JOHNNY'S BACK! AND HIS FRONT! AND HIS PUPPY!

[Bill]

Sometimes your layers take days and several poasts to surface; sometimes they never do. Sometimes I wonder if there are actually layers there.  What did he really mean?  Did he mean anything at all?  Is he actually trying to be that obtuse or does he really hate pandas.  Are they a proxy for something else?  Maybe it's the monkeys he dislikes and writes "pandas" instead so as not to offend anyone.


Someone once accused one of our younger members of poasting   :o :o :o just to increase the poast count.  'Course you wouldn't have that on your agenda with a gazillion poasts already.

Bill;  Mired In Arizona?

[Buffalo2102]

This is getting too deep for me.  Hidden meanings and nuances in poasts.  Oniony pandas and things.

What's Mired?  Is that a place?  Or did you misspell Flagstaff?

Roll on page 5........

[Ace]

I have no idea what Arizona meant.  I've never been to Arizona.  My keychain is from the Hard Rock in Phoenix; my wife got me that.  But I've never been there.

Oh; I do own Ping golf clubs.  They're Arizonian.  But that's as close as I get.  

I don't know what Bill means, half the time.  Go ahead; ask me about the other half.

My grandfather (Waldo) used to drink Falstaff beer; maybe that was a typo.  

Ace; I wish I knew where he was.  Oh; and the panda thing: the hate is real.  I've explained the history here a couple times.  I could go through it again, if needed.  Real deep seated hate and loathing.

[Bill]

Geez.  Did you happen to notice the capitalized letters?  Someone in this thread mentioned MIA and I just assumed they were referencing the big swamp in AZ.  Clear as mud.

I think I can go another decade or so without another visit to Plymouth Rock.  Although maybe you should consider creating a sticky poast somewhere so we can direct new members to it, after they ask, for the gazillionth time, "Gee, why does this guy ACE hate pandas so much?"  Probably save you some typing and you could go back and read it if you get another urge to visit MA.

I heard that Waldo and Carmen S. are travelling.

Bill; somewhere in the world.

[Ace]

I DON'T REMEMBER CAPITAL LETTERS I WAS JUST SAMPLING NIGHTWISH ON AMAZON AFTER IGGY SAID TO SO IT'S SORT OF HARD TO HEAR ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.

You know, everytime I repeat something it's new to me.. it's like the first time, all over again.  I don't mind just recreating stuff, instead of pointing and going "Over there.  If you must know, go read that.  Then come back, if you must."

I gotta tell ya, it took me all this time to figure out Carmen.  I am not the swiftest Nike on the foot, somedays.  Good one.

Ace; I wonder where in the world he came up with that.

[Bill]

A writer in the local newspaper this morning, notice I didn't say journalist, commenting on the Grammy selections said "It's difficult to hear the music with all the noise".  I think he had a point, or two.

Bill; turn down the volume.

[Ace]

C'mon, feel the noize...

JOHNNY!! Dangit, it's about time.  First off, I don't believe a word about the Holy Grail Margarita.  It's never been seen in nature, and I take it as a myth.  Plus, the 13th is probably unlucky so there you go.

Otherwise; glad your back.  It's about time.  With me and Bill and Buff and you here, it's like 4 or 5 people talking at once.  That helps ease the voices in my head.

Ace; man, by page 5 there might be 5 or 12 people in this thing.

[Ace]

I think 5 is actually 12; their poasts are remarkably similar.  Historically, the chatroom has offered naming conventions relating to numeric identifiers (ThatGuy1079, for instance, commemorating the date when Thag of the Northern Tribes bought his Reader's Digest Condensed version of the Magna Carta in the pretty dark ages) as well as abbreviated formats (Robt., and Bob; short for BobCat) as well as having members named after their cats (BobCat; Alex) or residence (Igloo).  Or the sound someone's pet makes running into their computer (Whizbang).

I'm still thinking about that ephemeral margarita; I hope he didn't mean effeminate margarita.  If it's not a manly margarita I don't want any part of it.  NOt like I'm getting any part of it any time soon, mind you.

I thought the Grammys were pretty chaotic and superfluous too.  I wonder if Marc and JLo sing to each other every night?  I'd leave if they did.  I thought the Southern Rock Tribute to Lynrd Skynrd was especially chaotic, and unattractive.  Pointless, one might say.  I would sooner have seen Nightwish lay down some operatic metal and pop a few eardrums.  And the whole rap/hip hop nation; please... let it die.  Disco finally was convinced to die.  Why is this thing taking so long?  Practice safe Euthanasia.  Pull the plug.

