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Off the Wall => The Funny Bone => Topic started by: LinS on June 19, 2005, 21:21 hrs

Title: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on June 19, 2005, 21:21 hrs
Thought this was appropriate since I chose dancin' shoes (real night-on-the-town dancin' shoes, not the curly-toed, wicked witch or jester variety) as my signature fashion accessory.

Here goes:

Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.

Old contortionists never die, they just meet their end.
or:
Old proctologists never die, they just face the end.

Old gardeners never die, they just go to seed.


Q. What do you call a carpenter from Salt Lake City?

A. A Mormon Nailer.

In closing,
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

LinS; puns intended.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on June 20, 2005, 10:01 hrs
There goes. I don't know if I care to be associated with "witches", at least by footwear.  I sure don't want mine peeking out from under a house in Kansas.

The thing with the bottle works pretty much the same, either way, I've found.  Especially tequila, which is a hallucinogen.

Ace; two Hobbits walk into a shoestore....
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Buffalo2102 on June 21, 2005, 01:22 hrs
Nice one LinS.  You both did well there.....

How about these.

Old composers never die, they just decompose.

Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.

Old academics never die, they just lose thier faculties.

Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.

Buff; Old jesters do die - on their pointy feet.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on June 21, 2005, 07:15 hrs
Old jesters' jokes die; daily.

And we're buried with our boots on.

Ace; curly toed jingly belled stinking boots.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on June 21, 2005, 07:52 hrs
How about some Swifties?

"I love pancakes," she said flippantly.

"My heart is broken," he said half-heartedly.

"I got great results on my EKG," she said wholeheartedly.

"You can't have any of my lobster," he said shellfishly.

"I think I've swallowed a fishing hook," he said with bated breath.


I think I'll go back to the new book I'm reading:

"50-Yard Dash to the Goal Line"
Written by Willie Maykit
Illustrated by Betty Woent

LinS; Keeps me on my (unbroken) toes.

Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: JimS on June 21, 2005, 08:24 hrs
S'cuse me, honey, but I think you meant "baited" breath.

Dang keyboardos...

JimS: despite what LinS says, I don't have fish breath.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on June 21, 2005, 08:47 hrs
But you're the only one that knows it.

B-
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on June 21, 2005, 11:55 hrs
bate: to moderate or restrain (the breath): to wait with bated breath

LinS; Don't be a chowderhead.  
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on June 21, 2005, 12:25 hrs
I try to restrain my breath as much as possible.  

Ace; I'm no bass kisser.  And certainly not a pike, with those teeth...
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: JimS on June 21, 2005, 15:08 hrs
Okay, Mrs. Bate, be a smarty-pants.  Go ahead, see how many fish you'll catch with bate.  How did you ever hook me?  Just wait and see if I share from my Bass-O-Matic with you.

And don't call me Master Bat*...

JimS: geez, I hate it when she's right...
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on June 21, 2005, 17:23 hrs
JimS,

You must be unhappy alot.  

Sharp as a fish hook, that one.

Lins,
I just re-read the title here.  Are you suggesting the English communicate only with body language?  Might be a bit tough for them to poast that way.  But then, they're creative.

Bill

Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on June 21, 2005, 17:49 hrs
Go for the rebate; grab another worm.

I just reread the title of the previous poast, from the other room.  I also reread my Sports Illustrated from last week, which I memorized the first night I got it.  I think the English do communicate with dance and movement; the Amish won't go for that, however.  But they can yodel.  

Some rube will probably come in here, yodeling... dang yodeling yokel.  I wonder if Yoda, or Yoko Ono can yodel... some yokel yodeling Yoda Yoko.  What a yo-yo.

I'm figuring LinS snagged JimS while trolling.  Hopefully, not under a bridge.

Ace; I wonder how fish describe each other's breath.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on June 21, 2005, 18:32 hrs
Ace, one "school" of thought regarding fish breath rank (or rank fish breath) uses a rating "scale", while other schools prefer a much less structured approach.

Gotta go. I have salmon steaks on the barbie.  

LinS; You can tuna guitar, but you can't tuna fish.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on June 21, 2005, 21:59 hrs
Roe, roe roe your boat...

I like that idea of "Freshwater Barbie."  I don't think they've done that, with Barbie covered with filets.

With Ken attacked by a Grizzlie, attracted by the spawning...  In the land of the Pizza, the anchovy is the Panda.

Ace; with Shelby as the walleye...

ed. note: Ace would like to apologize for the preceding poast, which was written quite late last night and obviously lacks literary merit let alone any seeming coherence, probably due to the hour of its creation and chemical imbalance of the author at that time.  We are used to his "stream of unconsciousness" ramblings to some degree, but upon review this one lacks even his typically weak level of focus and offers absolutely no redeeming qualities or lasting effect.  The "fish" theme was labored, and the segue to the anchovy reference loses all sense of direction.  Throwing out the previously used cat insult was a tasteless afterthought, and probably will bring recriminations from the owner, to which we apologize.  From a somewhat clever punned opening, it degenerated into a slap-dash concoction of aberrant seafood themes that ultimately led nowhere, and nowhere good.  We apologize for the inconvenience, and for the time you just spent reading our apology.  A few more minutes of life, never to get back, as it were.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on June 22, 2005, 14:17 hrs
Some more Swifties:

"Frankly, I don't give a dang," he said rhetorically.

"I've dropped the toothpaste," she said, crestfallen.

"My favorite statue is the Venus de Milo," he said disarmingly.

"We're out of laundry detergent," he said cheerlessly.

"I hate pineapples," she said dolefully.

LinS; How swiftly they forget.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Buffalo2102 on June 22, 2005, 15:12 hrs
LinS

Thank heaven you've returned to put this thread back on track.  It was degenerating into yet another anthology of foods.

I can't say that I haven't contributed to this disturbing trend.  However, my recent suggestion for cooking eggs on a barbecue was at least unusual.  As opposed to what seems to be the habitual practice around here of punctuating every poast with pizza and beer.  You won't catch me mentio......

Buff; Dangit!
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on June 22, 2005, 15:19 hrs
Not quickly enough, in come cases.

Really, apologies not required; we understand completely.

Nothing like hijacking another.

Seems merlot should be mentioned here, too.

Bill
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Buffalo2102 on June 22, 2005, 15:27 hrs
Indeed, although it seems I have moved onto a different wine.

Buff; Whine
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on June 22, 2005, 16:11 hrs
"There's no more chianti," she whined.

LinS; Life's too short to drink bad wine.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on June 22, 2005, 16:31 hrs
"I'll never get out of here tonight" complained the drycleaner, wrinkling her nose...

"Life's too short for bad wine, but it's even shorter with wood alcohol" explained the steward.

"I've been beered" said the man as the foam dribbled down his chin.

"I'd have Buffalo for dinner, but I don't like chicken liver" Hannibal griped, cleaning a fava bean.

"Hands off our ball" yelled the soccer player to the other team.

Ace; life's too short for cheap beer.

Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on June 22, 2005, 16:35 hrs
Life is too short for any beer.  Nothing like a fine, aged wine to take the edge off the day.  And, the wife's temper.

Bill
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on June 23, 2005, 18:09 hrs
I think we can add "Make the poast freeze up and die" with "Make the English Language Dance."  I guess if puns are the lowest form of humour, then a bad pun has to grab a ladder to get out of the gutter.

I know: Puns are the pandas of the Joke Kingdom.

Ace; I gotta work on a dirty limerick, just to make sure we don't slip into haikus.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: JimS on June 23, 2005, 20:07 hrs
Okay, I'll try to pump some life into this puppy...

1.   Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons.  The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2.   Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina.  One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor.  The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.  The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

3.   Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

4.   A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.  He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

5.   Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?  He wanted to transcend dental medication.

6.   A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.  After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.  "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.  "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7.   A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.  One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is called "Ahmal."  The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan."  Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.  Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.  Her husband responds, "They're twins!  If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8.   These friars were behind on their belfry payments so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.  Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair.  He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.  He went back and begged the friars to close.  They ignored him.  So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.  Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.  Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

9.   Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.  He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.  This made him .....what?  A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10.   And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.  Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.


Remember, puns are for children, not groan readers.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on June 23, 2005, 21:42 hrs
When the Foo Bird flies over you, be careful it doesn't on you because if you wipe it off you die

Ok. Never mind.  Enough bad puns, and story problems.  Like the porpoises that would live forever, if they were fed gulls... except they had to carry them over the guard lions, which mercifully stayed still... Of course they were arrested for
transporting gulls across staid lions for immortal porpoises.  Or the clothing store that had the inventory shipped in dressers, which they lost in transit...  They looked initially in the first type of unit and then the second... thankfully, they found the
clothes in counters of the 3rd kind.

Ace; see "Jim(S) Should Be shot" poast

Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: JimS on June 25, 2005, 09:10 hrs
On the same day LinS received her first bleep, the Newark Star-Ledger published a list of the top 100 movie lines.  #1 was from "Gone With the Wind", with Clark Gable telling Vivian Leigh "Frankly, my dear,..."
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on June 25, 2005, 13:39 hrs
I was hoping for Slim Pickens line from Blazing Saddles, about needing a whole ________ of quarters.  

Ace: or "those aren't pillows" from Trains, Planes and Cars.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on June 26, 2005, 22:43 hrs
And on The Record Editoral Page today.... "Frankly, my dear, we don't care."

