Author Topic: Make The English Language Dance  (Read 22339 times)

Offline LinS

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #30 on: Jun 27, 2005, 02:20 PM »
Upset at the dwarf's lack of discipline, he shouted "You're too loose, Latrec."

Good one, Ace.

How 'bout:

He startled other visitors of the new impressionism exhibit with his shouts of "Show me the Monet!".

LinS; just breezin' through
« Last Edit: Jun 27, 2005, 05:38 PM by LinS »

Offline Ace

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #31 on: Jun 27, 2005, 03:38 PM »
Recognizing his strange moustache, he walked up to the surrealist and said "Hello, Dali."

Well, hello... ok. Never mind.  I like the Monet joke.  Monet Monet by Billy Idol is fine, if not Tommy James.  

Ace; what the heck was Whistler's father doing, anyway...

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Offline Whizbang

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #32 on: Jun 27, 2005, 04:23 PM »
Actually, he was trying to rob the joint, but he did not realize that the jewelry store was next door.  What he really said was, "Show me the money."  Art critics have tunnel vision and never consider viable explanations.

(Everyone knows that jewelry stores never have money either.  It's all alimony payment checks and credit cards.)
« Last Edit: Jun 27, 2005, 07:02 PM by Whizbang »

Offline Ace

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #33 on: Jun 27, 2005, 07:21 PM »
"You have tunnel vision" he said to the mole.
 
I still can't believe they make sauce out of those things...

Ace: eewwww.
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Offline LinS

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #34 on: Jul 02, 2005, 06:52 AM »
The king once asked his jester to make a pun. "Upon what subject?" asked the fool. "Make one about me," replied the king.  "That I cannot do" said the jester, "for the king is no subject."

LinS; It's good to be the queen.

Offline Ace

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #35 on: Jul 02, 2005, 08:04 AM »
The king is no great shakes when it comes to yard care or accident reports, either, let me tell ya...  Anyone who would arrest 3 students uninjured in an accident has a freezer loose in his yard.

Of course it's good to be the queen.  Anything is better than Jester/Janitor.  You spend the dang day making sarcastic witticisms about German ownership of American companies, and people think you're missing the point of your dang dingly hat.  You've got Eastern Seaboarders griping about your smokestack lightning, and blond pundits mocking your hair lightening, and birthday carols ringing in your ears, and you've run out of puns based on famous artists, and what's the use, you know...?!  And that's just for working on your dang day off.  "TGIS"; yeah, right.

The above commentary was predicated upon the king, I might add.  

Ace; my dang prerogative, I might add.  My ad, as they say at WimbleDon.
« Last Edit: Jul 02, 2005, 08:05 AM by Ace »
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Offline Bill

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #36 on: Jul 02, 2005, 08:24 AM »
The Jester's dang dingly hat has lots of points, all of them germane to the mission.  
I think it was only one "Eastern Seaboarder",  me.  Guilty, as charged.  So petition the king to lock me up, huh.   Good thing he isn't here    Oh, wait.  

What's the matter with "white metal" landscaping?  If you plug them all in you could contribute to controlling global warming.    Works for me.

Queens are always nicer anyway; 'cept maybe Alice's.

Bill;  excercising your prerogative is better than no exercise at all.
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Offline Ace

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #37 on: Jul 03, 2005, 08:53 AM »
Well, maybe someone ELSE would like to be queen for once, huh?  Maybe someone isn't satisfied just being the faerie jester, and might want to be the faerie queen, huh?  Maybe someone would just as soon have an earring in the right ear, mightn't they?  Huh?

Hold it.  I just looked in the mirror, and it is.  Shoot.

Ok, and otherwise you mispelled German.  I'm pretty sure global warming/cooling is gonna work out ok.  

Ace; dangit, I'm nice.  I don't know who the jerks are who say I'm not.
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Offline Bill

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #38 on: Jul 05, 2005, 06:25 AM »
Listen, if you can find a way to sell soft ice cream and king shakes here, have at it.  Maybe you could even start a new branded franchise on forums across the net.  
We'd have to pick a name.

Looking in mirrors is not a good move, look what it did for Trav.

Bill; I did not misspell Hessian.

« Last Edit: Jul 05, 2005, 07:42 AM by Bill »
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Offline Ace

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #39 on: Jul 05, 2005, 10:47 AM »
Well, ok, but that's not how you spell Prussian.

