More Blond(e)...

[scuzzy]

Heh. JimS called Ace a pig. That's real funny. Really. Very.

But the blonde story was really sad. I felt so bad for the poor, hapless blonde and her sister. That's just tragic.

Scuzzy; I wonder if her mom was the one who jumped from the burning building.

[Ace]

Oh, you'd think so.  Figures an unruly mob forms and starts namecalling and hate crimes and the cop stands there and laughs and thinks it's funny.

Plus, they said they wouldn't do two and then went ahead with a double blonde joke anyway.  It just goes to show that when you don't think you're showing you might be.  And where's her dad in all this? 

aCe; he's probably the one who lit the building, after his cigarrette.  ciggarette.  cigarette.  cigar. shoot. 

Poast script: JImS, I tried them and they worked great.  Thanks.  I'll take both; I needed material for the holiday.  Get with me through PayPal.  There shouldn't be sales tax, in Michiana.

[JimS]

Sorry for my/our absence, everyone; it seems that decent blond(e) jokes are getting few and far between...

Two blondes realized that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the balcony.
"Help, help!" yells one of the blondes.
"Help us, help us!" yelled the other.
"Maybe it would help if we yelled together," said the first.
"Good idea," said the other.
So the both yelled, "Together! Together!"

[JimS]

JA started what sounds like could be a good blond(e) joke, but then gave up.  Quit.  Didn't finish the job.  Wimped out.  Dropped the ball.  Left us all hanging.  That sort of thing.  Sort of.  Or sorta-kinda.

Sounds like we have the makings of a contest here.  Let's see who can help Johnny out here and come up with a better ending.

[Ace]

Alright, you know I usually try to stay out of here because it's not like I'm going to be any help, you know?  But the JimS said "contest" and that always piques my interest.  Peaks.  Peeks.  Whatever, my interest is interested.

Ok; so I'll take a shot:

"After the 3 blondes climbed in the cab, the driver asked 'So, where do you want to go?'"
and all 3 shouted
"Forward!"

There.  That would be my try.

Ace; shoot, I should have had the driver run out screaming, finding 3 blondes in one cab...

[Ace]

Hello, how low as Kurt Cobain would say before he cleaned his gun.  And the wall.

Look, you gave me a lot to go on, so really it was just like coming up with a punchline after the glove was already halfway there.  Here, let me try to set you up so you can finish someone else's:

Three blondes stepped out of a taxi, but really had no idea where they were since the cab driver didn't seem to understand English and they figured he did not take them where they asked...  So one blonde turned to the next and asked "Do you have any idea where we are...?"  And the second answered "Not at all.  I don't recognize anything here." and she turned to the third and asked "Do you know where he dropped us?" and the third said


There.  Take that one.  I bet it comes out just fine.  Now, like JimS said, don't be pulling one of those "They never did find out, since they were blondes and I was asleep anyway" cop outs.  Do something special with it.  C'mon, I know you've got it in you.

Ace; if Low Cut is a girl I might like to meet her...  Or Low Mein.

[Ace]

You are, you doofus.  Geez Criminy, who else is dozing off on their poast??

So that's your answer?  The third blonde said "I don't know, but as long as we're out we might as well go out to eat."

And I just said "don't phone it in..."  Sigh.

Look; try again.  I know the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, as Hannibal Lector used to say. 

Ace; I wish Buff would birng a nice Chianti while we're waiting... 

[Buffalo2102]

I have tried bringing you some chianti several times but it's such a danged long way that the bottle is always empty before I get there.  And I get lost and forget where I was going.

I blame it on the Bermuda Triangle - it's very disorienting.

Buff; I got loads of Fava beans though......

[Ace]

Well, I'm sorry to hear that.  I would love to have a bottle of British Chianti.  No one makes wine like the Brits, I always say.  Right up there with Italian beer.

Otherwise, it was nice of you to buy time for Johnny to come up with some closure for that joke.  Maybe he decided to go for a drive, after dinner.