LinS is to be commended for her risque approach to introducing her own persona here.   Buff used to be the Risque Poaster of Questionable Words but I now think LInS should be nominated for that honour.   Hopefully There will be enough LinS around not to matter if one of her/them gets banned.

Bill; one iteration of many.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on June 27, 2005, 07:43 hrs
I agree; LinS is like a breath of air here.  JImS is like a breadth of hair.  Blond(e) hair.  Hairball, as it were.  They are quite the couple.  I haven't seen a couple do such damage here since Scuzzy and his gun.  Or car.  Or refrigerator, out back.

You know, the campfire scene from Blazing Saddles is pretty much "Gone With the Wind."

Ace; the way my mind works, especially on a Monday I don't have to work.  Or wind morks, if you're Mindy.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on June 27, 2005, 08:17 hrs
Oh.  Guess that means we can look forward to the Jester's Witticisms all the live long day.   Do dah, do dah.

"Of all the gin joints in the world....."

Bill; running doesn't get you anywhere.

Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on June 27, 2005, 10:05 hrs
Running gets me down.  Actually, I wound up painting the bathroom window, so I'm behind schedule now.  I also have to patch some concrete on the driveway.  And we've got these sap-sticky tulip tree leaves, so I'm going to rake those.  And it's over 90 now.  I thought about going golfing, but I keep thinking of worthwhile things to do. Plus, I'm looking for a UPS delivery of a new tennis racquet.  I'm down to 4.  

Dangit. I wish I could make my mind stop, like it does at work.

Ace; there.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on June 27, 2005, 16:20 hrs
Upset at the dwarf's lack of discipline, he shouted "You're too loose, Latrec."

Good one, Ace.

How 'bout:

He startled other visitors of the new impressionism exhibit with his shouts of "Show me the Monet!".

LinS; just breezin' through
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on June 27, 2005, 17:38 hrs
Recognizing his strange moustache, he walked up to the surrealist and said "Hello, Dali."

Well, hello... ok. Never mind.  I like the Monet joke.  Monet Monet by Billy Idol is fine, if not Tommy James.  

Ace; what the heck was Whistler's father doing, anyway...

Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Whizbang on June 27, 2005, 18:23 hrs
Actually, he was trying to rob the joint, but he did not realize that the jewelry store was next door.  What he really said was, "Show me the money."  Art critics have tunnel vision and never consider viable explanations.

(Everyone knows that jewelry stores never have money either.  It's all alimony payment checks and credit cards.)
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on June 27, 2005, 21:21 hrs
"You have tunnel vision" he said to the mole.

I still can't believe they make sauce out of those things...

Ace: eewwww.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on July 02, 2005, 08:52 hrs
The king once asked his jester to make a pun. "Upon what subject?" asked the fool. "Make one about me," replied the king.  "That I cannot do" said the jester, "for the king is no subject."

LinS; It's good to be the queen.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 02, 2005, 10:04 hrs
The king is no great shakes when it comes to yard care or accident reports, either, let me tell ya...  Anyone who would arrest 3 students uninjured in an accident has a freezer loose in his yard.

Of course it's good to be the queen.  Anything is better than Jester/Janitor.  You spend the dang day making sarcastic witticisms about German ownership of American companies, and people think you're missing the point of your dang dingly hat.  You've got Eastern Seaboarders griping about your smokestack lightning, and blond pundits mocking your hair lightening, and birthday carols ringing in your ears, and you've run out of puns based on famous artists, and what's the use, you know...?!  And that's just for working on your dang day off.  "TGIS"; yeah, right.

The above commentary was predicated upon the king, I might add.  

Ace; my dang prerogative, I might add.  My ad, as they say at WimbleDon.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 02, 2005, 10:24 hrs
The Jester's dang dingly hat has lots of points, all of them germane to the mission.  
I think it was only one "Eastern Seaboarder",  me.  Guilty, as charged.  So petition the king to lock me up, huh.   Good thing he isn't here    Oh, wait.  

What's the matter with "white metal" landscaping?  If you plug them all in you could contribute to controlling global warming.    Works for me.

Queens are always nicer anyway; 'cept maybe Alice's.

Bill;  excercising your prerogative is better than no exercise at all.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 03, 2005, 10:53 hrs
Well, maybe someone ELSE would like to be queen for once, huh?  Maybe someone isn't satisfied just being the faerie jester, and might want to be the faerie queen, huh?  Maybe someone would just as soon have an earring in the right ear, mightn't they?  Huh?

Hold it.  I just looked in the mirror, and it is.  Shoot.

Ok, and otherwise you mispelled German.  I'm pretty sure global warming/cooling is gonna work out ok.  

Ace; dangit, I'm nice.  I don't know who the jerks are who say I'm not.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 05, 2005, 08:25 hrs
Listen, if you can find a way to sell soft ice cream and king shakes here, have at it.  Maybe you could even start a new branded franchise on forums across the net.  
We'd have to pick a name.

Looking in mirrors is not a good move, look what it did for Trav.

Bill; I did not misspell Hessian.

Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 05, 2005, 12:47 hrs
Well, ok, but that's not how you spell Prussian.

I suppose I could work on the marketing and branding...  Dairy and Queen.  But not that, as that's been used.  How about:

Yellow Matter Custard
Clothes On Sundaes
We've Got The Shakes
Cool Your Globe
Icecream Coneheads
Frozen Fat Farm
Bunch of Dips
WE ALL SCREAM!!
Bovine Byproducts
Creeping Death
Freeze Headaches
Butterfat Bliss
A Lifetime On Your Hips
Jester Junkfood

Ace; that's a cold shot, babe.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 05, 2005, 15:52 hrs
"Kool Kholesterol"  ?

Geez, talk about a straight man to the Jokester.

Bill; no reference to ear jewelry.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 05, 2005, 16:26 hrs
Geez, I remember "Kools"... bleah.  I suppose a menthol cone would be ok.

Look, I appreciate your efforts there.  Seriously, I hate being the straight man to myself.  I get all bent out of shape trying to play both parts.  It's like a poast entitled "Seriously"... like, sure, I'm gonna follow that.  You bet.

You know what the most commonly used and typically nonsensical and irrelevant exclamation is, from my hearing?  "You're kidding!" Usually used in a waaay out of place context:

"There's another shark attack in Florida" You're kidding!
"Luther Vandross died."  You're kidding!
"It's supposed to be in the 90's this weekend." You're kidding!
"Huh.. Federer won in straight sets."  You're kidding!
"Chevy's are made by Isuzu in S.E. Asia." You're kidding!

I'm not kidding...
Ace; seriously.


Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 05, 2005, 16:37 hrs
Boy, takes a long time to type all that in Italiics and get it all in the right place.
You get an "A" for effort.  Nah, I'm kidding.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 05, 2005, 16:59 hrs
Really?  That is so coo

Hey. Wait a minute.  You're just kidding... that's not funny.

Ace; boy, did he mispell "Effort" if he thinks there's an A in it.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 05, 2005, 17:39 hrs
Now, that's clever,  pointing out a "mispelling."

"Effort " with an "A' is reserved for special people.

And, I did not misspell Austrian.

Bill, geez.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 05, 2005, 17:59 hrs
Thank you; and since when are Australians German?  I thought most of them would be British.

Well, I suppose a lot of them are Australian, too.  And the rest British.  With maybe a smattering of Germans in there.  I was kinda smattered on Saturday night, after a day of inhaling Pacificos.  Nothing smattered, after awhile.

And don't you "geez" me... you're the one that can't keep on the topic of "Puns that Sound Like Actual Jokes."  

Ace; geez, I hope this isn't the one about car makers moving overseas because we insist on speaking English here.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 05, 2005, 21:58 hrs
Poasting here these days is like exchanging private email messages.  

The Joker and the Foil, the Master and the Jester   no wait

The Jester and the straight man.  Bud and Lou; Amos and Andy; Groucho and the Duck.  Say the magic word, win another star.

Does your local paper carry " The Dinette Set"?  Among the funniest I read.
The funniest part is always the "to do" list posted on the wall behind the characters.  

Bill; another day, another lost soul.



Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 05, 2005, 22:13 hrs
Well, if you're foil then the aliens can't read your thoughts, huh.

Look, the JimS and LinS can play multiple personalities, but I've only got the lack of this one.  Sure, you're half of the equation, and I'm the other third.  That's the way of the world, unless Pat appears to say something about something or Buff appears with an embarrassing allusion to something or Whiz rains on somebody's melon or something or there's a list of American cars built by foreigners as opposed to foreign cars built by Americans.  Same diff.

You win some, and you lose some.  I bet right now there's some new Poaster just chomping at the bit to jump right in on this.

Ace; I bet.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 05, 2005, 22:34 hrs
Talking about "built by foreigners", ever wonder why they call those funny little pop-ups in Windows "Dialogue Boxes?"   I do (not to intentionally quote Andy Rooney).  

Look, I've gathered a whole bunch of them on my other monitor.  "This program has encountered a fatal error";  "Sending unencripted information could be seen by other people";  "Fatal error code 1100zzxsdlfkJA"  

They don't talk to me, and they sure as heck don't listen when I talk to them.  Where's the 'dialogue', huh?

Bill; not Gates, Redmond or Central Park.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 06, 2005, 07:36 hrs
I suppose it's like talking to god, if Bill Gates is on the other line.  Maybe it's just to be a quiet self-talk.  Maybe a life affirming message for your personal inspiration.  