I suppose I could work on the marketing and branding...  Dairy and Queen.  But not that, as that's been used.  How about:

Yellow Matter Custard
Clothes On Sundaes
We've Got The Shakes
Cool Your Globe
Icecream Coneheads
Frozen Fat Farm
Bunch of Dips
WE ALL SCREAM!!
Bovine Byproducts
Creeping Death
Freeze Headaches
Butterfat Bliss
A Lifetime On Your Hips
Jester Junkfood

Ace; that's a cold shot, babe.
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Offline Bill

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #40 on: Jul 05, 2005, 01:52 PM »
"Kool Kholesterol"  ?

Geez, talk about a straight man to the Jokester.

Bill; no reference to ear jewelry.
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Offline Ace

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #41 on: Jul 05, 2005, 02:26 PM »
Geez, I remember "Kools"... bleah.  I suppose a menthol cone would be ok.

Look, I appreciate your efforts there.  Seriously, I hate being the straight man to myself.  I get all bent out of shape trying to play both parts.  It's like a poast entitled "Seriously"... like, sure, I'm gonna follow that.  You bet.

You know what the most commonly used and typically nonsensical and irrelevant exclamation is, from my hearing?  "You're kidding!" Usually used in a waaay out of place context:

"There's another shark attack in Florida" You're kidding!
"Luther Vandross died."  You're kidding!
"It's supposed to be in the 90's this weekend." You're kidding!
"Huh.. Federer won in straight sets."  You're kidding!
"Chevy's are made by Isuzu in S.E. Asia." You're kidding!

I'm not kidding...
Ace; seriously.


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Offline Bill

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #42 on: Jul 05, 2005, 02:37 PM »
Boy, takes a long time to type all that in Italiics and get it all in the right place.
You get an "A" for effort.  Nah, I'm kidding.
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Offline Ace

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #43 on: Jul 05, 2005, 02:59 PM »
Really?  That is so coo

Hey. Wait a minute.  You're just kidding... that's not funny.

Ace; boy, did he mispell "Effort" if he thinks there's an A in it.
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Offline Bill

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #44 on: Jul 05, 2005, 03:39 PM »
Now, that's clever,  pointing out a "mispelling."

"Effort " with an "A' is reserved for special people.

And, I did not misspell Austrian.

Bill, geez.
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Offline Ace

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #45 on: Jul 05, 2005, 03:59 PM »
Thank you; and since when are Australians German?  I thought most of them would be British.

Well, I suppose a lot of them are Australian, too.  And the rest British.  With maybe a smattering of Germans in there.  I was kinda smattered on Saturday night, after a day of inhaling Pacificos.  Nothing smattered, after awhile.

And don't you "geez" me... you're the one that can't keep on the topic of "Puns that Sound Like Actual Jokes."  

Ace; geez, I hope this isn't the one about car makers moving overseas because we insist on speaking English here.
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Offline Bill

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #46 on: Jul 05, 2005, 07:58 PM »
Poasting here these days is like exchanging private email messages.  

The Joker and the Foil, the Master and the Jester   no wait

The Jester and the straight man.  Bud and Lou; Amos and Andy; Groucho and the Duck.  Say the magic word, win another star.

Does your local paper carry " The Dinette Set"?  Among the funniest I read.
The funniest part is always the "to do" list posted on the wall behind the characters.  

Bill; another day, another lost soul.



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Offline Ace

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #47 on: Jul 05, 2005, 08:13 PM »
Well, if you're foil then the aliens can't read your thoughts, huh.

Look, the JimS and LinS can play multiple personalities, but I've only got the lack of this one.  Sure, you're half of the equation, and I'm the other third.  That's the way of the world, unless Pat appears to say something about something or Buff appears with an embarrassing allusion to something or Whiz rains on somebody's melon or something or there's a list of American cars built by foreigners as opposed to foreign cars built by Americans.  Same diff.

You win some, and you lose some.  I bet right now there's some new Poaster just chomping at the bit to jump right in on this.

Ace; I bet.
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Offline Bill

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #48 on: Jul 05, 2005, 08:34 PM »
Talking about "built by foreigners", ever wonder why they call those funny little pop-ups in Windows "Dialogue Boxes?"   I do (not to intentionally quote Andy Rooney).  

Look, I've gathered a whole bunch of them on my other monitor.  "This program has encountered a fatal error";  "Sending unencripted information could be seen by other people";  "Fatal error code 1100zzxsdlfkJA"  

They don't talk to me, and they sure as heck don't listen when I talk to them.  Where's the 'dialogue', huh?

Bill; not Gates, Redmond or Central Park.
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Offline Ace

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #49 on: Jul 06, 2005, 05:36 AM »
I suppose it's like talking to god, if Bill Gates is on the other line.  Maybe it's just to be a quiet self-talk.  Maybe a life affirming message for your personal inspiration.  

