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Chronicles of Ace

Started by Bubba, December 21, 2005, 12:36 hrs

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Bubba


Ace and his wife are awakened, at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door.

Ace gets up and goes to the door where a drunken Bubba, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says Ace, "it is 3 o'clock in the morning!

Ace slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just  drunk Bubba asking for a push," Ace answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3 o'clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says Ace's wife.

"Can't you remember, about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

Ace does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

Ace calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes" comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?", calls out Ace.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks Ace

"Over here on the swing!", replies Bubba.
Like Grandpa used to say, "maybe there ain't nothin' wrong, but, somethin' aint' right."

Bubba

 A few minutes before the church services started, the Poasters were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the  front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front  entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman, Ace, who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact  that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to Ace and said, "Don't you know who I  am?" Ace replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't." said Ace.
Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned Ace, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope."
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you  afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 35 years."
Like Grandpa used to say, "maybe there ain't nothin' wrong, but, somethin' aint' right."

Bubba

No,, Ace never came over and gave me the push,,,

Ace, he is no push over,,,,,,,,,,,

never got a frosty mug of an adult beverage either, oh that's right,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Mrs. Ace threw all the beeeer in the trash.  Why then, was I there ?
Like Grandpa used to say, "maybe there ain't nothin' wrong, but, somethin' aint' right."

Ace

I'd like to, on his next inflatable yard toy.  

I do promise that next time Bubba is on my porch I'll push him.  It's funny, but that first one is a true story.  MacArthur is a few blocks south, toward the park.  Good thing the recipe is on the back of the box, huh.

You know, I hate James Taylor.  It's not really his fault... I got the Mark Knopfler cd "Sailing to America" and there's a duet, which I play for my brother-in-law and his wife.  I tell them it's Mark and Jackson Browne.  He keeps insisting it sounds a lot like James Taylor...  I finally check the credits...  I hate James Taylor.  He makes me look stupid, and I don't need him with Bubba around.

Actually, I don't need Bubba around, for that.  But he helps.

Looking at the full scope of this poast, up till now, it's hard to tell where reality begins and fantasy ends.  When it comes to Murphy, I usually just draw the line at our sidewalk.

Ace; get off of my cloud.

Ring bells for service.

Ace

There IS trace amounts.. really.

I suppose there is trace amounts of datum.  But are, of data.  

I'd love to see them autopsy a Jester on CSI:

Well, we sawed through his skull.. huh.  Empty.

Let's open the abdominal cavity... Eewwww gross.  What'd he have for dinner... Criminy, what didn't he?!

I heard they legalized group sex.  Ok, I could see if this guy went in, it'd clear the room.

That's funny.. his feet are normal sized, unlike the deputies out West.

"Strangest thing at work today.. had to autopsy a Jester."

"Well, that's funny..."

"Not really."

Ace; we're the Good Humour police.
Ring bells for service.