Author Topic: A Poast About Nothing  (Read 2748 times)

Offline Ace

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A Poast About Nothing
« on: May 21, 2004, 04:56 AM »
Well, why not.  Any poast about something is going to drift off base within a reply or 3, to where "Happy Birthday ARgh787!" becomes "Happy Birthday to Nobody!" to "Which Poaster could be Played by Aunt Bea??" To "Where the heck is Bubba, anyway" to "How To Arc Weld, Today!"

I know most of those are my own doing.  I didn't say I was blameless in any of this.

Or live poasts wind up dead.  And bloated, usually.  Even the dead ones breathe new life, although unwarranted.  So, I'm sitting here at 6:30 in the morning, having been up a couple hours already as my wife is heading to Chicago for a meeting early, and I says to myself "Ace, old buddy.  Or, just old.  You ought to write a poast about Nothing.  Criminy, when you try to write about something, it just comes out to be a big load of nothing.  Maybe if you started with nothing, it'd become something.  Heck, even you might become something, someday.  Not "someone"... it's too late for that, by my figuring.  I mean, if ever there was a person who passed their sell-by date for fame and fortune, it'd be you."

Now, viewers might be surprised that I talk to myself that way.  Not that I talk to myself; I don't think there's any surprise in that.  But by name, and in that tone of voice.  

Well; sure.  I mean; why not?  It's not my real name, and it's not like I was paying attention... so what's the harm?

So, there you go.  Big Buncha Nothing.  Works for me.

In other non-news:
* Chaos and fear reigned on the Internet this week as chatrooms were invaded by a very large and frightening visage of one Travis Goof whose giant avatar head suddenly appeared without warning, threatening to cover their entire screens.  

* A complementary "Free Birthday Wishes Poast" will be provided to all non-birthday celebrating participants of the Poasters Computer Forums.

* A bogus website "Poasters Computer Forearms" was shut down by authorities after discovering its existence.

* No it wasn't.  There are no internet authorities, you doofus.

* Nestorath, noted author and sensitive Collegian, has published his 2nd work of fiction "What A Waste Land Is, When You Put It Around Scuzzy's House".   Barnes & Noble Bookstores originally refused to carry the work, until the original cover featuring Karen's fuzzy navel was replaced with  photos of yard appliances, which was more in the spirit of his theme anyway.

* Pat was deemed more funny than the chatroom Jester simply by poasting a true fishing story, of which would have remained dormant had Travis And His Big Head not replied to the Dang Thing and brought attention to it Once More Dangit.

* Shoot.  Like I did.  Dangit..

* Mysterious "Poasters in Black" are spotted in the chatroom, making some wonder "Where the heck is Bubba, anyway?  And why?"

* You know, coffee helps.  I just came to that conclusion.  I don't mean with clarity, or wisdom, or having a thought.  I mean, just to keep your head up and off the dang keyboard.

* American Idol fans were dismayed to see callers mistakenly think they were watching the "blooper" outtakes of bad tryouts, and not the actual show, causing thousands to vote for Jasmine Trias as the worst of the failed contestants.

* "An os is an os, of cos, of cos, unless it is a talkin os"

* You thought I was kidding by the title.  I don't kid.

* Chatroom confrontation came to a head this week as Iansl accused Shaun, whose real name is Nestorath I think, of not following his own rules on smileys as well as a slight thrown underhanded at the Ace the Jester, who has no real name as he is fictitious,  for not following his.  You know, rules are made to be, and a mind is a terrible thing, so don't be pointing your finger at people because your thumb is just sticking out there looking stupid, you know?!

* Criminy.  

* I wonder if anyone ever attempted to write Science Friction.  I bet there's a lot of material on that.  Just on re-entry, alone.

I'll re-enter later.  You know, you only rent beer, and coffee.  

Ace; I've got plenty of nothin'.  Nothin's plenty for me.


« Last Edit: May 21, 2004, 05:00 AM by Ace »
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Offline Nestor

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #1 on: May 21, 2004, 07:51 AM »
ianSL accused me of huh?

*shrugs*

NOTHING RULES! ALL HAIL THE GREAT NOTHING!

!!!!1oneone!!!1!

