!! Stupendous!!!! Megatacular!!!!! Spiffy!!!!!!

I agree Steve. Records are meant to be broken, but we will change the rules with this thread. No more breaking records for the longest thread as this thread will always reign supreme.

If someone thinks of something new to talk about in this thread, bring it on!

Mark H

Don't have any ideas atm....
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Well, for this to work, we need more participants. It seems almost everyone got bored and walked away.

And the poasts have to be legit. We can't just poast for numbers. They have to have a reason. It's no fun breaking a record using questionable methods. That's just cheating.

We did have it going for a while on guns, space, cakes and other interesting stuff. But it doesn't matter the subject if nobody participates.

Maybe some of the others will join in just to see this happen in a big way. Think I'll kinda sit back for a little bit and just watch.

Maybe Ace will even be back. Hopefully in a better mood.

Scuzzy? Who knows.

Dude? He might fly in for a few smilies every now and then and to ask how a fuse works.

Bubba never even stopped in once to leave a joke.

Maybe Neon will light us up with a visit or two.

Could get lucky and hear the little pitter patter of Pats fingers on the keyboard.

Consider me waiting in the wings as well. ;)

Mark H

Hey, guys, congrats on the record.  Good compilation of blonde jokes, too.  I'll have to compare them to what I have and see if there are any I can add.

Man-woman and husband-wife jokes also have legs; we should solicit them, too.

I was going to suggest, at the risk of taking poasts away from here, making a few miscellaneous poasts.  See, no one has added to the "competition" for a while, and if enough poasts are added to the Poast Office, it will be pushed to page two.  The more out of site, the more out of mind.

And then, this thread will retain its rightful place, right near the top.

Hey Jim

Glad to see you made it. I gotta say, it's a noble thought you suggest. To move the competition off the page. But it just wouldn't work.

I like to play fair and we could add twenty threads here. Sure, the competition would be out of sight, but all it would take would be one little poast that said "Hi all", and it's right back up front again. Those twenty new threads would have then been wasted. Know what I mean?

Anyone can poast anywhere they want. Heck, this thread might die soon too. But at least we made an effort, and it paid off. Not something big, like curing cancer or panda jam, but fun to do nonetheless.

I feel bad that interest was lost by others and fell to the last two holdouts, Mark and I.

But now we are three....... maybe four :-)

Heck, I don't know.

Here's a husband-wife one for you.

An elderly gentleman feared his wife was getting hard of hearing. So one day he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked. The Doctor made an appointment for a hearing test in two weeks, and meanwhile there's a simple informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the state of her problem.

"Here's what you do," said the doctor, "start out about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he's in the living room. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."

Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for supper?" No response.

So the husband moved to the other end of the room, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for supper?" Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for supper?" Again he gets no response.

So he walks up to the kitchen door, only 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?" Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for supper?"

"Dang it Earl, for the fifth time, CHICKEN!"

I refuse to participate in this poast.

Ace; that was a good joke.

But you just did :-)

I refuse to wear womens underwear.

Quote from: 44mayg on March 22, 2004, 20:32 hrs
I refuse to wear womens underwear.

I bet Ace has done that too! ;D

Mark H

You know Mark, you try to insult Ace with that remark.

But it might just be a compliment. After all, we really don't know what gender Ace is.

I guess the biggest question would be whether Ace can really write his/her real name in the snow or not.

I refuse to eat yellow snow.

I refuse to wear anyone else's underwear.   And we don't have any snow now, so I'm not going to write my name anywhere.

Ace; that's not my name.

Quote from: 44mayg on March 23, 2004, 00:48 hrs
You know Mark, you try to insult Ace with that remark.

But it might just be a compliment. After all, we really don't know what gender Ace is.

Very true, however, I have the following observations:

1. Ace has his gender sign as a male sign.
2. Ace has gone by the name Bob on this forum.
3. No female can smell as bad as Ace (not even a female skunk).
4. Ace may actually be genderless?

Mark H

I just wanted to say I'm glad no one has poasted to this bloated superfluous chain, thereby keeping it off the top spot and allowing it to die a deserved death, as it has expended whatever energy and momentum it had built.  Thank goodness.

Ace; about time.  Criminy.

Only Ace would change his/her gender sign after I point out it is male. Go figure. ???

Mark H

Changed his/her sign? No change. I think it still reads "Dip in Road".

I tried to tell you Mark, we don't really know whether Billy Bob(ette) Ace stands or sits when........ uhhhh, never mind.

Never seen a pic. Never heard his/her voice. Probably don't want to. For all we know, Poasters might be employing (wageless) a Jesterette.

