Author Topic: WORST DANG MOVIE EVER  (Read 3779 times)

Offline pat

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Re: WORST DANG MOVIE EVER
« Reply #30 on: Nov 16, 2007, 04:57 PM »
Yeah, that looks pretty good. I think while you're waiting for the DVD to come out I'll go to the movies and see it. Yes indeed I'll wade through mounds of spilled popcorn and spilled pop. Have them turn the volume up so I can here it over the guy in the next seat talking on his cell phone, I just love the human interaction of going to the movies.

Say, if you want a good book to read (not in Old English), let me recommend The Legacy of Heorot and Beowulf's Children, by Larry Niven, Jerry Pournele and Steven Barnes. 

They got dragons.....................

pat; Hey buddy, can you move you're head?
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Offline Ace

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Re: WORST DANG MOVIE EVER
« Reply #31 on: Nov 17, 2007, 08:04 AM »
Wow; way to push this to a new page and get all the attention.

No, I don't want a good book to read.  I'd like a new magazine.  Last books I tried to read were "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" about this guy in India who's training in magic, but it has some cool gory grungy parts.  I quit that about halfway.  And "Ancient Evenings" by Norman Mailer, which I've tried to find in hard cover since paperback was waay too small and too thick to read.  Otherwise my reading has consisted of "Sports Illustrated," "The Absolute Sound," "Car and Driver,"  "Guitar Player,"  and catalogs.  I hate human interaction; I have a tough enough time with inhuman interaction.

Ace; work is subhuman interaction.
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Offline Ace

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Re: WORST DANG MOVIE EVER
« Reply #32 on: Nov 19, 2007, 08:31 AM »
Ok; new nominee.  Worst Movie Ever.  Poorly written, serious gaps in story and logic, and sudden ending just to kill it off.

Wickerman

Nick Cage, in his screaming over actingest best.  Worst.  Nonsensical gaps in logic and plot.  Absolutley no attempt to make of it what they should have. 

Let me give away the "plot": Nick Cage is a cop who stops a woman and child in a station wagon after kid pitches teddy bear out on the highway.  Does it again, he retrieves it while wagon gets pummeled by speeding semi.  Bursts into flames, he can't get kid out (who's just staring passively at him, like he's nuts).  He gets depressed and has a hard time getting over it, although paid leave and pills seem to help.

THIS WHOLE DEVELOPMENT APPARENTLY HAS NOTHING AT ALL TO DO WITH WHAT HAPPENS

Winds up ex-girlfriend sends letter HER kid is missing from mysterious mostly female isle off of Washington. Hops a seaplane there, wears a suit and tie for no reason, doesn't question why there's about 15 guys on the island who 1. never talk  2. work grunt labor  3. sit around in tavern.   Passes pregnant young herd of women, schoolhouse has only girls as no boys are to be found.  Clumsily searches for missing kid, with traces that she's missing.

Ellen Burstyn plays "queen bee" matriarch; large splendorous home (who built all this..?) where she reclines. He stumbles upon one-eyed gross guy in bedroom (boy toy?). No attempt to have OTHER rooms also inhabited.  No followup to apparent pagan "roots".  No hint at really how big this island is or just what all is there.  Just stumble upon things, periodically. 

BIG FINALE: ritual festival of "death and rebirth."  Girl's tied up while the women prance in parade for what seems like miles.  They're pretty toned down, by the end.  Nick saves girl, girl leads him back to women.  It's A SetUp.  He's the one they were after... Even female cop friend was one of them (?).  Apparently need someone tied to them, but not part of them.  He answered the ad.

After they do a James Caan-Kathy Bates thing (whack) he's hoisted up into (drumroll...) a Giant Wicker Man.  Filled with farm animals and him.  Which girl burns down.  The End.

Geez Louise.  Stink.  Stank.  Stunk.  I remember reading racy pagan naturalistic stuff was supposed to be part of it; but besides bees, and a few birds, nuttin.  One of those where you say 1. Why didn't they...?  2. How come nobody ever looked for...?  3. Didn't they know where the plane went, and disappeared? 4. What was that all... 

And the piece that really gripes ya is the whole car wreck/starter gun.  I mean, were they real?  If so, why...?  If not, huh? 

Ace; it was a car wreck of a movie. I give it 3  :P :P :P
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Offline scuzzy

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Re: WORST DANG MOVIE EVER
« Reply #33 on: Nov 19, 2007, 06:50 PM »
That's an excellent review of a movie that I haven't seen, and I agree completely.