Ace; those darn Asian kids.

[Bill]

Hey, 17, glad your back, nice to see you, sorta, welcome to the Funny Farm, again.  Ace missed you and has been lamenting your absence seems like forever.  Well 4 pages worth, anyway.

How does one determine the gender characteristics of a margarita?  The shape of the glass, the color of the ice, maybe the shape of the cocktail napkin used for a coaster?  

Bill; the "S" was probably too much information.

[Ace]

Whose S?

I had problems in French and German, trying to figure if words were feminine or masculine or neuter.  I wasn't clear on the concept that a window might be feminine but a door could be masculine.  I don't look that closely to figure inanimate objects out.  And my wife keeps me from looking too close at animate ones.

I'm glad English doesn't bother with that.  We've got plenty of other difficulties in this language.  Including spelling.  

I'm glad Johnny's back, just to stop the dang lamentation.  I mean, I feel I owed him a big ol' lamentation since he made a point of noting my absence... Really, if there aren't going to be haikus or some interjection of a debate on public schools in your lamentation there's really no point in continuing with one, you know?  You could probably get by with a "Hey, where's old so and so oh I hope he/she is alright and nothing bad happened and didn't get hit by the door on the way out ok on to other things".   Anything more can just get tedious.

Unless you're having haikus; then bring them on.  Everyone loves a good haiku fest.

Ace; swinging doors, for a reason.

[Bill]

"S" is part of JimS, iansl, Buffalo(s) but in this case was associated with Carmen.

I have never hought spelling has been aporblem in American.  You either can or you cant; same with keyboearding.  Some of us are just too picky about details.  What's really the difference - your/you're,
there/their, look at the context, you get the general drift.  Dang grammer usage is worst.

Bill: txt shthd is the reel diffikulty,

[Ace]

Well, that makes good sense.  A lot of grammar is not logical.  "Ain't" is a perfectly sensible construct, as a contraction of "am" and "Not" since "Amn't" is about as pronounceable as Iansl or Carskick.  

I had to slap myself not to keyboard "Carsick", so hold on a minute while I regain my senses.

Ok; I'm back.  They didn't return, but I'm ok without them.  Anyway, having a purely phonetic language would be fine, and way more logical, BUT the problem is going to be the dang dialects we're under.  Everyone has an accent.  Well, except for us here in the Crossroads of America in the Magical Mystical Land of Michiana and other Midwestern locales, since we don't.  

Ok, look; that was a joke and the theory (rumor) for all those newscasters who were supposed to be void of verbal distinction coming from these parts.

So, a simple sentence like "Were you able to hang out the washing today, Bobby?" would look like "Wur u abul to hang owt the washing tuday, Bobe? for a Michianan.  But a Texan might go with "Wuer yu abel tu hayng ouwt the warshing tudaye, BohBee?" Or, someone from Jersey: "Fuhgeddabout da wahshing, you maroon" or Britain: "Wahr u oible teu heng owt the weshing tudoiy, BeauBay?"  Or Amish: "Hang the washing outside the shed the clothesline on, Yoder." Or in InternetSpeak: "R u go ng 2 chk ur close 4 viruses, dudeBOB21705? LOL! cya" See?  Unless we all talk the same, we won't have a universal way of communicating.  

When communication bogs down, the Jester leads the way; Ace.

[Bill]

I am certainly glad you explained that, the joke part.  Is the midwest known for producing famous "talking heads"?  

You know, I don't but you might, I never said anything about logic or phonics.  I was simply suggesting that spelling shouldn't be judged as an indicator of education mastery.  

<Interject here a discussion of the efficiency and proficiency of local schools and parental responsibilities>

There is no dialect difficulty in Joisey, or for that matter, Brooklyn.  Everbody udderstan's me.

Bill; wha?

[Ace]

Sure; heck yeah.  Midwesterners are the only news anchor source.  Brokaw. Jane Pauley. Letterman. Carson. All the greats.  Cronkite.  Brian what's his name.  Not that Canadian on ABC; Jennings.  He's non standard.  They had to groom him for years to quit saying "Eh" and wearing plaid.

I know you never said anything about logic or phonics; I knew that's what you meant though and went ahead and filled it in for you. You don't have to thank me; it was no problem.