Or the screaming at the other voices in your head to shut the heck up.

Perhaps they're at a frequency you can't hear; go grab the dog and see if he can make anything out of it.

Ace; this is gonna be funny if he actually grabs the dog.
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Offline Bill

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #50 on: Jul 06, 2005, 05:58 AM »
After all I've said about the hellhound, that is like suggesting I walk into a woodchipper.  You cannot just "grab" Fido, at least not without protective clothing, or a suit of armor.   Should have named him Hannibal or Jeffery.
I'm not quite that open to suggestion.

You know what the preposition said to the noun?  

Bill; gotta stay on track here.

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Offline Ace

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #51 on: Jul 06, 2005, 06:45 AM »
You've GOT a woodchipper?  That is too cool.

Ace; I bet Pinnochio didn't.
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Offline Bill

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #52 on: Jul 06, 2005, 07:09 AM »
Yeah, and I keep filling in the dang whole in the ground or burrow or whatever, and he just digs it out again.  Tryin' to get rid of him is like shooin' stable flies off a steak.

"You're it."

Bill; said the preposition to the noun.
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Offline Ace

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #53 on: Jul 06, 2005, 08:11 AM »
Dangit; I thought the preposition said "You've GOT a woodchipper?"... shoot, I really thought I had that one.

In honour of Wednesday, I won't make any reference to your having to fill the whole, in the ground.  I can see why that would take considerable time.  If it was just a half, or a third, in the ground it would go a lot quicker.  But the whole in the ground has got to be quite a lot to deal with.  Well, everything, it would seem.  The whole hole, as it were.

Ace; and they know how many it takes to fill the Albert Hall.
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Offline Bill

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #54 on: Jul 06, 2005, 08:44 AM »
Sometimes one must provide fuel for the fire simply by  becoming the target for the cannon, eh?  

Say, don't you shop there.  Would that make you a targeteer?  But according to Scuzzy, you can't hit the broad side of a shopping center -guess I'm safe-  since you're all the way over there, hiding in the stinkin smoke stacks.

Bill; bet Gipetto wished he did.


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Offline Ace

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #55 on: Jul 06, 2005, 11:21 AM »
No, to Scuzzy I'm still just a "target."  And I'm not "in" the stinking smokestacks I'm "by" the stinking smokestacks.  Geez, you act like we Midwesterners are some primitive rubes...

We happen to be very civilized and cultured rubes.

Ace; "Drew Carey as Gepetto".. what a career move.
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Offline Bill

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #56 on: Jul 06, 2005, 11:26 AM »
But rural.

FYI:

http://tinyurl.com/794tr

pay particular attention to the details, please

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Offline Ace

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #57 on: Jul 06, 2005, 01:40 PM »
Well, that certainly looks like some bigfooted pervert about to grab and run with that poor kid...  I hope he was taught not to talk to strangers, especially strange looking ones.

And we're NOT rural.  We are dang suburban rubes.  There are even cities here, of town-like size.  Unless you drive out of one, and then it gets real rural real fast.  Pat could explain it, as far as the whole Michiana epicenter of culture and commerce.  It's not like some Northern Peninsula iceflow, you know.  At least not in summer.

Anyway, I gotta check back on that little boy, because that guy does not look right...

Ace; run, kid.
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Offline Bill

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #58 on: Jul 06, 2005, 07:47 PM »
Well of course he isn't right.  He spells his name with an "i" instead of an "e'.  If he were right, he'd use the e.

Mickey didn't do a good job in casting that character.  More like a fugitive from "Without a Trace."

Speaking of JA,  a "suburban rube"?  Is that a newfangled GMC model built in one of those Japanese/American/French owned plants in LaJolla?  Runs on Karo syrup?  

Bill
« Last Edit: Jul 07, 2005, 06:00 AM by Bill »
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Offline Ace

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Re:Make The English Language Dance
« Reply #59 on: Jul 07, 2005, 05:01 AM »
Is LaJolla in Indonesia?  Then that's probably it.  I run on pancake syrup, but only in frigid weather.  And then only to the hospital.

You know, there usually is a trace.  That's how they figure stuff out in that show.  I think they should retitle it.   It just struck me that "retitle" is a funny looking word.  At least at this time of day.

What with the multiple incidents recently, one might ponder the question "can sexual predators be rehabilitated"..?  I'd put it up there with "Can sharks be taught to see us as friends, and not food?"  

Between Cold Case and Without A Trace, I'm watching the one with Poppy.

Ace; if my wife lets me. I can see why Afghans grow them.
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