Ace; across Ohio.  That'll take awhile.

[pat]

So the blonde says, "Could you call me a taxi?" and I said, "OK, you're a taxi."

That's all I got...............

[scuzzy]

And the third said, "No matter where you go, there you are. So we must be here."

Scuzzy; and that's all I got.

[Mark H]

I thought the third blond said "I thought my head hurt from thinking, but it must have been because he dropped us."

Mark H

[Ace]

Well, way to change the page and the subject.  Would anyone else who isn't Johnny care to take a crack at the dang joke now, dangit? 

Gees Louise as Dagwood said today; I knew he's been in Toronto shooting fireworks but it's still no excuse to shirk your responsibilties and get these blondes straightened out. 

Ace; and that's all they got. Criminy.

[Ace]

Shoot me now, I'm a duck.  Consider yourself lucky you weren't notified about the malfeasance and false identities wandering about.  It's like blonde criminals breaking into prison.

What Terrell Owens has to do with any of that, I have no clue.  He probably hurt his hand during the joke.

Ace; if jesters drove Hummers they'd have to call them "Bummers."

[Mark H]

Yep, I flew the coop. I posted a joke about the Barbie Bank Robbers and thought it wasn't right to poast it, so I deleted it just to make JA wonder.  ;D

Mark H; You never know who is poasting links to the same thread we now see  ;)

[Ace]

So first you're sore because you don't get alerts when there's something here, and now you're complaining because you got an alert when we didn't.  Boy, there's just no satisfying some people.

Anyway, Mahrk, if you're going to threaten us with a joke the least you can do is sorta kinda do one.  I mean, all I know now is it was based on Barbie and banks and robbing.  I hope it wasn't Klaus Barbie; that would be a twist. 

I know I wasn't poasting links to the same thread we now see, when we weren't seeing it.  I was busy with other things.  Really important other things.

Ace; I wonder if Ken drove the get-away car.

[Ace]

Look, your credits good with me.  I'm a little short of cash, since I have to buy gas to go to Kalamazoo today.  No, I don't have a gal there.  Gas went up again, to over $3.  It must have known I was coming.

While in Michigan I'll look for Pat, but I don't expect to see him as he's probably way across on the West End.  I was at Don Pablo's with a giant margarita last night, but didn't see him then either.  Unless he was the waiter, at which time I'll remind him he wasn't very attentive.  One of those where you just leave the money with the bill and walk out, since you're not going to see him for another 20 minutes anyway.  Makes you wonder why you leave the money...

Somebody finish the Barbie Banking scandal joke.  You don't want me to do it.

Ace; maybe Ken was forced to wear a collar bomb and wound up getting blown up, but then they figured he was a willing participant.

[Ace]

There's another reason you call me "Slick" but that's why I usually wear the Nike cap.

You know, there's an Indiana, PA, so that would just confuse things.  Dumb as having a Michigan City, IN.  That is so wrong.

I don't know if the joke was killed or aborted, but it sure doesn't seem to be among the living.  I was reading they found a Ghost Orchid up in a cypress tree in Naples, FL.  Maybe Pat's there checking it out.  If we pass like two ships in the night on the highway, then that's just too long of a simile to try to deal with. 

Yeah, I did catch a lot of the Les Paul tribute on PBS in between Dancing, and the 2nd Karaoke/find the missing word show.  I didn't realize there were TWO "sing along" shows... the one with the doofus from Boys to Men or whatever and then Wayne Brady's last night.  The first one was way superficial, but fast moving.  Hear a line, sing the next.  Last night's had a single woman contestant who could NOT sing and had an offpitch highpitch irritating voice plus the show has her sing along for about half a song and then has to come up with the next 4 words... so it pretty much soaked up hearing a bad singer sing, and dance around.  AND they have to continue with her on the next show... yikes.  No, she wasn't blonde, but that's my dinner and tv review anyway.