I drove around NY, once.  To get to Rhode Island.  That was close enough for me.  ed. note: all of New Jersey is busy doing the Numa Numa Dance, directed by their soulmate and spiritual guide Gary Brolsma.  They probably are pretty distracted right now, and should be allowed some leeway in keeping on topic today.

Spelling is an excellent indicator of educational mastery, since it's an illogical rote memorization of coded scripted heiroglyphic lithographs from a range of sources.  I mean, even confirming correctness requires knowledge and correctness, since you can't even look up a word to see if it's spelled right unless you can spell it...  

Hey, on that discussion question; could I just interject a Haiku instead of some dissertation on local schools and local parents?  I don't have much of an opinion on that stuff anyway, so I'd rather just try to count syllables and spell correctly to look really smart.

ace; I spell most words correctly, as an indicator of having an educational masters.

[Bill]

Thanks for all that.  It's always nice to talk to someone who knows what you mean and then finishs completes  fills in your thoughts.  Can be a  real time saver.  I may stop thinking entirely with folks like you around.  Wouldn't be all that different anyway.

'Course if you use spell check, you only have to be "close".  The hard part comes when you think you're close and you end up with the ever popular "no suggestions, word not found" message.   Tough one, that.

Bill; my mastery is mixology.

[Ace]

I don't trust any technology like that; it's no match for my mind.

I could see coming up with "you only have to be clothes" after the correction...

I remember we were watching a movie at my inlaw's and someone asked "what did he say..?" and my niece answers "he said he doesn't have any pants for the summer."  We corrected her that the line was actually "I don't have any plans for the summer."

If it was Travis, he wouldn't have any plants for the summer.  

Language is an inexact science.  An art, really.  I feel we're like artists, painting the desktop with pictures made up of a thousand words.  Sorta like those black velvet prints of Elvis or tigers sold around gas stations.  Or the dogs playing poker, which got quite a good price.  Or maybe the carpet of the Westminster Kennel Show, after.  Or one of those Thomas Kinkaid prints where the light is beaming in like a nuclear device went off somewhere behind the house...  Sort of like that.

Don't bother answering, because I think I know what your thoughts are that you'll be thinking.  On second thought, go ahead.  Heck, I like reading them even if I know the answer.

Ace; Nightwish has Finnish Thoughts.

[Bill]

I don't have any pants for the summer either.  I wear shorts, maybe not prettty but comfortable.  All of my pants are for the fall and winter.

It must be nice to be able to watch a movie at your inlaws. That way you can avoid them in silence and not be judged to be hostile.  My inlaws liked to engage in
"conversation",  as in talk all the time, I mean every minute,  forcing one to at least pretend to pay attention.  My hearing loss was always at its worst at the inlaws.  

"Painters of the ethereal canvas" has a nice ring.
I prefer technology, it's a bit robotic but at least consistent.  More than I can say for my mind.

Bill; and your name was?

[Ace]

Could we go with "ephemeral ethereal canvas.."?  I get a double word score for that one.

I was hoping we'd be at page 5 by now.. this sure is taking awhile.

I wear shorts too, for almost anything.   As long as it's 50 or more I'm good to go.

Temperature.  50 degrees.  The other thing is not relevant.

My father in law is still alive, at 80.  He can't hear much of anything.  Mostly it's because he gets distracted, or isn't paying attention, more than any specific physical failing.  His son is the same way..  I really get annoyed at people who say "huh?" after every single sentence... And, if you don't repeat it, you find they did hear you after all.  I've also known some people at work who will do the "pardon?" or "excuse me?" ploy of making you repeat things, and you KNOW they heard you but just like the power trip of making you say it again.  

I'd like to put something robotic in their pants...  And set it off.

Ace; weren't there some kinda laws about robots?  Is it ok for them to kill humans..?

[Nestor]

Hi kids!

I'm barely on anymore. Work has me working from about 8PM to 5AM. So I sleep untill about 5PM and try to take care of whatever problems I can in my own basket.

hmmm... I need food.

Later.

[Ace]

Hi BasketCase!  

I wish we had food to offer... the Poast Office says it serves coffee but over here everything is ala carte.  You sure have a short free time with that schedule.  Heck, you don't even make it to primetime TV...  That's rough.  

