LED Zeppelin

[Ace]

Is what you'd call a giant flashlight...

Anyway, having had my fill of food poasts and insults and blessings (don't flatter me; I didn't even sneeze) I have returned to My Eminent Domain As Jester and have reclaimed the Funny Bone as my own.

For, whenever two or more are gathered here, that's about the maximum allowed by the fire code.  3's a crowd, typically.  And here I'm on my own cloud.

So.  I have the right in the Humour Hotel to tell jumbo lies or all manner of astute acerbic caustic comments and general observations.  So: Here Goes!



hmm.  



huh.


How bout those Domers, huh.  4 top ten teams plummet from above them.  Now if the Messiah would kindly lose another stinking game or actually be eaten by a Gator The Weis Guys could take their rightful place as #3 in the Big Ten.  

Ok.

Man, what else..  Slow news day, since Tuesday.  I guess the revolution will be televised.  I do miss the political ads, since I have a hunch that low-life degenerate crimininal lying soldier-bashing tax scofflaw scumbag is still at it.  Both of them.

Alright, none of that is particularly funny... I should now insert something humourous, as is my role and position.

How 'bout this:  it takes an idiot to raze a village.  
Ha! Good one, huh.  I'm on a roll, now...

Hey, look; comedians repeat their dang bits.  It's not all new.  They practice, and repeat.  You think a jester won't take the easy way out?!  We don't get paid enough to be original all the time.  A copy of a jester is still better than a real mime.

And a mime beats a panda.  Hey; that could be a new game:  JesterPandaMime.  Like paper-scissors-rock, except the panda always loses.  But kills the other two, if they touch it.  From the toxicity.

Go Razorbacks, too.  They sure cleaned the coondog's clock yesterday.  Oink beats Howwlllrrroooo.

Ace; it's nice to be here, since I don't have to clean up after myself.

[pat]

You know, that is one of the things I missed out on, back in the day.

The band, not some big flashing LED on top of some big dirigible. Not that I wouldn?t have minded a big flashing airship floating around to the sounds of Led Zeppelin on a warm summer night.

Reminds me of the time I was at that Pink Floyd concert and they had the big pink pig floating around to the sound of animals.

pat; Yeah, I was floating around too.

[Ace]

I like pigs, so you'd think I'd enjoy that.

I was going to buy the Led Zeppelin DVD set of their concerts, but I watched them and didn't find them that interesting.  I guess I never much cared for Robert Plant's stage presence.  Even with the foil wrapped cucumber.  Boy, does he look like heck now.  Even worse than Page.

I am not going to refer to your comment about someone licking a plant, either, from the other room.

If the Band and Pink Floyd would record together up in NY they could make "Music From Big Pink - Pig."  I was never sure which one was Pink, but Jethro Tull is the guy with the flute I think.

I do have the Zep box set.  If you listen to the Immigrant Song on headphones you find it's really a lot of disjointed bits, that comes together in this big wash of sound.  

Ace; ZoSo

[pat]

The last time I got a box set it was the one(s) that had the big box on the outside and all the progressively smaller boxes on the inside.

Gosh, that kept me busy for a long time.

[Ace]

When you get a minute, you should try to think outside it.

Ace; you have to be pretty slow to get hit by a tree.

[pat]

Slow? I was standing still or at least the van was.

You know it has been almost a year since that tree smashed my van. Time sure does fly by.

And what does that really supposed to mean, thinking outside the box? Whoever thought that up must have worked inside a cube.

[Bill]

Thinking outside the box means the same as pushing the edge of the envelop, silly.

Bill

[Ace]

Yes, Pat, you need to push the "envelop."  Silly.  That's a cross between anvil, and develop.

If we could write we'd be dangerous.  

Anyway, no way I want to push an envelope if somebody has been salivating all over it.  Yech.  Having worked inside boxes, I sure don't think well inside them.  So I guess stepping out couldn't hurt.

