Author Topic: NEW ONE. NO JOKE.  (Read 1081 times)

Offline Ace

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NEW ONE. NO JOKE.
« on: Oct 21, 2004, 05:33 AM »
In the interest of humanity and to keep this moving, here are the mid-opening round new show replacements since they are obviously needed.  If not welcomed.

CSI MICHIANA
A show set in that mystical magical land, based on crimes ripped from the suddenly narrower South Bend Tribune.  CSI stands for "Crime Stoppers Indiana" as each case is unsolved, with a plea at the end of each show for "anyone out there who knows anything.. please call us.  'Cause we don't."  

The New Rocky & Bullwinkle Show
Starring Sylvester Stallone as Rocky the Flying Squirrel, and Michael Meyers dressed in a moose suit as Bullwinkle, after his adorable take on The Cat In The Hat in the Movie That Shouldn't Have Bothered.  Jay Leno is said to be preparing for the part of Dudley DoRight, based on his facial resemblance.  Natasha and Boris Badenov will be played by Angelina Joilie and Jason Alexander, acquiring a fake Russian accent in his continued attempt to have a career after Seinfeld.  Jerry Stiller will play the father in law.

Thin To Win
Based on the success of having a reality TV competition among the grossly overweight, 12 anorexic contestants will take part in eating binges and physical challenges to see who can gain the most weight in an elimination contest.  Purging will be discretely done just off camera, as in Fear Factor.

NO SOUP FOR YOU!!
Another Seinfeld spin-off, this one resurrecting the lovable Soup Nazi who is shown opening a cozy neighborhood diner in South Dakota.  Joining the original Nazi will be Julia (Geez) Louis Dreyfuss playing Elaine Benis again, as the Nazi's wife.  Each week they will argue over whether or not she will get bread with soup, or no soup at all in that week's episode.  Jerry Stiller will play the father in law.

HEY! WHERE'S MY DANG JOB!!?!
A hidden camera will follow American service and industrial workers, filming their reactions to their jobs being outsourced and sent overseas.  Viewers will be able to call an 800 number at the end of the show and plead with an Indian customer service representative to have their favorite remain in the game, by bumping a coworker with less seniority.  Any eliminated worker who is eligible for TAA benefits gets immunity, until their Unemployment Insurance runs out.

THERE GOES THE NEIGHBORHOOD
A quant yet cozy suburban neighborhood is torn assunder as a Jester moves in.  At first fearful, the neighbors join forces as they find Jesters have no super powers nor any apparent purpose on earth.  For the first episode, the Jester is facing expulsion and bodily harm when he suddenly convinces the crowd to turn their fear and loathing and uncontrollable rage toward pandas, instead.  Although not announced, rumors are that unfunny comedians being considered for the lead role include Bernie Mac, Adam Sandler and Dennis Miller, with Jim Carrey also being mentioned as a comedian you'd just as soon kill after awhile.  Jerry Stiller will play his father in law, and a hot blonde will play Mrs. Jester.  Probably Heather Locklear I'm hoping.  

KILL THE YELLOW (#(@*@!!
Each week an annoying yellow advertising image is targeted by a SWAT team selected from the studio audience.  The team will then seek out and destroy all visible traces of the image; they win prizes and a chance to return if none are found at the end of the show.  Initial targets will include the intrusive twitchy AOL man, and the jumping grinning yellow jerk smiley face from the WalMart commercials.

DEPOT
Filmed on location at an Amtrak station, each week our heroes have to face a typical crisis and solve or settle it within the hour.  Like bioterror, or a nuclear device in the dining car.  Or lost luggage.  Or some guy without a ticket.  Or who slept through his stop, in the restroom, and is now miles away.  Or somebody slipping off those skinny steps leading in.  Or getting caught in the accordian pleats between cars, or being rocked off his/her feet as the train lurches.  Something like that.  Or having to find a dry cleaner after sleeping in a suit in a train seat all night.

