Author Topic: SNAKE !!  (Read 2623 times)

Offline Bubba

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SNAKE !!
« on: Jul 31, 2007, 02:44 PM »
Is this the wrong forum for this poast ????

It ain't no funny bone.


I heard my mouse trap pop last night,,, went to designated mouse trap zone  [ MTZ ]  Trap was gone,,,, dang, thought a I had a tail capture, and he scurried under cupboard.  Rolled fridge forward to look under cupboard,,,,,,,, AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!   A &*^%$($ Bull Snake was behind fridge . AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!  I was nearly killed by shock !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or from jumping back and hitting my head on the ceiling.  Woke the wife up, to assist in capture,,, [ she  was unconcerned by the whole thing, said if it don't eat, it will just die, Sweet Jesus a dead snake "somewhere in our kitchen " ? AAH!!!  ]  Anyway before I can get situated,,,  it slithered back under cupboard.....  Installed weapons of mass destruction to capture the beast when he returns tonight. Or will it,,,, it will hunt me down while I sleep, and ,, and,,, AHHHHHHHHHHHHH , do horrible things to me.

Will need therapy as soon as the shock wears off,,,,, and that can't happen until it is captured !!!!


I remember the narrator for the " JAWS 2 " trailer,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "in all the ocean, there was only one ?"


Send Help !!!
Like Grandpa used to say, "maybe there ain't nothin' wrong, but, somethin' aint' right."

Offline Ace

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Re: SNAKE !!
« Reply #1 on: Jul 31, 2007, 03:02 PM »
Geez, there's no "right" forum for that poast.  Unless we had a "scare the bejeebers outta people" room.

Samuel L. Jackson in "SNAKES IN A KITCHEN! THE SEQUEL!"

You know, the mouse would've been enough for me.  I hate snakes even worse than spiders, and wasps.  At least with arachnids and insectoids I've got chemicals and rubber snappers.  Unless Raid comes out with a "House and Garden Snake" spray I don't have any way to deal with those.  What was the thing after, cheese?  I've never heard of a Cheese Snake.  I'm glad I'm in Indiana and not Illinois; you guys are way too outdoorsy for my tastes.  I've never seen a snake around, nor do I plan to.
That's a lot of bullsnake; you're not kidding.  And, no, I wouldn't choose the "let it crawl around until it's dead, unless it eats something then it won't" theory.  I would expedite its demise.  How about gasoline, behind the cupboards?  Dump ice on it?  Mongoose? 

Look, let us know if it hunts you down and kills you.  I'd think it'd only be attracted to Bull, so you should be

Ok, look, be careful.  You really could be in great danger.  It isn't funny, you're right.  Well, actually, it's a little amusing from here, but I'm sure not where you are. 

Ace; you could try making "squeaky" sounds, and see if it'll come to you.  Or just keep it, to kill mice; then you wouldn't need the traps.  Maybe it'll transmute into a bird, or opossum.  That happens down south sometimes.
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Offline Bubba

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Re: SNAKE !!
« Reply #2 on: Jul 31, 2007, 03:20 PM »
My counter assault consists of 2 rat traps,,,,, 4 sticky bait boxes taped to floor,,, 2 mouse traps,,,, ok, the mouse traps are placebos  [ sugar pills ]  or annoyances to guide the monster into death rays,,,  I put up a shield around the combat zone to keep Ozzie out [ my black LAB, who is dealing with this very well, the innocents of youth is his salvation, yet he seems confused ,,,, as I monitor the death pit ] . Nothing may destroy the python, but it may cause enough confusion that ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,my wife can reach in and grab it !  [ My mama did not raise no fool ]

As it slithered away last night,,,,,, it turned and glared at me,,,,,  I am sure it did,,,,,and I read it's lips,, yes snakes have lips,,,, I could see " I'll be back !"

Did not sleep all night,,, like the  kids on Elm Street,,,,,, if I fall asleep,,,,, the beast has all the power.

Perhaps my wife's cooking will destroy this monster, I will use her baked ham for my "Fat-Boy"

I need some Lucky Strikes, and a harmonica,,,,, then just wait,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
« Last Edit: Jul 31, 2007, 03:55 PM by Bubba »
Like Grandpa used to say, "maybe there ain't nothin' wrong, but, somethin' aint' right."

