FUNNY BONE CLOSED FOR HOLIDAYS

[Ace]

The new dead poast.

[Bill]

Ok, thanks for the award(s) but I have only used that newly coined phrase in reference to one 'people'.  Probably will die a quick and silent death anyway.  Unless of course there is another appropriate opportunity.

[Ace]

I just wanted to mention the room is closed for new programming for the holidays.  We will be running reruns of blond(e) jokes during the interim.  Please tune in after the New Year when we offer new episodes of your favorite Poaster's shows, including:

News and World Events by Ace that live fast and die young.
Odes to Ace
Odes from Ace
Occasional haikus and funny fotos
Puns
Dirty limericks

as well as:  All New Avatars!  Bigger and Better Typo(e)s!  Smileys by Trav!  Fun For the Whole Family!!  Excess Punctuation!!!

Ace; maybe we can get the carpet cleaned while we're shut down.

[Bill]

Boy, I'm glad you let us know.  I was going to start a new Ode to the departed Elfs or Elves(?).
Guess I'll wait till next year, if we're all still here.

Please be sure to let everyone know when the ribbon cutting for the Grand Re-Opening is scheduled.  I'd prefer my champagne in a glass flute, not the typical plastic stuff used for low budget occasions.

BTW, while the carpet is out, could you repaint the walls? I am partial to black.

[JimS]

Blond(e) joke reruns?  Great, I can't wait!  The oldies are the best!

[Ace]

C'MON PEOPLE READ THE DANG SIGN DANGIT WHAT PART OF "CLOSED" DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND??!? THE DANG "CLOSE" OR THE "ED" GEEZ CRIMINY.

How the heck are we gonna get the carpet cleaned with people tracking up poasts all over it.  

Look, I don't do Windows, either.  At least not very well, since 3.1.  As far as painting the dang place, I didn't have any plans for that.  I'm ok with Black walls and even a blacklight.  With some Neon (no, the other Neon) trim.  But for the time being I figured the almost white and blue with Orange trim was suitable for framing.

Now; go on.  Go.  You guys start making a racket people will think we're open, and then Travis will stop by and stretch some dang cheer down the page dotted with smilies or Whiz will loop in from his dang hyperbolic search for meaning or JohnnyOhOh will come in and stick some link in here that's probably down anyway just to make me look.  Admins been known to lock the dang door behind me, just for fun, often enough anyway.  

And, no, the dang militant union-labeled cheery yet stressed out and sarcastic Elfves are back where they belong.  

Ace; I hope Target gets those rain-checked Royal Canadian Mounted Monkies in... I promised them to my nieces.

[Bill]

-30-

[Ace]

- 29 -

(I don't know if there's a countdown, or what, so I hope I'm right on that...).

Now, then: J.Oh; it's difficult enough to go chase a link when you don't know where it goes and if you should.  When you entitle it "Here's an obscure link that will attack you with popups and take out your browser window with a BB gun and probably won't clean out your anti-obscure virus spyware firewall product stuff, probably" it makes it just that much harder to jump at the chance.

Now, if you guys are gonna hang around here while I'm cleaning you're going to have to pick up your darn feet while I'm vacuuming...

Ace; - 28 - ?

[Bill]

I have a better thought:



-86-  (like -30-, only different)

[Ace]

-85-

Ace; ok, I feel like I'm stuck between Rocky and a hard place.  Between Ludd and J.Oh, I'm the slipped disc.

[Bill]

Listen, if the cost of the paint is not in the budget, take it out of petty cash.

It would seem that some people actually believe signs liked "closed".  Sort of like "out of order" restrooms in the airport.

###

[Ace]

I guess we could spray it.

Look, I was talking about painting, dangit.  Ludd's right about human behavior, in ignoring the obvious.  I should've expected folks to put their noses to the glass and bang on the door and yell, "Hey!  Are you closed?"

Very few people believe in signs.

Maybe because they're too cryptic, or simple, or nonspecific or not personally directed. Like "-30-" or even "-86-".  Maybe we should try:

We're closed.  We're not open. Don't put your idiot face to the glass and yell "I can't read, and even if I could I'm too stupid to understand or remember what I did."

Slow Down To 30 MPH or We'll Shoot You

If You Can Read This Sign Don't Turn Right On Red.  Yeah, You.

Quit Reading My Bumper Stickers; They're Not For You

Flight Canceled. Maybe. Who Knows.  We Won't Tell You.

Flight On Time; It Will Be Canceled.  Just Wait.

What Part of "Not Open Mondays" Don't You Understand?

