JOHNNY'S BACK! AND HIS FRONT! AND HIS PUPPY!

[Buffalo2102]

Hey! I am supposed to be the risque one around here.

I was going to make a play on words but I remebered that Scuzzy's been around here quite a lot lately and I would likely be arrested and locked up.  Or worse, banned from Poasters!  Still, thankfully you have done it now and you can take the consequences.

[Ace]

HEY DANGIT I DID NOT DO "IT" IN FACT I POINTEDLY AVOIDED "IT" AND TOOK SPECIAL DANG PRECAUTIONS TO DELETE "IT" SO "IT" WOULDN'T HAVE DRAWN UNDO ATTENTION TO "IT"self criminy.

Oh, and I'm just yelling in case Trav had his ear up to his screen, again.

If anyone is going to be banned and scourged and locked up it's Angelina.  Either she's wearing The Patch or that's a cross... and I don't know quite what religious statement it would make.  Sure, I've seen people wear them around their necks, but I'd hate to have one down under.  Guess it'd keep a vampire away, though.

Probably not a regular guy, though.

Ace; if we're getting rid of risque ones, Buff volunteered.

[Bill]

Well you don't have to worry about it seeing as how you're in Iana and not Australia.  

Besides, if your description of the  pony keg is close to accurate, you couldn't see it anyway.  

You misspelled tats.

Bill; no pun intended.

[Ace]

A tattoed potatoe would be a tater tat.

It would.  Really.

Ac;e people, it's Monday. Just bear with us while we get up to speed.

[Bill]

Yes, G_d, its Monday, after a predictable but disappointing Sunday.  No, not the Eagles, the commercials.  And the half time show might as well have not existed.  Probably would have been more entertaining for J.B., Terry and Howie simply to make jokes.  But not Jimmy Johnson, he can't tell a joke.


Bill; what could be next, NASCAR?

[Ace]

I'd like to see Paul McCartney play the infield at Daytona.  Jimmy Johnson doesn't have to say anything to be funny; he has the hair.  And I aspire to follow his footsteps in the sand, on Key West, with a Heineken on the beach.

But not the hair.  Or the plump little cherubic demeanor.  Maybe Paul coulda mooned the crowd, as a malfunction.  Or they could've had the Tuskeegee airmen fly the F-18s.  That coulda caused some excitement.

Charlie Weiss can now go to his day job, at ND.  I hope they can win many superbowls with him there.

Ace; I liked the cat commercial where it looks like he killed it.  Due to my fondness of cats.

[Bill]

Key West, Huh.  You and the Parrot Heads wasting away in margaritaville; but you'd have to skip the salt.

What cat commercial was that?  I must have been gettin' a refill.

Bill; blew out my flipflops, walking Fido.

[Ace]

A guy has a pot of tomato sauce on the stove, and the cat hits it and dumps it on the floor... He has a knife while cutting up something, and grabs the cat off the floor and sauce when the date shows at the door... She looks in and sees the cat covered in red held by him by the scruff of the neck, with the knife in his other hand...

I found it kinda funny the Anheuser Busch "welcome home the Vets" one was the favorite of many... I think it was touching and heartwarming and DIDN'T HAVE A DANG THING TO DO WITH BEER let alone Anheuser Busch.  Not like it was "Hey, grab a six pack of Bud and head to the airport to welcome back troops!"

I would've enjoyed more of them if my dang 80 year old father in law had kept from changing the dang station every few minutes back to the PBS (not PBR) nature show on Giraffes.  Criminy, we gotta take that thing away from him.

Ace; if I ever get like that in my old age, just use a hammer.  

[Bill]

I think an 80 year old with the remote and an interest in Giraffes deserves recognition.  And for company, another 80 year old with a competing remote and a love for cooking shows.  They deserve each other.

The Cat Commercial sounds as if I would have enjoyed it- considering my love of cats.  What was it a commercial for, Pedigree?

Speaking of Giraffes, there was one in the Bud commercial with the Clydesdales that I chuckled over.
A new perspective on "long necks".
Deposits are required in NJ but I'd hate to clean them up.

Bill; animal wildlife lover, from afar.

[Ace]

I would have just as soon he turned on the Angelina Jolie Show and left it there.  

I have no idea what product the cat commercial was for.  Typically, I have no clue nor rememberance of what product commercials are promoting.  I enjoy them purely for entertainment value.

I'm sure that will please the sponsoring companies to no end...

I saw part of the animal commercial, but didn't hear it.  I hope they run it again, as it looked to have a pig in it.  I enjoyed the Mustang convertible one, but they sure over-ran it.  And some were just one-shot deals.  I don't mind depositing the beer in me, but I don't want to invest more in it.

Ace; at least the Panda show wasn't on..

