Re:

[Ace]

Oh, I think you won't. Your not pinning that thing on me.

Criminy, the stuff they allow on the web. I thought rotten.com was as low as you could go, but once again I was mistaken. Or twice.



Slovenly, sickening, putrid, matted on-the-way-out-but-not-nearly-quick-enough furball from he__.

Ooh, here's the Panda cam; look, here's one lying in his own waste in the corner of the pen. Here's the other lying motionless by the wall while flies buzz around and drop dead from the stench. Here's one stuffing bamboo up his nose. Here's one that's either dead or not; who can tell.



Yep, right up there with "motorcyclist who crashed face first without a helmet." The world needs more of that, alright. geez.

And I'm pretty sure Tian Tian translates to "sh@# sh*&".



I'd think Bears would be insulted to have those things even called them. I gotta remember to ask him.



Oh, and also: you misspelled "boogers."



Ace disclaims any knowledge of the aforementioned web site, and most everything else, and would hope the administrators will remove it or at least put it in a difficult to disclose font and color so as to protect small children from the sight. Of the site.

http://www.poasters.com/images/ace.gif" border=0>



 

[scuzzy]

I will consider deleting the poast.

Hmmm... Okay, I considered it.

Your welcome. (Yours, not mine)



http://www.poasters.com/images/scuzzy.gif" border=0>

Alex Garcia

[Ace]

No, no no.. not your poast, his poast. Not mine, either. Geez Louise, somebody has been away for awhile.

You open the place up and right away it's overrun by pandas. I mean, criminy, who needs that.

Hey, here's a thought. Mine, not you're. Why dontcha dedicate a special room just for the black and white and soon to be dead all over furballs? Then anyone who wants to visit them and watch them do nothing for hours on end can. And those who decide they'd rather not, like normal people, don't.



http://www.poasters.com/images/scuzzy.gif" border=0>

Ace, who looks remarkably like Scuzzy. Well, not the cat... dangit.





 

[pat]

Whoa, hey wait a minute. Geez, gosh I didn?t mean for you to off on me like that. Thought you liked the little black and whites. For crying out loud you got them in every other poast.  Man, try to do something nice for a guy and look what happens. All heck breaks loose.



Besides, look at this:



bug?ger

n.

1.   Vulgar Slang. A *********.

2.   Slang. A contemptible or disreputable person.

3.   Slang. A fellow; a chap: ?He's a silly little bugger, then? (John le Carr?).



As compared to:



boog?er

n.

1.   A bogeyman.

2.   Slang. Dried nasal mucus.

3.   Slang. An item that is unnamed or unnameable: ?It's... like a pop-top... one of those sharp little boogers you pull off the beer cans? (Hunter S. Thompson).

4.   Slang.

a.   A worthless, despicable person.

b.   A person; a fellow.



So you see we could be both right. Depends on if you like pandas or not. Apparently you don?t. Hey who knew?

So sorry to have caused you such distress.  

No need to go deleting posts, just sit back and count to 10 or something.

Please accept my most sincere request for forgiveness.













 

[Joanie]

Hey patman,



There is only one person in the entire world who hates Pandas.  You can have one guess who that might be.



Joanie



http://www.poasters.com/images/rahrahsm.gif  " border=0>

[pat]

Yeah no kidding Joanie,

He probably thinks it's funny to go down to the old folks home and loosen up the nuts and bolts on the wheelchairs.

Pat



 

[Neon]

I must agree with Ace on this one. Think about the threat that pandas represent to the American way of life. Follow the clues...pandas...from China...Communist China...

"Nixon played Ping-Pong with Premier Zhou Enlai and the Chinese government gave the U.S. a pair of rare panda bears as a gift. Soon after that, the two nations established normal diplomatic relations...

In 1999, Chinese communism celebrated its 50th anniversary." --source http://www.pbs.org/newshour/extra/features/jan-june00/china.html

Now, the pandas are in our national zoos...breeding...growing in numbers...indoctrinated in the Communist way...remember, your Commie has no regard for human life, not even his own.

Even now, pandas are waiting patiently for us to grow lazy and careless...plotting a new Nation of the Pandas, to be followed by a new Planet of the Pandas



Ace and I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids. No, those dang dirty pandas had better keep their stinking paws off of me. Now, I'm off to fix myself a drink of grain alcohol and rainwater.







http://neon.home.texas.net/neonsm.gif" border=0>

[Joanie]

Hi Neon,



Are you sure you didn't have that drink before you wrote that message?



