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Make The English Language Dance

Started by LinS, June 19, 2005, 21:21 hrs

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LinS

#30
Upset at the dwarf's lack of discipline, he shouted "You're too loose, Latrec."

Good one, Ace.

How 'bout:

He startled other visitors of the new impressionism exhibit with his shouts of "Show me the Monet!".

LinS; just breezin' through

Ace

Recognizing his strange moustache, he walked up to the surrealist and said "Hello, Dali."

Well, hello... ok. Never mind.  I like the Monet joke.  Monet Monet by Billy Idol is fine, if not Tommy James.  

Ace; what the heck was Whistler's father doing, anyway...

Ring bells for service.

Whizbang

#32
Actually, he was trying to rob the joint, but he did not realize that the jewelry store was next door.  What he really said was, "Show me the money."  Art critics have tunnel vision and never consider viable explanations.

(Everyone knows that jewelry stores never have money either.  It's all alimony payment checks and credit cards.)

Ace

"You have tunnel vision" he said to the mole.

I still can't believe they make sauce out of those things...

Ace: eewwww.
Ring bells for service.

LinS

The king once asked his jester to make a pun. "Upon what subject?" asked the fool. "Make one about me," replied the king.  "That I cannot do" said the jester, "for the king is no subject."

LinS; It's good to be the queen.

Ace

#35
The king is no great shakes when it comes to yard care or accident reports, either, let me tell ya...  Anyone who would arrest 3 students uninjured in an accident has a freezer loose in his yard.

Of course it's good to be the queen.  Anything is better than Jester/Janitor.  You spend the dang day making sarcastic witticisms about German ownership of American companies, and people think you're missing the point of your dang dingly hat.  You've got Eastern Seaboarders griping about your smokestack lightning, and blond pundits mocking your hair lightening, and birthday carols ringing in your ears, and you've run out of puns based on famous artists, and what's the use, you know...?!  And that's just for working on your dang day off.  "TGIS"; yeah, right.

The above commentary was predicated upon the king, I might add.  

Ace; my dang prerogative, I might add.  My ad, as they say at WimbleDon.
Ring bells for service.

Bill

The Jester's dang dingly hat has lots of points, all of them germane to the mission.  
I think it was only one "Eastern Seaboarder",  me.  Guilty, as charged.  So petition the king to lock me up, huh.   Good thing he isn't here    Oh, wait.  

What's the matter with "white metal" landscaping?  If you plug them all in you could contribute to controlling global warming.    Works for me.

Queens are always nicer anyway; 'cept maybe Alice's.

Bill;  excercising your prerogative is better than no exercise at all.
Antec 3700 | Gigabyte GA-EP45-UD3R | Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Wolfdale 3.0GHz | 4 GB (4x1GB) DDR2 PC 5300 Kingston RAM | Antec NeoPower 550W | eVGA GeForce 9500GT 1GB 128 bit PCI Express 2.0 | Intel SSD X25-M 80GB | VelociRaptor 150GB | WD 80GB 7200rpm |Samsung 22x SATA Burner |Windows 7 32-bit

Ace

Well, maybe someone ELSE would like to be queen for once, huh?  Maybe someone isn't satisfied just being the faerie jester, and might want to be the faerie queen, huh?  Maybe someone would just as soon have an earring in the right ear, mightn't they?  Huh?

Hold it.  I just looked in the mirror, and it is.  Shoot.

Ok, and otherwise you mispelled German.  I'm pretty sure global warming/cooling is gonna work out ok.  

Ace; dangit, I'm nice.  I don't know who the jerks are who say I'm not.
Ring bells for service.

Bill

#38
Listen, if you can find a way to sell soft ice cream and king shakes here, have at it.  Maybe you could even start a new branded franchise on forums across the net.  
We'd have to pick a name.

Looking in mirrors is not a good move, look what it did for Trav.

Bill; I did not misspell Hessian.

Antec 3700 | Gigabyte GA-EP45-UD3R | Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Wolfdale 3.0GHz | 4 GB (4x1GB) DDR2 PC 5300 Kingston RAM | Antec NeoPower 550W | eVGA GeForce 9500GT 1GB 128 bit PCI Express 2.0 | Intel SSD X25-M 80GB | VelociRaptor 150GB | WD 80GB 7200rpm |Samsung 22x SATA Burner |Windows 7 32-bit

Ace

Well, ok, but that's not how you spell Prussian.