I wish they would've shown Les playing more, and less about the venues...  Also thought it incredibly lazy and dumb to be praising the sonic qualities of Les Pauls while showing 1. Hendrix  2. Buddy Holly  3. Pete Townsend, even  playing (and burning, and smashing, respectively) Fender Stratocasters.  Which is my personal choice.  No, not the burning and smashing as I can only afford the one.  And praising Jimmy Page's iconic Les Paul and sounds while playing an early studio Led Zep song where he used a (yes, Fender) Telecaster...  Idiots.  Jeff Beck did use a Les Paul for a brief time, as did Clapton early on, but really they're Strat guys primarily.  Jeff also is starting to look a bit like a potato, I noticed.  Paul McCartney actually looks less like Tweety Bird now, though.

Nobody much plays a Les Paul in the way, with the tonality, Les did.  They do make a great howling thumping heavy noise through a loud amp, but those who use them tend to have one (howling. thumping) signature sound without a whole lot of range or nuance... Mark Knopfler being the exception who can play singing, nuanced emotive things on his old Paul.  Otherwise you get the blazing howling Zakk Wylde or flutey howling Slash or or the signature Marshall/Les Paul muddy roar. 

Shoot, I hope Pat hasn't left yet.  I gotta look for him.

Ace; "don't crash the ambulance" as Mark Knopfler would say.

[pat]

Jeez, I got the warning that this topic is older than 90 days so I'm not so sure this short little joke is worth reviving this old thread for it, but here goes.

On her way home from a long trip, a blonde saw a sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES."

By the time she drove the next eight miles, she had cleaned 43 of them.

[pat]

It's hard to come up with new material for this topic, we must have all the good ones here already. Well at least the ones that are fit to print here, now if we lower our standards some, boy I've got some good ones.  ;)

Unless of course you get into the videos and then there is this, sure to become a classic, Miss Teen Usa

[Ace]

I like that... you should put that on the home page here:  "Our standards are LOwL"

But a good joke.  Pat, whom in the world is that avatar which just appeared?  Character in the new Batman movie?

Ace; who was that masked man...

[pat]

That's not a character that's me.

OK, that's not really me, I still have some hair on the sides and in the back.

Think: Kill Bill

No, not that Bill or the other one either the movie Bill.

[Ace]

I bet Barack Obama's favorite movie is "Kill Bill."

You know, I never did see any of those films, so that clue isn't going to help.  If that is you, you look a'ight.  We could almost be brothers.  If it isn't, then I don't know why I'm discussing this guy.  Maybe Howie Mandel could wear a mask and appear like that on "Deal or No Deal."

Ace; I used to have a Zorro costume...

[pat]

What ? Never saw the Kill Bills?

I have to admit I did enjoy them. They did have a bit of bloodshed and were to some degree a wee bit violent but hey, I guess you just have to look for the hidden meaning. Plus any movie with both Ulma Thurman and Lucy Liu is just alright by me.

I'll have to get them out and watch them again.

[Ace]

Shoot, I like mayhem and bloodshed.  Although I get enough of that in my computer. 

I guess the only Blonde joke I can think of is that Hillary claimed victory in yet another state where nobody ran...  That's like me declaring myself Duke of Michiana.  Oh, and Michigan's (blonde) governor declared that everything's gonna be ok, again.  And Brittany collapsed and had a melt down, but I guess she's not blonde anymore.  At least she has hair, again.

Which is undergoing one of our bipolar weather systems; we had 50 degrees and rain late yesterday afternoon, and below zero temps this morning.  Funny what happens to a lot of rain when it hits minus degrees. 

Ace; I should paint my computer blond.

[pat]

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

That was from Kill Bill, I stayed up late last night and watched them, again. Funny how you pick up something new each time you watch a movie over again. Either that or I just forget from the last time.

I like that, Duke. Sounds sort of baronial.

[Ace]

OH! HEY! Cool!  Even better...