Offline pat

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Re: SNAKE !!
« Reply #3 on: Jul 31, 2007, 06:19 PM »
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Offline Bubba

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Re: SNAKE !!
« Reply #4 on: Jul 31, 2007, 10:00 PM »
Pat,,,

your stories of your successful escape from the Yellows  is stirring,,,, but,, for some reason I fail to feel the joy. I have consumed too many Busch Lights,,,, I will soon fall prey to my demon when I doze off,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, instead of killing your wasps, jackets, hornets,,, whatever, recruit them to do battle with my demon form HE** !   I must now sit with my Luckys and harmonica,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,waiting,,,,,,waiting,,,,,,,,wai        zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Like Grandpa used to say, "maybe there ain't nothin' wrong, but, somethin' aint' right."

Offline pat

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Re: SNAKE !!
« Reply #5 on: Aug 01, 2007, 04:23 AM »
Sounds like you need some snake repellent.

Just spry a little of this in the direction of the snake and no more snake.
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Offline Ace

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Re: SNAKE !!
« Reply #6 on: Aug 01, 2007, 04:29 AM »
Actually, I think the snake figures it is home.

Criminy, I haven't had a Lucky Strike since sharing a pack with my dad, fishing.  I don't think committing suicide is gonna make the snake leave any faster.

I was enthralled with Pat's fight to the death with wasps.  Sorta like "300", where the odds are against you but you still show valor and great courage.  Ok, I guess the 300 would be the wasps and Pat would have to name the film "1."  Anyway, anytime a wasp bites it I'm happy.  I killed one of those huge wasps, that look sorta brown when they're flying and are twice the size of a normal one.  They actually have a black and white striped abdomen.  I have it in a plastic bottle on the porch, as a trophy.  

I thought Hillary was Bush Light.  You know, I hope you don't wind up with a bunch of stuck rats and mice.  That snake is gonna think you ordered dine-in for him, and he's really gonna feel at home.

Ace; if I'd had been Eve, nobody woulda gone near the freaking snake.
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Offline Mark H

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Re: SNAKE !!
« Reply #7 on: Aug 01, 2007, 07:26 PM »
I had two 30" long black rat snakes in my furnace closet one year and they were trying to make little snakes when I heard them fall from the steel ceiling beam allowing me to discover them. I got them out and never saw them again. With two black rat snakes and two cats, a mouse wouldn't stand a chance in the house that day.

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Offline Bubba

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Re: SNAKE !!
« Reply #8 on: Aug 01, 2007, 08:47 PM »
I am a old farm kid,,, here in Illinois, but never saw to many snakes,,,,, garters,,grass,,, [ same ? ]   bull,, gopher  [ same ] then we did have these beeeeeeg black snakes,,,,, maybe we called them tree snakes,,,,,, they were looooooooong sometimes. And there are water snakes on the river,,,,, probably more but so what ,,,,,,,,,,I only have one hiding better than Bin Laden in my house.


I have an elaborate snake capture pit designed,,, and have a photo of it,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, how do I insert a .jpg into a poast here ?


p.s.   hey Pat,,, checked on your Snake repellent, suggestion.  They seem to be sold out,,,,,,,,,, last one went to a guy named Ace in Indian-anna.
Perhaps he is targeting my house  in IL ,,,, ok fine,,, I will sacrifice myself for the greater good of mankind.

« Last Edit: Aug 01, 2007, 08:55 PM by Bubba »
Like Grandpa used to say, "maybe there ain't nothin' wrong, but, somethin' aint' right."

Offline Ace

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Re: SNAKE !!
« Reply #9 on: Aug 02, 2007, 02:58 PM »
Yep, and just like with Bin Laden you had the thing cornered and in your sights and you let him right out of the trap and into hiding in some dang dark cave in Pakis

well, Kitchenland.  Same thing. 

Criminy, it sounds like Illinois is crawling with snakes.  If we did have any around right now, they'd be baked. 

You know what you might try; that "Secret" thing we were talking about a poast down... You need to think Happy Thoughts.  Oh, and Positive Thoughts.  Positive Happy Thoughts.  Expect Success.  And Happiness.  Stuff Like that.  Expect things to work out, and they will.  If you think negatively like you're gonna sacrifice yourself and die in your sleep in the coils of some bullsnake like a mouse then it's your own dang fault if it comes true, because self fulfilling prophecies have a habit of fulfilling themselves. 

Sometimes when things aren't going well, I like to shift my paradigms too.  Try putting them on top of the table, instead of on the floor.  It can make a world of difference.  I wonder if those are like pants, where you only see a pair of them and not just a "digm" all by itself.

ace; if it's heads up, I think it's lucky. 
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Offline Bubba

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Re: SNAKE !!
« Reply #10 on: Aug 02, 2007, 07:40 PM »
The wife said to get a pet mouse, to attract the demon,,,,,,,,,,,, geez,,,,, I told you she was no one to mess with,,,, poor little white mouse,,,, Criminy,, what if the mouse gets away, has babies,,,, then what,,,,, the snake will die of obesity.