Or the screaming at the other voices in your head to shut the heck up.

Perhaps they're at a frequency you can't hear; go grab the dog and see if he can make anything out of it.

Ace; this is gonna be funny if he actually grabs the dog.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 06, 2005, 07:58 hrs
After all I've said about the hellhound, that is like suggesting I walk into a woodchipper.  You cannot just "grab" Fido, at least not without protective clothing, or a suit of armor.   Should have named him Hannibal or Jeffery.
I'm not quite that open to suggestion.

You know what the preposition said to the noun?  

Bill; gotta stay on track here.

Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 06, 2005, 08:45 hrs
You've GOT a woodchipper?  That is too cool.

Ace; I bet Pinnochio didn't.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 06, 2005, 09:09 hrs
Yeah, and I keep filling in the dang whole in the ground or burrow or whatever, and he just digs it out again.  Tryin' to get rid of him is like shooin' stable flies off a steak.

"You're it."

Bill; said the preposition to the noun.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 06, 2005, 10:11 hrs
Dangit; I thought the preposition said "You've GOT a woodchipper?"... shoot, I really thought I had that one.

In honour of Wednesday, I won't make any reference to your having to fill the whole, in the ground.  I can see why that would take considerable time.  If it was just a half, or a third, in the ground it would go a lot quicker.  But the whole in the ground has got to be quite a lot to deal with.  Well, everything, it would seem.  The whole hole, as it were.

Ace; and they know how many it takes to fill the Albert Hall.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 06, 2005, 10:44 hrs
Sometimes one must provide fuel for the fire simply by  becoming the target for the cannon, eh?  

Say, don't you shop there.  Would that make you a targeteer?  But according to Scuzzy, you can't hit the broad side of a shopping center -guess I'm safe-  since you're all the way over there, hiding in the stinkin smoke stacks.

Bill; bet Gipetto wished he did.


Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 06, 2005, 13:21 hrs
No, to Scuzzy I'm still just a "target."  And I'm not "in" the stinking smokestacks I'm "by" the stinking smokestacks.  Geez, you act like we Midwesterners are some primitive rubes...

We happen to be very civilized and cultured rubes.

Ace; "Drew Carey as Gepetto".. what a career move.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 06, 2005, 13:26 hrs
But rural.

FYI:

http://tinyurl.com/794tr

pay particular attention to the details, please

Bill; today, they're working
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 06, 2005, 15:40 hrs
Well, that certainly looks like some bigfooted pervert about to grab and run with that poor kid...  I hope he was taught not to talk to strangers, especially strange looking ones.

And we're NOT rural.  We are dang suburban rubes.  There are even cities here, of town-like size.  Unless you drive out of one, and then it gets real rural real fast.  Pat could explain it, as far as the whole Michiana epicenter of culture and commerce.  It's not like some Northern Peninsula iceflow, you know.  At least not in summer.

Anyway, I gotta check back on that little boy, because that guy does not look right...

Ace; run, kid.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 06, 2005, 21:47 hrs
Well of course he isn't right.  He spells his name with an "i" instead of an "e'.  If he were right, he'd use the e.

Mickey didn't do a good job in casting that character.  More like a fugitive from "Without a Trace."

Speaking of JA,  a "suburban rube"?  Is that a newfangled GMC model built in one of those Japanese/American/French owned plants in LaJolla?  Runs on Karo syrup?  

Bill
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 07, 2005, 07:01 hrs
Is LaJolla in Indonesia?  Then that's probably it.  I run on pancake syrup, but only in frigid weather.  And then only to the hospital.

You know, there usually is a trace.  That's how they figure stuff out in that show.  I think they should retitle it.   It just struck me that "retitle" is a funny looking word.  At least at this time of day.

What with the multiple incidents recently, one might ponder the question "can sexual predators be rehabilitated"..?  I'd put it up there with "Can sharks be taught to see us as friends, and not food?"  

Between Cold Case and Without A Trace, I'm watching the one with Poppy.

Ace; if my wife lets me. I can see why Afghans grow them.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 07, 2005, 08:14 hrs
Maybe it should be "Only a sneaky little Trace"?  

Or  "Can predators play nice"?  Well, yeah, if you're bigger than they are.

Bill:

From yesterday comes leftovers
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 07, 2005, 16:54 hrs
editor's note:  Bill would like to apologize for hijacking what began as an ode to the wonders and mystery of the English language. or at least cheesy puns, and interjecting his personal opinions on Disney World and popular TV programming.  

He'd like to, but right now he's too busy with the dog dragging him around his yellow-skyed yard to be able to attend to it.  I'm sure, first chance he gets, he'll be able to make it up to the original authors, Jims Lins.  

Ace should also apologize profusely for aiding and abetting in this same incident, but as with the accident with the students, none was hurt and he's not the type to take willingly to responsibility anyway.  Plus, if he ever started apologizing for his transgressions here there'd be no stop to it, so we're better off with him just running out of breath or keystrokes for a time and those occasional moments of silence, and peace.

That those bothersome allusions to dead artists stopped was a good thing, however, especially as they never got to a pun about "Picasso" which would have resulted in the banishment of the author, if it had, due to the context.


Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 07, 2005, 22:25 hrs
Good thing it didn't start out as hy cus.  I would have really messed it up.  BTW, the dog is still running, I got tired.

Bill; leave it to Ace, that's a good solution.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 08, 2005, 07:44 hrs
ed. note: Okay, second chance he gets Bill will be more than happy to go look for his dog and also apologize profusely if not accurately for his letting it go.

The dog, if not his track here.  

I'm not really sure what "more than happy" feels like... it's a common expression.  Happier?  Happiest?  More happier?  Very happier/est?  Giddy?  Up?  I guess.

Since we've reached a dearth of blond(e) jokes as well as lyrical puns, today's show will feature "Chatroom Predators" and some disparaging remarks about pandas.  At some point.

The jester will be played by "Ace."

Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 08, 2005, 07:51 hrs
One doesn't really have to look very hard to find Fido.  All that is necessary is to follow the trail of torn up flower beds, shredded newspapers in the driveways,screamiong neighbors, and, of course, the blood.

You bet, second chance I get,  I'll write   wait  no, I won't even attempt celebrity puns.  

Bill
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 08, 2005, 07:58 hrs
When did you sneak in?  How the heck early is it out there..?  

First I thought you really mispelled "blond" but then realized you meant "blood."  I thought it weird your neighbors would scream at a blonde...

Unless she was painting your car, instead of your porch.  Then I'd probably scream at her, too.  

I think celebreties deserve every slight and insult they can get, so fine by me to let loose at any.  Pun or dirty limerick or just taunt... whatever you've got.

Ace; I just noticed "screamiong"... I guess that's Vietnamese for "screaming."
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 08, 2005, 08:03 hrs
Not bad really. I only scored a 50 on the
TOEFL.  And worse on the TOENL.  

Beil
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 08, 2005, 11:35 hrs
It must be Friday, if it's "let's trick the Jester into looking up Acronyms day."  Ok, I did.  Maybe there's one for "third language" instead of second.  That could make it easier.

You know, for most English users, it might as well be their 2nd language.  Like your 2nd car, where you could sorta dismiss it; "Oh, I know it's lousy, but it's my 2nd language." or "Oh, I know it isn't good, but it's my wife's language."  That sorta thing.

I should take it; I bet I could get half of them right.

Ace; I hope spellling doesn't count.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 08, 2005, 15:17 hrs
Yeah, that's what Meatloaf said.  Or was it 6 out of 8?

Oh, and BTW, a couple of poasts back, you misspelled "star".

Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 08, 2005, 15:49 hrs
Geez, a few years back I think I mispelled "Ace."  I usually get the 4 letter words right.

I miss Mr. Loaf.  He was alright.  Although it's hard to watch baseball after hearing "Paradise By The Dashboard Light" a few hundred times.  Of course, I think it's hard to watch baseball anyway, since it's so mind numbingly boring. At least on TV; I don't mind it live since I can look around and watch whatever I want.  Plus, there's beer.

There's beer at home, too, but I usually grab one and go do something else...

Ace; otherwise, I'm not a meatloaf fan.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 08, 2005, 15:58 hrs
Good ole Phil was interviewed about that song a couple of years ago.  You would have enjoyed hearing what he had to say about Mr. Loaf.   He was conned into doing the recorded narrative without knowing the rest of the lyrics of the song.  Even his local priest was publicly critical....

Such fun.

Bill; wish I was that creative.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 08, 2005, 17:18 hrs
"Phil"?  Collins?  Donahue?  Harmonic?  Listine?  Who the heck is Phil?  

Shoot; if you're gonna make me look up something that dang trivial like "voiceover from "Bat Out of Heck" album cut "Paradise..."  I can't even remember the name of the dang lyricist, at the moment...I know it was Jim something.  Man.  Or what's her name, who was the other half of the heavy breathing/singing.

HEY!  What the heck is that priest doing listening to "Bat Outta Hell?"  (sorry, kids; actual title.  Probably bleeped out by now).  Is he trying to gain some dang insight into "the other side"?  Prepare for Armageddon, or at least recognize the other team's songs?  What'd he think "Paradise By the Dashboard Light" was, a spiritual?  Some gospel number about a plastic figurine who comes to life and..?  

Geez Louise.  Some people will go SO out of their way to be offended.  