We appreciate any contribution you can make any time you can make it.  And your efforts in helping us get Waldo to Page 5.  I will say, that if time is short and you have to choose between:
1. Jaime. Jaimee. James. What's her name
2. Going out to some pool hall with that gang of yours and being the Last Guy On The Left (your right) after 5 or 12 pitchers
3. poasting here

That you'll choose to poast, here.  I know it's a not-for-profit, but still you can claim it as a charity on your taxes.

Now, if Johnny and Buff and Bill and Scuzzy and Pat and Neon and Whiz and Iggy and Iany and Trav and Cmdr. Kirk and Thag ok wait you're here and Bob would stop by, man we'd have one jumping poast and it'd be

ok, wait. It'd be way too many people... and instead of me having every other poast, it'd be like every one out of 12 or 14 poasts.. that's not nearly enough of me to make it interesting.

Ok.  Look, you stop by whenever you can and we'll be thrilled to see you.  And bring Johnny, if you see him.  And maybe one, or two, others.  But that's enough.  We don't want to overdo it, in here.  Heh.  "Don't have enough chairs for everybody..!"  No..  The more, the merrier.  To a point.  Not past it, though.

Ace; whew, that was close.  Clothes.  

[Bill]

Not making it to prime time might be a blessing.  Just consider how much enlightening entertainment he is avoiding.  

Now you done it.  Invited all those techie experts in here.  They'll be wanting to change all the smilies  smileys  funny faces you can click on to AMD logos or something equally meaningful just so they look higher tech.  Serves you right if they run out of coffee, not to mention the dang donuts for you know who.

And, you misspelled Captain, major.

Bill; value the silence.

[Nestor]

It's 4AM. Do you know what your Poast entails? Do you serve a purpose, or purposely serve?

I always wax poetic at 4AM.

My girl Jaime.


I think I might 'pop the question', though I haven't reached that conclusion yet. As for being... the last guy on the left, I offer this sanity-destroying pic:


My new digital cam, black and white, and a lamp.

Oh, it's not 4AM. it's 452AM. Huh.

Off to bed with me.

[Ace]

Well, good night then TG.  Well, morning.  Well, whatever the heck time it is to you.  Jaime is lovely; tell her she's famous now and admired by millions on the web, the the Most Special And Popular Chatroom In The World.  I'd almost say she's too good for you, but you look pretty good in your photo too.  In kinda a bizarre, post traumatic stress "passed my bedtime" sorta way.  You two make quite a striking couple; she's pretty and you look like you're ready to strike or have been struck.

It's funny; I never pictured you to be an old fashioned guy, and black and white.  I know people used to be black and white; any old film clip or Mathew Brady photo can attest to that.  I think it's weird that the world was black and white until the middle of the century; I think it started to turn into color right in the middle of the filming of the Wizard of Oz.  All the newsreels from up through WWII were of a black and white world; even the first shows were revealing a black and white world of the 50's and early 60's.  I remember when I was really young getting dressed wasn't a big problem.. heck, you're wearing grey pretty much with everything.  I remember when my hair and eyes turned brown, in grade school.. what a shock to suddenly be colorful!  And then the late 60's and 70's, in a color world... and some pretty darn ugly colors, going by my shirt collection then.  

Of course, I regressed back to some grey... well, not much, unfortunately.  But I like your "retro" look, and sure you stand out in a crowd with it.  I guess you could try a shot with the lamp off, to see if that's even better.

I agree with Bill that too many techies spoil the download.  And TGif can always tape Survivor and 24 and House, to watch after you get up in the time of day you get up in.  Night.  Wherever you are with that biological clock of yours.  

Ace; maybe I could poast a self portrait.  That could be scary, in the right light.

[Bill]

Picture must have been for Halloween.  Why else would you wear a Spiderman shirt?   Great lighting effects for the season.

I can remember working the 12-8 shift for a summer while in college.  Really messed up my general sense of
existance. Biggest problem I recall was what to call the first and last meal of the day.   Slept most of the day, up in time to have breakfast/dinner with the family and  dinner/breakfast at the local diner at 8:30a.   Somehow meatloaf and mashies for breakfast never really did the trick.

Bill; a self-portrait?  Here we go again.  Will it be Larry Bird or Big Bird this time?