Let it be put on the record,,,, "I" do not wish to involve innocent civilians  or put then at risk,,,, I am too kind hearted,, but my wife ,,, she,,, she is cold,,,,,when ever she walks by the thermostat, the furnace kicks on   ,,,,,,,,,, beware,,,,, tell all your mice friends to lay low.
Like Grandpa used to say, "maybe there ain't nothin' wrong, but, somethin' aint' right."

Offline Ace

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Re: SNAKE !!
« Reply #11 on: Aug 03, 2007, 02:19 PM »
Man, you guys sound like the Clintons.  Mr. "I feel your Pain" and Mrs. "I'll cause it."  She sounds like Hillary; doesn't want to talk to anybody, isn't afraid to nuke'em. 

I don't know any mice friends.  I've had friends who were rats, but not anymore.  You know, a fat snake would be a great door insulator.  One of those things you roll up to the bottom of it, to keep the draft out.

I can't put anything on a record; they're all in boxes in the crawl space.  I can put it on a CD. 

Ace; I bet a snake would like a crawl space... 
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Offline Bubba

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Re: SNAKE !!
« Reply #12 on: Aug 04, 2007, 11:03 AM »
The Clinton's,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, YIKES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Does that mean the snake is my Monica Lewinsky ?? 

Crawled under my fridge  and now won't leave without a bizarre investigation ???

I never touched that snake,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,  !
Like Grandpa used to say, "maybe there ain't nothin' wrong, but, somethin' aint' right."

Offline Ace

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Re: SNAKE !!
« Reply #13 on: Aug 04, 2007, 01:08 PM »
Sorry; didn't mean to scare you more.  I have no idea what became of Monica Lewinsky... I'm guessing she'll be the next addition to "The View."

I guess if "it" is behind your fridge, it depends on what "it" means... 

Alright, here's a bad option...  Bill had Fleetwood Mac playing "Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow".  Hillary could have Whitesnake do a reunion and perform at her inauguration.  Or coronation.  Whatever she's expecting.

Ace; in the heat of the night, I turn on the air.
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Offline Bubba

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Re: SNAKE !!
« Reply #14 on: Aug 05, 2007, 06:53 PM »
Saturday,,, the elaborate snake capture device  was dismantled,,, perhaps out of desperation,,, we shut down the snake trap,,,,,, we did leave the "token" mouse traps locked-n'-loaded for any misfit mouse that may come by in the future.
 
 
Today Sunday afternoon,, upon arriving home,,,,,,,,,,,, both the mouse traps were tripped !!!
 
The wife went into combat mode,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I said  " huh" ? The result of Busch Light  Syndrome.
 
 
The feeling is the beast has begun moving again,,,,,,,,,,,,,we slid the refridge out once again,,,,,,,,,,,,, my heart is just now beating again,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, .............
 
 
"Some" of the original snake trap devices are back in service,,,,,,,,,
 
Please pray for us,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Like Grandpa used to say, "maybe there ain't nothin' wrong, but, somethin' aint' right."

Offline Bubba

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Re: SNAKE !!
« Reply #15 on: Aug 06, 2007, 12:05 PM »
Escalation has begun: Operation Rolling Snake

My wife called a hired killer/mercenary.   She declared to me : " I don't care if it costs $1000,, I want that snake gone !!!!! " I pictured he would look like a guy from the movie "THE ROAD WARRIOR" !

But he was a  friendly,  normal guy.


Not exactly a declaration of war, but perhaps a police action.   The guy laid out some "sticky" traps,,,, with some kind of Top Secret snake lure stuff.

I would have used a naked snake photo myself.


Pray my wife does not keep going,,,, and proceed with a total genocide of all her pests,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, that would mean me and the dog Ozzie !
Like Grandpa used to say, "maybe there ain't nothin' wrong, but, somethin' aint' right."

Offline Ace

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Re: SNAKE !!
« Reply #16 on: Aug 06, 2007, 02:44 PM »
How the heck can you tell if a snake is naked or not...

Ok; stupid question.  You trap the snake in sticky stuff.  I assume that doesn't kill it outright, unless it goes into "shock."  So then how long does it take for a snake to keel over dead?