[Bill]

" I would have just as soon he turned on the Angelina Jolie Show and left it there. "  A Colts fan with a few sour grapes perhaps?  Just wait 'til next year.  ND will win the Super Bowl, Pats will finish last, and Iana will be back in Glory.

That's the problem with some very creative commercials, the product reference is sometimes so slight or obscure...or it could be RAM problem.

Now that would have been funny, PBS running a panda "special" against the Super Bowl and the FIL channel surfing.

Bill; I figured that was Scuzzy with the Mustang, locale seemed right.

[Ace]

Nah. Even a frozen guy is more alert than Scuzzy.  

Oh; you mean the cop.  I suppose.  I didn't notice if he had hair or not.

And, for your information, if the Angelina Jolie Show was up against the Colts I'd tape the Angelina Jolie Show.  And watch it.  And then watch the tape.

aCe; there's nothing special about pandas.  Even if they're fat, and it's a Tuesday.

[Bill]

The more I think about it , it had to have been Scuzzy.  How many cops do you think they have working in that kind of geography?   Make-up artists work wonders.

Ok, Ok. It's only Fat Tuesday in Nawleans and eastern parts of Texas.  And it's raining there.  Michiana celebrate Fat Tuesday?  

[Ace]

First off, "Michiana" doesn't celebrate anything.  It's a magical mystical mythic and fictional neverland sandwiched betwixt Indiana and Michigan.  

Secondly, you're mentioning the dang Mardi Gras in the Johnny poast while the Fat poast is on Scuzzy.

Heh.  Ok, I guess that will work.

Sure we celebrate Fat Tuesday.  I mean, tomorrow's Ash Wednesday here too.  And then Fat Thursday.  And then Fat Friday.
And so on, and so on, and scoobee doobee doo now as Sly Stone would say.

We also have this Polish stuffed pastry things that gets made every year at this time.  I don't eat them, myself.  I'm already stuffed.

Ace; for Lent I'm giving up margaritas from Pat.

[Bill]

Maybe that's where Johnny is, certainlly not here.

If Michiana is magical, every day could be Fat Tuesday, parades, costumes and all.  Neverland, huh?  You know Peter and Wendy?  Nice kids but no common sense, or manners for that matter.   The way they treat that older guy with the disability is shameful.

[Ace]

Well, yeah.  Some of us have fat days.  What's your point...

Dangit.

I don't know Pete, except for the one who used to live here and brought forth upon the chatroom the Immortal Monkey Joke.  And I work with a Wendy, but I don't think that's whom you mean.

I tell ya, if I get old with a disability I hope it's a hook or something, so I can get back at any dang kid who starts getting smart with me.

Ace; and a monkey on my shoulder, that I could throw at them.

[Bill]

You know, I think I'd rather have a Taser than a hook; no permanent damage and a bit more effective. Dang kids would remember me, that's for sure.  Probably wouldn't change their manners though.

Bill; I use elastic waistbands for skinny Fridays.

[Ace]

I'm not finding Fridays skinny enough for elastic.  Or stretch pants.  I'm thinking sweat pants, with a drawstring, when I get home.  

I think I'd have a Taser, if I owned a cat.

Ace; and enjoy it.

[Bill]

You going to blame the cat's manners or lack thereof on the parents?  Might as well, parents get blamed for every other dang thing including traffic tickets, talking in the library and cell phones in movies.  
Yes, it's all my fault, I failed my children and society.   Do you have the nails ready?

Bill; Tasers for Valentine's Day.

[Ace]

Well, I sure didn't ruin MY kid's/s' life or upbringing.  

Do you mean Rusty Nails?  I used to order those; scotch and Drambuie.  They're ok.  I forgot about those.  

Cupid with a Taser; that'd be a whole different take on the symbolism. Good idea; we'll put that on the Beer Wagon.  

Ace; just because.

[Bill]

Well sure, that's what I meant, yeah.  Better to have a Rusty Nail than be nailed, yeah.

Cupid with a Taser is like a policeman in a tutu.  


Bill; I never wore  tutu on duty.  Only message I sent was bad-a--..

[Ace]

Heh.  I was just picturing Scuzzy in a TuTu.  Not a Desmond Tutu; the real thing.  

Boy, I bet that would get him transferred to the Vice Squad.

So; when you were an Officer of the Lieu, did you have a beat?  Could you dance to it?  Did you ride around in a car and drive on the side of the road at 120 mph and scare your daughter and eat donuts, like Scuzzy?  I meant, "Did you eat donuts, like Scuzzy"?  Were you a detective?  A gendarme?  MP?  My grandfather was an MP in WWI.  I have his Billyclub.

Hey!  That's something YOU oughta have!  Do you have one of those?  That'd be a taser, any day.  No; I mean it.  It would beat one.

