ACE IS PROVEN SMART IN POASTER'S TEST

[Ace]

And other urban myths;
From me, the prophet, not for profit, Notredamus.  Yadda yadda:

Further dire predictions prophecies and disturbing imagery:

* "Freddy vs. Jason" will spawn further thematic spin-offs: "Predator vs. Alien vs. Sigourney", "Jason Sehorn vs. any quick player", "Jason Kidd vs. his wallet", "Jason vs. the Argonauts", "Rush vs. Donovan McNabb", "Rush vs. Rush", "Alex Lifeson vs. the Law", "The Demo Candidates vs. Each Other", "Iowa vs. 15 minutes of fame", "New Hampshire vs. 7 minutes of fame", "Michiana vs. Winter", "George vs. WMD", "WMD vs. WWF", "Ketosis vs. Trans Fat", "Ace vs. His Better Judgement", "Bubba's Commas vs. Mark's Colon", "Ace vs. His, dangit", "Ace vs. Alter Egos", "Ace vs. Altar Egos", "Godzilla vs. Scuzzy."

I just thought that would be cool, to see him trying to shoot his giant foot while it came down on him... and the comparison between that giant foot and his tiny horrific one.

*If they're going to have Survivor finalists and winners and most memorable characters, why not have Blondie and his "dead" grandmother invited so the islanders can perform the first act of cannibalism in the show.

*Howard Dean will frighten small children and some adults during his post-NH speech, when he yodels after his primal scream.

*The policy of pre-emptive strikes in the chance of WMD will change to WDM; Waita D*** Minute

*The First Robin Of Michiana will be spotted in Mid February this year

*The Robin will then be broken off from the twig where it was found frozen

*The Grail Of Margarita will continue to prove illusive to Ace. If not mythic, and fabricated. Dangit.

*Pat is let go of a home repair job when he persists in singing "If I Were A Carpenter" after the homeowner pleads with him to stop

*Young Poasters will be able to crack the Community Standards Code of the chatroom by surreptitiously sneaking in photos of hot babes on their desktops under the guise of "Here Are Some Shots Of My New Computer"

*Even though it was just a cartoon, and an Anime at that, she still haunts Ace.  Mostly because she had no discernable mouth.  

*The Colts will be at home this weekend

*Golf will return after a season ending break of 37 minutes, while Tennis will open with Its First Major to the delight of hundreds down under

*Venus Williams experiences a cakewalk since her sister still can't compete.

*Venus tries to clean cake off her Reeboks

*An American scientist claims to have cloned several humans.  His claim is confirmed when reporters review Top 40 radio and clips of concerts by young hip female performers.

*Alternative music is examined, and is proven to be an alternative to music.

*MarkH continues to kill as many poasts as Ace, making Ace concerned for his future in the chatroom, particularly if Mark is first to respond.

*Dude continues to appear late, if ever, and forget to lift his finger from the smiley face key.

*Bear becomes mythic in the annals of the chatroom, more than when he was alive.  Ace hopes they'll talk about him nicely when he's gone.

*Ace decides just talking about him would be ok; "nicely" would be pushing it.

*Upon further review, it's decided "I said he had a good ventricle" is found acceptable as a general statement of how a past Poaster will be remembered.

*"Another brick in the wall" is chosen as the theme song for a photo montage of Poasters chatrooms past.

*"Send In The Clowns" is chosen by Ace to be played at his last day in Poasters.

*Scuzzy and Neon add music to Poasters, causing great consternation in Ace when he hits the site and hears "Isn't it rich...?"


Notredamus; alternative ego

[trav]

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[Mark H]

I have come to the conclusion that it must be boring to be ACE or it is boring living in Indiana. ???

Mark H; sometimes it is boring here, but Ace is ridiculous. ;)

[Ace]

Well.  I am not so bored as to read MY poasts.

Ace; Kettle, this is Pot.  You're black.

[scuzzy]

I just want to answer the question, "ARE ACE REALLY THAT STUPID".