...okay, never mind. I think this poast is more nothing than yours, Ace.
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Offline iansl

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #2 on: May 21, 2004, 09:14 AM »
There is one rule that you can easily follow: no rules except for the Admins! Partee...for two seconds, then say Criminy (like Ace does), then talk about nothing and one half, and make something out of it, then edit icons, delete spyware, say nothing again, etc.

There, I said nothing, and if that don't mean something I don't know what doesn't...
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Offline Ace

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #3 on: May 23, 2004, 08:32 AM »
Way.
Hey, I just noticed it's the birthdays today of two poasters I don't know. So, I'll say nothing about it.

Ace; and Scuzzy thinks he can write a dead poast.  
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Offline Nestor

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #4 on: May 24, 2004, 09:54 AM »
This Poast is so dead.



toatally.
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Offline iansl

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #5 on: May 24, 2004, 02:06 PM »
Wow! This poast sure is dead; it's deader than the dead poast, which is a really hyper poast, especially for a dead one.
« Last Edit: May 25, 2004, 06:33 AM by iansl »
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Offline Ace

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #6 on: May 24, 2004, 05:03 PM »
This poast is "dad"...?  What, the "Father Of All Poasts"..?

Criminy, Ian.  Either you proofread worse than a Penguin, or you're more cryptic than one.  I've read your stuff, and you write well, so I'm voting for the "mysterious" tact.  

This is dadder than a dad poast.

Ace; I'm hyper.  Space.
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Offline iansl

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #7 on: May 25, 2004, 06:34 AM »
Dead. That's what it is. I may write well, but I'm a victim to typos just as much as anyone else.
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Offline Wade777

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #8 on: May 25, 2004, 08:52 AM »
OMG ACE!!! This is way off-topic but I LOVE your avatar.

"Adopt a panda. Then kill it"
« Last Edit: May 25, 2004, 08:52 AM by Wade777 »
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Offline Ace

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #9 on: May 25, 2004, 08:55 AM »
I can understand that.  I used to, too, when I typed.  Now I'm just another victim to keyboardos.  

I'm sort of disappointed dissapointed dissappoi oh forget it put off though that it wasn't "dad".. it would've been like a puzzle, to figure out.  

Like in "What Stephen King story was most like "Father Knows Best"...?   The Dad Zone

When does the Wolfman celebrate Mother's Day? When there's a Full Mom out

Or, "What urban legend circulated the Internet that was based on pay phones?" the one where there were supposedly Hyper Dermic Needles stashed in the coin returns that were infected with the AIDS virus

Ace; "Typos are a Disease"  like being fat or drinking too much or other self-inflected behaviors.  Or smelling badly, like Pandas do.


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Offline Nestor

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #10 on: May 25, 2004, 08:58 AM »
If this poast is dead, why do we return to it, again and again, like flies on carrion?
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Offline Ace

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #11 on: May 25, 2004, 09:18 AM »
Vultures have carrion luggage...

HEY!  This is NOT the dang Dead Poast!  This is the Poast About Nothing!  Criminy.  If it was the Dead Poast it'd be about something.  

Oh; and thanks Wade. As the owner of the Best Penguin Avatar or a.k.a. One Most Like Pat I'm glad you like it.  I think some people think my aversion to pandas is sort of a "made up" thing, or a joke.  Let me assure our readers it is not.  Having met the "Giant" Panda in its natural state, meaning curled up in filth in a corner of the concrete encasement at the National Zoo as it refused to come out into the sunshine and nature, I know well the evil that lurks within them.  That they die off soon will be not soon enough.

Interesting nature fact; flies will attract to carrion and all manner of disgusting decomposing crud, but not to a panda.  Even flies have some standards.

Ace; called my dang nothing poast dead.  Where do some people get off.  Geez Louise.
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Offline Nestor

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #12 on: May 25, 2004, 09:55 AM »
I get off at the trax stop in front of the bookstore, typically. Thank you very much.

Would you want to be stuck in a concrete box? Would you feel sociable after whiny shrill kids pelted you with french fries, peanuts, and other such nonsense in an effort to get a rise out of you? But... I'd kill every panda that wouldn't breed to save it's species, that's for sure.

Anyway- Death to Pandas, and Hello to nothing.

By the way, Ace-

Ogenki desu ka?
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Offline Ace

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #13 on: May 25, 2004, 11:02 AM »
Oh, I'm ok.  Not great.  Alright. Aight.  How would I feel if I were a panda?  Well, I would hope to have the decency to kill myself.  

