Author Topic: Indiana  (Read 907 times)

Offline Bubba

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Indiana
« on: Aug 06, 2007, 09:04 AM »
"You know you're from Indiana when...

 

 1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

 

 2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

 

 3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

 

 4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

 

 5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.

 

 6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

 

 7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

 

 8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

 

 9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

 

 10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

 

 11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

 

 12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

 

 13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

 

 14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

 

 15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

 

 16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

 

 17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

 

 18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

 

 19. You wonder how service stations keep their restroom's so clean.

 

 20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

 

 21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

 

 22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

 

 23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

 

 24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

 

 25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

 

 26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

 

 27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

 

 28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

 

 29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

 

 30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65. 

Like Grandpa used to say, "maybe there ain't nothin' wrong, but, somethin' aint' right."

Offline Ace

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Re: Indiana
« Reply #1 on: Aug 06, 2007, 03:01 PM »
Alright, alright.  That was not all that funny.  And this is NOT the forum for that sort of thing...

First off, most people from Indiana would probably miss the first question "Where are you from?" anyway.  You go and ask that at the local Wal-Mart and the majority would say "you mean now?"  And look, a lot of those aren't true.  Heck, the only ones I'd say are accurate are 2, 3, 4 (that warming helps), 6, 9 (the landfill has a garage sale every year), 10 (well, mine's on the shelves in the kitchen), 20, 22, 28.  I'm not 65 yet, but I'd agree with that one about the deer. 

Of course, only Hoosiers would actually arrange to take their garage to the landfill, for the sale.  A garage is very important to people in Indiana, since that is where they sit to look out at the world.  We don't have "decks"; just swing the door open and arrange the patio furniture right there in that grand opening.

So that means a lot of these are lies, darn lies, or statistics. 

You know, Illinoisians from Illinois aren't all that dang smart or civilized either.  You guys have reptiles stuck behind your refrigerators... heh.  And, uh... you drink funny light beer, and have appliances in your yard... surrounded by reptiles!  Wait.. maybe I'm thinking of Colorado...  No, there can't be reptiles there, since it's always snowy.

And don't even start me with North or South or Middle Carolinians!  Tell those people to throw something on the grill, and they look for a female in their yard... yeah.

Look, it's not nice to point out how dumb people are.  I mean, dumb people won't even get it, so what's funny about that!?  Plus, Illinois has politically incorrect Indian sports team mascots but INDIANA NAMED THEIR WHOLE DANG STATE AFTER INDIANS!! SO THERE, WISEGUY!! Now who looks stupid, huh!!

Our Indians aren't as rich as the ones in Michigan, who just opened that new Casino.  But by golly they wouldn't BE so dang well off if it wasn't for Indianians heading up there to give them our money!1!  So let's give credit where it's deserved.

I'll be back when I can think of other examples of how people from Indiana aren't as dumb as we look.

Ace; you just wait.

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Offline Bubba

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Re: Indiana
« Reply #2 on: Aug 06, 2007, 03:48 PM »
ok,,ok,,,, I am distraught with being held hostage in my own house,,,, well not hostage I guess,,,, what is it,,,,, ,,,,,,,,, tormented,, yeah,, like the Lutz's of  "The Amittyville Horror"  fame,,,, or infamous,,,,

Indiana is a wonderful place,,,,,,,,,,,except the race track,,,,, flat track and  lots  of "can't see anything seats " or "can see the finish line only seats"
Like Grandpa used to say, "maybe there ain't nothin' wrong, but, somethin' aint' right."

Offline pat

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Re: Indiana
« Reply #3 on: Aug 06, 2007, 04:54 PM »
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Offline Bubba

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Re: Indiana
« Reply #4 on: Aug 07, 2007, 03:11 AM »
Hey wait a minute,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I just did the stop/back-up/turn-left application Saturday. Perfectly executed and I might add locally accepted as the proper way to negotiate a missed turn. Called the "daydream recovery move"


Illinois' main objective is to keep Indiana and Iowa from forming a relationship. No good can come of that. Indiana,,,,, well he isn't to smart, has made some poor choices, and Iowa,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, well,,,,,yikes !! She is just ugly. One can only imagine the off-spring from that pairing. A result  named Acediana would be homeless once it left the fold,,, [ in the map ] there would be no place to put it. Can't go north, that would put a "bump" in the border,,,,, south already has a bump with Texas,,,, east or west,,,,,,,,,,,,, well that would require the construction, of a large oil rig type platform, just not practical. So Illinois is doing the country and the world a great service. Perhaps somewhere in the world there is a country for sale or rent, then
if Louie Farrakhan gets too annoyed with traffic,, he can move to the new Acediana, That is possible if,  Indiana puts on a disguise, and if confronted says it is Ohio, and avoids Illinois by going through KY. and MO.  and the unthinkable happens.
Like Grandpa used to say, "maybe there ain't nothin' wrong, but, somethin' aint' right."

Offline Ace

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Re: Indiana
« Reply #5 on: Aug 07, 2007, 04:30 AM »
I enjoy the "doze off" of the lead car at a left turn signal that doesn't last long...  Or the slob that is in the middle of the pack crawling along, and goes just fast enough that he goes through on the yellow and leaves you at the intersection.  I'm thinking of pushing them through it.

This morning across the border Michigan is getting pummeled by storms coming across "their lake" while Northern Indiana is only getting a taste.  Rain doesn't taste like much...  I'm afraid Ohio will swallow Indiana at some point, and grow even larger.  I think it's a continent.

You know, I'm watching that "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?" show and the question was "Which continent is also a country?" and the woman looks confused and says "Well, they all are..."  Probably from Indiana.  We're going to try a version of that show, but we're gonna knock it down to "Are you smarter than an all-day kindergartener" to make it more competitive.

Ace; putting an Indiana kid in kindergarten for a full day is a waste of half a day.
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Offline pat

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Re: Indiana
« Reply #6 on: Aug 07, 2007, 04:39 AM »
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Offline Ace

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Re: Indiana
« Reply #7 on: Aug 07, 2007, 01:47 PM »
Fool me once, shame.. shame on you.  How is our children learning?  I have no idea.

I'm thinking of an easier level of game show...  Besides "Are you smarter than the president?"  Either
Are You Smarter Than Tyra Banks?
or
Are You Smarter Than a *****cat Doll?

aCE; don't forget the lyrics.  Let alone the melody.
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