Make The English Language Dance

[Ace]

While we're waiting for pizzas to be ordered and this to turn into an immoral food poast, what's de legendary sentence, den?

I think Ozzy Osbourne was deluded, finally.  Liars probably defibrillate.  Or if you have sniffles and then get well, you decode.

Ace; Fido and frog = Frodo.  

[Ace]

Probably after being chased by a large cat.

I'd say that sentence was uncomfortably close to the one I crafted.  I claim copyright infringement.

Ace; copywriters get copyrights.  I didn't copy, either.  "e before i, except after y."

[Ace]

Look; I don't care if there was some prior pre-existing prehistoric premise based on some prior prose.  I never saw it, I never heard of it, I took the dang thing where I saw fit as an original composition.  I'm not going to pay some company rental fees just because I happen to hum a song they "own" sometime today.

I suppose if we removed folk tales about bad sports cars we would delorean.

Ace; I hate these poasters contests. They're always rigged.

[Bill]

So decease.   They're not rigged. At the end, your name shows up, most always.

[Ace]

I spent a month at Poasters, one weekend...  5 years here seems like a decade anywhere else.  

Unless it's on a rosary.

Ace; "My name." right.

[Bill]

Then it shouldn't matter to you what it means.  

Well OK Wes, I know "Ace" isn't your "real name" but you use it so often it might just as well be.   Besides, Ace is easier to type than "Wes".   I am always slowed down by the quotation marks.

http://tinyurl.com/99gzu

[Ace]

What slows you down... are you trying to pronounce them?  It's not like a comma, which sounds like a pause.  Quotes are pretty much silent, unless you do that that thing where you bend and raise your index and middle fingers on both hands in a claw-like grip to demonstrate that the marks are there.  Then I could see how you slow down, with them.

I slow down when I see someone use exclamation marks too often.  It slows me down to try to smack them in the back of the head.

Wes; he calls me that because I'm out West.

[Bill]

Far out West! :o! 8)! ;D! :P!  Well from where I sit.   (With apologies to Trav!)

[Ace]

Ok, "Eastman."

Ace; Kodak.

[Bill]

You misspelled "Clint"  Go ahead, make my day.

Darkman; this time of day.

[LinS]

Hi y'all.

I make no excuses for my prolonged absence, although I do offer up these daffynitions as a paltry penance.

bigamist: a fog over Italy

denial: the river Cleopatra lived next to

bigotry: an Italian redwood

debate: what you use to catch de fish

paradox: two physicians

LinS; Mea culpa.

[Ace]

Hi Ye All, as they used to say in the dark ages, when they'd curse the dark more or less.

I am thankful for your contributions and enjoyed the horrific puns offered.  Proferred.  Poastered.  

We had a Mia Hamm discussion, so I guess Mea Culpa wouldn't be far behind.  If I had a paradigm, I could almost buy a newspaper.

Do not get discouraged if your wit and hard work are/is met with a collective yawn or no response whatsoever.  Sometimes the funny bone is like putting graffiti on the back of your neighbor's garage... You notice it, but you wonder if anyone else ever will.  And if they do, if they actually would be kind enough to respond somehow.  Even if just a "Who the (#)@ put this d__g graffiti on my gold__g garage, dangit?!"  Like spray paint is cheap, you know?

Sometimes this place is like working in a language lab, where no one understands it anyway plus they have their headphones off.

Ace; mea culprit.

[Bill]

Welcome bak er back here, anyway.   We all (both of us, or maybe 3) missed your smiling avatar.

'Course I don't understand why we're talking about painting a garage.  But, then there' a lot I don't understand.

Bill

[LinS]

Some more examples from my Fictionary:

Vitamin: What you do when someone comes to your house.

Toboggan: Why you go to yard sales.

Shamrock: Cubic zirconia.

Pasteurize: Too far away to see.

Stucco: What happens when you sit on gummo.

LinS; It ain't just paint.

[JimS]

Paint the garage?

Good idea,  Get to it, Lin.

If you need any help, ask the kids.  If you have any questions, I'll be stucco to the couch.

[Ace]

This is more dialogue than we've had here for months.  My head is spinning.  It is literally spinning.  I hate it when people say "literally" like that.

I thought Stucco was that weird bald kid with the head cap that hung around Nancy.

I've got a stye on my eye; I suppose I could try a haiku instead of attempting to keep up with puns.  LinS way ahead there, so she'd have to paint a couple garages for any chance of catching up.  I sorta missed Bill's smiling avatar, too.  I guess an avatar is a cross between a wolf and something meaner.

Ace; it's good to wear a hat when you're painting.  Not like I'm gonna get any in my hair, though.

[Ace]

I'm thinking it's a dog under a Bill mask.

I dressed as a Survivor for Halloween.  I might have dressed as one of the characters on "Lost", but then every hour I'd have to take 50 minutes to repeat what I'd said last week.

Ace; it's hard to cover the English language with a QWERTY keyboard.

[Ace]

While we're waiting for LinS to reload some more puns, and for JimS to go find a dropcloth for the garage, I'll go ahead with my personal ode to my current malady:

Entitled:  My Eye

I have a stye, on my
Eye.  I've used hot water on
a cloth.  It's still there.

Ace; haikus are hard.  Styes aren't.