Ace; I know I don't.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 08, 2005, 17:24 hrs
Well think about the Baseball bit in the song and do you recall who the annoucer was for the Yankees, the venerable shortstop?  That Phil.  Don't know why I remember that, I feel the same about baseball as you do.  Sort of a game of catch between the guy on the hill and the squatty guy behind this funny shaped piece of rubber nailed to the ground.

Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 08, 2005, 17:30 hrs
Rizzuto?  Look, I'm not looking it up, and didn't.  That was an honest guess.  I'm tapping the memory banks for this...  that name popped up.

Ace; I hope I get this one.  It's been awhile since I've known anything, here.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 08, 2005, 17:51 hrs
You're RIGHT!  Another gold, twitchy star for the Jester.

Song was pretty racy for the time, too bad baseball wasn't/isn't.  

Guess who want to go out in the dang rain?

Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 08, 2005, 21:43 hrs
ACE* WINS!! ACE* WINS!! I AM A GENIUS!!

not his real name...

That is great... I tell ya, my powers of recollection are keen.  Youi name me any dang oldtime long forgotten baseball announcer, and I bet I'll tell you who you named.

Tony Kubek... Curt Goudy... Heck, I remember hearing Harry Caray late nights in broadcasts from Philly.  I used to listen to the Cubs, and the Sox, especially the heartache of *69.  The Sox, when Luzinski and the Shorts ruled.  The Dick Allen era.  Klingman, bombing away.  Lee Elia, cussing up a storm...  Bill Melton leading the AL in homers with 33..  what a deadball era.

Our local team won the class A title for the first half.  We also banned $1 beer Mondays, as fights broke out.  Go figure; cheap drunks fighting.

Ace; serve $12 long island iced teas and people will mellow out...
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Buffalo2102 on July 09, 2005, 13:57 hrs
Serve some decent wine and they'll Merlot out.

Buff; Back. Briefly.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on July 09, 2005, 21:10 hrs
Hey, I've got a funny bone to pick with you guys.
I leave the dance school under your venerable stewardship for a few days, and what happens?????  Talk about tangential! Talk about non-sequential!  Sine me up for dance lessons!

LinS; Criminal, I mean criminy.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 10, 2005, 11:59 hrs
Well, like Whiz says, what the heck is a vacation, huh?  Look, anyone who's been anyone here under a different name would know not to leave anything under our vulnerable stewardship.  I mean, the root word of stewardship is "stew."  Well, it might be "ship."  Same difference, if you're not going to steer the thing anyway.

I haven't done sequins since I didn't get the dang queen job, so I am going to remain nonsequential.   I'm glad Buff brought back the mention of wine.  I wish he'd bring back wine instead of the mention of it, but I'm just glad for anyone in England who's ok.

If this thing became a spam-like hip hop play on words, I'd say LinS is Rapunsell.

Ace; don't say "criminal" with Scuzzy lurking.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 10, 2005, 12:08 hrs
LinS
Glad you're back.  Yor're right, of course, it's all JimS fault.

As for the quality of activity since you've been gone, please see above.
Apologies are referenced earlier, not given,  but referenced.  You left the door to the chicken coop open....

Bill


Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on July 10, 2005, 21:36 hrs
Some daffynitions to get us back on track:

archeologist; someone whose career lies in ruins

egotist: someone me-deep in conversation

gossip: someone with a keen sense of rumor

committee: a group that keeps minutes and wastes hours

income tax: capital punishment

LinS; Victim of a coop d'etat
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 11, 2005, 09:15 hrs
oxymoron: a blond(e) poaster.

Bill
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 12, 2005, 07:44 hrs
Normally, I'd steer clear of a poast if I didn't want it to die, but this one seemed DOA after Bill called another poaster "Oxy" so I figure maybe we can rescusitate it.  Boy, I bet I just butchered "rescuscitate".  I've no clue.

Maybe it was Oxy Oxy Allen Free; I remember him from when I was a kid.  You don't see too many kids named "Ozzy" either, which is good.  They're all Josh and Kaitlin and Katelynn and Caitlin and Amber and Ashley and Paris now.

If I was going to name a kid after a city, I'd go with "Bronx."  That'd be an attention getter.

Ace; ok; now LinS can do some more of those word association things.  I like those.

Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 12, 2005, 08:22 hrs
Since you're "raising the bar" in these rooms, I feel required to point out that you misspelled "CPR".

This is getting to be like one of those game shows on the tube.  It's easy to get the answer when you're sitting in camera.  Not so easy when you're on camera.  

Just ask Alex, eh.

Bill; what is English 101?
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 12, 2005, 09:25 hrs
I'm not asking Alex anything.  Why the heck would I try to discuss anything with Scuzzy's cat?  

I'd sooner try to take a bowl of scrapple away from Shelby.  Or Fido.

Ace; ENGL101 is the prerequisite for ENGL202
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 12, 2005, 16:22 hrs
There'd be no discussion with Fido.  He doesn't discuss anthing, particularly if it smells like food, or even looks like food.  He has a passion for pointy hats with bells as well.  

You're certain English 101 isn't an antecedent?

Bill

Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on July 12, 2005, 17:10 hrs
Antecedent, anteshmedent.  I'm becoming anti-antecedent.

How about some signs of the times?  Is it time for some signs?

On a beauty parlor:  Curl Up and Dye

On an antique store:  Remains To Be Seen

On a music store: Gone Chopin. Bach in a Minuet

On a real estate office:  Get Lots for Little

On a savings bank: No Deposit-No Return

LinS; Signing off.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 12, 2005, 18:02 hrs
Those are great.  I don't know where you steal I mean make those up from...

Here; let me try some.  I bet I can come up with some clever ones...

Ok; jugglers juggling produce:  We Throw Up Food

Sale at Bait Shop:  Bait Rebate

suspicious sandwich after horse race:  Filly Steak Special

New owner of a Minnesota town :  Great Falls of Buyer

Jersey store belonging to some guy: Disguises

Alright.  I feel I'm losing some momentum, here... this is harder than I thought.

Uh.  Oklahoma coffee shop sign:  Sooner or Latte

Shoot.  c'mon, think...  Company that protects you from Jesters:  Foolproof Security

ahhh....  dangit.  What to dial if you just need a late night snack: 711

stink.  What to take if you see pandas and feel sick: Pandaimmodium.

geez louise.  I'm losin' it...  

Ace; I lost it.


Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on July 12, 2005, 20:54 hrs
Ace, I loved those. I felt so inspired after I stopped laughing, I came up with these:

Sign on a bakery: Get Your Buns in Here

Sign on a pizzeria: Give Us Your Dough For Some of Ours

Sign on a shepherd school: Don't Be Sheepish; This Way to Ewe U.

Highway sign for pregnant women:  Tolls For Belle Wombs

LinS; What's your sign?

Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 13, 2005, 08:32 hrs
Sign on Fido's room:  Welcome!
Sign inside Fido's room: Lunch now being served.

Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 14, 2005, 07:27 hrs
Ok, look; I can accept the fact that LinS creates better and funnier and more creative and cleverer(er) signs than me.  But when Fido comes up with better material, that's the last straw in the milkshake, you know?!

ACe; I quit.  And not just because it's lunchtime, somewhere.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 14, 2005, 09:27 hrs
Ok, look.  I talked to Fido about this.   He says that it likely won't happen again.  It was a momentary flash of creativity, while he was hungry.
And, he doesn't particularly like milkshakes for lunch.

The keeper
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 14, 2005, 21:28 hrs
Well, it's not like I'm going to experience the epiphany of the flash of inspiration of brilliance like I did, there, either.  It is probably just a one-time thing.  If that.

I bet next time he's hungry he's right back on top of his game.  I don't have that advantage, of my gut ruling my brain.  My gut rules my entire existence...  My brain pretty much sits by the side of the road, and decides what socks I wear.

ace; actually, right now I'm in sandals so I'm not wearing any.  My brain took the night off.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 15, 2005, 08:25 hrs
And all this time I thought you were in Michiana,  Something new everyday.

Be careful:

http://tinyurl.com/chp6x

TGIF

Bill
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 15, 2005, 13:24 hrs
That's gotta hurt.  I've worn gloves on the wrong feet before.  Good thing my socks are bi-pedal.  Neither left, or right.

Ace; although some are just wrong; especially with sandals.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 15, 2005, 15:29 hrs
That's interesting.  I thought Socks was a Democrat.   Which would place him neither right or left, simply in another space.

Kudos to all the LinS.  This, their first major contribution, now ranks 8th in the top 10.

Bill
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 15, 2005, 16:38 hrs
You just wanted to write "Kudos" after Scuzzy mispelled it... pretty sneaky.

I commend the LinS too, and the JimS, for having the guts to stomach one another.  Unless that belongs in the "animal parts we shouldn't eat" poast.

Ace; it's ok to eat animals, since they're made of meat.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on July 15, 2005, 17:18 hrs
Ace, I must ask you something.  Why would JimS need guts to stomach LinS? We're a nice, fun, relatively amusing lot. (I don't know what our relatives have to do with this.)

LinS; Anything you kudo, I kudo better.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 15, 2005, 17:29 hrs
Oh, no.  You've gone and done it now.  The Wrath of the LinS seems arisin' - with a challenge no less.  You're in for it now.

Glad I'm not gonna be in the way.

Bill
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 15, 2005, 20:17 hrs
Take the dog out for a walk... this is gonna get ugly.

Ok; probably I'm gonna get ugly.  Gimme a second.