I did not realize it's been a year.  I would think you would have come up with some other life threatening out of body experience by now.  That's pretty lame, staying with the same joke for this long.  It'd be like mentioning Murphy and his stupid

Ok, look, never mind about me.  We need to find you some danger, to report back.  Some kinda near catastrophe.  The sort where Jennifer Love Hewitt would get all weepy and show a lot of cleavage and tell you to go to the light.  Like Johnny lighting a match to find his way to a gas leak, or Bill putting meat in his pockets so his dog will play with him.  Along those lines.

Ace; I'm thinking right on the edge of the box.

[Bill]

Thanks for pointing out a keyboarding error so considerately.  Proofreading has never been a stong point.

Thinking outside the box is an extracorporeal event where one's mind wait no where some peoples' minds transcend the constraints of their physical surroundings to produce a creative thought.  Clearly not a stregnth of mine, I am enveloped by my cubicle.

"So I guess stepping out couldn't hurt." Finally, the truth is coming.

Bill

[Ace]

"Stregnth", the capacity of people from Scandinavia to build strong, sturdy computer desk tables.

Shoot, I'm not enveloped by my cubicle.  I'm locked in it until quitting time.  But I show them; I quit as soon as I sit down in it.

I think Wizard of Oz and Lord of the Rings are the only movies where trees attack.  Maybe Sleepy Hollow, at least at the end.  Although I don't recall a van being a particular target.

Murphy parked his Taurus in front of the house this morning... I was going to call to get it towed.  I think he was still in it.

We put out the last of the backyard leaves Sunday.  They are forming a Leaf Wall at the curb.  I think the plan is they vacuum them up and take them to a place where they build trees.

Ace; then they send them off to Michigan to attack vans.

[pat]

I finished up with the leaves yesterday as well. I fond it easier to just mow them up into teensy weensy bits. I did manage to clean the gutters without incident, always a good thing with such a dicey situation. I did manage to smash my finger last week though, so I?m not out of the woods yet.

[Ace]

Yeah, I was in the gutter again, too.  Well, not the top ones; those are screened.  I'm not moving up in that neighborhood.

I made chili last night, for a competition/fest today.  When it gets off the stove and walks over and slaps me I know it's done.  I did once go blind from it; but that was the time I picked up some Scotch bonnets at Martin's and didn't realize what they were, and then somehow touched my face while I was cleaning them.

I guess the Scotch entries continue, huh.

Oh, and I suppose that makes this now a Food Poast, so it will live eternally in infamy.  Alright.

So how'd you smash your finger?  Just tired of it, or was it an accident?  Good thing you didn't decide to mulch it, too.

Ace; my mower's a mulcher.

[pat]

Ok, since you asked.
We were moving some things around in this house we were working in and it came time to move the exercise bike. I?m telling you this was the heaviest exercise bike I have ever tried to lift. The darn thing must weigh 2 or 3 hundred pounds. It did have some little wheels on it, so I lifted in the back and pushed while my partner was in the front steering. For some reason he decided to look off the right and as he did so, turned the bike to the left and caused my pinky finger to come between the rear end of the bike and a window sill.

I did keep it, the finger; the bike can stay where it is at.

I?m not all that keen on exercise; I usually follow these simple rules.
Never run when you can walk and never walk when you can ride.

I mean it?s not like I don?t ever do anything. Right now we?re building a deck down on the beach. So it?s take a load down135 steps, then up the dune and down the hill and back up and back down until it?s done.

[Ace]

You know, I am just stunned.  Shocked, nearly.  I even owned a Tunturi one, and a cheap one before that, and I still had no idea...

Here, I thought an exercise bike just involved sitting on one and riding it while stationary.  I had no clue the idea was to lift it, and carry it around, and work out with it that way.  No wonder it was heavy and exhausting; I guess they're supposed to be.  What a workout, huh.

I guess I'll have to go try to pick up the Nordic Track downstairs and walk around the house with it.  Geez, I don't know if I'm in good enough shape to work out now on that thing...

And to think the bike had wheels on it, too.  That must have been an expensive one.

Being close to the lake, you probably should consider getting a rowing machine.  I hope it's pretty shallow there, though....  Or you're ok with holding your breath.

Once you get that deck finished, you should have us all over to celebrate.  Maybe you could hoast this year's Annual Poaster's Convention and Grand Get-To-Gether at your place.  I think Bubba had it last year, but didn't invite us.

