Author Topic: More Blond(e)...  (Read 47407 times)

Offline Ace

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #60 on: Jan 19, 2005, 04:40 AM »
I think it's a classic.

Bobpig; better than a blond(e) monkey joke.
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Offline JimS

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #61 on: Feb 19, 2005, 05:25 AM »
Sorry, folks... new job... haven't even been lurking much, let alone poast... here's one:

The exhausted blonde dragged herself into the doctor's office.  "Doc, the neighborhood dogs bark all night.  I can't get a wink of sleep."
The doctor examined her and found her some samples. "These new sleeping pills work great.  A few of these and your troubles will be over."
"Great," said the blonde.  "I'll try anything!"
The next week, she returned, looking even worse.  "Doc, your plan stinks.  I'm more tired than I was before!"
"I don't understand how that could be," said the doctor, shaking his head.  "Those are the strongest pills on the market!"
"Maybe so, but now I spend all night chasing those dogs and even when I finally catch one, I can't get him to swallow those pills!"
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline Buffalo2102

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #62 on: Feb 19, 2005, 06:11 AM »
LOL

Good to have you back Jim.
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Offline Ace

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #63 on: Feb 19, 2005, 07:55 AM »
What's your new job?  JobS?  Any blondes work with you?  Are they cute?  Do stupid stuff?  Either you, or them?  Anything worth mentioning?  Photos?  

Good combo joke; dogs and blondes.  If the dog had a monkey riding him it would be darn near perfect.  And doctors... They oughta be abused in jokes, more.

If we can lure the JimS into the Waldo search, that thing could build to epic proportions and hit 8 pages easy.  And then...

Ace; what?
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Offline JimS

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #64 on: Feb 19, 2005, 12:48 PM »
Thanks, Buffalo, I've missed hanging out here.  Hopefully things will settle down.  Lots of changes, for the most part good ones, though.  My mental bandwidth, which was never all that wide to begin with, has been constantly maxed out.

Blonde Joke Central?  Well, at least that's one area of my life that's centered.  There's lots of things I don't know, 5 or 12; just ask my wife.  Keen, alert mind?  In my own mind, sure, yeah, that's me.  Popular opinion suggests that you look elsewhere.  Thanks for the kind sentiments, though.

Ace, I actually share an office with a blonde, but she's really cool about it.  If she does something stupid, she says "Excuse me, I'm being blonde today".

I agree with starting a doctor joke thread.  Working in a major medical center in New York, I've met more than my share of jokers, er, I mean doctors.  Lawyer jokes are another favorite of mine; they're quite plentiful, too.

I haven't checked the Waldo thread.  Is he blonde?
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline Buffalo2102

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #65 on: Feb 20, 2005, 12:33 AM »
Ask him.  Waldo is JohnnyOH, AKA 5 or 12.

Reading some of his poasts lately, I think he may be blond(e).  Or at least have a few highlights.  Or maybe 5 or 12 refers to the number of personalities he has.  Yes, that's it.

Anyway, it's good that he's back now.  Ace and Bill were monopolising... monopolizing.... had the place to themselves.
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Offline Ace

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #66 on: Feb 20, 2005, 07:15 AM »
You're lucky I didn't go with "4 or 8", which was my first thought.  And Buff; for criminy out loud... Whose fault is it you cut off the dang import of Angelina Jolie pics and such?  Us, the dang viewing public?  Instead of "Monopolizing" let's try "every body else took off for break and forgot to punch back in leaving the dang custodian and the dogkeeper to have to run the dang factory by themselves dangit."

Anyway, Johhnny, your welcome.  Although I'd just as soon you went back to "Johnnysomething" (no; do NOT use that you doofus) as it's easier to remember actual names and it's shorter than 5 or 12 letters.

Like, Bill is easier for me to keep in mind than "bill" or "Robt." or lugnut or whatever it was he was for awhile there.   I don't think I mispelled "Bob" though, so for me that might have been an improvement.

Ace; it's more fun when the gang's all here.  I don't have to put up with myself as much.
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Offline Bill

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #67 on: Feb 20, 2005, 03:06 PM »
You misspelled "boob".  You know if you're going to sling names around you might as well try to get them right.    

