Author Topic: JESTERS On STRIKE  (Read 2396 times)

Offline Ace

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JESTERS On STRIKE
« on: Nov 01, 2007, 03:04 PM »
The Amalgamated Michiana Antisocialist Union of Jesters and Associated Phenomenons are hereby on strike.  Here. By now.

We will not work without a new contract, and concessions.  It is insulting to perform difficult and exhausting labor at the pittance of $4 per month, like Whiz said.  Plus, as there is nothing particularly humorous involved with labor negotiations or regarding discussions of wage/hour issues, we have decided to picket the Funny Bone and bring forth a joke stoppage, herein.  Here.  In here.

No Jesters shall be on duty for the contractural obligations of performing puns, snide commentary, sarcastic interludes, non sequiturs, restaurant nor movie reviews, or chasing down obscure Germanic humour on YouTube.  Neither shall we entertain thoughts of a political nature, insults (provoked, or non), or any children who might accidentally happen in.  We will perform no service nor involve ourselves further with these proceedings until our demands are met.

We've had it with the Forum Police's strong armed tactics and armed resistance to our way of life.  Criminy, no sooner does some new possible friend appear through a harmless "Hello" poast espousing some swell product or service of which they happen to work for or try to slip by than they are banned posthaste from the Poast Forum.  Or, some harmless Halloween fun drifts off into the netherlands, or the UK, and the police appear to close down the whole kit, and kaboodle.  We could see the kit causing some consternation, but think the Kaboodle had a perfect right to be there and should have been left alone. 

Like Brittany Spears said, the world is cruel!  And we're tired of the World answering back "Well, you're stupid"...  And Mr. Forum Forearm Police telling me I mean us what to do, a lot.  Like all the time.  I mean, like we're going to remember...  Geez, at least write it down.  Not like we can ever find anything through the "Search" tool, anyway. 

Don't doubt our power, or Solidarity!  Remember; We Shut Down The Whole Dang antivirus poast chain, with our appearance!  There have been Many instances of Jesters putting entire poast chains, if not Rooms, Out of order!  We have the innate ability to cause great destruction, and closure, with our Humourless Power!  When we make our entrance, many Jump To Their Feet!  And Run to the Exits!  Often we wind up without a dry seat in the house.  So.  Honour our picket line, and Strike Against Inhumane Treatment of Jesters.  In many ways, the Worst Job In The World.

You know, we were reading today about these sewer cleaners in India...  Geez Louise, that is one bad job.  First off, our impression of India was that it pretty much is a sewer.  I mean, except for the call centers and some high tech stuff.  Apparently the low-level "Untouchable" caste thing puts some in that career path, as the only game in town.  You can quit it... Well, or die, after a time.  But! Bad as that sounds, it STILL doesn't compare with the trials, tribulations, and torment a Jester faces every stinking day! 

Meet our demands, or Do Without Jesters!  We're not gonna take it!  Anymore! Not any! No More! 

Thank you.

Ace; Jester.  Off duty.  Dangit.  >:(
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Offline Buffalo2102

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Re: JESTERS On STRIKE
« Reply #1 on: Nov 01, 2007, 03:20 PM »
My dog's got no nose........

Buff; let's see you resist that.
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Offline scuzzy

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Re: JESTERS On STRIKE
« Reply #2 on: Nov 01, 2007, 03:32 PM »
Look, darn it. I'd like to remind you that you agreed to work for mere cookie crumbs. In exchange, you are to keep this forum nice and clean, which you haven't. Last week I dropped potato(e) chips all over the floor and I finally had to clean it up myself.

And of course I have to tell you what to do. That's what cops do, dang it. We order clowns, jesters and garden-variety-bozos around. And we yell, threaten and shoot when necessary, which is pretty most of the time. Well, maybe all the time. And let me remind you that I'm getting pretty good at shooting the arms off of bears.

And just like PATCO, you agreed to never strike, quit or take a lunch break. Reagan's boot danced all over their grave, and Sigourney Weaver's pumps are gonna dance all over yours. Then she's gonna dance all over mine once my wife finds out what's going on. However, Britney Spears is not gonna dance anywhere if I can help it. Marie Osmond can dance all she wants as long as she doesn't pass out. So don't take your shoes off.

Now I suggest that you tear down that picket line and go grab a broom like a good little jester. Or a big one. Cause if I get a hold of that broom stick first, you'll have a few knots to show for it. And I'm not referring to Don Knotts.

As for spammers, they are now required to hold a target while poasting in the forum.

Scuzzy; see what happens when I try to be nice?
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Offline Bill

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Re: JESTERS On STRIKE
« Reply #3 on: Nov 02, 2007, 03:34 AM »
And BTW, it's spelled 'stoopid.'

Bill
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Offline Ace

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Re: JESTERS On STRIKE
« Reply #4 on: Nov 02, 2007, 04:34 AM »
You can't boss me around.  Or bully me to show up when I don't.  You're not the boss of me.  I may be a peon, but I'm not a

uh.  Peony.  Yeah. 

