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Men Strike Back!

Started by JimS, May 16, 2006, 21:53 hrs

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JimS

Hi, everyone, long time no poast.  I've been lurking occasionally (life's been pretty busy), but haven't had anything worthwhile to poast, until now.


How many men does it take to open a beer?
None.  It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't have to.  There?s a clock on the oven.

Why do men flatulate more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course.  He'll shut up once you let him in.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
- Stephen Grellet

JimS

Sorry they didn't work for you, JA.

Actually, today is Linda and my 15th anniversary.  We laugh at things like this, because it is so opposite of what we are.  We have two boys, so possibly I'd feel differently if they were girls.  But still, I try to not take things so seriously, especially myself.

Thankfully, these are "old school thinking", but there's lots of stuff we used to do and believe that made sense and was the norm, but is now ridiculous.  I thought these were funny, ridiculous but funny.  I wonder what my sons (and your daughters) are going to laugh at us about in the years to come?

Good luck with your daughters.
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
- Stephen Grellet

scuzzy

Well, I thought they were funny. I suppose some could find it offensive... I suppose. Then again, I'm one of those who find it very easy to laugh at myself or my situation.

I think it's good to laugh at men, women, children, blondes, monkeys, etc. Obviously, none of the remarks poasted by JimS are true and are only meant to be funny.

I think it's too bad that we can no longer joke about race without people getting all bent out of shape. Being a Mexican, I often put up with all sorts of "Taco" jokes, and the like. Personally, I thought a lot of them were truly funny. Too bad I can't share them with anyone, anymore.
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Ace

You can share them here.  We'll laugh at you, especially since you're the Big Enchilada here.

And since when are you Mexican?  You said you were from Germany.

Ace; he probably forgot, being a man.
Ring bells for service.

JimS

#4
Humor about stereotypes can be funny (funny: good), but also can prolong the existance of the stereotype (stereotypes: not good).  Ace, JA, Bill, et. al. have elevated the kind of humor in the Funny Bone to levels far above your typical blue-collar type of humor.  I can keep up with them for only short periods; the rest of the time I just sit back and read with admiration.  Linda can run with these guys, but she and I have recently had our hands full with some pretty consuming family matters, which is why neither of us have been around much.  These possibly were not in keeping with the current tone of this room.  If so, and anyone's offended, it wasn't intended.

Hey, that rhymed, didn't it?
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
- Stephen Grellet

Ace

The current "tone" of this room..?!  Geez Louise JimS (all of you), what's the sound of one hand clapping?  Or just waving?  What's the sound a funeral home makes, after closing time?  What's the sound of a crypt?  What's the sound the Poseidon makes, after the adventure?  What's someone's famous last sound after their famous last words?  What's the sounds of silence...?  Criminy, don't apologize for actually saying something funny in the Funny Bone.  I know it's unusual, and atypical, for here.  

If anyone is running "with these guys" I'd say they're going out for a jog, alone.  After you pull the plug, I think the main tone is one of air rushing.

Ace; out.  And I woulda called Scuzzy a Chimichanga if I knew how to spell it.
Ring bells for service.

Bill

Geez, if JimS falls over in the Funny Room, will it make a sound?  
Doesn't matter.  Nobody here to hear it.

BTW, I thought they were funny as well.  
Scuzzy a German?

Bill; frequently silent.
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Bill

The fact that the author (sort of, in this case) would be concerned about the correctness of very old jokes seems very telling about the state of our First Amendment rights.  Maybe in bad taste, but IMO, within his right to keyboard them.  Yes, I recognize that there might be consequences, of a different nature, but geez.

How many years did we watch Amos and Andy, and laugh at the Kingfish, before we became enlightened?  Ever try and find reruns or re-mastered DVDs of that kind of stuff?

Bill; PC is funny, not me, most times.

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scuzzy

Entschuldigen Sie, bitte? Say what? Oh, geez. I'm German now? I'll admit that I lived there a few years (6+), but I don't know if that qualifies for a change in nationality.

