Uhhhhhh, can you say... "Blonde?"

[44mayg]

One day there was a brunett jogging down the road saying,
"66....66....66..." etc. Later down the road a blonde comes up to her and
asks her what she is doing. The brunett replied "66...66...66" so, the
blonde went to the other side of the road and started jogging down the road
saying "66...66...66". After a while, the brunett hollers over to the blonde
and said "It's alot more fun in the middle of the road." "Ok." replied the
blonde and started jogging down the middle of the road. Just then, a monster
truck comes by and hits the blonde. The brunett still kept jogging down the
road sayin "67...67...67."

Two blondes were waiting at the Pearly Gates and struck up a conversation.
First blonde says "How did you die?"
Second says "I froze to death".
First blonde says "Must have been awful."
Second blonde says "How did you die?"
First blonde says "I had a heart attack, I knew my husband was being
unfaithful so I came home unexpectedly one day and rushed to the bedroom and
found my husband alone reading. I rushed to the basement and nobody was
hiding there, I rushed to the attic and still no one, and after all that
rushing around I had a heart attack and died."
Second blonde says, "If only you'd looked in the freezer we'd both still be
alive."


Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm
blonde, yea yea yea..."

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A: About 2 cans of hair spray

Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.

Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
A: They can't keep their calves together!

Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her
nametag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.

Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in
their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes
a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six
or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.

Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around
the home?
A: She moved.

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.

Q: Why did the blonde ask her friends to save their burned-out light bulbs?
A: She needed them for the darkroom she was building.

Q: Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children?
A: Because she read that one child out of every four born was Chinese.

Q: What is it when a blonde blows into another blondes ear?
A: Data transfer.

[Ace]

I nominate Chevy for the Quantity over Quality Blond(e) Joke Award for August Award.  Thank goodness he showed up.  

We've got a plethora of humour, here.  And he didn't even misspell "curtain".  

He wins my Standup (well, or sit down) Comic of The Room award.  I mean, Pat's jokes were bad and corny and ok, but these are gems.

Ace; I bow before your four barrel.  

[44mayg]

Man, you wanted blonde jokes. There's so many out there, it's hard to find a quality blonde joke that someone hasn't already told. Heard. Said. Warped.

Figured I'd been sitting back being quiet, I'd better do something afore my keyboard rusted.

Sure couldn't find a quality blonde joke where she had a pet monkey that had a pet panda that lived somewhere near Ace. Or with Ace. Maybe Pat or Neon. Maybe Dude has, had or will have that monkey. But I hope not the blonde. He's not even old enough for a redhead. Unless he has another six birthdays this month. Week. Today. Gets a heavy duty hip. Joint. Socket.

HEH! HEH! He said "joint".

[Ace]

Okay, but quit yelling "HEH."  Criminy, I'm getting a head ache.

It's ok if they haven't been told, or aren't of quality.  I wouldn't remember anyway.

Ace; no pandas around here.  I'd smell them if there were.