Joanie



http://www.poasters.com/images/rahrahsm.gif  " border=0>

[Neon]

Heyyy now, I resseemble that remarckk.



http://neon.home.texas.net/neonsm.gif" border=0>

[Ace]

Ok, now, ignorance may be next to godliness, or cleanliness or whatever, but it's no excuse under the law or even here neither. Either. Whichever.

Anybody who's been in this chatroom (well, not this exact chatroom, since even this chatroom isn't the one that was here a week or so ago let alone the original cottage one here that had about 8 less rooms which doesn't even count the parallel universe dead one that originated after the split from the darker but more cascading down the page one that existed until The War To End All Wars blew it to pieces and parts unseen after Scuzzy decided guns and mother's marches were a nice combo and that was after the one that formed after The War To End All Wars One Until The Real Once Occurred when bricks were flying and poasters pictures went up in flames, which might have you think twice about poasting a pic of yourself unless you like like Scuzzy but heck, who doesn't anymore)for the last 4 years or so knows dang well I loathe pandas and anybody in their right mind would too (oh yeah, and it got really political before the blow up where poasters would pretty much stick to "if you don't agree with me then your just too stupid to live" as a convincing argument)and besides their own inherent death wish and imminent demise from only eating bamboo and attempts toward extinction having gone to the Washington Zoo for the express purpose of seeing the stinking herbivores and then to find them 1. curled up inside on the concrete 2.laying motionless in puddles of themselves 3. not moving at all, ever (see #2) 4. giving the appearance of a small dead black and grey (they're way to filthy to attempt white) matted fur rug I think anyone would recognize the hype and phony sentimentality and just figure "my gawd, they are small and not at all large and aren't playful but are instead stinking matted dull and unimpressive things that probably should be extinct and the sooner the better."



Whew. Let me catch my fingers for a minute.. Ok, look, here's the rub:  I've seen Plymouth Rock.  It's about the size of a (small) coffee table, down at the bottom of a well-like pit. Which rhymes with what people do on it. It is wholly unimpressive. As are the Pandas. The difference being: there is WAY more action, amusement and good natured fun looking at the stinking rock than at a stinking panda. And far more chance of the rock doing a trick, or mating successfully, and not killing its own pebble kin than does a panda.

So; ya'll can find amusement wherever you like. But a zoo with a panda exhibit might as well put a walkway by the trash receptacles so people can come up and photograph them.



Ace: in the words of Slipknot pandas=#$#@



 

[Ace]

Ace would like to retract parts of the previous poast; in fact, the too often typos. Particularly the "like like" reference to Scuzzy which was meant to be "look like", and the aberrant "to" instead of "too" and the like.



They were the fault of Neon, who was inebriated at the time.



Ace would not be, here, as he doesn't mix water with liquor, but instead consumes it straight.



Unless it's Canadian, which he mixes with Pepsi. That's understandable.



Thank you.  There were a lot of words there, so in the grand scheme most were spelled corectly, and he should be commended for that.  Ace; not Neon. Although Neon has the coolest gif sign thingy around, I'm sure we all agree.  Al's face thingy is ok, too, as it resembles myself.  And bear's isn't at all like a Panda, which isn't at all like a Bear, so his bodes well too. And Joanie's cheerleader is a fine piece of work. Even though it is no longer left legged. Which was a simple observation that started the first War To end all Chatroom Wars back when Quantex was alive and Indians didn't roam the tech areas.



Ace; apology accepted. Or excepted. Whenever.



 

[scuzzy]

Commended? I think you should be committed. You should be committed to spelling things properly on the very first try and making sense and not going on and on with sentences with no end because you just keep on rambling forever and forever like if there's no forever.



And stop looking at Joanie's legs.



http://www.poasters.com/images/scuzzy.gif" border=0>

Alex Garcia

[Ace]

I will not.

Stop looking, I mean. Dangit.

Ok. It's back to Papa Hemingway. Short ones. Brief. Really. Really brief. The sun. Also rises. For whom? For you.



Hey, and also; why aren't you at work? Criminy, don't you people have jobs? Get to it. Go learn computering or something. Fdisk a hard drive or some such ploy. Not me though; I've still got about 100 MB of hard drive left; enough for 2 or 3 DiabloII add ons I gotta figure. Yeah.



Ace: he goes to work next week. For now he has nothing better to do. Short sentences make a happy convict.



 

[n/a]

Hey, Pat, don't let Ace steer you wrong here.  I was hoping he would tell the real story, but you can see what happened instead. He and Neon went on some sort of binge and he ended up blaming it all on the pandas.



The part about visiting the zoo and being disgusted by the inert panda is true. From there he veered a little.



The truth is, he was so incensed he went to the zoo director to complain. The director explained that the panda wasn't normally so indifferent toward her appearance, but that she was in an advanced state of depression. Without a mate or any sort of love interest at all, she had just about given up on life in general, and the zoo people were getting desperate.