Well, ok, I guess you can't keel over if you're already down, on your belly... How long does it take to lie dormant, deadish?  Can you hasten its demise?  Strangle it?  Use a hammer?  Punch it in the gut?  Microwave it?  Or do you just have to wait for it to curl up and die? 

Does this guy remove it?  Or is his work here done?  Ironically, you've probably pretty much guaranteed it can't be "gone" but is gonna be stuck right there.  I hope you didn't mean a naked photo OF yourself...  I have no idea what effect that would have on the snake, unless to strike him dead or turn him to stone.  Or salt.  Or throw up. 

ace; geez, I'd hate to have some stuck snake puking up mouse fur behind my fridge... That's just gross.  Little white hairballs, with tiny ears and whiskers.
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Offline Bubba

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Re: SNAKE !!
« Reply #17 on: Aug 06, 2007, 04:01 PM »
You can tell a naked snake by the tan line in it's body,,,,

I suspect the death scene will look like the old Japanese dinosaur movies when a creature gets stuck in the tar pits.  Yikes !  I hope the snakes death screams do not call in all snakes in the neighborhood, who will seek revenge on me.  Oh no,,,,,,,,,,,,, I will rat  [ hee hee rat ]  out my wife,,, this is all her doing,,, I was preparing to negotiate peace, since my small arsenal could not bring him down. 

The snake man said,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, he would return ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Like Grandpa used to say, "maybe there ain't nothin' wrong, but, somethin' aint' right."

Offline Ace

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Re: SNAKE !!
« Reply #18 on: Aug 07, 2007, 04:38 AM »
"Screaming death snakes."  That'll keep you from heading to the fridge for a late-night snack.

Wanted to see how things are holding up today... anything stuck and dead in the house?  Stuck and screaming?  That'd be kinda funny if the snake got its tongue stuck on that stuff, too...  I'm still trying to envision what an old Japanese dinosaur looks like. 

You know, if you just keep rolling the fridge out, and back, you're sure to nail him sometime. 

Ace; she do the tube snake boogie, as ZZTop would say.
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Offline Ace

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Re: SNAKE !!
« Reply #19 on: Aug 24, 2007, 04:30 AM »
BUBBA!!

I just wanted to see if he was alive, still.  Or if there's a bloated snake stuck behind his fridge, after engorging itself on the Bubbas of Illinois.  I know he disappears from time to time, but criminy this is a lousy time to take a sabbatical after telling everyone he's in imminent danger and all.  I wish I had the snake man's number, so I could call and see how it all came out.

Ace; he probably shoulda just dumped a Bud Light behind the fridge, to chase it out.

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Offline Bubba

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Re: SNAKE !!
« Reply #20 on: Aug 24, 2007, 04:58 AM »
Just got home after an 8 day vacation to Michigan. Went to MIS for the races.

Confusion here at the snake pit !!!!  Our son "MadDog" , was checking on the house while we were away, he removed a mouse from a trap next to snake trap !!!!!???????????!!!!!!!!!!

So,,,,, snakes eat mice,,,,,,, so why would the snake take a pass on a mouse and allow it to be trapped, like a mouse in a snake free environment ?

Is the snake,,,, dead,,, some where ? [ yuck ]  Is it eating the dog's food instead of being a meat eater ? Or is it just a mentally challenged creature, who never did eat any mice, just got into house to watch Animal Planet and drink my Busch Light ??????????

The Snake Man laid out his sticky traps,,, and never called back ! He just hung us out to dry. Maybe the snake followed him out the door,into his vehicle, and strangled him on some remote road. One of those "needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few" kinda' things. The stupid snake could have left a note saying he was going to do that,,,,,,,,,,,!!!!

All hope is lost,,, send an Exorcist !

No wait an  Acercist, he can make anything want to leave ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ;D
Like Grandpa used to say, "maybe there ain't nothin' wrong, but, somethin' aint' right."

Offline Ace

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Re: SNAKE !!
« Reply #21 on: Aug 24, 2007, 01:35 PM »
Why the heck did you name your son after Mogen David 20-20 wine... you guys are as strange as the Scuzzies when it comes to kids' names.

I did like the emoticons, framed by commas.  It reminds me in the Mezzoquantexian Era when we had to make our own symbols by hand; like :-) and ;-c and ^._.^ or ^o_o^ for Scuzzy and :^{| for me.  And #$(@* while waiting for a you-tube segment to load.

Otherwise, I can't tell you how glad I am to hear your poast and see your voice.  Sorry I confused Busch Light with Bud Light.  Not being a fan of pale colored water, I get them confused.  I like a good thick Guinness and a steak knife, or a pungent Corona, or a skunk Heineken myself. 