Maybe it is "Britney."  I don't care if she's stoopid or stupid.  It was a quote.  Go blame the antecedent.  I demand an honest day's work for my pay.  Go clean up after yourself.  Or, as Santa said, "Go clean up after yours, Elf."

I'm not going to settle for some dang Chrysler type of bargaining agreement, where you turn around and figure to lay off 12,000 of us and close plants and discontinue swell products, like P.T. Cruiser Convertibles or Pacificas.  If there's gonna be an ugly giant gas hogging inefficient vehicle here then it's gonna be me.  Nobody else has the right to take that away from me.

So get your dang motorcycle cop boots off my neck.  Undersized boots, at that.

Ace; Jester. Born Free.  Born in the USA.  Free-Dumb.  Solidariscznoz!  Or whatever the Poles used to say.  Before they froze, and warmed back up.


shoot. How does he smell?



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Offline Ace

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Re: JESTERS On STRIKE
« Reply #5 on: Nov 05, 2007, 05:33 PM »
It has come to the attention of the Union of Antisocialist Soviet Brotherhood of Labour and Jesterhood that the picket lines have been broken by said scab jester strikebreaking lowlife capitalist ratfink mercenary antipasto soulless workers.  Whom have ventured into these sacred grounds and poasted in lieu of authentic Union Jesters. 

Crapweasel pond scum.  Deviants.

And so, we renounce these artifacts of artificial intelligence and their spurious propogation of disingenuous malfeasance.  Plus, having the audacity to imitate real live jesters, and their like.  and, their dislikes.

They are fake, like British Wine.  Like French beer.  Like Italian whiskey.  They are bogus, and false.  They are snakes whom hide behind the refrigerators of the noble, and just.  They are so low, they eat the rodents who crawl behind the major appliances of the good, and wholesome. 

And so, we have had it with them!  The Jesters are Revolting!  Proclaim it loud, and proudly, to the very rooftops, plus the toolbar of your browser!  It is better to have a real Jester say nothing, than to have a false one say something!  Better to bear arms, and bare arms, than to arm bears.  Especially stinking Pandas. 

Ace; that seemed to go well.
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Offline pat

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Re: JESTERS On STRIKE
« Reply #6 on: Nov 06, 2007, 04:05 AM »
I don't think you would want to bare too much out on the line today what with the wind and all of those Oprah magazines flying around in the breeze. A jester could get hurt.

Best to just go back on the job, I think we could come up with some type of enticement, say all the cheese you could eat or something.
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Offline Ace

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Re: JESTERS On STRIKE
« Reply #7 on: Nov 06, 2007, 04:52 AM »
Boy, my wife used to have a subscription to "O" magazine.  Talk about an ad, covered in a magazine cover.  Oprah in tears! Oprah cries herself to sleep over misbehavior! Oprah is devastated!  Geez, someone tell Oprah maybe it's not always about her...

Like Steadman.  He seems to take things well.

Cheese would be good.  I had cheese today, on Italian toast.  It wasn't a good cheese spread... one of those fake orange colored tubs.  I'll add cheese to my list of demands.

Ace; I hope I get back to work soon, since this strike pay sure doesn't make ends meet.
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Offline scuzzy

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Re: JESTERS On STRIKE
« Reply #8 on: Nov 07, 2007, 02:07 AM »
You miscreant. You are no Rigoletto. A real jester would never voluntarily stop picketing and return to work. Not without threats of severe injury. And a real jester would most certainly never agree to stop picking his nose.

I don't know how Buff's dog picks his nose. I suppose he could shop for it at Wal-Mart.

Overall, your strike was about as worthless as putting a bandaid on a corpse. Nothing got done while you were gone, which is no different from when you are here. So I'm not sure what was accomplished.

However, I'll go along with Pat and give you all the cheese you want. However, I do want to know when you are getting ready to cut it. The more warning the better.

Scuzzy; I hope the jesters aren't too revolting.
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Offline Ace

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Re: JESTERS On STRIKE
« Reply #9 on: Nov 07, 2007, 04:06 AM »
Look here, you Forearm Cop, nobody strongarms a Jester into doing anything he wants to do!?  I'll quit striking things when I'm darn good and ready. 

Anyway, the problem now is the comedy writers are on strike, and I've got no material, anyway...  Shoot.  Maybe I'll just switch to taking a Sabbatical.  I think that's when you only work on the Sabbath.  Sorta like ministers, and priests.  Like the opposite of Chick-Fil-A.

Even though I didn't get my demands of higher pay and increased pension and 401K employer contributions and shortened work week and job security and the right to continue to manufacture Chrysler Crossfires, even though they are stupidly designed with no rear end or horsepower of note and ugly to boot, I guess the offer of Cheese would make up for all that.  Even without Buff answering the dang question, after he brought it up.