Look, "LinS" (if that's your real names...); let me point out something, even though I have on a cap...  You all might feel you're a fun nice amusing lot, but so did the Vandals as they spray painted Hannibal's elephants, you know?!  I mean, it's why you don't see many 4th graders named "Attila" anymore...

I don't know what's relative to that; I was just talking metaphysically.  More meta, than physically.  

Bill, you might think you're not culpable, but I beg to differ.  Heck, I beg not to get a traffic ticket and beg for a little affection from the people in my life...  Not the squirrels, though.  They're nice enough, but I don't trust that look in their eye.  It's like they want something, from me.

Ace; little Miss Muffet was in the whey.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 15, 2005, 22:16 hrs
If you listen to the college professors(s) we have lots of "Attilas" running around, and it's all their parents fault.  None was theirs.

You can never judge a book by it's plain brown wrapper.  'Bout the same relevance as painting elephants.    Besides, they're not valdals, they're artists, looking for a canvas for they're expression of self.

Bring it on, I like whey.

Bill


Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 16, 2005, 10:59 hrs
"Whey."
"No whey."
said the teenagers.

You know, it's Saturday, so I'm just gonna let the "valdals" thing go...  I'm sure not getting this Harry Potter book craze thing, either.  Or a book craze, in general.  Books do not offer immediate excitement nor fulfillment.  Even if you really enjoy the things, you're not gonna get a sense of accomplishment quickly with one.  Unless seeing the opening chapter is enough, for you.  I'd compare that to someone excited about a movie, but being satisfied with the opening credits.  Or trailer.

A movie could satisfy your lust in a couple hours.  Same with a CD.  But a book takes time... so what's the big deal about waiting in line, and being the first on your block, to:  read a little bit of it, today?  Unless the addict has to read the WHOLE THING in one sitting, and then is that really that enjoyable?  Worthwhile?  It'd be like waiting for the entire first season of "24", and then sitting down and watching it nonstop.  Crikeycriminy.

I love seeing these 5 year olds dressed up like Harry; yeah, they'll be sitting down with that tome today...

Ace; can you say "Trekkies"?
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 16, 2005, 22:39 hrs
No, but I can spell "potties."   Or is it "pottys,"   Whatever.

I'm glad it was Saturday.  Whey.




Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 17, 2005, 11:22 hrs
I like that: "Pottys."  Or Potterheads.

ACe; I think the next one in the series has Harry leave Dumbledork and become a Jedi.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 17, 2005, 12:03 hrs
Gonna be titled "Harry meets Yoda, Love at First Sight."
"I'll have what he had."
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 22, 2005, 07:41 hrs
My head is spinning.  I don't EVER remember seeing #13.  That one made my teeth hurt.

Ace; those, and caffeine, can really get you going.  Danke, Ja.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 22, 2005, 11:20 hrs
It could be worse; I could have done like Bill and gone with "mule."

Ace; yes, I know what I am.  As long as it isn't the dumb one.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 25, 2005, 15:53 hrs
Better mule than "hoti".    Apologies to Funky.

Bill; speaking of hot.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 25, 2005, 18:24 hrs
Funky is in Afghanistan.  I am NOT going there...  

I don't even play poker.

Boy howdy, is it hot.  Yesterday was as stiflingly stinking hot as any day, ever.  The extra helping of humidity made it suffocating.  Well, not inside with the air on, but outside.  We sat out and watched the lightning bugs, and it was still around 90.  That's just stupid hot.

You wonder why there isn't thunder from those things....

You know, we saw one light (heh) on one of the solar lamps; I bet he was thinking "Geez Louise, you've got a big ___."

So, did JA throw out these many and sundry sayings out the top of his head, after which it imploded?  I thought a Lexophile liked expensive Japanese cars.  Or Superman's nemesis, Luther.  Luthor?  I don't know, I don't read the books.

Ace; if cows are vegetarian, then isn't beef vegetarian?



Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 25, 2005, 21:21 hrs
Well, thank goodness you're ok.

Thanks, Goodness.

Thanks to Nikki Ann, too.  Maybe she and LinS could team up with a story problem.  I think everything is original if you made it up, no matter where you stole it from.  I think possession is 9/10ths of the law.  

Well, in "The Exorcist" possession was probably 11/10ths.  I wonder if Linda Blair got possessed after she was cleared...

I guess that would mean she was Repossessed.

And if cows are actually vegetables, and we eat cows, then we're vegetables...!

ace; my diet suddenly got really healthy.  And they say carbs are bad...
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on July 25, 2005, 21:42 hrs
Carbs went out with the Studebakers.  Fuel injection has been around for decades, where you been?  'Course they were bad,  not very efficiient and often got things sucked down the throat.  Kinda like a Black Hole, stuff went in, never to be seen again.  

Geez, would that make the priest a Repo man?  

If cows are vegetables, chips are a good alternative to fossel fuel.  
Next on the new car scene will be a new hybrid.  Watch for it in September.

Bill


Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on July 26, 2005, 07:15 hrs
Au Contraire, Mon Frere!  
I happen to know that the State of The Art Of Motor Vehicle Invention and Demolition, NASCAR, utilizes Modern Carburetor Technology in Those Vehicles.

Along with Car Bodies That Almost Resemble the Actual Cars We Drive Sorta and underpinnings That Do Not.  As well as the Classic Little Old Lady Driving Position of Sitting Bolt Upright 10 Inches from the Steering Wheel Nearly Pressed against your Chest.

Hardly room for an airbag, let alone the harness.  Plus, they climb through the window.  I only do that when some idiot in a giant SUV parks 6 inches from my driver door.

That's a good one on the priest.  It could lead to another remake.

I used to have to pop a screwdriver into the butterfly of the 70 Hornet to start it... It was a scary trip when we went to trade it.. bless its heart, it started without out it there.  Boy, they don't make em like they used to.

Ace; thank goodness, again.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on August 07, 2005, 13:46 hrs
I know I've been M.I.A., but please don't take AIM at an AMI.  Combination of vacation time, sick time and run around with the kids because its summer time, leaving me with no time.

Some Double Croakers (in which both verb and adverb or verb and noun relate to the pun) to get us back on the dance track (and off the test track).

"I can't chew this meat."  he beefed jerkily.
"I've got a new game." mumbled Peg.
"I hate reading Victor Hugo." said Les miserably.
"I ordered chocolate, not vanilla!"  I screamed.
"You're a mangy cur!" he barked doggedly.

LinS; One good croak deserves another.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on August 08, 2005, 07:29 hrs
Those were great.  They're almost circular in their wisdom, and construction.

Ace; he pantomimed a panda panting during a pandemic.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on August 11, 2005, 16:27 hrs
I know what you get when you cross Fido with a frog - an appetizer.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on August 11, 2005, 16:59 hrs
If clergymen are defrocked and lawyers are disbarred, then are

manicurists defiled?

models disposed?

superheroes dismantled?

bigots disintegrated?

and mathemeticians dissolved?

LinS; but dancers are never defeated.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on August 11, 2005, 17:46 hrs
Detail of deduct got dinged when defeat slipped off defence.

Da end.

D'Ace.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on August 11, 2005, 18:21 hrs
Ace, just ducky, as usual.

JimS is betting that ja set you up for that one.  I told him to let it roll off his back.   ;)

LinS; You can't keep a good jester down.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on August 11, 2005, 21:41 hrs
Of course it's a set-up.  Fools rush in...

You can keep one down if you sit on his head.

Ace; shoot me, I'm a duck.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on August 11, 2005, 22:24 hrs
Bang!   Or Boom, if you prefer.

http://tinyurl.com/b9wxu
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on August 13, 2005, 13:39 hrs
While we're waiting for pizzas to be ordered and this to turn into an immoral food poast, what's de legendary sentence, den?

I think Ozzy Osbourne was deluded, finally.  Liars probably defibrillate.  Or if you have sniffles and then get well, you decode.

Ace; Fido and frog = Frodo.  
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on August 14, 2005, 10:54 hrs
Probably after being chased by a large cat.

I'd say that sentence was uncomfortably close to the one I crafted.  I claim copyright infringement.

Ace; copywriters get copyrights.  I didn't copy, either.  "e before i, except after y."
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on August 14, 2005, 11:49 hrs
Look; I don't care if there was some prior pre-existing prehistoric premise based on some prior prose.  I never saw it, I never heard of it, I took the dang thing where I saw fit as an original composition.  I'm not going to pay some company rental fees just because I happen to hum a song they "own" sometime today.

I suppose if we removed folk tales about bad sports cars we would delorean.

Ace; I hate these poasters contests. They're always rigged.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on August 14, 2005, 11:56 hrs
So decease.   They're not rigged. At the end, your name shows up, most always.

Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on August 14, 2005, 14:57 hrs
I spent a month at Poasters, one weekend...  5 years here seems like a decade anywhere else.  

Unless it's on a rosary.

Ace; "My name." right.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on August 14, 2005, 16:29 hrs
Then it shouldn't matter to you what it means.  

Well OK Wes, I know "Ace" isn't your "real name" but you use it so often it might just as well be.   Besides, Ace is easier to type than "Wes".   I am always slowed down by the quotation marks.

http://tinyurl.com/99gzu
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on August 15, 2005, 19:40 hrs
What slows you down... are you trying to pronounce them?  It's not like a comma, which sounds like a pause.  Quotes are pretty much silent, unless you do that that thing where you bend and raise your index and middle fingers on both hands in a claw-like grip to demonstrate that the marks are there.  Then I could see how you slow down, with them.

