Noah's Ark

[Bubba]

It is the year 2002 and Noah lives in the United States.



     The Lord speaks to Noah and says: "In one year I am going to make it

     rain and cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed.



     But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of

     living thing on the earth.



     Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."   In a flash of

     lightning, God delivered the specifications for an

     Ark.



     Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the

     Ark.

     "Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring

     everything aboard in one year."



     Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all

     the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in

     his front  yard weeping.



     "Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?"



     "Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best but there were

     big

     problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans

     did not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and

     redraw the plans.



     Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a

     fire sprinkler system and floatation devices.  Then my neighbor

     objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the

     Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the

     city planning commission.



     I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a

     ban

     on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the

     U.S.Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls.



     However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me

     catch any owls. So, no owls.



     The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to

     negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16

     carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.



     When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal

     rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard.





     Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could

     not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement

     on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to

     the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator

     of

     the universe.



     Then the Army Corps of Engineer demanded a map of the proposed new

     flood plain. I sent them a globe.



     Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal

     Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination

     by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!



     The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark

     in

     preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes.



     I just got a notice from the State that I owe some kind of user tax

     and

     failed to register the Ark as a recreational water craft."



     Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further

     construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth,

     it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional.



     I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!"

     Noah wailed. The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the

     seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky.



     Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are not going to destroy the

     earth, Lord?"



     "No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has."







http://www.freeyellow.com/members6/gmrkar/cannon.gif" border=0>



Bubba