The dogkeeper; I'm glad we finally got some help here.    Sharing the midnight shift with TG, given his graven image,  ain't always fun.

« Last Edit: Feb 20, 2005, 03:07 PM by Bill »
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Offline Ace

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #68 on: Feb 20, 2005, 05:13 PM »
His is a craven graven image.  Raving craven graven image.  Misbehaving raving craven graven image.  Cost saving misbehaving raving craven graven image.  Waving saving misbehaving raving craven graven image.  

Quoth the raving.... nevermore.

I did not misspell "tat."  Buff did.  "oh keeper of the giant dog."

Ace; watch where you step...
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Offline Bill

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #69 on: Feb 20, 2005, 08:56 PM »
Margaritas in the morning make it go away.

Friendly Fido:



the kennelkeeper; stilts work.
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Offline Ace

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #70 on: Feb 22, 2005, 04:45 AM »
Gee-gaw.  I saw that thing and jumped.  Back.

That thing looks like it could.. a brick.  Or rock, at least.  I'd take a hammer to it, but I'd be afraid it'd grab it and hammer me right back.

I suppose a morning margarita would be ok.  I've done sunrises, and they're still fruit juice, so wouldn't be inappropriate.

Ace; maybe a cocktail poast to go with pizza.
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Offline Bill

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #71 on: Feb 22, 2005, 07:16 AM »
Nah, Fido would just take the offending hand, and arm probably.  He is easy to get to know and like, you just have to remember the daily sacrificial  offerings.

He likes pizza too.

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Offline JimS

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #72 on: Apr 02, 2005, 09:03 AM »
Even with all of the hijacking, this poast has fallen far too low on the list.  I know, my fault...

Well, this is sorta-kinda a blonde joke.

A traveling salesman was having car trouble, so he stopped at a farmhouse to ask if he could spend the night.  "I dunno," said the farmer.  "It's a mite crowded, since there's already someone in ma spare room, but I guess you can stay - if you don't mind sharing a bed with a young blonde schoolteacher."  The salesman replied with a grin, "I assure you, sir: I am a gentleman."  "Well," said the farmer, "far as I can tell, so is that young blonde schoolteacher!"
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline Ace

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #73 on: Apr 02, 2005, 09:49 AM »
Well, thank you JimS, that drove it right underground.

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Ace; not that there's anything right with it, either.
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Offline Bill

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #74 on: Apr 02, 2005, 12:31 PM »
JimS put it in the Farmer's closet - never to see the light of day, again.

Bill

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Offline Ace

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #75 on: Apr 03, 2005, 06:53 AM »
Sure; start speaking Canadian.  That oughta bring back Trav.

Eh.

Ace; and they accuse me of abusing foreign languages.  And English.
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Offline JimS

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #76 on: Apr 05, 2005, 07:30 PM »
Okay, here's a quick fix for the blonde joke junkies: blonde bumper stickers:

Us blondes aren't dumb
Not all dumbs are blonde
You have such beautiful blonde hair - why in the world did you dye your roots black?
If you think I'm a drunk driver you're wrong, I'm a blonde
I am NOT a dumb blonde! (attached upside-down)
To entertain a blonde look below (top) - To entertain a blonde look above (bottom)
Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel
(Excuse Me... I have blonde root syndrome)
When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
The aliens have arrived and they are eating the skinny blondes first.
BLONDE if you're HONK!!
Your village called; they want their blonde back.
I might be a dumb blonde but I am good at speling.
I suffer from BRS: Blonde Root Syndrome
If you can't laugh at yourself, laugh at the blondes!
Did you hear about the blonde that tripped over her cordless phone?
We got our dumb reputation from the brunettes who dyed their hair.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito knows when to stop sucking.
What does a blonde say when you blow into her ear?  "Thanks for the refill."
Blondes aren't dumb! (Attached upside-down)
Blonde jokes are one-liners just so brunettes can understand them
If a Blonde throws a pin at you RUN, she?s got a hand grenade in her mouth!
If you?re not blonde, why do you act like it?
What has two brain cells?  A pregnant blonde

Now someone get over here and fix my computer, dangit.
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline Ace

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #77 on: Apr 05, 2005, 07:45 PM »
Oh, your computer's fine.  It does everything we need it to.