Yes. Affirmative. Absolutely. Definitely. No doubt about it.

[trav]

I just want to answer the question, "ARE ACE REALLY THAT STUPID".

Yes. Affirmative. Absolutely. Definitely. No doubt about it.

Are ace really that stupid? Yes. But funny nonetheless ;)

[Ace]

Well. At least I am not so bored as to respond to my own poasts.

Wait.

Hold it; hold on a minute...  Dangit.

Ace; stupid winking smiley faces.  What's up with that?

[Neon]

The guy across the table was having grapefruit for breakfast. ;)

[Ace]

Shoot, I'm so bored I'm responding to your poast responding to my poast responding to Travis, who doesn't even say anything any more; he just quotes people and slaps on all manner of smiley visages.  Vistas.  Vista Cruisers.  Visigoths.

Visas.  Shoot, I have to pay on that thing.

Ok; otherwise, I hate grapefruit.  I do; I really hate the taste.  Heck, I'd rather have it in my eye, than in my mouth, if you know what I mean.  

You know what I mean?

The guy across the table was also probably having the margarita Pat says he left for me.  If so, then I'm glad he got it in the eye.  Like Moe Green, but with a grapefruit.

Ace; geez, I am bored.  I just got sent home, because of the snow.  Not that I'm complaining.  But I've just got 3 St. Pauli Girls and 1 Heineken, and PU-IU is on tonight.  It's gonna be a long night.  And I do have grapefruit here; dangit.

[JimS]

"Bubba's Commas vs. Mark's Colon"...

Question: if you have a colon resection (a surgical procedure where a section of the colon is removed), are you left with a semicolon?

Or, are you right with a semicolon?

[Ace]

I'd say I don't have the guts to have that procedure.

Ace; we have finally established a type of humour lower than a pun.

[Mark H]

"Bubba's Commas vs. Mark's Colon"...

Question: if you have a colon resection (a surgical procedure where a section of the colon is removed), are you left with a semicolon?

Or, are you right with a semicolon?

A semicolon (;) has more mass than a colon (:), therefore it is not possible to remove a section of a colon and end up with a semicolon. Think of a colon as a pickup truck and a semicolon as an 18 wheeler. More mass for the one with "semi" in front.

By the way, leave my colon alone! ;)

Mark H
Mark H

[JimS]

MarkH, trust me, your colon is safe from me.

However, I'd think that too much mass in a colon could be a problem.

And if you've had a colon resection, you'd have less colon to hold that mass.  However, if the mass in the semicolon had a lower density, then possibly its velocity might be sufficient that there wouldn't be a problem.

I think we need to be careful here.  As the proctologist told the family of his patient: "Rectum?  dang near killed 'em."

[JimS]

I DID IT!!!

Not only did I kill a poast, one of Ace's, no less, but at the same time, I got censured!  For years I've been trying to deal Ace at his game, and I've been wanting to go visit Bubba in the doghouse.  And I did both with one poast!

[Ace]

Jim; dude...

Well, Jim.  Look; here's the deal.  When you "kill" a poast, you leave it alone, and dead.  If you come back to it and resurrect it, it is no longer "dead."  So.  You had this thing pretty well deceased.  Now, it's back.

I was hoping it would stay dead, if not buried, just because the title alone is embarrassing.  I don't know who the idiot was who named this thing.

Not that you don't deserve banishment, or chastisement, or prison food, for that joke and persisting with the intestinal fortitude and all that.

Now, let's make sure nobody poasts to this thing and brings it back to


hold it.  Hold on a minute.  

shoot.

dangit.

criminy.  dangit.  I hate it when I do that.  How stupid am I..

No; hold it.  Don't answer that!  We don't need another dang eternal poast, either.  

[JimS]

Okay, so this means, to really, REALLY kill this poast, I'm going to have to come back with something even more vile and disgusting, and even more mindless, than my previous gastrointestinal offering.  Geez, that'll take some doing.  Some guts, too.