[Redhawk]

"malady" - What a redneck calls his wife/girlfriend/kissin' cousin.

"party" - What happens when a redneck breaks even in golf.

"dialogue" - What happens to the tree when a redneck cuts it down for farwood.

"stye" - Where a redneck gets his bacon.

[Bill]

The Halloween party was a bobbing success.  

If you were writing for a TV show, we'd all be Lost.  Imagine, TV characters speaking in Hikus.

[Ace]

Boy, Bill, ain't that the truth ;)
You sure know what's what, huh! ;)
No kidding! ;)
I'm with you on that..!   ;)
I should "stye put" but you really hit the nail on the head! ;)
I know what you mean...! ;)

I have decided to incorporate the unevolved methodology of poasting a short smarmy message, followed by a winky emoticon.  If you can't say it with flowers, I think a winky little emoticon does just fine.

;) see?

That is so darn cute.  And cloying, too.   :P wait a minute, that wasn't nice.  :-\ oops  ;D somebody should just beat that one with a tree.

Ace; if we're going redneck I gotta try a doublewide haiku, of 10-14-10 syllables.

[Redhawk]

"Halloween" - An empty Oscar Meyer

"success" - To clean a cesspool

"Bobbing" - Hope and Crosby siamese twins

"Imagine" - Cloy of Norma Jean (see below)

"kidding" - Sound from a kids head when hit with a bat

"cloying" - The opposite of cloning

"doublewide" - Half as big as a quadwide

[Redhawk]

"Spelling" - Evil magic cast against Hong Choy Chow Ling

"Someone" - 29157141259: some are ones, some aren't

"Become" - Why you run after stealing the honey

"Nothing" - What The Things wife said when he felt frisky

"Unevolved" - An unloaded revolver

"Remember" - To reattach a severed limb

[Ace]

I think LinS should come back and retitle this "Make the English Language Scrape."  

I especially like the Kidding and Nothing.  I do a lot of poasts that result in "Nothing!  Really!  Just Kidding!"  ;)

Glad you're back Red; with more.  Or is "Hawk" preferred?  I had a friend named "Hawk" back in college.  He's an entomologist in FL.  Plus, we had a Studebaker Hawk when I was a kid; a red one.  No car seat; just me standing, on the front one.  I guess my folks figured I'd be thrown clear of a crash, onto a grassy knoll near the road...

I'm thinking that with a stye in my eye I should try a hogwash instead of an eyewash...  Well, it seemed to make sense.

Ace; like anything does at 7:12, even with coffee. ::) if I do that, I can see the swelling better in the mirror.

[Ace]

Thank you Oh Amazing J.  Hawk and LinS had my mind reeling; your poast was able to shut it down completely. It is absolutely numb, now.  Appreciate it.

I do agree it all sounds like "gride gride gride gride" after about 2 lines.  Sorta like a disposal, running.  Almost Tasmanian.

Try this one:
Geez Criminy Louise Dangit
Geez Criminy Louise Dangit
Geez Criminy Louise Dangit
Geez Criminy Louise Dangit
Geez Criminy Louise Dangit
Geez Criminy Louise Dangit
Geez Criminy Louise Dangit

Sounds like a Jester stuck in the revolving door to a chatroom, doesn't it?

You know; that "stick a fork" thing is kinda funny, if you think of someone who winds up Down Under after this world and yells "Hey! You! Demon!  Stick a fork in me, I'm done!"  Boy.

Ace; "doesn't" is not the keyword.  I think it's a preposition.

[Redhawk]

I'm not picky, call me what you want.

ja, sorry, must be slow. I don't get it.

Language - A meter to check your LAN connection speed.

Preposition - The position you have to get into to use Preparation H

[Ace]

Preposition; I tell ya, there's times I wish you could buy the stuff by the tub....  Put a bucket out on the patio.

Or soak my head.  I suppose it'd be soothing.  I feel like one hemisphere is offset from the other.. if you know what I mean.  Not a hemi; more like a small block V8.  Or an old 396.  

They're aight.

Ace; I wonder what Sharks use.  Probably "people oil."

[Ace]

Oh, you have no dang idea how long I'd last in a Bobbin case, you Ohioan. an.  I'm not even sure what the heck a bobbin case is... Is that a sewing basket?   ??? I think that's the right one

I have no idea how long I'd last.  I bet I'd surprise you, though, by how long I'd last wherever it is I'd be lasting, for however long.

I do get a lot of things, that's true...  And I don't deserve all of them either, dangit.  Jester is not Olde English for "punching bag" or "humourless sack of potatoes" as legend would have it.  Usually, when I poast, I'm rushing to get through it so I can think about it later.  Although there's times I stop that, if it all starts sounding like "fried wide hide pride" said a bunch of times, fast.  Or "whaaiid", loosely translated.

Ace; I'm sure tomorrow after dinner I'm going to be a double whaaiid.  Dangit.  I need to look for a bigger belt...

[Ace]

There's days I resemble a passive sensor sitting on the sea floor.

ace; I should have been a pair of ragged claws, scuttling across the floors of silent seas.

[LinS]

Locomotive: A crazy person's reason for doing something.

Stagnation: Deer country.

Toupee: Why you have to stop on a long car ride.

Aloof: Top of a Chinese house

Innuendo: How to use an Italian suppository

LinS; Poasting is a risque business.