I gotta say; Japanese/English dictionary aids on the web are the most rare and difficult and obscure.  I have a Japanese coworker and have had occasion to try to figure out some of her comments, and it ain't easy.  Especially as the context will affect usage.

I had Spanish in 3rd grade, and French from 4th through 8th, and then German for 3 years in H.S.  And the one semester of German, in German, in college before I bailed.  Since I can't speak German.  And absolutely no resemblance to Japanese.

Well, except for Turning it whenever I hear "The Vapors."  

I also on occasion will mention I was an English major.  I do that, as it's one of my funniest lines.  

Ace; I really think so. Think so. Think so. Think so. Turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so.

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Offline Nestor

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #14 on: May 26, 2004, 07:40 AM »
Did she translate for you?

I'm learning a lot of japanese, in addition to A+ and Domain Controllers... seems like I have to keep cramming my brain with everything.

You're right, everything is contextual.

Teacher: "Good morning student"
Student: "Good morning"
(Class): GASP!

And, to top it off, there are 5, count them, 5 ways of saying a root word, never mind the suffixes and prefixes! ARG! But wait! There's more! There's dialects and accents! There's gender based terminology!

Orewa = I (male)
bokuwa = I (male)
Atashi = I (Gender neutral, but it often has female connotations)
Watashi = I (female)

So, now you know how much pressure I'm under!

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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Offline scuzzy

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #15 on: May 26, 2004, 08:58 AM »
I've given up on other languages, since I'm still having plenty of problems with english. For example: "Did you see the spin on that cue ball? Man, my english sucks."

My other English is okay, I suppose. But it's not all that much better.

Scuzzy; pon tus manos arriba!
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Offline Nestor

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #16 on: May 26, 2004, 09:55 AM »
ja nai, ore wa wakarimasen espanol desu yo

No, no, no, no! I don't understand espanol very well!

illdonde esta la cervezas para mi, senor? Cervesas mos Fina, por favor.

... Ahhhh, los frio de lo imajinavle, que nunca illego.  :'(
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Offline Ace

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #17 on: May 26, 2004, 10:35 AM »
Right; Cervezas mas fina.  

Ace; I learned Spanish from a Corona bottle.  So I don't understand the "pontoon men" reference.
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Offline Nestor

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #18 on: May 26, 2004, 01:40 PM »
pontoon men?  ???

you lost me, buddy.
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Offline Ace

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #19 on: May 26, 2004, 01:55 PM »
Scuzzy said it.  I have no idea what he means.

ok; for those "lost in (cyber)space"; pontus manos arriba.  Which I take to mean "Pontoon Men Arrive."  Like I said, if it's not off the bottle I'm not going to understand it.

Ace; why the heck do I need to know two languages and be bipolar...
« Last Edit: May 27, 2004, 05:09 AM by Ace »
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Offline Nestor

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #20 on: May 27, 2004, 09:28 AM »
HA! The jester knows not!

Languages...

French: por que
Spanish: (alot) la dinastia dey el cerebero
Japanese (alot) Anata ha baka yo Ace
Swahili: koos koos (phonetic)
Vietnamese: dao'cum det'mai
German: Ich lieben bratwurst

And a host of others that I can't think of!
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Offline Ace

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #21 on: May 27, 2004, 09:48 AM »
First off, if I knew all those languages I'd have multiple personalities, not just be bipolar.  

2ndly, yeah, I like bratwurst fine.  Ich liebe dich, too.

Thirdly, you misspelled couscous.

Fourthly, I said I majored in English.  I didn't say I was stupid.  As noted, I've studied other languages besides this one.  I didn't learn them particularly, but I did study them.  Fifthly, you don't know who the pontoon men are either, do ya?  So let's not go pointing fingers at my inadequacies, regardless of how accurate you might be, in whatever sign language you know.

Plus, I too can think of many things I don't know, so you're not the only one, Mr. Smarty Pants.  

Ace; I didn't say I was. Plus, I think it's still "Pork" even in French.
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Offline Nestor

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #22 on: May 27, 2004, 09:58 AM »
The guy i learned french from said it
"pork-wa"

*shrugs*

Let's split some more hairs while we're at it!
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Offline Ace

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #23 on: May 27, 2004, 10:38 AM »
I remember you could get Hog Bristle brushes, with pig hair.  I suppose that'd be the closest to that.

