Eternal Pizza Poast

[Wade777]

What does criminy mean?

[Ace]

Well, criminy, how should I know.  Geez Louise.

Closest parallel is an expression like "for crying out loud".. "gee whiz".... the Aussie Crikey, I would think.  Of that ilk.

If you do a search (I just did) you can come across a history of its development, as a somewhat vulgar (of the Vulgate) expressionistic euphemism that apparently generated from earlier generations of things like Jiminy Cricket which surprisingly didn't orignally refer to a cricket.  Actual actual origin seems like it may have been Italian, from the word for "crime." Criminetly is a variation that's also been investigated.

Ace; dangit.

[Neon]

OK, I'm ready to start. Here's my Boboli pizza crust. Any suggestions on making this pie?

[Ace]

Well, yes.  Cover it up.  That looks horribly plain.

Ace; criminy.

[pat]

Just drizzle on some olive oil and top with sun dried tomatoes and garlic. Top with a little Asiago and Parmesan and enjoy.

[Neon]

I decided to go with plain tomato sauce, and some oregano. Pretty standard, but now there's a problem -

I forgot to buy cheese! :o I've looked and looked, but there isn't any cheese at all - not even the plastic kind that comes in individually wrapped slices. The store is closed, and I'va already started working on the pizza. What can I use as a cheese substitute?

[Ace]

You could go with:

1. One of Mark's jokes
2. Something else dairy; did you think of Cottage Cheese?  Curdled milk?  Ice Cream, if you're quick??
3. No cheese.  Be original.  Just meat.  Lots of it, to cover up the lack of cheese covering things up.
4. Switch to a "dessert" pizza, with chocolate syrup.  Maybe whipped cream.
5. Whipped cream.  See "Other dairy #2" above
6. Put it away.  You can't make a pizza without cheese, you maroon.  Freeze it for later.  Or give it to the dog.

Ace; good thing I'm here

[Neon]

Thanks for those....interesting suggestions, Ace. I have now found a spray can of cheddar-flavored Cheez Whiz(R) in the cupboard, but that would not likely taste good. It may come down to suggestion #3, drown it in meat.

[Ace]

I'm inclined to go with Freeze It, to make it your personal eternal pizza.  You can add the meat before, or after.  

My niece came to visit, who is a vegetarian.  I told her we're meant to eat animals; if not, why are they made of meat??  She said she knew some people who are made of meat.  I wouldn't want to eat people, since I think you are what you eat and I don't want to be anyone else, at least at the moment.  Especially with a birthday coming up.  I'd hate for someone else to get any gifts intended for me.  

Oh, and I'm pretty sure Cheddar is reserved for breakfast or beef sandwiches.  I like it, but I don't think it's suitable for pizza.  Unless you have spray meat to go with the aerosol cheese.

Ace; that was nice of him to say my suggestions are interesting.  

[Mark H]

For once I agree with Ace. We are meant to eat animals, so I will continue eating steak, sausage, pork, ham, turkey, chicken, beef, roast, fish and shrimp. Did I miss anything?

Mark H

[Neon]

... I will continue eating steak, sausage, pork, ham, turkey, chicken, beef, roast, fish and shrimp. Did I miss anything?

Yes. In a previous episode of the pizza poast, we considered "alternative" pizza toppings such as squid and duck and baby seal. Considered and rejected, that is. Speaking of alternative, I decided on a cheese substitute. Hold onto your hats...

Slices of artichoke hearts! OK, it's not chewy and stringy like cheese, but it covers the tomato sauce. Any ideas for toppings to go with this? Still drown it in meat?

[Mark H]

Add some jalopeno peppers or mild peppers if you don't like too much spice. Throw a little sauce on the top and pop it in the oven.

I do say that I would have to pass on the artichoke hearts.

Mark H

[Ace]

Hold Onto Your Hats?!  I'm Trying to Hold ONto My Lunch...

Geez Criminy, Neon, that's like the oldest lasagna noodles ever...   Why don'tcha just put Brussel Sprouts all over it, and go with those as depth charges.  Or sit a duck on it; it couldn't look worse.

I would far rather be facing down a plate of Calimari than that thing...  even if they can look back.  Yeeks.

I wonder; what type of hammer for a baby seal... claw, or ballpeen, or sledge?  Hmmm.

Ace; yikes.  yeeks.  yech.  I'm eating at Mark's; he knows what he's doin' in the kitchen.  Jalapeno, or even a Habanero.  If I had to eat that pizza I'd put my head in the oven instead of it.

[Mark H]

Ace, you are invited to my house for dinner anytime. ;)

Mark H

[pat]

Wacth out Ace, It's going to like the Twilight Zone episode .
"How to serve Man."  :o
Or was it The Outer Limits?