I refuse to be bloated and/or superfluous. Chained. Expended. Spotted. Dead.

Quote from: 44mayg on March 24, 2004, 16:42 hrs
Changed his/her sign? No change. I think it still reads "Dip in Road".
Never seen a pic. Never heard his/her voice. Probably don't want to.

Now that is a scary thought given what we know about him/her:

1. extremely hairy back
2. ugly feet with Panda Jam between the toes
3. Curled up toes on the ugly feet
4. Jester hat on the head
5. Like to roll on the ground when planes pass overhead

That alone is enough to make me not want to see Ace.

Mark H

why not, it would be fun... dont you think?

:-\\

Ace: you cannot kill this poast, you have so far tried, and failed, give up, n join the fun, i am off to get some beer, who wants some?? :D

Been a little under the weather, but I'm back on my feet again; a little wobbly, but that's normal...

I'm always a big proponent of humor and jokes to inject life into something, such as a poast kept on life support by two stalwarts, 44mayg and Mark H.  My contribution to poast resuscitation; Normism's (Norm Peterson, from "Cheer's"):

"Can I draw you a beer, Norm?"
"No, I know what they look like.  Just pour me one."

"How about a beer, Norm?"
"Hey I'm high on life, Coach.  Of course, beer is my life."

"How's a beer sound, Norm?"
"I dunno.  I usually finish them before they get a word in."

"What's up, Norm?"
"Corners of my mouth, Coach."

"What's shaking, Norm?"
"All four cheeks and a couple of chins, Coach."

"Beer, Normie?"
"Uh, Coach, I dunno, I had one this week.  Eh, why not, I'm still young."

"Normie, Normie, could this be Vera?"
"With a lot of expensive surgery, maybe."

"What's up, Normie?"
"The temperature under my collar, Coach."

"What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?"
"Going down?"

"What's up, Norm?"
"Everything that's supposed to be."

"What's new, Normie?"
"Terrorists, Sam.  They've taken over my stomach.  They're demanding beer."

"What'll it be, Normie?"
"Just the usual Coach.  I'll have a froth of beer and a snorkel."

"What would you say to a beer, Normie?"
"Daddy wuvs you."

"What'd you like, Normie?"
"A reason to live.  Gimme another beer."

"What will you have, Norm?"
"Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy.  I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap."
"Oh, looks like beer, Norm."
"Call me Mister Lucky."

"What do you say, Norm?"
"Any cheap, tawdry thing that'll get me a beer."

"What do you say to a beer, Normie?"
"Hiya, sailor.  New in town?"

"Whaddya say, Norm?"
"Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink.  And down it goes."

"What's your pleasure, Mr. Peterson?"
"Boxer shorts and loose shoes.  But I'll settle for a beer."

"Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?"
"Like a baby treats a diaper."

"Would you like a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
"No, I'd like a dead cat in a glass."

"How's life treating you?"
"It's not, Sammy, but you can!"

"Can I pour you a draft, Mr. Peterson?"
"A little early, isn't it Woody?"
"For a beer?"
"No, for stupid questions."

"What's the story, Mr. Peterson?"
"The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery.  Let's cut to the happy ending."

"Hey, Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you."
"I know, and if she calls, I'm not here."

"Beer, Norm?"
"Have I gotten that predictable?  Good."

"What's going on, Mr. Peterson?"
"A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here.'"

"Hey, Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?"
"Yep, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?"

"What's going on, Mr. Peterson?"
"Another layer for the winter, Wood."

"Whatcha up to Norm?"
"My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall."

"How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"
"Poor."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"No, I mean pour."

"How's life treating you, Norm?"
"Like it caught me sleeping with its' wife."

"Women.  Can't live with 'em, pass the beer nuts."

"What's going down, Normie?"
"My butt cheeks on that bar stool."

"How's life in the fast lane?"
"Dunno, can't get on the on-ramp."

"Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson."
"Alright, but stop me at one...make that one-thirty."

"How's it going Mr. Peterson?"
"It's a dog eat dog world, Woody, and I'm wearing Milk-Bone underwear!"

"What's the story, Norm?"
"Boy meets beer.  Boy drinks beer.  Boy meets another beer."

"How about a beer, Norm?"
"That's that amber sudsy stuff, right?  I've heard good things about it!"

"What's going on, Mr. Peterson?"
"The question is what's going in Mr. Peterson.  A beer please, Woody."

"What's up, Normie?"
"My nipples, it's freezing out there."

"Hey Norm, ready for the big opening?"
"Yeah. It's right here, you can pour beer down it anytime."

CLICK!!