I slow down when I see someone use exclamation marks too often.  It slows me down to try to smack them in the back of the head.

Wes; he calls me that because I'm out West.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on August 15, 2005, 22:06 hrs
Far out West! :o! 8)! ;D! :P!  Well from where I sit.   (With apologies to Trav!)

Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on August 16, 2005, 20:01 hrs
Ok, "Eastman."

Ace; Kodak.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on August 16, 2005, 22:16 hrs
You misspelled "Clint"  Go ahead, make my day.

Darkman; this time of day.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on November 17, 2005, 20:53 hrs
Hi y'all.

I make no excuses for my prolonged absence, although I do offer up these daffynitions as a paltry penance.

bigamist: a fog over Italy

denial: the river Cleopatra lived next to

bigotry: an Italian redwood

debate: what you use to catch de fish

paradox: two physicians

LinS; Mea culpa.

Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on November 18, 2005, 16:13 hrs
Hi Ye All, as they used to say in the dark ages, when they'd curse the dark more or less.

I am thankful for your contributions and enjoyed the horrific puns offered.  Proferred.  Poastered.  

We had a Mia Hamm discussion, so I guess Mea Culpa wouldn't be far behind.  If I had a paradigm, I could almost buy a newspaper.

Do not get discouraged if your wit and hard work are/is met with a collective yawn or no response whatsoever.  Sometimes the funny bone is like putting graffiti on the back of your neighbor's garage... You notice it, but you wonder if anyone else ever will.  And if they do, if they actually would be kind enough to respond somehow.  Even if just a "Who the (#)@ put this d__g graffiti on my gold__g garage, dangit?!"  Like spray paint is cheap, you know?

Sometimes this place is like working in a language lab, where no one understands it anyway plus they have their headphones off.

Ace; mea culprit.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on November 18, 2005, 17:07 hrs
Welcome bak er back here, anyway.   We all (both of us, or maybe 3) missed your smiling avatar.

'Course I don't understand why we're talking about painting a garage.  But, then there' a lot I don't understand.

Bill
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on November 18, 2005, 20:53 hrs
Some more examples from my Fictionary:

Vitamin: What you do when someone comes to your house.

Toboggan: Why you go to yard sales.

Shamrock: Cubic zirconia.

Pasteurize: Too far away to see.

Stucco: What happens when you sit on gummo.

LinS; It ain't just paint.

Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: JimS on November 19, 2005, 06:04 hrs
Paint the garage?

Good idea,  Get to it, Lin.

If you need any help, ask the kids.  If you have any questions, I'll be stucco to the couch.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on November 19, 2005, 12:03 hrs
This is more dialogue than we've had here for months.  My head is spinning.  It is literally spinning.  I hate it when people say "literally" like that.

I thought Stucco was that weird bald kid with the head cap that hung around Nancy.

I've got a stye on my eye; I suppose I could try a haiku instead of attempting to keep up with puns.  LinS way ahead there, so she'd have to paint a couple garages for any chance of catching up.  I sorta missed Bill's smiling avatar, too.  I guess an avatar is a cross between a wolf and something meaner.

Ace; it's good to wear a hat when you're painting.  Not like I'm gonna get any in my hair, though.

Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on November 19, 2005, 17:24 hrs
I'm thinking it's a dog under a Bill mask.

I dressed as a Survivor for Halloween.  I might have dressed as one of the characters on "Lost", but then every hour I'd have to take 50 minutes to repeat what I'd said last week.

Ace; it's hard to cover the English language with a QWERTY keyboard.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on November 21, 2005, 06:23 hrs
While we're waiting for LinS to reload some more puns, and for JimS to go find a dropcloth for the garage, I'll go ahead with my personal ode to my current malady:

Entitled:  My Eye

I have a stye, on my
Eye.  I've used hot water on
a cloth.  It's still there.


Ace; haikus are hard.  Styes aren't.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Redhawk on November 21, 2005, 06:56 hrs
"malady" - What a redneck calls his wife/girlfriend/kissin' cousin.

"party" - What happens when a redneck breaks even in golf.

"dialogue" - What happens to the tree when a redneck cuts it down for farwood.

"stye" - Where a redneck gets his bacon.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on November 21, 2005, 15:46 hrs
The Halloween party was a bobbing success.  

If you were writing for a TV show, we'd all be Lost.  Imagine, TV characters speaking in Hikus.





Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on November 21, 2005, 18:48 hrs
Boy, Bill, ain't that the truth ;)
You sure know what's what, huh! ;)
No kidding! ;)
I'm with you on that..!   ;)
I should "stye put" but you really hit the nail on the head! ;)
I know what you mean...! ;)

I have decided to incorporate the unevolved methodology of poasting a short smarmy message, followed by a winky emoticon.  If you can't say it with flowers, I think a winky little emoticon does just fine.

;) see?

That is so darn cute.  And cloying, too.   :P wait a minute, that wasn't nice.  :-\ oops  ;D somebody should just beat that one with a tree.

Ace; if we're going redneck I gotta try a doublewide haiku, of 10-14-10 syllables.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Redhawk on November 21, 2005, 19:18 hrs
"Halloween" - An empty Oscar Meyer

"success" - To clean a cesspool

"Bobbing" - Hope and Crosby siamese twins

"Imagine" - Cloy of Norma Jean (see below)

"kidding" - Sound from a kids head when hit with a bat

"cloying" - The opposite of cloning

"doublewide" - Half as big as a quadwide
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Redhawk on November 21, 2005, 20:58 hrs
"Spelling" - Evil magic cast against Hong Choy Chow Ling

"Someone" - 29157141259: some are ones, some aren't

"Become" - Why you run after stealing the honey

"Nothing" - What The Things wife said when he felt frisky

"Unevolved" - An unloaded revolver

"Remember" - To reattach a severed limb
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on November 22, 2005, 06:14 hrs
I think LinS should come back and retitle this "Make the English Language Scrape."  

I especially like the Kidding and Nothing.  I do a lot of poasts that result in "Nothing!  Really!  Just Kidding!"  ;)

Glad you're back Red; with more.  Or is "Hawk" preferred?  I had a friend named "Hawk" back in college.  He's an entomologist in FL.  Plus, we had a Studebaker Hawk when I was a kid; a red one.  No car seat; just me standing, on the front one.  I guess my folks figured I'd be thrown clear of a crash, onto a grassy knoll near the road...

I'm thinking that with a stye in my eye I should try a hogwash instead of an eyewash...  Well, it seemed to make sense.

Ace; like anything does at 7:12, even with coffee. ::) if I do that, I can see the swelling better in the mirror.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on November 22, 2005, 16:36 hrs
Thank you Oh Amazing J.  Hawk and LinS had my mind reeling; your poast was able to shut it down completely. It is absolutely numb, now.  Appreciate it.

I do agree it all sounds like "gride gride gride gride" after about 2 lines.  Sorta like a disposal, running.  Almost Tasmanian.

Try this one:
Geez Criminy Louise Dangit
Geez Criminy Louise Dangit
Geez Criminy Louise Dangit
Geez Criminy Louise Dangit
Geez Criminy Louise Dangit
Geez Criminy Louise Dangit
Geez Criminy Louise Dangit

Sounds like a Jester stuck in the revolving door to a chatroom, doesn't it?

You know; that "stick a fork" thing is kinda funny, if you think of someone who winds up Down Under after this world and yells "Hey! You! Demon!  Stick a fork in me, I'm done!"  Boy.

Ace; "doesn't" is not the keyword.  I think it's a preposition.

Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Redhawk on November 22, 2005, 18:45 hrs
I'm not picky, call me what you want.

ja, sorry, must be slow. I don't get it.

Language - A meter to check your LAN connection speed.

Preposition - The position you have to get into to use Preparation H
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on November 22, 2005, 19:31 hrs
Preposition; I tell ya, there's times I wish you could buy the stuff by the tub....  Put a bucket out on the patio.

Or soak my head.  I suppose it'd be soothing.  I feel like one hemisphere is offset from the other.. if you know what I mean.  Not a hemi; more like a small block V8.  Or an old 396.  

They're aight.

Ace; I wonder what Sharks use.  Probably "people oil."
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on November 23, 2005, 06:06 hrs
Oh, you have no dang idea how long I'd last in a Bobbin case, you Ohioan. an.  I'm not even sure what the heck a bobbin case is... Is that a sewing basket?   ??? I think that's the right one

I have no idea how long I'd last.  I bet I'd surprise you, though, by how long I'd last wherever it is I'd be lasting, for however long.

I do get a lot of things, that's true...  And I don't deserve all of them either, dangit.  Jester is not Olde English for "punching bag" or "humourless sack of potatoes" as legend would have it.  Usually, when I poast, I'm rushing to get through it so I can think about it later.  Although there's times I stop that, if it all starts sounding like "fried wide hide pride" said a bunch of times, fast.  Or "whaaiid", loosely translated.

Ace; I'm sure tomorrow after dinner I'm going to be a double whaaiid.  Dangit.  I need to look for a bigger belt...
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on November 23, 2005, 08:46 hrs
There's days I resemble a passive sensor sitting on the sea floor.

ace; I should have been a pair of ragged claws, scuttling across the floors of silent seas.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on November 25, 2005, 21:32 hrs

Locomotive: A crazy person's reason for doing something.

Stagnation: Deer country.