Ace; keep'em coming.  
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Offline JimS

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #78 on: Apr 16, 2005, 09:15 AM »
Geez, seems like I gotta do all of the work around here...  Okay, here's one:

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor.
The doctor asked her "What happened?"
She answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang, but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.  "But what happened to your other ear?"
"They called back."

Not a blonde joke, but I thought it was great:

Pfizer is coming out with a liquid Viagra.
Now men can go home and pour themselves a good stiff one...
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline Ace

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #79 on: Apr 16, 2005, 10:53 AM »
Those were aight.  Do some more.

Ace; I like that he has to do all the work around here.
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Offline JimS

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #80 on: May 09, 2005, 06:54 PM »
A blonde and a brunette were having lunch when the blonde's cell phone rang.  She ignored it and continued to eat.  It rang again.  And again.  And each time, she ignored it.  Finally, the brunette asked, "Why don't you answer your phone?"  The blonde replied, "It can't be for me.  Nobody knows I'm here!"
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline Ace

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #81 on: May 09, 2005, 07:07 PM »
I could see that happening.

Ace; I hope nobody knows I'm here, either.
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Offline Bill

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #82 on: May 09, 2005, 08:19 PM »
Only the Shadow knows.

Bill; from the Dark Side, of the shadow.
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Offline JimS

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #83 on: May 13, 2005, 07:55 PM »
There is this blonde in the middle of a parking lot rowing a boat.

This other blonde drives by and sees this blonde rowing a boat in the middle of a parking lot.  So she stops her car gets out and yells "IF I COULD SWIM, I WOULD SWIM OVER THERE AND DROWN YOU.  YOU GIVE US BLONDES A BAD NAME!!"


Here's another:

A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm.  She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her.  "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it."

Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it.  She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.

Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing.  And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow.

The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to K-Mart now?"


Okay, one more:

There was a blonde that went to the hair salon with headphones.  Before the barber started cutting her hair she told him "Make sure not to knock the headphones off my head".  So the barber was sure not to.  The next time, the blonde said the same thing, "Do not knock the headphones off my head".  The barber again, did what he was told.  The third time she went, she told the barber again, "Don't knock the headphones off my head".  This time, though, the barber accidentally knocked them off.  As soon as the headphones fell off, the blonde dropped to the floor unconscious.  The barber picked up the headphones and listened, and this is what it said: "Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out...."
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline Ace

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #84 on: May 14, 2005, 05:05 AM »
Okay, take a breath.. that's better.

Any time a blonde yells, you know it's going to be funny.  Good ones; thanks.  Heck, take the rest of the weekend off.  Good work.

Ace; we expect you back with more on Monday, though.
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Offline Ace

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #85 on: May 15, 2005, 08:50 AM »
I third what I said.

A triplet from Belleville.

ed. note: sorry, but it's the weekend and obviously a slow news day.

Ace; an inane poast is better than no poast at all. :-\  
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Offline Bill

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #86 on: May 15, 2005, 09:51 AM »
Oh, yeah?  

Back to short Poasts, its the weekend, after all.

Bill; in between chores.
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Offline Ace

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #87 on: May 15, 2005, 11:41 AM »
"It's."  Criminy.  A little typo.

You know, I was sitting here picking nits, and I started to think of new nicknames for people who Surround The Crossroads of America: Indiana.  Of whom I may have mentioned would naturally be "Indians."

So; I hereby decree:

Citizens of Michigan can be known as "ichs."
Illinois can be "noises."
Ohio can use "Oh. Hi."
Kentucky is free to go with "yuck."

Ace; huh.  Another nit.  I mean nut.




« Last Edit: May 15, 2005, 11:57 AM by Ace »
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Offline Bill

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #88 on: May 15, 2005, 03:05 PM »
Geez, is that all you have to do today?

Do they pick up the empty shells?

Bill
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Offline Ace

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Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #89 on: May 15, 2005, 03:13 PM »
Yes.
No.

Ace; that sounded like a blonde trying to guess on a "true-false" test.
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