About prison food, I used to stay thin by eating my own cooking, so no problem there.

[Ace]

Maybe you could cook for me...

No, see, the way to kill a poast is to respond, usually by me, and then the thing just magically dies as long as nobody responds and comes back in and poasts again

Oh for cryin' out loud what am I doing!!!  Dangit, I cannot believe I fell for that again.  Geez Louise.

Ace; I am NOT going to do that ever ever again.  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on Dude.  Fool me repeatedly, shame on pandas for ever having been born.

[trav]

dude...

Did i hear my name?

Trav/Goof/Dude; What?

[Ace]

DUDEQUICKGETOUTTAHERE IT'SA DEAD POAST IT'S GONNA BLOW GO ON RUN HURRY LOOKOUT!!?($*@@(!

Ace; going to call this stupid thing "Die Hard"

[JimS]

Y'know, a problem with this place is that we frequently go off on tangents and become distracted from the main point.  Sometimes, this is a good thing, such as when cars or blond(e) jokes are brought up.  But I feel that the original question posed here, "ARE ACE REALLY THAT STUPID", as distasteful as it may be, should be kept to the forefront for further discussion.  Of course, at first glance, the answer to this is obvious, but we shouldn't be hasty with our conclusions.

We need to chew on this for a while, a long, long while; let's not let this one die.

[JimS]

So, again, Ace isn't going to try to kill this one.  Not yet, at least.  I can see him, sitting by his keyboard, fists clenched, teeth gnashing, sweat dripping from his brow, using every bit of restraint available to keep from hitting the "Reply" button.

But he's weakening...

[Bubba]

Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
bowlers. Unfortunately, all the league records were destroyed in the great fire
of Berne in 1308. Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled !


Does this qualify as "Ace Stupid",,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,or not ??

[Mark H]

No one can approach "Ace stupid." That is a unrealistic goal for anyone, but Ace. If the olympics had such a sport, Ace would clean up on all the gold medals.

Mark H

[Ace]

Note that I am responding to Bubba's question:

Dear Customer,

Thank you for your recent inquiry.

We regret that bowling records were lost in the catastrophe or natural disaster you mentioned.  You may request a refund by following the procedures stated on our website, under "Returning Burned Out Bowlers or other Headgear."  

Gold Medals require no cleaning, although care must be taken to avoid gouging or chipping them as they are a relatively soft metal.  For a firmer metal medal we'd recommend going for the Silver, Bronze or Steel medal.  Chrome also seems to be coming back as an auto trim.

You can rest assured you may perform as stupidly as anyone, with our product.  

Thank you for your business,

The Customer Support Center



Ace; I consider Bubba a peer, and confidant.  I can tell his poasts from anyone's.  

[JimS]

"...I am responding to Bubba's question..."

Ace, a response is a response.  How lame.

The poast lives on...

[Ace]

It does not, dangit.  Let it die.  This is like beating a dead rock.  You can't get blood out of a horse.  Let it go.  Its time has passed.  It's past time.  

Boy, that right there would throw a lot of people on a homonym quiz.

JimS, for several people you use more commas than Bubba does, even.  You must have to buy those in bulk.

Ace; I now declare the poast deceased.  Again.  Stay dead, dangit.  Now I know how Van Helsing must have felt.

[Mark H]

Just think of this thread as a large ice chunk at the North Pole. You can pick at it until you die and it will still be there. The thread lives on! ;D

Mark H

[Ace]

Let's hear it for Global Warming.

Ace; your thread probably lives on.  If it's silk, and you kept the worm.

[JimS]

No, I'll never use more comas than Bubba.  It would be futile to even think I could do so.

I've pretty much gotten myself back down to a manageable level of semicolons.  Semicolons; not colons.  Colons, that's MarkH's domain.

But I've kinda gotten into these strings of periods... (so has my wife, but geez, let's not go there...).  They add something of a dramatic, keep-you-hanging-on effect, don't you think?

[trav]

Let's hear it for Global Warming.

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D