VIVA VEGAS!
Set in a casino, a medical doctor and the casino staff and a bunch of young female workers and hot cars and crime bosses and sexy guest stars and entertainers and some obnoxious demanding guests and Spiderman and a SWAT team and Crime Scene Investigators look for stuff to happen and things to do about it.  Oh, and the airport outside of town.  Oh, and the desert around it, as convenient.  With James Caan as the over acting guy in charge, although you'd wonder why.  And Jerry Stiller as the father in law.

Ace; I think the Jester one could make it.

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Offline Bill

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Re:NEW ONE. NO JOKE.
« Reply #1 on: Oct 22, 2004, 08:36 PM »
But Robin Williams has been cast as the Jester....

Jerry Orbach, playing the drunk neighborhood cop, will be  charged with molesting pandas and sentenced to yet another stint in Law and Order.  All because Grisham found some hair.

I think 'There Goes the  Neighborhood ' has a chance. Anything would be better that one more episode of Hope and Faith!

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Offline Ace

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Re:NEW ONE. NO JOKE.
« Reply #2 on: Oct 23, 2004, 09:30 AM »
That could work.  I'm a lot like Robin Williams.

Ace; we each have two legs.
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Offline Bill

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Re:NEW ONE. NO JOKE.
« Reply #3 on: Oct 23, 2004, 08:28 PM »
Bet he doesn't have a monarch though, you got hime there!

He did however play a Santa Elf once, that you have in common.

Now Briscoe....that maybe a different story.
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Offline Bill

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Re:NEW ONE. NO JOKE.
« Reply #4 on: Nov 14, 2004, 08:53 PM »
Nope, sorry. Lenny Brisco was a character in a popular US TV series called Law and Order.  Brisco was played by Jerry Orbach, now retired, at least from the series.
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Offline Ace

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Re:NEW ONE. NO JOKE.
« Reply #5 on: Nov 15, 2004, 05:20 AM »
He did the part well; like someone pulled out of the 50's.  I'm glad Dennis Farina is back in a Crime Story.

Law & Order would sure set a different tone if Robin Williams came in to play one of the cops.  Or lawyers.  Or madmen.  

Ace; I was watching this guy being taken over by a cockroach, who looked a lot like that one detective on the other Law & Order...
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Offline Bill

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Re:NEW ONE. NO JOKE.
« Reply #6 on: Nov 15, 2004, 06:46 AM »
They changed actors but not writers, a good thing.  Brisco lives in the wisecracks of Farina!

Casting Robin Williams as a madman is too close to reality-probably wouldn't notice a difference.  

How about as Jack McCoy?  That would certainly change the  tenor of the summation statements.

You mean the self-proclaimed genus  that bends over sideways to stare into the face of the accused?   What an annoying affectation.  
« Last Edit: Nov 15, 2004, 07:03 AM by luddite »
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Offline Ace

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Re:NEW ONE. NO JOKE.
« Reply #7 on: Nov 15, 2004, 07:19 AM »
I never understood Jack's weird stutter and speech impediment; he never had that earlier in his acting career.  It's a strange halting way of talking.  And yeah, the sideways leaner.  Every stupid show....  "I'll make you crack."  The other L&O annoyance I have is that every show they do a scene where the talk while eating... I've never seen anyone chew, for so long.  And attempt to converse.  Yech.

I like the idea of the "combo platter" programming; combining JAG and CSI for a JAGCSI show.  Maybe Fear Factor and the Apprentice; have to eat rotten cow parts while discussing management style with Donald Trump.  Or having to get through Trump's hair while hanging from a cable suspended by a helicopter.  

Ace; maybe a show with Brisco, and Bono; you could call it "Bosco."

« Last Edit: Nov 15, 2004, 08:36 AM by Ace »
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Offline Ace

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Re:NEW ONE. NO JOKE.
« Reply #8 on: Nov 15, 2004, 10:09 AM »
I've heard black can be slimming, so I can see why he was leaner in that movie.

Boy; that sentence even gave me a headache.

I'd hate to be a stretcher, and have sick people on me...

Ok; that didn't help the headache.  Ow.

Criminy; I think I'm getting a reaction to my own humour.  I hope I don't break out in Hives or some other Swedish group.
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