You're centrally located, so all Poasters should be able to get there from all points like: Colorado, Florida, Near Ohio, West Virginia, Scotland, Canada, Illinois, New Jersey wait Carolinas, England, Ireland, Great Britain.  And Michiana, here.  

You sure your partner didn't aim the thing maliciously and try to take you out...?  I think there was a Law and Order or CSI or Law and Order Special Crimes or Criminal Minds Serial Killer of the Week or House where a crazed psycho tried to kill someone's pinky finger with an exercise bike.  Or toe.  I never remember those shows, after I see them.

You know what's ironic?  I had a bike, but it didn't move because the weight was me.  You have a bike that doesn't move because the weight is It.  That's funny, isn't it?

Ace; as close as I'm getting today, at least.  

[pat]

I tried one of those Nordic Tracks once Geez, the one leg went the one way the other went another while the one ski went in another and the other did another.

The machine stayed stationary. Go figure.

Yeah, I don?t mind, if you all want to come over for a party, I?m game. Probably want to wait until nicer weather though.

[Ace]

It's just a treadmill, not one of those cross country ski type things.  It's manual, though, not electric.  You walk on it and the friction is the resistance.  Well, unless you lift or drag it around, and then it's all resistance.

You know, I'm thinking if you lift and carry an exercise bike, then why not roll around weights?  I mean, they're just wheels on an axle, right?  So I tried that this morning.  Instead of lifting the barbell and weights I rolled them... up the steps (that was tough) and down (that was easier, but noisier, at the end).  Man, and watch your pinky toe too...  That thing can go sideways on you if you don't push evenly.

You know, I bought that movie "Sideways."  Mostly because it was about Merlot, so I figured Buff would recommend it.  It wasn't very interesting, and I can't say I enjoyed anyone in it too much.  They're all pretty dweebish.

I'll look to stop by, the next nice day.  If the forecast is gonna be nice I may come over the evening before, to let you know.  So look for me early morning, then (2, or 3:00 am).

Ace; I wouldn't ski even if I could stand still doing it.

[Bill]

Amen to that. I wouldn't ski if you could do it for me.

Speaking of sideways...i have never understood the rational for buying movies.  Music I understand but how many times can you watch Will Smith shoot big bugs, for instance.  Generally, for me, once is enough.

Bill

[Ace]

Hey, I'm glad you're back.  I thought you got lost trying to look up a word in the dictionary and then got stuck because you weren't sure how to spell it...

Look, I could watch Tommy Lee and Will Smith kill bugs a lot of times.  Especially MIB II with the dog.  I sure can't watch "Sideways" a bunch of times. though...  Especially with that unattractive (my opinion) woman who plays a doctor or nurse on Scrubs, in it...  

I only buy movies I'll want to watch repeatedly.  Well, really, that's the same with music.  If it's a one-shot deal I wouldn't want to buy it...  I have a problem with renting; I want to OWN things.  If it's not mine, to do with as I please, I don't want it... So I don't rent movies, or go to the library.  Or lease cars.

Plus, I usually need to watch it at least a couple times.  For one thing, I typically doze off while watching one, so I only see parts anyway and it takes another viewing to actually get through it.  Then, I forget stuff easily.  I have watched CSI's and Laws and Orders and movies that I've seen and wondered "shoot, I've seen this one... but I have no idea how it goes."  Then, at the end, I think "Oh, that's right. He did it..."  

Even a movie like "The Sixth Sense" can be worth it, in spite of the plot being no surprise the 2nd go round... Just to see HOW they did it and how you can't tell what's going on.  Or "The Others."  

I like watching "The Last Boy Scout" just to increase my vocabulary...  And "Pulp Fiction" and "Reservoir Dogs" just for the surprises, and mayhem.  Or "Cat People" just to watch Natasha Kinsky walk around like that.

Heck, I'll probably buy "Snakes on a Plane" and then not ever watch it, since it'll give me the willies.

Ace: I wish Will Smith would turn up on Law and Order Criminal Intent and blast that greasy cockroach for the last time.