[Ace]

My weird time zone split was a summer gig in college, when I worked 5-9 am cleaning the floors and restrooms and whom knows what at an area Montgomery Wards, then Sears, stores.  I'd then work 5 to 9 pm doing phone sales for Jaycees Circus tickets.  I called the middle of the daytime "limbo."  (limbo up... limbo down)

I function much better with regular daytime work hours.  Not well, but better.  I'd just as soon have the days free, though, and not work nights.

I'm sure not going to pose in some Spiderman shirt... mostly because I don't have any.  I have one yellow Hawaiian type print shirt, but that doesn't seem right in 20 degrees and snow (again).

Meatloaf and Mash sounds like a British breakfast to me... beats Haggis, anyway, or Scotch Eggs.

Ace; heck, I had Corn Bran again so what do I know about breakfast.

[Bill]

Phone sales?   Ace was a dreaded TELEMARKETER!  Probably before anyone coined the term. Was it really telegraph sales?   I bet the folks in Iana wish they had a "do not call" law then.   Were you also the Jaycees' star Jester, for the circus?

I can just imagine..."Good evening, how are you today?  I have the last two tickets to the Jaycees' Jester Circus extravaganza, they've been selling like hotcakes, and you've been especially selected to receive an opportunity to purchase tickets for the LAST TWO SEATS!   Send me two hundred dollars and I'll be sure you get these tickets for this once-in-a-lifetime-show, just in time for this evening's performance."    But, wait, you can't say no to the star.  Yeah, I like you too,  I'll be sure to call back when the Jaycees sponsor...."


Bill; glad we have an unlisted number.

[Ace]

Hey! Page 5!  Good job.

Yes I was a #@*@ telemarketer.  Top salesman on the night shift.  Went in one Saturday and competed with the Day group.  Was paid in cash, every night.  Got a $10 bonus if I reached quota, which I often did.  Used the money to buy the engagement ring.  It's worth more than the job was.

I developed similar skills in cleaning the toilets at the two stores.  That was also where the floor buffer attacked me.  It was also where I had a really creepy experience of working an all nighter at Sears and being alone cleaning floors, and checking the mannequins for movement...  I swear some did.

The script is a little off.  Mostly I appealed to the suc I mean target's sense of charity, to contribute to the noble cause of the Circus.  Usually I wasn't paying that close of attention when going through my phonebook page of the night.  It was easier, that way.

I think That Guy ought to pop the question, in the chatroom.  And Jaime could sign in and reply.  Then we could pipe in with our opinions.  That'd be a first, for Poasters!!

Ace; and last. Maybe for Page 6.

[Bill]

What a wonderful story to tell your kids or grand kids.  "Your Grandma and I proposed in a chatroom called the Funny Farm. I got down on one knee in front of my keyboard and 19"superspecial LCD monitor..."

Geez.  Next you'll be wantin' pictures from the honeymoon.  

You misspelled pomegranate.  No, it doesn't matter which thread.  I don't remember which thread.  I just know you did, I think.

Bill; why wait for page 6?

[Buffalo2102]

Roll on page 5........

Honeymoon pictures would be nice.  I volunteer to tag along and take the pictures as the happy couple would obviously have their hands full.  You know.....suitcases.

Well, here we are at page 5 and it doesn't feel any different.  Any better.
5 or 12 popped in briefly, nice of him.  The rare, nocturnal TG also.  Other than that, it's just Ace, Bill and the occasional comment from yours truly.
The Funny Bone is beginning to remind me of Invasion Of The Body Snatchers.  People are gradually disappearing but when they do reappear, they are just not the same somehow.......
I'm not going to sleep well tonight.

[Ace]

I don't sleep well when I'm here, either.  

See, the thing is when two or more of us are gathered at The Bone it's like a real crowd, due to the multiple personalities and companions and their photos and large rented canine pets and neighbors and celebrity photo shoots plus caped crusaders/bovines and the universe at large, as far as today's galaxy photo op.  So, it can be quite a crowd with just one or two of us, let alone 3+ or 12.

Also, JimS is a bunch of people surrounded by blondes, so that's a quorum right there.

I dispute the mispelled "Pomegranete" accusation.  I don't recall ever mentioning one, let alone incorrectly.  I will admit that, if I had, I don't foresee myself getting through its spelling unscathed.

Plus, guys, remember it's not "what you say" it's "how much."  You don't accumulate a zillion poasts here and a special commemorative star for practicing restraint and poastal conservatism.  

Ace; keep in mind too that you can make someone quote or repeat an entire poast just by yelling "HUH?" at the end of it.