In fact, the director said, they were looking for someone who for $500 would, uh, spice up her love life a little. Would Ace perhaps be interested?



Ace was of course a little taken aback and said he would have to think about it. He wandered around the zoo for awhile, then went back to the director's office.



"Well, I guess it's for a good cause," he said. "But would you be willing to take $300?"



Now the zoo director was no dummy and agreed. He took Ace's money and quickly led our buddy to the private section of the panda grounds and managed not to laugh out loud when he locked Ace in with the female panda.



Now here's where Ace really developed his panda hatred, see.



Everything would have been just fine if the panda hadn't gone to the director the next morning to demand that he ask for the other $200.



Ace hasn't been the same since.











http://www.poasters.com/images/bear.jpg" border=0>

     --Bear

[pat]

OK, Thanks for explaining that for me Bear.

Looks like Ace suffers from this:



PANDAS



I sure hope they find a cure real soon,

Ace seems like such a nice fellow.



Pat







 

[Ace]

Pat, man, don't believe everything Bear tells you to tell Scuzzy to tell me.



I tell ya, I do wash my hands of the whole affair.



Hold it; hold on. There was no affair. DAngit. bAMboo. Shoot.



Yeah, like $200 will cover renting the front end loader to lift a panda off its fat rear end to an upright position. Or any other. I'll tell you who has a juvenile compulsive obsessive compulsion disorder...



some kid. Otherwise, none of that was true except the part I said before with the zoo and rock thing and nothing before or after although I do remember an AP story run here some time back between verbal skirmishes about Pandas arriving in Georgia and a great uproar or upcry or whatever Georgians do when they're unnerved.



Bear would take the Pandas side. If you could find its side, laying in filth. Hey, speaking of filth; Cradle of Filth has a kicky website. Except when the pancake makeup sweats off, and they just sorta look like leather bound Britishers after a drinking spree with Neon. Or me. I had a neon and hated it, but he's ok. Bear, I'm beginning to wonder about.

And Scuzzy, I don't trust as far as I can throw Bear.



Ace: Planet of the Pandas; where even the apes hold their noses.







 

[n/a]

Well, if I were you I wouldn't admit to it either. Sorry you're out all that dough for a front end loader.



Speaking of dough, glad to hear you'll be employed next week. Not that it's not just wonderful having you around during the day or anything. Are you going to have internet access at your new job or are they expecting you to actually do something besides rant about pandas?



http://www.poasters.com/images/bear.jpg" border=0>

     --Bear

[Neon]

Bzzzt! Sorry, patman, that is not Ace's problem. We have discovered the source of Ace's suffering , and it pre-dates the panda affair - uh, incident. It was the fluoridation of the water supply that affected Ace's - uh, performance in the panda grounds.



Yet, there is a much grander scheme at work here. I call it the Planet of the Pandas Communist Conspiracy. Do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why, there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, bamboo... ice cream. Ice cream, for goodness sake, children's ice cream.



You know when fluoridation first began? Nineteen forty-six. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy, huh? It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hard-core Commie works.



But Ace and I, we finally figured it out, we did. And now, we only drink grain alcohol or rainwater. I even had a special filter surgically implanted in my esophagus, so that I may appear to be inebriated, but really I am not.



In fact, I find that ethyl alcohol actually improves my spelling skills. So Ace, if you like, just email your thoughts to me, and I'll spell check them and poast them here for you. You won't have to worry about Scuzzy not commending your spelling. Just email your forum password, I'll take care of your poasts for you.



Neon: never been to the National Zoo

http://neon.home.texas.net/images/neoncar.gif" border=0>

[Ace]

Geez, that picture scared me more than the dang panda ones. Hey; guess where: my relatives just came back from DC with pics of Pandas. Which were:



Laying motionless some distance away. And appear quite small, and not at all "giant." Go figure.



I tell ya, I went for one of the original Neons. Call it the "squeak mobile."  And it was a trip getting plates, since the model year was 6 months away...



I didn't think to check the Knob Creek for flouride, or the Jagermeister. I'm pretty sure the Jager isn't made from grain. Maybe the blood of wild elk or something. Or old cough syrup (distilled Dr. Pepper..?) or licorice, but not grain per se.  I guess if you flouridate ice cream, you can kinda trash your teeth and re-build them concurrently.



Ace: he's going to check around the house for either flouride or communists. You'd think they woulda ruled the world if their teeth were that darn good.







 

[pat]

Here is a link I will dedicate to Ace.

http://panda.si.edu/

Check out the panda cam, they sure are cute little buggers.

Pat