Toupee: Why you have to stop on a long car ride.

Aloof: Top of a Chinese house

Innuendo: How to use an Italian suppository

LinS; Poasting is a risque business.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on November 26, 2005, 09:23 hrs
Groan up: the sound of an adult reading those.

Touchdown:  when you goose a goose.

Suppository:  Do you suppose? That's where you store them if you do.

Sideburns:  What happens to a 20 lb. turkey wedged into a toaster oven.

Bobbin:  Ratman's sidekick.

Sam & Ella:  two people you don't want near a thawing turkey.

Ace; I'm waiting for the Extreme Makeover show to replace some transient's beat-up shopping cart with a shiny new one. "Move that bus!"

Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on November 30, 2005, 10:22 hrs
Some life observations, a la Andy Rooney...

Why is it that we drive on the parkway, and park on the driveway?

How is it that a nose runs and feet smell?

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station...GO FIGURE!

Mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?

Why does the word "lisp" have an "s" in it?

LinS; See what I mean?
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Redhawk on December 02, 2005, 06:12 hrs
A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked.
"Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked.
"Yes, I do," she replied.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making out?"
"Yes, I remember."
"Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail?"
"Yes, I do," she said.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "You know...I would have gotten out today."
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on December 02, 2005, 11:01 hrs
Thanks, LinS and Reds; those both brought a tear to my ear.  Makes you wish you could erasticate some past decisions, don't it...   I don't know about Lithp either.  

I do remember a joke back in College about a girl with a harelip and and guy with a wooden eye (he was deaf in it) and him asking her out, and she was so pleased she answered

"Oh!  Would I!  Would I!"

And he yelled back in anger "Harelip!  Harelip!"

Ace; I like jokes that aren't too long, so there's less chance of me botching them up.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on December 02, 2005, 17:28 hrs
Harelip; back talk from an ill-mannered rabbit.

Bill
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on December 02, 2005, 19:23 hrs
Bill!  BILL!  You're Back!  Bill!
Bill... Ok; which one are you...  What do you go by, here?  

We gotta remember that for Easter; The Harelip Easter Bunny.  Hope I haven't evacuated the premises, then... I'd hate to miss it.

I gotta figure a glass eye/wood eye joke.  That'd be the coolest thing since a monkey, mounted above the bar.

You know, if you wait long enough here, what comes around comes around, again.

Ace; lord knows I've been around enough to see that happen. ;) do note the smarmy emoticon thingy
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Buffalo2102 on December 02, 2005, 19:37 hrs
Yaay! Bill's back.  And his front, presumably.

Sounds like you missed him.


Buff; coming round again.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on December 02, 2005, 19:53 hrs
Nothing like some good word play to bring everyone together. It's like a virtual version of family game night.

LinS; Sorry, I've got the Monopoly on word games. (Pun intended.)
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on December 02, 2005, 21:32 hrs
erasticate; to recall unruly memories, and ban them, several times.

Bill; enough already, I'm here, really.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Redhawk on December 03, 2005, 04:54 hrs
Shoot, I check in to see what's going on, and I see all you guys are talking in riddles.

I live in a different country, so I don't know the meaning of some of your words. I'll try to guess at what some of them mean.

Mistake - To throw your steak on the grill, but it hits the ground instead.

Several - When there's more than one Al on the screen on Tooltime.

Really - Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee...... only one is real.

Memories - What little girls have before they need support.

Everyone - 11111111...... all are ones.

Intended - ++++++*+++..... one in ten are dead.

Monopoly - A polliwog with only one eye.

Smarmy - A small army with an attitude.

Monkey - A key that only works the lock on Mondays.

Premises - What a girl is before she becomes a Mrs.

Decisions - To fix or stitch up an incision.

Ill-mannered - A rude male nerd who drank too much.

Botching - Sound made when change hits the bottom of your pocket after
buying something.

Mounted - A mountain named after Ted.

Coffee - What a doctor charges you to tell you why you cough.

Answered - The sound made when you pull your sword out of someone.
Title: Re:Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on December 03, 2005, 09:36 hrs
Oh, I know a lot more than you let on...

hold it.  That one even confused me.  Ok, anyway, I remember playing Scabble.  I never liked it much, mostly because you had to lift the dang things just to see what the score was, anyway.  Played it on the train to RI, too.  You'd think an English Major would appreciate it.  Go figurine, huh.

I am even more pleased to see Angelina Jolie back, too.  I tell ya, it seems the gang's all here.  Probably time for me to take a sabbatical, then.

I think "Pun Intended" would be the understatement of the year.  As one who lives in another plane of existence, that magical mystical freezebox of Michiana, I can make out most of your puns Hawk.  The "Answered" was pushing it, but the rest are aight.

Bobbin:  Pseudonym:  not a real Nym.
Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on August 07, 2007, 21:40 hrs
Hey! I know it's been a long time, but did you have to get rid of all my pictures!!  We feel so faceless!

LinS; We used to be multi-faceted.
Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on August 07, 2007, 22:14 hrs
The two-tailed whale was just a fluke. (I couldn't think of a good panda pun.)

"Sum" Math Puns:

I like to addââ?¬â?sum times.  I've already multiplied.

My math teacher is in the prime of her life.

These averages are meaningless to me.

Secant, tangent, cosine, sine
3.14159
Just don't give anyone the digit.

LinS; "sine"ing off.
Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on August 08, 2007, 06:33 hrs
No, LinS, it hasn't been "a long time."  It's been forever, going by the cast of characters and time zone of this poast.  Geez Louise; The Return of Bill? Redhawk?  A guest appearance by Buffalo?  It's like a rerun of a 60's show.

Anyway, glad you're back.  It's about time we got back to butchering English and Math.  A good math joke is like a game of soduku; it's over pretty quick.  Although I do get Math Joke Anxiety.

Here's a panda one:
"What happens if you subtract all the pandas in the world, and then divide the remains?"
The world is a better place.

Ace; I'm ADD

Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Buffalo2102 on August 08, 2007, 07:59 hrs
Er....it's spelt ODD.

Buff; glad to help.
Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on August 08, 2007, 08:46 hrs
LOL
Glad you said it, you're too far away to get hurt
B-
Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on August 08, 2007, 11:54 hrs
That too.  First, I thought I had mispelled a 3 letter word.  I know I usually get the 4 letter ones right, so that surprised me.

Ace; I thought it was pretty cool I pushed this thing to a new page, and now LinS resurrection is off screen.
Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on August 08, 2007, 19:18 hrs
Just a little background on the math cheer I posted last night.  The original version was one that I heard at a Harvard/Yale football game I attended in an earlier life that went like this:

Secant, tangent, cosine, sine
3.14159 (Three point one four one five nine)
Harvard, give them the digit!

I did not attend Harvard (my roommate did, I went to NYU) but to this day I remember that brainiac cheer.

LinS; Anyone for a cuppa joe and some pi?
Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on August 08, 2007, 21:19 hrs
And I heard hypotenuse cause more deaths in Africa than any other animal...

Ok, Buff; your dang comeuppance:
"I might suffer from foot in mouth, but at least it's not your dang hoof in mouth...."

Hah.  Boy, I've been waiting years for that disease to catch on in Britain, just so I could use that.

Ace; i wait a long time for stuff, sometimes.  Like for Lins Or Jims to poast. Or Johnny's resurrection.
Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on December 04, 2007, 17:42 hrs
Hello all.  Hope your collective Thanksgivings were wonderful. (We tend to think in the collective.)
Anyway, in a nod to New England's still perfect season, here is another Harvard football cheer:

Repel them, repel them.
Make them relinquish the spheroid.

LinS; Gotta love it.
Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on December 05, 2007, 05:45 hrs
The only thing that comes to mind when the Patriots are mentioned is this strange looking homeless guy that always seems to be on their sideline.  He always wears a tattered hooded sweatshirt with torn sleeves.  You'd think if Kraft were any kind of humanitarian he'd buy him a new one.

Bill
Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on December 05, 2007, 06:34 hrs
Great. Now we're in collections.  As far as New England, I think they oughta move the team back to Boston.  Good cheer, though, although I gotta wonder if it works much at Harvard.

You know, we don't have a cheer, or fight song.  Ok, I'll make a go of it.  How about to the tune of ND's?  They weren't using theirs this year:

Cheer, cheer for Poasters!  Right Here!
We drink Merlot, but would take
a beer!
Hold the Admins heads up high
No, not for Neon, who has passed on.
Johnny is moving
Bill's in SC
Scuzzy is snowbound
Pat's under the tree
Lins and Jims, collectivley
and what's his name
from across the sea

Go see the Whiz
Go in the Buff!
Do Plymouth Rock?
See pandas snuffed.

Sit on your hands! Rise from your seat!
Our forum cop does not know de feet!
don't let children in
since Jesters
have been known to repeat!


Ace; jingle writer
Title: ERR: Poast Resurrected
Post by: iansl on March 01, 2008, 16:46 hrs
C'mon, we gotta keep this going ;). And no, once I finish reading SLI and the Family Stone, you'll have to start looking for me again.

As to the Harvard basketball war cries, I must admit they're more creative than "Defense! Defense!" but then again, they make themselves out to be geeks or something. Betcha Calculus 3 is not a required class for them, by golly. MIT should charge them royalties for the apparance of intelligence. And MIT should do it through their own home-grown system running on a pedal-powered laptop. Take that, Havad. Bet they don't even know a single digit beyond 3.14159. Neither do I, but my computer can give me 32 million of 'em if you hold on a minute or maybe two.

