"Easy pour carton"

[Chandler]

Am I just incapable of pouring orange juice/milk or are "easy pour cartons" the most useless things ever invented?

<rant>With traditional cartons everything is easy.  Easy pour ones though, whole different story.  First of all you've got to figure out how to open the stupid thing, because even a simple "cap over foil seal" isn't good enough anymore.  They've got to have some sort of fancy plastic gizmo which either functions as it's intended and punctures the cardboard or more often it just comes off in your hand.  Meanwhile some marketing kid sits in a lonely white office laughing maniacally as he pictures all the frustrated consumers struggling with his invention.

Then, once you've finally managed to open it the easy pour lid makes pouring at any speed impossible.  Sure, if you pour at a rate of 1 cup/per day it might be "easy" but go any faster than that and glugs and splutters worse than a Lada trying to get up a steep hill.

Why does opening a carton of milk need to be made any "easier" anyway?  Has the average consumer IQ level descended so far that they are incapable of tearing along a perforated line, or at worst handling a pair of scissors.  Is it just another attempt to protect the stupid percentage of the population from harming themselves?  Personally if we did away with warning signs/labels ("Warning, sticking your head in this bag may cause suffocation", "drinking bleach kills", "Danger, high voltage", "Do not walk on motorway" to name a few) there wouldn't be such a high percentage of idiots that needed protecting because they'd eliminate themselves from the gene pool through natural selection.</rant>

[Ace]

I feel your pain, and emphathize with your resentment of offensive cartons.

Right at this moment, around the world, there are a number of people outraged at the creation and promotion of offensive cartons.  I just saw this week riots in Pakistan and a variety of trouble spots as some have found it necessary to revolt in protest of cartons they found reprehensible.  

I don't know if they were milk, or orange juice, or what.  I didn't catch that part.

Apparently some in Europe thought a demonstration of "free speech" was necessary, and they put forth those objectionable cartons.  I think it started in Denmark or somewhere around there.   I know those Heineken cartons that hold the 12 pack can be tough to punch open, and those are Dutch.  I had some Budweiser drop right out the bottom of a 12 pack, that got wet.  Boy, was I teed off.

Once they spread around the world, the subject matter was found morally intolerable by believers, and protests formed.  Some have chosen a more peaceful, but no less outraged, response, while others have seen fit to turn to violent revolt.

I know some of us in the Western world might find such a reaction unwarranted, and can't imagine how people could get so worked up over a simple carton, even if outrageous and offensive.  But you've stated well the frustration and deepset hatred one can experience in dealing with a carton that provokes your deepest sense of outrage and blasphemy.  

People should be darn careful when they put a carton out for public display; there could very well be someone out there that is not going to appreciate making that thing public, and they may very well take to the streets to protest its existence.

Ace; those bubble packs could get someone killed, too.

[Ace]

Cahots, for hots... Huh.  I'm not sure what that is.

Woow, for that avatar, again.

Ace; there's times I feel like such a maroon.

[Carskick]

I don't buy milk, but if I did, it would be out of a plastic jug with a screw on cap.

[Ace]

I agree on milk; that's the way to go.  The Minute Maid orange juice doesn't have the carton separate at the top; instead there's a little plug with a pull, and a cap that then screws back on.  Brilliant!

I did see there's now a bounty for the person who created those offensive cartons.  Boy, I wouldn't want to be in his studio.  

You know, "Salmon Rush Day" sounds like the first day of the water slide climb.  Well, to me, at least.

Ace; I'm not going to say anything more about people with plastic jugs.  No way.

[Ace]

I buy the cheaper spreads...  The Edy's.  The Bonnie Doon's.  Funny how the packages have grown fracitionally smaller...  Not to mention Potato chips.  At least with pretzels you can see what you're getting.  I'm going to print "contents may settle" on my cap.

Settle... flat lined is more like it.  Stupid air bag for potato chips, in case they get in an accident.

Put me in a box with bubble wrap; save money on the whole vault thing.  You know, I hate the dotted lines that aren't perforated.  You may as well just draw a line on your phone book and rip it there.  Draw a door on your wall; wonder why it doesn't open easily

I will say that the best beers don't offer a twist-off cap.  You've got to use the real deal.  And I insist on a cork in wine, and not those dumb plastic artificial ones.  Or in a box.  Next there'll be "beer in a bag."  I had a Guiness draft tonight, and they've got that little ball that rattles in the empty container.

Huh.  That just made me think of my cap, again.  Weird...

Ace; for an easy open van, use a tree.

[Whizbang]

Sign of the times, sir.  I once enjoyed eating Pringles Potato Chips until the FDA declared that they were really not potato chips and thus could not be so named without causing insult to the potato chip bags.  Even though anyone with one eye and half sense (I can say that since I am legally blind in my right eye and have also been thought by many to be half-witted) knows that the disciplined shape of the Pringles is ample proof that they are not of the natural variety, and changing the name somehow altered the taste.  Now when I eat a Pringles there is a ringing tone in my ears that constantly reminds me that I really do not like what I am eating because it is a crisp and not a chip.  In defiance, I still eat the whole bag (oops) cylinder.  I just drown it in ranch dip.  Therein lies another potential problem for the FDA to sort out.  I have always thought that "ranch dip" meant something else, however "sheepish" that may sound.  

[Ace]

I remember a Far Side cartoon with wolves and sheep dip...  I know what you mean.

Pringles are unsettling, and I'd vouch for them too.  I'm blind in one ear, so I sympathise with your condition.  I do like Lays potato chips, but I'm not so fond of Jay's potato chips.  I find the name of Mikesells potato chips suspicious... I don't know if that's his name or what he does.

Naturally, the dark beer pretzel rings are my favorite.  My brother in law brought my nephew, Radar, over to be dogsit for a weekend.  My wife said he said specifically NOT to give Radar any of those pretzels, no matter how much he begged.  I nodded agreeably while he spoke but was watching TV and turned my deaf eye on him and didn't pay attention to a thing he said, pretty much since he'll go off on some topic of interest to himself that doesn't concern me.

Naturally, I tossed Radar pretzels from my stash later that afternoon while I watched TV with him.  Naturally, he walked across the floor and gave them back.  I yelled at him for such a rude thing for a guest.  My wife challenged my reasoning skills, as well as listening, for disregarding a direct order and questioned aloud what an idiot I was.  Although usually just playing the fool, I had to agree with her on this one.

I put on my maroon cap.  And glared at the dog, for making me look stupid.

Ace; dogs have no problem opening any container.  

[Ace]

Dangit, ja.  You made my poast look like a sandwich, between your two.  Shoot.

Speed bopping.  That's either what ice dancers do when they fall a lot during routines, or something rabbits are known for...

Hah.  Now my Added Poast is like the
Toothpick in the Bread that you layed on my Poast.  Ace has Stuck Again!

Ace; wait a minute...

[Ace]

Well, if the London Eye is bloodshot it's probably Buff's.  

You know, that didn't wind up being the dang toothpick on top of the finger sandwich; it became the plate under the darn thing.  Then your next one is the placemat...  So this is one is the.. the..

stupid TV tray.  Dangit.

I hate those wobbly things.  I wound up just putting a TV in the kitchen, instead of attempting to eat in the living room to watch.  I know that's considered rude or distracting by some people, who think meals should be a time for conversation and discourse.  Problem I have with that is:
1. I'd rather not listen to someone talk, while eating.
2. I don't like to listen to people eat.
3. I'd rather not say much while eating.
4. TV is usually more entertaining than family.
5. People who gesture while they eat are more dangerous with cutlery in hand.

Ace; avoid people who jester while they eat.