Herr Scuzzy; last time I looked I was an official, full blown, true-to-form taco bender.
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Ace

Heh; Bill called Scuzzy "Kingfish."  Good one.

I have a heck of a time bending tacos, if they're the hardshell kind.  Those things splinter like a handheld fragmentation sandwich.

I heard the thinnest book in the world is the book of German humor.  That explains his accent.  I'm trying to think of other foods I could call Scuzzy; I sorta like "Fajita."  If I could pronounce "chipotle" I might try that one, too.  It'd be easier if they'd just learn to speak English when they name their food.  At least on me.  

Maybe we could build a 300+ perimeter barrier of used appliances to keep illegal immigrants out.  Once we barricade the south we can start on California, to scare off the Pacific Rim intruders.  Canada is gonna take some doing, though.  That's one big border.  Maybe we can just put up signs that say "Beer and Hockey!" and point them North so they'll stay put.

Ace; oh, and Scuzzy is able to stand unusually close to the sink, too.
Ring bells for service.

scuzzy

I don't understand why you'd want to call other foods "Scuzzy", but if that floats your boat...

Now that you mention it, I don't recall that the Germans were all that funny. I used to hear jokes like:

Was ist lose? Der Hund ist lose! Hah, hah, hah! Ein Bier, bitte!

I guess if you drink enough beers then anything has the potential to be funny.

I do like the idea of building a perimeter around California. I'd be happy to contribute toward that project, and I'm willing to donate a couple bucks through PayPal to get that project started. I might even donate one of my backyard appliances. I also have some extra Cat5 cable to donate toward the net to keep them from flying out. Yes, the pun was intended.

And why is backyard spelled as one word, but front yard is two?

Scuzzy; chipotle is best pronounced in Spanish.
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Bill

How about "guacamole,"   there's one I usually can't say or spell.

Talking about barriers, China has a wall we might convince them to lend us and they just finished another multi-billion dollar wall they're calling a "dam."  
Maybe we should try the 'guest worker' routine on some of them.  And, when it's completed, send them home.

Bill
Antec 3700 | Gigabyte GA-EP45-UD3R | Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Wolfdale 3.0GHz | 4 GB (4x1GB) DDR2 PC 5300 Kingston RAM | Antec NeoPower 550W | eVGA GeForce 9500GT 1GB 128 bit PCI Express 2.0 | Intel SSD X25-M 80GB | VelociRaptor 150GB | WD 80GB 7200rpm |Samsung 22x SATA Burner |Windows 7 32-bit

JimS

Well, isn't it just like this place.  You start a politically incorreect thread and it gets hijacked into German jokes, which means it's going to be so short that Ace won't even be able to kill it.  It then morphs into a food thread; can another pizza poast be around the corner?

Anyway, forgive the bad-tasting, offensive, politically incorrect, etc.  I find the absurd and ridiculous, like blonde jokes, funny.  I'm blonde, or at least I used to be.  I'd never treat Linda as these jokes would suggest, nor would she do the same to me.  We tease each other along these lines frequently; we do this because it's so far from what we are that we find it funny.

I'm tired of politically-correctness, and I'm tired of apologizing for when I'm not.  If you live in this country, freakin' learn to speak English, be a gentleman (or a lady) and stop taking yourself so seriously.

Sheesh...
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
- Stephen Grellet

Bill

Three cheer for that sentiment!

Bill
Antec 3700 | Gigabyte GA-EP45-UD3R | Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Wolfdale 3.0GHz | 4 GB (4x1GB) DDR2 PC 5300 Kingston RAM | Antec NeoPower 550W | eVGA GeForce 9500GT 1GB 128 bit PCI Express 2.0 | Intel SSD X25-M 80GB | VelociRaptor 150GB | WD 80GB 7200rpm |Samsung 22x SATA Burner |Windows 7 32-bit

Ace

SHEESH LOUISE JimS would you puh-leeze quit APOLOGIZING FOR BEING FUNNY AND POASTING SOMETHING WORTHWHILE dangit.  The only thing politically incorrect would seem to be the president, going by his approval ratings.  I did get my wife a birthday card with a grinning v.p. Cheney with a shotgun that says "hope it's a blast".