I grated more of that Romano last night, for salads.  Plus some Parmesan for garlic bread.  Didn't cut any, as such, so that's probably why you didn't notice it.  Yet.

Ace; cheese is grate.
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Offline pat

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Re: JESTERS On STRIKE
« Reply #10 on: Nov 07, 2007, 04:17 AM »
Say, how is Chick-fil-A anyway? I once saw a documentary on the tube about them, but as of yet, have not tried the product. Interesting concept though, could catch on I suppose.

We made apple sauce last night, cored and cut up a half a bushel of Jonagolds, cooked them down and smashed them though a sieve. Dang, is that stuff good. Sorry, due to limited supply this will not be included in your benefit package.......
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Offline Ace

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Re: JESTERS On STRIKE
« Reply #11 on: Nov 07, 2007, 06:11 AM »
Chick-Fil-A sounds like an escort service, doesn't it... No, I don't buy anything there.  It's right by Krispy Kreme, and Home Depot.  I usually do go to Home Depot.  But not for chicken, or donuts.

I've never had homemade apple sauce.  My brother cannot get through a meal without apple sauce.  I don't know why he's addicted to it.  We just get the stuff in jars, but really I don't ever buy it anymore.  If he needs it he can bring his own.

Opening the jar sounds a lot easier than what you went through. 

Ace; I'm picketing my nose, now.

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Offline Mark H

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Re: JESTERS On STRIKE
« Reply #12 on: Nov 07, 2007, 08:47 PM »
I need to be on an engineer's strike so I can have more time to pack prior to moving this weekend.

Mark H
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Offline Ace

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Re: JESTERS On STRIKE
« Reply #13 on: Nov 08, 2007, 04:19 AM »
Shoot. Do it.  Who cares if the trains don't run...  People can catch a later one.

Where are you going?  Are you moving in with JA in Cleveland or Tampa?  East Virginia?  The UK?  Magical Mystical Michiana? 

We should have background music here, with that "where in the world is.... Matt Lauer Carmen Sandiego Osama Obama Waldo Mahrk" song, for all the MIAs.  Of course, some people want to know what became of Katie Couric and Rosie O'Donnell, too, but they don't want to talk about it.

Ace; I don't plan on moving at all this weekend.
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Offline Bill

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Re: JESTERS On STRIKE
« Reply #14 on: Nov 08, 2007, 05:01 AM »
Who could possibly want to know where they are?  MIA, for them, suits me just fine.

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Offline Ace

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Re: JESTERS On STRIKE
« Reply #15 on: Nov 08, 2007, 05:49 AM »
Well, maybe their family.  Or Iowan Caucusers.  My grandfather was named Waldo, so I'd kinda like to know where he is now.

Carmen Electra is pretty much out of sight, which is ok, except Dave Navarro is gonna have a heck of a time getting that "CE" off his chest.  Sandiego was burned down recently, I think.

Ace; I wish we'd lose sight of Rosie.
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Offline Bill

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Re: JESTERS On STRIKE
« Reply #16 on: Nov 08, 2007, 06:39 AM »
The rumor is that she has signed with Sesame Street to help teach the numbers zero and ten.

Bill
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Offline Ace

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Re: JESTERS On STRIKE
« Reply #17 on: Nov 08, 2007, 04:36 PM »
I guess if you can chew gum and scream at the same time you can teach kids the number system.

Ace; I'm for SC against Florida.  I hope the Old Ball Coach whips the "Messiah."
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Offline Whizbang

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Re: JESTERS On STRIKE
« Reply #18 on: Nov 13, 2007, 07:13 PM »
Ace, you really need to stop working part time at Kmart.  The pressure is getting to you.  The mom of the kid with the voracious appetite who is height challenged with the attention getting syndrome did not intentionally step on your foot.  There was just not enough room for her to get her backswing going so she could kick you in the shim after you suggested to the kid that he might better wait until his mom told him he could have the Reeses peanut butter cups before he started devouring the third package from the rack behind the register.

Offline Ace

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Re: JESTERS On STRIKE
« Reply #19 on: Nov 14, 2007, 06:22 AM »
Geez Whiz, Whiz, I don't even shop at KMart...  Well, only time I went there this last year was to buy the high power Crosman BB pistol, since they were the only place where I found it.  And that took two mouthbreather clerks to figure how to get it out of the case and ring it up...

Hey, but guess what though.  Murphy across the street finally retired, so he got a job (that makes sense...).  At Wal*Mart!  As a Greeter!  Go figure.  Yesterday, as he was retaining his posterior while blowing leaves and then vacuuming leaves for a couple hours, I went and ran across the street and deposited one big Leaf in the middle of the lawn while he was mowing after the vacuuming after the blowing. 

And today, it spawned a whole bunch of new leaves!  He's gonna have another busy day ahead, after he greets the WalMartyrs.

Ace; I did go to Super Target.  It's Super.  And usually, I'm a Target.

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