I'm not sure what an Acercist would be good for.  Actually, it sounds like someone you'd hire to get rid of Ace.  Man, if I had a nickel for every time somebody wanted me to do that, I would have one shoebox full of nickels.  They should do an excorcize show with Linda Blair.  Call it "Biggest Loser; Deal or No Deal?" for those who'd sell their soul to be thin.

How the heck do you strangle a snake?  I mean, where does the neck begin?  And how's he gonna leave a note?  A snake can't use a laptop; criminy, thy don't have laps.

Let us know when you unravel, plus the mystery of the dead mouse and missing dog's food and sticky notes.  That'd be funny if the snake guy was stuck in the back of his van on a bunch of traps that fell over on him...  I do hope the snake is dead.  I hope it's somewhere where you can confirm its demise, but not some horribly scary place like the bathtub or underwear drawer or shoe or a hat, where you could be in danger just discovering the corpse.

How was MIS?  We had a MIS team on my last job, but all they did was work on computers and data at the place.  They were never in much of a hurry, so not like I'd watch them race each other.

Ace; rcist.  Boo.

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Offline Mark H

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Re: SNAKE !!
« Reply #22 on: Aug 25, 2007, 12:36 PM »
I bet the snake has vacated the premises the same way it arrived.
Enjoy the nature that is around you rather than destroying it.

Offline Bubba

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Re: SNAKE !!
« Reply #23 on: Aug 27, 2007, 07:44 PM »
Not sure if he escaped, or is in hiding,,,,,almost don't care anymore,,, I guess if he wanted to eat me, or the wife, or Ozzie the dog,, he would have done so by now. We will hang a stocking for him come Christmas season.
Like Grandpa used to say, "maybe there ain't nothin' wrong, but, somethin' aint' right."

Offline Ace

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Re: SNAKE !!
« Reply #24 on: Aug 28, 2007, 03:56 AM »
A long tube sock, I'd bet.

Ace; if I had a snake in a sock I'd hang it in the fireplace, or outside in December.
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Offline Bubba

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Re: SNAKE !!
« Reply #25 on: Aug 28, 2007, 04:39 AM »
We are thinking about holding a "Name the Snake" contest. But if he is "dead", not much need to name him anything but "Dead",,,, if he has left the building, we will call him "Elvis".
Like Grandpa used to say, "maybe there ain't nothin' wrong, but, somethin' aint' right."

Offline Ace

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Re: SNAKE !!
« Reply #26 on: Aug 29, 2007, 04:23 AM »
Well. Ok, then.  "Name The Snake Contest".  That could work...

Alright, some entries by moi:

Scuzzy (my first choice)

Whiz's boss' name Geez, the guy as well as those above him definitely is one. I could see Whiz and his coworkers referring to management as "The Brown Recluse."

Giant Slug only thing worse than a regular slug...

Anna Nicole well, just to keep her stupid name in the news for another year or so...

Brittany.  Or Paris

Anna.  Condoleeza.  Anna Conda....

ok. just thinking out loud, there... 

Monty Python

Ace; I hope he can just call it "Gone."


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Offline Bubba

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Re: SNAKE !!
« Reply #27 on: Aug 29, 2007, 05:11 AM »
The ripple effect is happening.  HBO was showing "Snakes-On-A-Plane" last night.  Me being the man of the house,upon retiring to the bedroom for the nightly rest, "I" offered to wrap myself around my wife to protect her from the beast, in case he too was watching that movie and got some ideas.
Now my eye socket is the shape of my wife's elbow. I have tried that tactic before, to protect her from "Nessie", BigFoot, and Freddy Krueger. The results were similar, but this time I was confident, as one could argue the threat of attack was greater. My wife is slow to appreciate what I am willing to do for her. Perhaps the snake "has-gotten-to-her" , has it has won her over ???!?!?!???? I may be the odd man out !!!!  "I" am the one in danger here,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,the ripple has turned into a rumble.   

Snake's  new name could be :  Mrs. Bubba's Significant Other

I shall try an aggressive intervention,,,, I have one good eye socket left.

I may need to come up with a code, if there is a poasting that all is well,,,,,,,, it may not be me,, it could be that home wrecking, casanova, snake,,,,,  see if he is a slow typer,,,, he will have to type with his tongue, check the words-per-minute,  my life is in great danger. I will go on Ebay and look for a mongoose.
Like Grandpa used to say, "maybe there ain't nothin' wrong, but, somethin' aint' right."