I'd poast my own school's fight song, which is shared in some aspects by RPI and a few other tech schools that aren't quite nerdy enough to eschew hard drink. But there is egregious reference to H-E-double toothpicks and the glorification of inebriation. Guess Buffalo will have to poast it (Colorado School of Mines...The Mining Engineer is the title if I remember correctly).

Oh, and not to worry, I actually have a purpose here:

Q: What was John Henry's favorite band?
A: Nine Inch Nails.
Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on March 22, 2008, 11:21 hrs
Hello All,

I tore myself away from reading American Idol blogs to share this with you.

Q: What is an agnostic, dyslexic insomniac?

A: A person that lies awake all night wondering whether there is a dog.

SniL; Back to you.
Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: JimS on April 26, 2008, 22:45 hrs
BUMP

C'mon, Linda's been sitting by the keyboard, waiting, waiting, waiting...
Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on April 27, 2008, 09:29 hrs
Shoot, I stole that joke weeks ago.  I've used it a bunch of times.  I was just waiting for the next one.

Ace; c'mon people, let's keep it moving.
Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: pat on April 27, 2008, 18:22 hrs
PUMB

Ok, that's bump spelled backwards. I'm really singing here.

Ayay ondeblay alkedway intoyay ayay ordway.

Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on June 30, 2008, 12:13 hrs
We know we have been MIA for some time, coincidental with the end of school, end of band, baseball, Scouts, patience etc...

but we thought you might accept these with our sincerest apologies:

New Breeds of Dogs:

Cross a Collie and a Lhasa Apso to get a Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport.
Cross a Spitz and a Chow Chow to get a Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot.
Cross a Pointer and a Setter to get a Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet.
Cross a Great Pyrenees and a Dachshund to get a Pyradachs, a puzzling breed.
Cross a Pekingese and a Lhasa Apso to get a Peekasso, an abstract dog.
Cross an Irish Water Spaniel and an English Springer Spaniel to get a Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle.
Cross a Labrador Retriever and a Curly Coated Retriever to get a Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists.
Cross a Newfoundland and a Basset Hound to get a Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors.
Cross a Terrier and a Bulldog to get a Terribull, a dog you don't want in your house.
Cross a Bloodhound and a Labrador to get a Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly.
Cross a Malamute and a Pointer to get a Moot Point, a dog that... oh, well; it doesn't matter.
Cross a Deerhound and a Terrier to get a Derriere, a dog that's true to the end.
Cross a Bull Terrier and a ShihTzu to get a... never mind!

LinS; Dusting off the dancin' shoes
Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: JimS on August 13, 2008, 22:17 hrs
I can't believe no one had anything to say about LinS' poast.  I thought it was great!  Especially since I gave it to her...

Here's another to keep this going:


A thief planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre in Paris.  After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van.  However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings."

"I had no Monet,

to buy Degas,

to make the Van Gogh."

See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else.  I poast it here because I figured I had nothing Toulouse.


C'mon Ace.  Time to come out of retirement...
Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on August 14, 2008, 00:20 hrs
I whole-heartedly agree with JimS (now there's a first)...
Ace, I know I have not been a regular Poaster, but I have enjoyed my visits here tremendously. Verbally sparring with you has really kept me on my toes, challenged me, and most importantly, brought a smile to my face and sometimes a pain to my side or tears to my eyes from your laugh-out-loud poasts. I can certainly understand burnout, but isn't there value in positively impacting the life of a total stranger and making this crazy world we live in just a little bit better?

LinS; Nobody else can wear your hat or fit in your pointy-toed shoes...

Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Bill on August 14, 2008, 05:15 hrs
Hey, 2 against 1 isn't fair.  But that's great, let's make it 3 against 1. 

Acer, loosen up your joints(yes, I know it's hard at our age) put your fingers on the keys and get back to work boy!

B-

LInS & JimS - BTW I smiled at both your offerings, just don't have the jester juice to respond appropriately.
Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: scuzzy on August 14, 2008, 13:08 hrs
Let's go for 4.

I have no desire to wear Ace's shoes. To begin with, they are wayyyyyy too big. And they curl up at the toes. Then there's the smell. I imagine the hat isn't any better.

Hey, here's one: Cross Ace with a monk and you get a monkace. With an orange and get an orangutace. With chips and get a chimpanzace. With a go-go dancer and get a gorillace. With primer paint and get a primace.

Scuzzy; with gas and you get a fartace of what's to come.
Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on August 15, 2008, 07:47 hrs
If I/we poast again, does the count go up to 5 to 1?

Ace,
This is the Place
For a Michiana musing
We'd hate to be losing
Please don your jester bonnet
And respond to this sonnet
Give us a thrill
And pick up your quill
To pen an answer
From the pointy-toed word dancer

LinS; Are you enjoying the Verbalympics?
Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on August 15, 2008, 08:12 hrs
No; I've stopped using English as well as pens, unless I'm writing a check.  I mouse around, and keyboard mostly.

You guys are something... you insult someone's feet/footware, cap, choice of drink and place of origin, and then you ask for inspiration and entertainment.  Criminy.

Look, I think somebody oughta answer Johnny's limey question and Pat's Batman review, frankly.  Go to the Poast office and write them.  I did enjoy the dog names, French slurs and Scuzzy referring to me as fartface.  Otherwise, I really don't have anything brilliant at this time on a Friday.  Let alone thrilling. 

Ace; I'd rather have Nounalympics.
Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on August 15, 2008, 10:25 hrs
Welcome back Ace!!! You made it back in time for Day 1 of the Nounalympics...

On the schedule for today:

Synchronized verbal sparring
Uneven alliteration bars
Sinking or swimming
Jester barb throw
Pointy shoe curling

Any ideas for tomorrow's events?

LinS; Going for the gold.
Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on August 18, 2008, 06:42 hrs
Well, this is getting entirely too competitive.  Why can't there just be a quad-annual gathering of sportsmanship and goodwill or even St. Vincent DePaul and mutual humanity and brotherhood among women.  Instead of this paramilitary training of hand picked youngsters into brutal training and chauvinistic blind obedience to blonde jokes.

I do think they should move all the events to the beach, even if they don't have their own sand.  Shoot, you can always buy sand.  Pole vaulting, as long as their country isn't under nuclear attack due to having missiles.  100 meter sprints.  Gymnastic events.  Diving.  And I think bikinis are perfectly appropriate sporting garb; it boosts viewership and sells more Coke.  It's funny that swimmers are wearing more clothing while others aren't. 

I for one am not going to attempt the Poasters record of 8 consecutive golden haired jokes; I found the best way to not lose is to not compete.  I would quit before it started, and throw my medal in distaste off the poadium. 

Ace; and still they make fun of my shoes.
Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on August 18, 2008, 14:28 hrs
I'm with you Ace with regard to the blonde, er, blind allegiance to the fair-haired joke competition. I much prefer verbal gymnastics. Or a good old-fashioned synonym sprint. Or a metaphor marathon.

LinS; Off to the rACEs.
Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on August 19, 2008, 08:56 hrs
LinS and I tied.  Meaning, I won. 
The judges threw out the high and low scores, and then more of hers, and inflated mine.  So, fair and square per the poast-Olympic stress syndrome, I won.

I shall now be a sore winner and toss one of these stupid jester hat thingys over in the left side links. And await a blonde joke, involving a trampoline.  Perhaps a poast medley relay.  As long as I can lipsync, with someone better looking on stage. 

Ace; if we do any equestrian events Scuzzy can be the south end of a horse facing north.
Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: JimS on January 27, 2009, 12:29 hrs
Time to resurrect this puppy...


The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.  He acquired his size from too much pi.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

Two silk worms had a race.  They ended up in a tie.

Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.  The police are looking into it.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.  One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a-head.'

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.  Then it hit me.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.  When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium, at large.

The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

A backward poet writes in-verse.

In democracy it's your vote that counts.  In feudalism it's your count that votes.

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

Don't join dangerous cults, practice safe sects!
Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: JimS on February 05, 2009, 13:05 hrs
"You can lead a horse to water but a pencil must be lead"

Am I going to have to restart those BUMP thingies again?  C'mon, Ace.  Criminey, dangit, and what ever else you (used to) say. 

GET BACK IN HERE!!!

Now don't make me have to yell like that again...
Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on February 05, 2009, 13:17 hrs
Hello all!

Hope everyone is staying warm...but remember,

Many are cold, but few are frozen.

LinS; Don't give me the cold shoulder...
Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: Ace on February 07, 2009, 10:18 hrs
Was there a question in there?

As Tweety Bird said: "I thought I thaw a thaw today."  We're near 50 degrees and it's only 11:15 Michiana time.  This is the first morning that hasn't started sub-10 degrees in a month.  I'm hoping to see a Robin in the next few days.  Probably with his frozen little toes stuck in the permafrost...

I enjoyed the String of Hits by the JimS.  I stole them and sent them to other people.  Please Send More. 

Ace; thankyou
Title: Re: Make The English Language Dance
Post by: LinS on January 08, 2010, 12:57 hrs
Hello all,

Re-connected with a college friend of mine via Facebook recently. Found out his daughter is a pun lunatic, or punatic for short, so I sent him the link for this forum, and had so much fun reading some of these old poasts, I had to drop in and say hello and maybe eke a few new puns out of this tired brain.

LinS; Looking forward to getting back in touch