Artichokes are one of my favorite veggies, ok, flower buds. I?d like to get out to the Castroville Artichoke festival someday. What fun that would be, maybe even take in the Gilroy Garlic festival.

How about tofu? It?s white and kina looks like cheese.
They say it?s good for you but?????..

[Neon]

Well folks, I'm running out of ingredients in the cupboard. Let's see, we've got chocolate sauce, barbecue baked beans, celery, and leftover sauerkraut. Any takers? ;) OK, I actually decided on some thin sliced and diced ham, and yellow onion. Here it is:

[trav]

What does criminy mean?

thats Ace's favorite word!

[Ace]

Ne', the onions and ham were a great idea since they covered the petals.  I wouldn't go further into your cupboard.

Mark, I'll try to make it there for Sunday dinner.  Thanks.

Trav, you're safe to do any of the award shows, because you're always on a 5 minute tape delay.

Ace; 5 day...

P.S. My original poast had "award shoes", and I have no idea what that might have suggested.  I apologize for the keyboardo, and blame it on the keyboard.

[Neon]

OK, here is the final product, fresh out of the oven, nice and baked:

It turned out ok, especially considering the limited ingredients available. Without cheese, it lacked the stretchy stringiness that pizza normally has, and it also had less of a smooth greasy feeling going down. The artichoke was just tangy enough to made up for lack of cheesiness.

Overall, I liked it, but it wasn't my ultimate favorite pizza. I may try another cheese-less pizza again, but will have to experiment a little to get the right mixture of ingredients. I'll have to think about it a bit. Let me know if you have any good ideas - and by "you", I mean not Ace.

[trav]

Oh, and I'm pretty sure Cheddar is reserved for breakfast or beef sandwiches.  I like it, but I don't think it's suitable for pizza.  Unless you have spray meat to go with the aerosol cheese.

Ace; that was nice of him to say my suggestions are interesting.  

I agree about Cheddar, and Chandler cheese....

Yes, it was nice of blue-glowing-neon-sign guy to say that those comments were nice
:)

[Karen]

Yummmm...pizza!  Awesome creation, Neon!

Am I too late to get in an order?  Hmm...since it's Saturday a.m., how about a breakfast pizza?  Let's see, skip the sauce, just some cheese, maybe just a little scrambled egg and some sausage and ham.

Do you have a 30 minutes or it's free guarantee?  Just in case, I'm setting the timer...go!

Karen  :)
Pizza...it's what's for breakfast!

[Neon]

Hey, what the... OK, I'm just seeing this, and there's 4 minutes until the 30 minute guarantee is up. I'll call FedEx to see if they can get it to you. You're in Georgia, right? We may need to use ballistic means to deliver it on time, but fortunately the friction should cause the pizza to cook fully in-flight. Now, if you would just give me your credit card number and coordinates please...

[pat]

Poasters cannot live on pizza alone, so I made an apple pie with crunchy topping.
If you all hurry on over you can get some while it's still warm.

[Neon]

very nice looking - for a non-pizza. ;)

I see oats! I see oats! Good choice - a much better choice than ivy.

Will you cut it into strips and call them CinnaStix?
I miss Papa Johns. :'(

[pat]

Indeed those are Oats, but defiantly not the ones that are going to lower your cholesterol.
Those are the good kind; they have been soaked in brown sugar and butter.  :)

[Igloo]

really, really, can i have an order for both, but u will have to fire them at my house, i am in the UK in the middle, and ill extend the delivery time to an hour, the timer is ticking, GO GO GO GO!!!

can i have some cream or custard with the apple pie please??? thanks

[Neon]

I continue to experiment with new pizza concoctions. Tonight's menu is artichoke-less, but the artichokes might return to a new pizza soon.
First, is an easy-going Ham, Mushroom, Pepperoncini pie.

Next is a similar Pepperoni, Mushroom, Pepperoncini, and sun-dried Tomato disk o tastiness. I liked the second one a bit better than the first, even though it was a bit tricky to keep the oil-drenched tomatos from burning whilst cooking the remainder of the pie thoroughly. Perhaps next time, I'll try adding them later.

[pat]

Those look good, never would have thought about pepperoncini on a pizza, seems like more of a salad item. It?s hard to beat sun-dried tomatoes though.
We went to a little Italian bistro the other day for pizza, they make a nice little pie with a thin almost cracker type crust baked in a real brick pizza oven. They offer a choice of a traditional tomato based sauce or pesto or an olive oil base. Of course I got the olive oil base with gorgonzola and roasted red peppers and spinach and sausage. Very tasty.

[trav]

WOW *eats pat's apple pie*

*burp*


*notices theres none left*....


"ah, heh, woops, sorry"

*walks backwards slowly...*

[Bill]

Your wish is my command.

All you have to do is ask!