With a name like Wicker Man, I would have thought it was about a man who made wicker chairs and other assorted furniture. The movie could have started out with him taking furniture to market atop his station wagon, and then an accident happens where a chair or stool goes flying into oncoming traffic. Of course, all the cars involved in the accident instantly roll over and explode as they do in real life.

He would then take paid leave and lots of pain killers, booze, etc.

Scuzzy; I don't know why I'm not consulted before they make all these movies.
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Offline Ace

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Re: WORST DANG MOVIE EVER
« Reply #34 on: Nov 20, 2007, 04:35 AM »
I guess it did have Celtic Women in it... Or Anglo Saxon.  But for the most part, they were pretty husky and unpleasant ones.  Except for Willow, Nicholas Cage's ex-girlfriend.  Willow was a better movie.

If it was done realistically, Cage would have played a depressed cop who went on paid leave and overdosed on donuts, and went chasing a bathroom.  I could have believed in that.  I didn't tell everything, though, in case someone actually does want to see it... like him being allergic to bees, and getting stung.  And then having the helmet put on him where they pour bees down onto his head, and they have to bring him around with his own syringe just so they can cremate him...  Or him digging up a grave and only finding the girl's doll.  Or falling into the flooded crypt...

Oops.

Ok, otherwise, that's pretty much all I can say about it. 

Ace; I usually like movies with dragons, unless they're played by Sean Connery.  Or movies with Nick Cage and Sean Connery.
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Offline Bill

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Re: WORST DANG MOVIE EVER
« Reply #35 on: Nov 20, 2007, 04:53 AM »
And what might be the problem with a good Scot like Sean that has the hagus to show up in public in a kilt? Pray tell, laddie.

William of the Lowcountry; nothing down here resembles the Highlands, more like Middle Earth, lots of Orcs.
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Offline Ace

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Re: WORST DANG MOVIE EVER
« Reply #36 on: Nov 20, 2007, 02:52 PM »
"Ah Dawn Wahnt Mah Fraydum..."

Sounds like you're in the Lowbrow Country.  Or unibrow country.  Anyway, I thought his name was Sean, not Scot.  You know, as a kid, I thought that was pronounced "Seen" Connery.  Of course, I thought Nova Scotia was "Nova Scottia" as far as pronunciation. 

Ace; I get a lot of stuff wrong...
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Offline Bill

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Re: WORST DANG MOVIE EVER
« Reply #37 on: Nov 20, 2007, 03:01 PM »
Now you be carefil wha yu sey 'bout Deliverance, boy.  There ain't no 'brow' here, hair and eyebrows are indiscernible.
As I said, Orcs.

William
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Offline Ace

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Re: WORST DANG MOVIE EVER
« Reply #38 on: Nov 20, 2007, 04:39 PM »
You know, looking at Orcs, you gotta wonder "Where are the dentists in Middle Earth..?"  Although not like I'm going to one, unless kicking and screaming.

I wish I had hair and eyebrows forming a formidable front. Like Eddie Munster.  "Scot William".  That sounds nice, together.  I don't remember a dragon wearing a kilt, although I guess the freedom of movement would be sorta cool.

Ace; I mean "cool."
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Offline Bill

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Re: WORST DANG MOVIE EVER
« Reply #39 on: Nov 21, 2007, 03:29 AM »
Kilts are the answer to the boxer or briefs question.

Scot William; you're right.
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Offline Ace

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Re: WORST DANG MOVIE EVER
« Reply #40 on: Nov 21, 2007, 04:10 AM »
I bet Mel Gibson went commando, under that thing.  That would've gotten it a tougher rating.  Well, unless it was a computer generated Mel Gibson, who wasn't really there.  Sometimes, by his actions, it seems he isn't all there.

You know, as far as disappointment and missed opportunity under the category "way to come up with a hopeful premise and then botch the stupid story and make it far less than anyone ever thought it could be", I'd put Wickerman right up there with The Village.  And both of them looked like they could be good, by the outtakes.  And both had that special moment where you thought "Oh, for gosh sakes... don't tell me.." as the story went sideways and then right across the road.  Or down the prancing path, as it were.  Sideways didn't really have a plot, now that I think of it.  But it sure had Merlot.

Ace has AI
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