I suppose I could work on the marketing and branding...  Dairy and Queen.  But not that, as that's been used.  How about:

Yellow Matter Custard
Clothes On Sundaes
We've Got The Shakes
Cool Your Globe
Icecream Coneheads
Frozen Fat Farm
Bunch of Dips
WE ALL SCREAM!!
Bovine Byproducts
Creeping Death
Freeze Headaches
Butterfat Bliss
A Lifetime On Your Hips
Jester Junkfood

Ace; that's a cold shot, babe.
Ring bells for service.

Bill

"Kool Kholesterol"  ?

Geez, talk about a straight man to the Jokester.

Bill; no reference to ear jewelry.
Antec 3700 | Gigabyte GA-EP45-UD3R | Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Wolfdale 3.0GHz | 4 GB (4x1GB) DDR2 PC 5300 Kingston RAM | Antec NeoPower 550W | eVGA GeForce 9500GT 1GB 128 bit PCI Express 2.0 | Intel SSD X25-M 80GB | VelociRaptor 150GB | WD 80GB 7200rpm |Samsung 22x SATA Burner |Windows 7 32-bit

Ace

Geez, I remember "Kools"... bleah.  I suppose a menthol cone would be ok.

Look, I appreciate your efforts there.  Seriously, I hate being the straight man to myself.  I get all bent out of shape trying to play both parts.  It's like a poast entitled "Seriously"... like, sure, I'm gonna follow that.  You bet.

You know what the most commonly used and typically nonsensical and irrelevant exclamation is, from my hearing?  "You're kidding!" Usually used in a waaay out of place context:

"There's another shark attack in Florida" You're kidding!
"Luther Vandross died."  You're kidding!
"It's supposed to be in the 90's this weekend." You're kidding!
"Huh.. Federer won in straight sets."  You're kidding!
"Chevy's are made by Isuzu in S.E. Asia." You're kidding!

I'm not kidding...
Ace; seriously.


Ring bells for service.

Bill

Boy, takes a long time to type all that in Italiics and get it all in the right place.
You get an "A" for effort.  Nah, I'm kidding.
Antec 3700 | Gigabyte GA-EP45-UD3R | Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Wolfdale 3.0GHz | 4 GB (4x1GB) DDR2 PC 5300 Kingston RAM | Antec NeoPower 550W | eVGA GeForce 9500GT 1GB 128 bit PCI Express 2.0 | Intel SSD X25-M 80GB | VelociRaptor 150GB | WD 80GB 7200rpm |Samsung 22x SATA Burner |Windows 7 32-bit

Ace

Really?  That is so coo

Hey. Wait a minute.  You're just kidding... that's not funny.

Ace; boy, did he mispell "Effort" if he thinks there's an A in it.
Ring bells for service.

Bill

Now, that's clever,  pointing out a "mispelling."

"Effort " with an "A' is reserved for special people.

And, I did not misspell Austrian.

Bill, geez.
Antec 3700 | Gigabyte GA-EP45-UD3R | Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Wolfdale 3.0GHz | 4 GB (4x1GB) DDR2 PC 5300 Kingston RAM | Antec NeoPower 550W | eVGA GeForce 9500GT 1GB 128 bit PCI Express 2.0 | Intel SSD X25-M 80GB | VelociRaptor 150GB | WD 80GB 7200rpm |Samsung 22x SATA Burner |Windows 7 32-bit

Ace

Thank you; and since when are Australians German?  I thought most of them would be British.

Well, I suppose a lot of them are Australian, too.  And the rest British.  With maybe a smattering of Germans in there.  I was kinda smattered on Saturday night, after a day of inhaling Pacificos.  Nothing smattered, after awhile.

And don't you "geez" me... you're the one that can't keep on the topic of "Puns that Sound Like Actual Jokes."  

Ace; geez, I hope this isn't the one about car makers moving overseas because we insist on speaking English here.
Ring bells for service.

Bill

Poasting here these days is like exchanging private email messages.  

The Joker and the Foil, the Master and the Jester   no wait

The Jester and the straight man.  Bud and Lou; Amos and Andy; Groucho and the Duck.  Say the magic word, win another star.