BARON, of MICHIANA  I can be that!  Baron!  That would be great.  There aren't that many barons... I mean Baron Lafitte Rothschild or whatever.  Red Baron.  That's pretty much it, I think.  There are a lot more Dukes, what with Daisy and all them, and John Wayne, and Of Earl. 

And "baronial" sounds great, as an adjective.  "My barometer, is baronial, today."  "I would now like a Baronial Balonial Sandwich." 

I still haven't seen Bill killed, yet.  I thought about buying both movies as a package deal.  I suppose if you see the one you may as well see the other.  Uma is blonde, so it's on topic. 

Ace; Baron.  You know it.

[pat]

Yeah?

I like to change things up fairly often so I'll be on the lookout for a new one.

[JimS]

Dang, this thing's still alive.  I guess I oughtta do my share:

Two blondes were talking.  "Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today."
"Oh, really?  How?"
"They left a little note on my windshield that said, 'Parking Fine.'"
"Aw.  That's so sweet!"

Still lookin' for more...

[Ace]

Those last ones worked great; glad to use them. 

I'll give it a go, to try to keep hope alive:

Two blonde roommates were thinking about upgrading their computer...

"You know, Brittany, we should consider upgrading our PC so it would be better at playing games."
"Oh, I don't know Nicole, how would we do that?"  "Well, we should get a second video card for SLI."
So the two blondes ordered a second identical video card, and installed it, but it wouldn't work on SLI but instead just kept rebooting...
"Oh, darn, Brittany, this isn't working.  I know we did everything right and even bought that stupid SLI bridge on eBay since we didn't get one with it but this thing just keeps rebooting whenever we set it for SLI."  "D'uh!  I know!" said Nicole.
They then also found their pc wouldn't boot at all, and they lost their monitor, and struggled to get it into SafeMode, and all the while some guy from Britain kept telling them so.
"Boy, Nicole, this is sure not working out.  And it doesn't help that guy keeps telling us so."  "I know!" exclaimed Tiffany.
The two blondes worked continously on their pc, but still kept running into more problems... first, the monitor. Then, they lost the USB hub.  Then, some stupid device was recognized but not enough that the dumb computer even would say what it was it wasn't recognizing although it seemed perfectly happy to point out there was something, somewhere, it didn't understand.
"This dang computer keeps saying there's some dang unknown device but it won't install the dumb thing and I don't know what to do, now!" Brittany shouted.  "I know.  Lets go to Windows Updates and download a boatload of stuff that has no bearing on this"  Tiffany suggested.
So they downloaded a few hours worth of Microsoft updates, but those didn't do anything but kill time.
"Look, let's flash the BIOS to see if that's where the problem is" Brittany thought, taking off her sweater.  "Can't hurt" Tiffany agreed, removing hers. 
After multiple attempts, neither could get the ASUS Update to actually pull off a BiOS update, let alone its sweater. 
"This is soooo frustrating" moaned Nicole.  "I know!" hooted Brittany.  "Let's change the power supply."
So the blondes decided to spend $130 or so on a new PSU.  It was naturally difficult for them, and they almost gave up when they didn't find any cables coming out of the modular unit they bought...  But, finally, they got it connected.
"Oh, I don't have a good feeling about this at all" Nicole muttered, as she went to boot up the PC.  "Neither do you" agreed Tiffany.  "I told you so, you know" said some guy in England.

But then, a miraculous thing occurred: the computer actually booted up.  And the blondes went into the NVidia properties, and enabled SLI, and rebooted, and it WORKED!  And finally, after all that trauma and drama and tribulation, they finally achieved their dream of an SLI Gaming System Scalable Linked Up computer.
"This is just so cool!  We did it!" hoorayed Tiffany.  "This is just the best!" shouted Brittany.  "What do you want to play first?"
"How about checkers...?" suggested Tiffany.  "Ooh, or Solitaire!" shrieked Tiffany.

Ace; I've got nuthin'.