Ace; if Johnny was here he'd poast a link to a photo that wouldn't be of you.

[Bill]

Yeah, I ate lots of donuts.  And yes, I had a Billyclub, also known as a nightstick, sap gloves and all, long before Tasers were around.  Probably wouldn't have liked them in those days.  There was nothing like a nightstick to the back of the knee to bring a violent husband, or wife as the case might have been. Tasers would have been seen as a sissy tool.
I walked a beat, in the part of downdown bordering on the "Projects", midnight to 8am.  Plenty of "Social Clubs"  for after hours entertainment - for them and me.

[Ace]

I'm glad I wasn't one of your "projects."   I'd have to say, between you and Scuzzy, I wouldn't want to be.

And I'm innocent of any wrong doing.  

Ace; still.. ???

[Bill]

Actually, I'd rather have you between Scuzzy and me, for protection.  Those Counties can be ferocious.   I gave that business up a long time ago.  Now, excluding the keyboard, I'm just quiet and peace loving.  Except, of course,  when it comes to ill-mannered kids and pushy seniors, and overly outspoken, opinionated... you get the picture.

Bill; hey, don't push.

[Ace]

I wouldn't want to come between myself, personally.  Our Counties here are pretty low-key.  I live in St. Joseph county, so you gotta figure he's not going to be a real rabble-rouser.  LaGrange County is a couple over, but since it's still in the 1700's there's not a lot of action.

Scuzzy:  "Frank the Ferocious."  Yeah.  Ok.

Once he retires and goes to the WWF he's at least got the nickname ready.  You know, if push comes to shove I'd probably take the fall.

Knowing how to fall is key in skiing and skating.  Also skydiving.  And horseback riding.  And old people.

Ace; The St. Joe Weather is quite nice today.  I should take a picture.

[Bill]

Remembering your description of Murphy's front yard, St. Joe's County is still in the 1700s.

How could you be having nice weather?  You said it snowed again.  Too many Greenies, huh?

"Where's whozits?" suggests he's been gone so long we can't remember his name or maybe we just can't remember anything that didn't happen 10 years ago.

Bill; BTW, you misspelled "Alex".

[Ace]

Right; the check's in the mail.  Haven't we all heard that one before.  I'll believe it when it gets here.  He does.  Whoever he was.

Sure, it snowed lightly the other day.  And yesterday was 50+.  So it's about all melted.  Our weather changes constantly.  Whatever it's doing you can be sure it won't be, soon enough.

I'm off Greenies.  I'm on brownies: Amstel Light.  It takes a 12 pack to flush out my system and convert to light beer.  Thing is, I have a couple and say "well, that was pleasant.  But I can't taste my beer, so why bother."  Then I either switch to hard stuff, or water.  Or hard water if the softener is on the blink.  It does help me cut down.  Sort of like having a bowl of All Bran, instead of food.  Once you've had sticks and twigs it's hard to go back.

Might as well pour light beer on the bran cereal and ruin both of them.

Ace; "the 13th."  Whooo.  Big scary Sunday the 13th.  We'll see.

[Bill]

So the challenge for the next decade is to find a beer that tastes like Greenies and  has the calories of Light.
Good dang luck. 'Course not being a beer drinker, I won't be of much help here.
 
Instead of switching to the "hard stuff",  which speeds up your incapacitation, why not try the hard water in an empty Greenie can, not a bottle.  You won't be able to see it,  you can't taste the Light stuff anyway, and the carb and calorie count is favorable.  This solution would also give you more functional time at the keyboard.   Win-win, all around.  Even the doc will like it, except the "hard" part of the water.  He'll probably suggest the chemicals or minerals in the "hard" part aren't good for you.  Docs are like that.

I have found that mixing the All Bran with a generic  variety of Bran Flakes, and a banana for potasium,  makes the medicine go down a little easier.

Bill; welcome back,13, we missed you.

[Ace]

Well, fine then.  Come and go.  Here and gone.  Hither and yon.  Back and forth.  Hit or miss.  Here today, gone today.  Who knows what tomorrow will bring.  Whom.  

And they wonder why they put swinging doors on the rec room, here.

My guess is that Johnny got confused on who he was, like he did when he thought Bill was Bob (he wishes) so he probably mistook himself for someone banned or MIA and now can't decide if he can come in or not.  That, or he forgot the secret knock.  

Plus, if you're having trouble going, I agree with myself that Corn Bran and Oat bran mixed sure is more palatable than All Bran.  I do the bananas separately... I like the purity of the grain, with the balance of the fruit, as two separate functions.  The insoluble and the soluble, separate but equal.  

I don't know whose zits.  I'm in no mood for adolescence again, having seen what it's done to Iansl and Trav.  

Ace; geez, don't let the spyware hit ya while you run through the chatroom...