Author Topic: Golf  (Read 950 times)

Offline Bubba

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Golf
« on: Aug 27, 2007, 08:05 PM »
Ace and I were waiting to tee off on hole#1 when a beautiful lady walked up to us and asked if she could join us,,,,,,,,, and of course we said yes!

Later she was putting for an even round on 18. She had about a 50 foot putt for par. She turned to us and asked, "Who ever helps me make par, I will give him a big hug and a long passionate kiss."


The "expert" Ace says, "Putt it sharp,,, 18 inches to the right,,,,,, it will break back left and drop in .

She said,  " Oh honey, I am just not sure I can do that."

So she then asked me for help.

I says, "Looks like a gimme to me..." ;)
Like Grandpa used to say, "maybe there ain't nothin' wrong, but, somethin' aint' right."

Offline Ace

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Re: Golf
« Reply #1 on: Aug 28, 2007, 04:02 AM »
I'll give you a gimme...

Figures I'd be stymied on the final hole, and you'd get the girl.  Someday I'm going to make up one of your stories about us.  Then somebody else will have to replace the flag.

Ace; now we'll probably head to the 19th hole and I'll get stuck buying a round for the crowd because of an ace.
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Offline Bubba

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Re: Golf
« Reply #2 on: Aug 28, 2007, 04:36 AM »
When you get to the 19th hole,,,, save me a seat,,, I may be a while  ;D
Like Grandpa used to say, "maybe there ain't nothin' wrong, but, somethin' aint' right."

Offline pat

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Re: Golf
« Reply #3 on: Aug 28, 2007, 03:30 PM »
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Offline Ace

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Re: Golf
« Reply #4 on: Aug 28, 2007, 06:29 PM »
Ok, first off, I'm upset that I wasn't invited to the dang wedding.  Criminy, a Jester would be the perfect addition to your daughter's wedding.  Everybody loves a Jester, at a wedding.

Ok, maybe not everybody.  But it still would've been nice of you to ask.  Not that I would have felt obligated to provide a gift, since I really don't know her that well and I don't have a problem saying "no" to things I don't want to do.

Thirdly, and I oughta get Lance's counsel on this from California, but "going golfing" is not the same as playing golf.  "Going Golfing" is what non-golfers do, to imitate golf.  Like "anyone for tennis"...?  Here you are knocking the poor ball over trees, like a homerun is going to count for more.  And Bubba is one of those guys riding around in a cart with a cooler, shirt off, smoking a stogie and slashing at the ground like it's a snake stuck behind a major appliance.

Look, I golfed this weekend, and it didn't resemble either of those extremes.  I hit some good shots, and some horrific ones.  I missed out on a Ping 3 iron on eBay by 50 cents and about half an hour...  I drank Modelos, but at my Father in laws after the round and not during.  I hit it over stuff, but mostly my brother as he pushed the thing around in 100 yard increments.

And I couldn't make a putt to save my life.  I can only hope I don't die, and wind up at the Pearly 18th green, and St. Peter doesn't say "Ok, Ace, all you gotta do for eternal salvation plus free bar snacks is sink this 6 footer"....  Mostly because I'd wonder "why the heck did he call me 'Ace'?"

If a burglar came in, I could take him out with a 9 iron.  But I know I'd miss him completely with the putter. 

My brother would have gone looking for Pat's ball.  He'd rather wander off into the weeds and trees and tracks and who knows what, in search of a lost ball, than actually play one.  Like he only has the one. 

Golf is tough, since it's the opposite of reason.  To hit the ball up you need to hit down.  If you swing left it goes right.  If you aim left it goes right.  Aim right it goes left.  To hit it farther swing easier.  I think Pat and I should play, plus he should spring for Margaritas after.  If we have them before, then we might not play as well.

ace; or care.



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Offline Bubba

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Re: Golf
« Reply #5 on: Aug 28, 2007, 06:50 PM »
Whoa, Ace,,,,,, you could not make a putt to save your life,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,now hold on,,,,, I only help beautiful ladies with their putts,,,,,, I have my standards,,,,, well non-standards,,,,,,, no matter,,,,,,,, my fee can only be accepted from beautiful ladies,,,,,,, maybe someone in the wedding party will coach you with your putting.

Like Ace, I also am offended,,, unless my wedding invitation is stuck in the back of the mailbox,,,,,,,I would stick my hand in there to check,,, but do not want to find the snake there,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Just re-send our invitations, perhaps my gift will be snake-skin boots. Can I bring the gal I met on the golf course  ????   Her name is Trixie, I believe she said she taught,,, Sunday school.
Like Grandpa used to say, "maybe there ain't nothin' wrong, but, somethin' aint' right."