Does your local paper carry " The Dinette Set"?  Among the funniest I read.
The funniest part is always the "to do" list posted on the wall behind the characters.  

Bill; another day, another lost soul.



Antec 3700 | Gigabyte GA-EP45-UD3R | Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Wolfdale 3.0GHz | 4 GB (4x1GB) DDR2 PC 5300 Kingston RAM | Antec NeoPower 550W | eVGA GeForce 9500GT 1GB 128 bit PCI Express 2.0 | Intel SSD X25-M 80GB | VelociRaptor 150GB | WD 80GB 7200rpm |Samsung 22x SATA Burner |Windows 7 32-bit

Ace

Well, if you're foil then the aliens can't read your thoughts, huh.

Look, the JimS and LinS can play multiple personalities, but I've only got the lack of this one.  Sure, you're half of the equation, and I'm the other third.  That's the way of the world, unless Pat appears to say something about something or Buff appears with an embarrassing allusion to something or Whiz rains on somebody's melon or something or there's a list of American cars built by foreigners as opposed to foreign cars built by Americans.  Same diff.

You win some, and you lose some.  I bet right now there's some new Poaster just chomping at the bit to jump right in on this.

Ace; I bet.
Ring bells for service.

Bill

Talking about "built by foreigners", ever wonder why they call those funny little pop-ups in Windows "Dialogue Boxes?"   I do (not to intentionally quote Andy Rooney).  

Look, I've gathered a whole bunch of them on my other monitor.  "This program has encountered a fatal error";  "Sending unencripted information could be seen by other people";  "Fatal error code 1100zzxsdlfkJA"  

They don't talk to me, and they sure as heck don't listen when I talk to them.  Where's the 'dialogue', huh?

Bill; not Gates, Redmond or Central Park.
Antec 3700 | Gigabyte GA-EP45-UD3R | Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Wolfdale 3.0GHz | 4 GB (4x1GB) DDR2 PC 5300 Kingston RAM | Antec NeoPower 550W | eVGA GeForce 9500GT 1GB 128 bit PCI Express 2.0 | Intel SSD X25-M 80GB | VelociRaptor 150GB | WD 80GB 7200rpm |Samsung 22x SATA Burner |Windows 7 32-bit

Ace

I suppose it's like talking to god, if Bill Gates is on the other line.  Maybe it's just to be a quiet self-talk.  Maybe a life affirming message for your personal inspiration.  

Or the screaming at the other voices in your head to shut the heck up.

Perhaps they're at a frequency you can't hear; go grab the dog and see if he can make anything out of it.

Ace; this is gonna be funny if he actually grabs the dog.
Ring bells for service.

Bill

After all I've said about the hellhound, that is like suggesting I walk into a woodchipper.  You cannot just "grab" Fido, at least not without protective clothing, or a suit of armor.   Should have named him Hannibal or Jeffery.
I'm not quite that open to suggestion.

You know what the preposition said to the noun?  

Bill; gotta stay on track here.

Antec 3700 | Gigabyte GA-EP45-UD3R | Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Wolfdale 3.0GHz | 4 GB (4x1GB) DDR2 PC 5300 Kingston RAM | Antec NeoPower 550W | eVGA GeForce 9500GT 1GB 128 bit PCI Express 2.0 | Intel SSD X25-M 80GB | VelociRaptor 150GB | WD 80GB 7200rpm |Samsung 22x SATA Burner |Windows 7 32-bit

Ace

You've GOT a woodchipper?  That is too cool.

Ace; I bet Pinnochio didn't.
Ring bells for service.

Bill

Yeah, and I keep filling in the dang whole in the ground or burrow or whatever, and he just digs it out again.  Tryin' to get rid of him is like shooin' stable flies off a steak.

"You're it."

Bill; said the preposition to the noun.
Antec 3700 | Gigabyte GA-EP45-UD3R | Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Wolfdale 3.0GHz | 4 GB (4x1GB) DDR2 PC 5300 Kingston RAM | Antec NeoPower 550W | eVGA GeForce 9500GT 1GB 128 bit PCI Express 2.0 | Intel SSD X25-M 80GB | VelociRaptor 150GB | WD 80GB 7200rpm |Samsung 22x SATA Burner |Windows 7 32-bit

Ace

Dangit; I thought the preposition said "You've GOT a woodchipper?"... shoot, I really thought I had that one.