Do Not Send Me That Touching TearJerker Hoax ChainLetter Crap You Jerk Or That Bogus "I'm Rich But Need Your Money To Get Richer And Make You Rich Too" Hoax Baloney Or the "Send These Prayers Or Some Nice Thought Or You'll Die" Chainletter or a Virus or Spam or Anything I Would Deem Not Worth My While Or I Will Shoot You.  Then Block Your Idiot Address.  

I Know it Says Welcome But That Really Means Get Off My Dang Porch And Go Away unless I personally invited you.[/i]

Ace; a clock is a sign of the times.

[Buffalo2102]

-86-




-99-

[Bill]

HAL 2001

[Ace]

Ok; I don't get it.

I know, I know... that will probably be my epigram, on my tombstone:  "He didn't Get it."

I get the 99, and 86.  99 especially. Better than Maxwell talking into his shoe.  And the HAL2001; that's great.  But not -30-.  I could see "86ing" something, but not 30.  Unless it's The Exorcist Performed by Bunnies in 30 seconds.  That would be ok.

Ace; -3- maybe this will hijack it.

[Bill]

OK.  sorry to be so cryptic... in the spirit of the season....
-30- is an old, maybe even obscure, notation used by journalists to signify the end of a pre-print article, usually to help, editiors, typesetters (when they existed) to know there isn't another page Like writing Page 317 of 317.  It typically appeared as   -30-   or   ##30##.

I used it to signify the end of the Thread, as in "the room is closed."   But then, nobody pays any attention any way, even me.

[Ace]

Well, of course we didn't get it.  Especially when you kept poasting after the end.  C'mon, we're not mind readers here.  Criminy, you could put us in a hole in the ground and we wouldn't even be mine readers.  And not mime readers; nobody can figure out what those creeps are trying to convey, anyway.

Maybe we could use our own, web-based 21st century cryptographs to signal the "end of poast."  Like:

THIS IS THE END OF THE STUPID POAST
or
POAST OVER HERE. RIGHT HERE.
or
NO MORE POAST. IT'S OVER. NOW.
or
OK. POAST IS DONE.
or
POAST IS TOAST
or
THERE WAS A POAST. NOW THERE'S NOT
or
SHIRT'S ON FIRE - NOW IT'S OUT

wait.  That's something else... Ok; disregard the last one, but I think the other's are ok.

aCE; ENDING THIS POAST RIGHT ABOUT HERE.

[Buffalo2102]

Nope.  Won't work.  No Siree.

I seem to remember trying that with The Dead Poast.  I distinctly remember saying "It's dead already - stop picking at it".  Or something like that.

Can't get much clearer than that but did it work?  No.  That dang thing went on and on......

[Ace]

Well, you've got a point there.  Most Buffalo would have two, so that makes sense.

Funny thing; the Dead Poast seems dead.  Dead as a Marley Doornail.  Pretty Doggone Dang Dead.  

Of course, I expect some miscreant to go in there and resurrect the stupid thing.  It's the way of the world.  Once a sleeping dog lies, someone tries to poke it with a stick.  

Ac;e probably slap smileys all over the dead thing, to cheer it up.

[Bill]

Yeah, sure right.  Seems your invitation will go unanswered.  but you knew that....
Guess here will have to do...

 :P
Not as much fun when some posts just disappear, others get locked and people feel they have to carefully joke about the cops being "in the building"

See ya Ace.

[Ace]

No reason to lock an empty building...

Hello one and all
Was it you I used to know
Can't you hear me call
On this old ham radio
All I got to say
I'm alive and feeling fine
If you come my way
You can share my poison wine

No marigolds in the promised land
There's a hole in the ground
Where they used to grow
Any man left on the Rio Grande
Is the king of the world
As far as I know

Ace; new epitaph: "It Was Fun, While It Lasted"

[trav]

BEST IMPERSONATION OF A FLOWER BULB

Travis Freedomsomething, of Canada

BEST ATTEMPT TO LEAVE THE CHATROOM WITHOUT GOING ANYWHERE

Trav's completion of "TheCenter", of which Poasters said "You go on ahead; we'll be right there..."  Right.


BEST SHORTEST ELECTION ACCEPTANCE SPEECH OF 2004

Ace, after his re-election as Jester, to the runnerup Travis:  I win you stink.

LONGEST STAY IN A LEADING ROLE IN A HIT SERIES BY AN ILLEGAL ALIEN

There are so many in this category...  Let's just say when Poaster's adds sound you'll hear Zeppelin's "The Immigrant Song" when the forum loads. Hope they all get nice Christmas cards


Ace; hmmm.

"aaahh-aahh-aaahhh!!! aahh ahh aaaahhh!!!" Oh! theres the Immigrant Song!

Well....then.....hhmm.....no poasters over at the site? no Ace?!?!? NO ACE?! i was expecting a jester!


geez louise!

I stink? Uh hu! :) :P