Ace; should have said it "por-qwa". Pour quois.  
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Offline Nestor

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #24 on: May 28, 2004, 09:51 AM »
You're right, i should have said it as such... But I'm intense when it comes to proper spelling and grammar. I don't like spelling phonetically.
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Offline Ace

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #25 on: May 28, 2004, 11:26 AM »
Well, geez Louise, of course I'm right.  I'm the dang Jester.  It's not like I have any choice in the matter...  About the only thing I DO remember (or guess correctly) from 5 years of French is how to pronounce stuff.  Although I'd have to say it's not an intuitive language, in that regard, plus the French are notorious for looking unkindly on those who can't.

Like "Merlot".  Once my wife ordered it in a restaurant, and it came out "Mer-lay."  Of course, I haven't let her forget that, either.

So; are you intense for, or against?  

Logical people tend to have the toughest time spelling, in English, due to the illogic (non-phonetic) nature of a language that's a mix of so many other languages.  I always pass that on to students who feel some loss of self-esteem if they aren't naturally "good" spellers.  It's like typing; we're dealing with an illogical construct that was designed to RESTRICT typing speed (well, and accuracy) so as not to glom up the original primitive machines.  There's times I'd like to find that Qwerty fellow and strangle him.  

I'm casual about grammar.  As a descriptive grammarian, I go with what's done, not what's "correct" or prescribed.  Especially rules that create bizarre, unwieldly, confusing statements that are fundamentally "correct."  

In the future, all discourse will be electronic and limited to smiley face emoticons that will convey all necessary information, and meaning.  

Ace; the French will mostly use this one  ::) and usually to people who mispronounce theirs
« Last Edit: May 28, 2004, 11:27 AM by Ace »
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Offline Nestor

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #26 on: May 28, 2004, 12:53 PM »
When i was a kid, it was expressed upon me to be good at spelling, so much so that I won spelling bees. Grammar came later.
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Offline Ace

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #27 on: May 28, 2004, 02:33 PM »
Well, in a sense, children pick up grammar before spelling.  In that they mimic what's heard, and form a structured way of communicating that follows the usage.  And can't spell a lick, at that point.  But I know what you mean.  

Spelling bees are unusual, in that it's an oral reference.. when typically, people don't misspell a thing verbally.  It's when they have to write it down they have trouble.  I've done spelling tests and moderated bees (what a strange term, especially as I am loathe to tolerate winged insects) where students could only write...  Some where the word was presented incorrectly, and had to (proof it) fix it.  

In the workplace, people who used to get away with misspellings can be (horribly...) "outed" by their emails.  Correct spelling is a measure of intelligence, and learning, to most.. either accurately or not.  I read an email from a college dean that said "I would like you to bare with me as I try to explain this...".  I thought that was acting pretty darn familiar, to coworkers.  At another job my supervisor emailed me that "the point is mute."  I like a quiet point as much as the next guy, unless it's on my dang spear.  

Ok; enough sensible discourse.  It's a dang poast about nothing.  People could get the wrong idea.  Or children could wander in, in search of dirty jokes, and go away disappointed.  Dissapointed.  

You know, the trick in spelling is knowing what words you can't spell.  That one up there would be one of mine.  Just as an example.

Ace; bees.  B's.  
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Offline Nestor

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #28 on: May 28, 2004, 10:22 PM »
You know- It's the weekend. And that means I'm... Way out there. I'm south of where i am, but not nearly as far east as I wanna be. These dang fool Mormons are something I don't understand, and being from Colorado I miss the noraml.

Anyway, I'm raising yet another beer to you, Ace. I'm doing my best to make sure that i don't mispell misspell any words, but it's so HARD. Concentration is vital, so I'm looking at my hands when i type this, though my fingers are starting to go numb from alcohol buzz.

Enjoy the corona, buddy. i am! (smiley) ooh, no, hang on, gotta click it...  ;D

There you go!
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Offline trav

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Re:A Poast About Nothing
« Reply #29 on: May 29, 2004, 10:45 AM »
woh era uoy? ih ecA! olleh, htarotsen, swoh ti giong?
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