In honour of Wednesday, I won't make any reference to your having to fill the whole, in the ground.  I can see why that would take considerable time.  If it was just a half, or a third, in the ground it would go a lot quicker.  But the whole in the ground has got to be quite a lot to deal with.  Well, everything, it would seem.  The whole hole, as it were.

Ace; and they know how many it takes to fill the Albert Hall.
Ring bells for service.

Bill

Sometimes one must provide fuel for the fire simply by  becoming the target for the cannon, eh?  

Say, don't you shop there.  Would that make you a targeteer?  But according to Scuzzy, you can't hit the broad side of a shopping center -guess I'm safe-  since you're all the way over there, hiding in the stinkin smoke stacks.

Bill; bet Gipetto wished he did.


Antec 3700 | Gigabyte GA-EP45-UD3R | Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Wolfdale 3.0GHz | 4 GB (4x1GB) DDR2 PC 5300 Kingston RAM | Antec NeoPower 550W | eVGA GeForce 9500GT 1GB 128 bit PCI Express 2.0 | Intel SSD X25-M 80GB | VelociRaptor 150GB | WD 80GB 7200rpm |Samsung 22x SATA Burner |Windows 7 32-bit

Ace

No, to Scuzzy I'm still just a "target."  And I'm not "in" the stinking smokestacks I'm "by" the stinking smokestacks.  Geez, you act like we Midwesterners are some primitive rubes...

We happen to be very civilized and cultured rubes.

Ace; "Drew Carey as Gepetto".. what a career move.
Ring bells for service.

Bill

But rural.

FYI:

http://tinyurl.com/794tr

pay particular attention to the details, please

Bill; today, they're working
Antec 3700 | Gigabyte GA-EP45-UD3R | Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Wolfdale 3.0GHz | 4 GB (4x1GB) DDR2 PC 5300 Kingston RAM | Antec NeoPower 550W | eVGA GeForce 9500GT 1GB 128 bit PCI Express 2.0 | Intel SSD X25-M 80GB | VelociRaptor 150GB | WD 80GB 7200rpm |Samsung 22x SATA Burner |Windows 7 32-bit

Ace

Well, that certainly looks like some bigfooted pervert about to grab and run with that poor kid...  I hope he was taught not to talk to strangers, especially strange looking ones.

And we're NOT rural.  We are dang suburban rubes.  There are even cities here, of town-like size.  Unless you drive out of one, and then it gets real rural real fast.  Pat could explain it, as far as the whole Michiana epicenter of culture and commerce.  It's not like some Northern Peninsula iceflow, you know.  At least not in summer.

Anyway, I gotta check back on that little boy, because that guy does not look right...

Ace; run, kid.
Ring bells for service.

Bill

#58
Well of course he isn't right.  He spells his name with an "i" instead of an "e'.  If he were right, he'd use the e.

Mickey didn't do a good job in casting that character.  More like a fugitive from "Without a Trace."

Speaking of JA,  a "suburban rube"?  Is that a newfangled GMC model built in one of those Japanese/American/French owned plants in LaJolla?  Runs on Karo syrup?  

Bill
Antec 3700 | Gigabyte GA-EP45-UD3R | Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Wolfdale 3.0GHz | 4 GB (4x1GB) DDR2 PC 5300 Kingston RAM | Antec NeoPower 550W | eVGA GeForce 9500GT 1GB 128 bit PCI Express 2.0 | Intel SSD X25-M 80GB | VelociRaptor 150GB | WD 80GB 7200rpm |Samsung 22x SATA Burner |Windows 7 32-bit

Ace

Is LaJolla in Indonesia?  Then that's probably it.  I run on pancake syrup, but only in frigid weather.  And then only to the hospital.

You know, there usually is a trace.  That's how they figure stuff out in that show.  I think they should retitle it.   It just struck me that "retitle" is a funny looking word.  At least at this time of day.

What with the multiple incidents recently, one might ponder the question "can sexual predators be rehabilitated"..?  I'd put it up there with "Can sharks be taught to see us as friends, and not food?"  

Between Cold Case and Without A Trace, I'm watching the one with Poppy.

Ace; if my wife lets me. I can see why Afghans grow them.
Ring bells for service.