The whole food turn thing is just an anamoly that happens whenever any poast falls into the Bermuda Rectangle of the poast office, funny bone or desktop advice section.  I never understood the difference between hardware reviews and hardware forums, personally.

Anyway, Scuzzy can deny his German heritage and military history all he wants.  I have taken his advice to calling foods after him; I made some really scuzzy coffee this morning, and actually dumped it to make a new pot.  

I guess "freakin'" is English.  It sorta sounds French, too.  If it is French then only they think they can pronounce it correctly and they're not about to tell anyone else how that is.  I'm still trying to wrap my head around Jesus and Mary and the kids settling in France.  She was probably one of those modern women and went with "Magdalene-Christ" as her married name.

Hey; you know what DaVinci died of..?  A vewwy bad code.

Heh.  Ok, back to cheering for sediment.  I'll use my coffee cup for that.

Ace; this was fun while it lasted.  I have to do the breakfast dishes soon, at some distance from the sink.  I wish Scuzzy was here.
Ring bells for service.

scuzzy

In keeping with the tradition of the liberal leftwing, politically correct, I am now totally offended that Ace threw out a perfectly good pot of coffee. I don't see any reason to stoop to such a low level. Have you no morals?

I don't think that naming every food after me is such a good idea, though. I can just see the confusion it would cause at McDonalds: "I'll have a Mac scuzzy sandwich, a medium scuzzy, and a small bag of scuzzies with catsup. My daughter will have the kid's scuzzy meal with a scuzzy drink. My son will have a scuzzy with mustard, but no pickles. He'll also have a scuzzy drink and a small order of scuzzies. Oh, and I'll have a Mac scuzzy shake."

It is funny how this thread deteriorated into one about food. We should try starting one about food and see if we can get it to deteriorate into one about technology.

And there's nothing wrong with my feet, you big-footed clown. At least my shoes don't curl up. They certainly don't smell bad, since Mom taught me to change my socks every few days. That is, every fews days she reminded me to change my socks daily.

You know, I could tell you about some "sock experiences" with a few suspects I've had to deal with that would make your toes curl. And hurl. One is so shocking and disgusting that it would be inappropriate to discuss it here. It gives "shock and awe" a whole new meaning.

Scuzzy; What have we found? The same old fears. Wish you were here.
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Bill

I think it odd that it is not a "Big Mc".  After all they don't spell the name right to begin with.  So why perpetuate the errors?

Bill: and you mispelled Ketchup.
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JimS

You're right, Ace.  No more apologies.  It's kind of a knee-jerk response to automatically apologize when something, anything, anywhere, goes wrong.  For this, I blame my wife...
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
- Stephen Grellet

Ace

Oh, well that just cuts it.  The cheese, at least.  And you probably moved it.  

Now it's fair game on everyone's ethnic persuasion... sure, I mention once I'm part Irish and my grandfather was from there so now it's time for "Big Mc" jokes.  Next it'll be some Polish joke, since I'm part that too.  And not "polish"; I don't need any comments about what I can do with my head.

I sympathise with Bill for being Scottish.  Maybe it's sympathize.  We probably did mispell "Mc."  I'm part Scotch, if not Scottish.  Scuzzy's right about things being more funny if you're drunk.  Not me, but if you are.

Speaking of the Left Wing, I think the season ended last week.  I heard Kerry offered to run again.  Oh yes; please do.  Like you didn't do enough damage the first time.  And, yes, I still blame Ohio.  Anything that big ought to add up to something.  

You can't get  fair shake at MacDonald's.  The machine is always out of order.  

Say, here's a followup joke:  DaVinci hated to go out to eat when he had a code, because the food was out of odor.

Ace; let's see if someone can ketchup to this.
Ring bells for service.

Buffalo2102

I don't think we should name anything else after Scuzzy - he already has a communications bus and some hard drives named after him.