Hey Jim, those are great quotes. All the years I watched Cheers, I enjoyed what the writers did with the show. Funny stuff.

It's different when you see a whole bunch of the one liners from a particular character at one time. Kinda makes you appreciate why the show was such a big hit. And why some of the actors moved on to bigger and better things.

CLICK!!


CLICK!!


Sorry about that.

I just want to let everyone know I try to do my part to save Poasters money by turning out the lights after I leave the room.

I'm like a practical kinda guy :-)

Maybe Ace can learn to walk in the dark and not stub his leaking little toes on the furniture. I get tired of cleaning that panda jam offa everything.

CLICK!!

My favorite is:

"What's going down, Normie?"
"My butt cheeks on that bar stool."

And (changing channels...) here's one I've seen before, but not as complete as this:

DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows.  Your neighbor has none.  You feel guilty for being successful.  Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows.  Your neighbor has none.  So?

SOCIALIST:
You have two cows.  The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.  You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST:
You have two cows.  The government seizes both and provides you with milk.  You wait in line for hours to get it.  It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.  You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.  The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.  The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.  You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.  You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.  You are surprised when one cow drops dead.  You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.  Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.  You go on strike because you want three cows.  You go to lunch and drink wine.  Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.  You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.  They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.  Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.  You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.  Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.  While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.  You break for lunch.  Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.  You have some vodka.  You count them and learn you have five cows.  You have some more vodka.  You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.  The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION:
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.  You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.  Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.

FLORIDA CORPORATION:
You have a black cow and a brown cow.  Everyone votes for the best looking one.  Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.  Some people vote for both.  Some people vote for neither.  Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.  Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION:
You have millions of cows.  Most are illegals.  Arnold likes the ones with the big teats.

JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.  You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.  They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.  Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.  You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.  Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.


thay are my favorites ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

I just LOVE milk and steak myself :-)

Subject: Nice company


Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500
employees AND these following statistics?

* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly and indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card because of bad credit
* 14 have been arrested for drug related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
*84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

Can you guess which organization this is?


It is the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group of people
who crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us
in line.

Or, better yet, rather than "keep us in line", think they know what we should and shouldn't do, then pass a law without asking us if we want to do it,  and wonder why people ridicule politics.

For instance, our local county gov'tmt just passed a regulation that smoking in county parks is now illegal. But you can legally smoke in the picnic area-which also happpens to be in the county park where the children gather to eat.  But you can't smoke next ot the swings, where children play!

bill

I'm all for kids being safe and cared for. I really am. But that's a responsibility of parents, not government.

Beware anyone who spouts off that a controversial law or policy is all for the children. It's a ploy used too many times, more so in recent years, to pass something more sinister and citizen controlling in the underlying language or intent.

Never believe what anyone in government tells you up front. You always have to dig deeper. These unethical liars will do anything they can to pull the wool over our eyes and kiss some corporate butt. Even some other country comes before "We the people" any more.

Quote from: 44mayg on March 26, 2004, 02:06 hrs
Even some other country comes before "We the people" any more.

Amen to that! We help everyone in the world, which is admorable, but yet we still have homeless in this country. We should help our own citizens first. While I understand some are homeless because of their own choice, there are some that don't have jobs because of other circumstances. I will be one of those people after May 31st, but thank God that my wife works as a public school teacher.

I get so sick of us poking in the business of everyone else. If it is a true national security threat, then by all means we should do what we can to protect ourself. Too often our poking has nothing to do with true national security in my opinion.

Mark H

gee Mark, You may get to have the summer off, just like your wife.  Take advantage, you're going to be working a long time!
bill

well... at school we apply for arks mark, wich is were we get .5 millon ? for shows, theatre, music etc...

and this is what they plan to build with the money

- Swimming pool
- shower block
- 4 practise rooms (ok this 1 is ok)

and more stupid wacky things, but the equiptment in the hall, wich we use for the shows, the lighting board, lights sound equpitment etc doesnt get a lok in, its all over 309 years old... and what the money is meant for... but it isnt going to get a penny....

why? because somebody on the governement decided that they want to build other things with the .5million :( whats the point, spend it on what its meant for ???

Quote from: bill macdonald on March 26, 2004, 08:12 hrs
gee Mark, You may get to have the summer off, just like your wife.  Take advantage, you're going to be working a long time!
bill

That's my thinking, although a job in hand would be nice given I have two months left. I love the thought of taking the summer off since my severance and unemployment will last a couple of years. I will still be looking and hope to get something that I can start in September if I get something local. If we have to move, I would like to start in early summer so that my wife can have the summer to look for a teaching position.

Mark H