I have some wings and soldiers named after me.

Ace has a playing card and a first-serve winner in Tennis named after him.

Bill has an invoice and a birds' face named after him.

Ja has a jewellery show named after him.

That just leaves JimS........

Let's just leave things as they are to avoid confusion.


Buff; Since when did Buffalos have wings?
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Ace

Well, of course you can't Silly.  That's Chandler's last name.

ace; if buffaloes fly then I'm wearing a cap whenever I'm outside.
Ring bells for service.

Buffalo2102

Quote from: Ace on May 22, 2006, 16:23 hrs

ace; if buffaloes fly then I'm wearing a cap whenever I'm outside.
What happened to the jingly, multi-colo(u)red, three-pointed thing that's usually on your head?


Buff; Angelina's back.
Vista x64 Home Premium. Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Abit IP35, 4 Gig Kingston HyperX PC8500C5 DDR2, GTX260, Creative X-Fi Extreme Gamer, Antec 900 Gaming Case.

Ace

I don't think an earring is going to offer much protection.

Ace; thanks for bringing her back.  I hear phoatos of her are worth a lot of money (at least if they're recent).
Ring bells for service.

Bill

You don't have to worry about protection.  As "polish"ed as it is, stuff will slide right off.

Bill
Antec 3700 | Gigabyte GA-EP45-UD3R | Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Wolfdale 3.0GHz | 4 GB (4x1GB) DDR2 PC 5300 Kingston RAM | Antec NeoPower 550W | eVGA GeForce 9500GT 1GB 128 bit PCI Express 2.0 | Intel SSD X25-M 80GB | VelociRaptor 150GB | WD 80GB 7200rpm |Samsung 22x SATA Burner |Windows 7 32-bit

Ace

#24
Well, I don't want it on my shoes, either.  I also grease it with SPF30 or more, if I'm out in the sun.  I don't want to be a redhead any more than a redneck.

Ace; and my ears.

poastscript:  Page 2!  That is so cool.  JimS, you guys owe me for this one.
Ring bells for service.

Bill

What in the name of.......does SPF 30 do for your shoes?

Bill: and you mispelled good ol' boy.
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Ace

It adds a nice lustre, if you have full-sized shoes.  Better than a spit shine.

Ace; sorry: good ole' boy
Ring bells for service.

JimS

#27
QuoteJimS, you guys owe me for this one.

One of us will come through, Ace.

Any day now... any day...
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
- Stephen Grellet

pat

#28
Howdy everyone, been a while since I've had a chance to poast. Interesting coversation though.

I got one.

How do you keep your mother-in-law from drowning?

Take your foot off her head.

Not exactly PC, but I'm not either......
SeaSonic S12 550W, Athlon 64 X2 6000+, Asus M2N SLI-Deluxe, nvidia 9600 GSO, 2x2 gig Crucial Ballistix, LG DVD/RW, 2x Western Digital Black Edition 640gb,  SAMSUNG 226BW Black 22", Canon PIXMA MP600,  Logitech X-230 speakers, Logitech Comfort Duo keyboard & Mouse, Windows 7 64 Home Premium & Vista 64

Ace

What are you doing down there?  I thought we were meeting for a margarita on Memorial Day.  Hey, talking about upgrades... I actually bought some Cointreau to use instead of Triple Sec.  I'm not up to the Grand Marnier versions yet...

I'll be making lots for Race Day, to help contribute to the Greatest Spectacle in My Back Yard.  Sorry you have to be in Florida and miss it.

Monday's our anniversary, too; 30 years.  No, not me and Pat, dangit.  My wife and I.  Me.  Us.  Together.  I think it's swell we gave everyone the day off.

Well, Buff probably doesn't have the day off... or Chandler.  Or Lance.  You guys don't do Memorial Day, do you?  I can never keep up with the time change across the pond.

Ace; only a month until I can bring out the "Is there a 4th of July in England..?" joke.  Cool.
Ring bells for service.