THIN AND ASHEN wEDNESDAY

[Bill]

Figures.  First contest he enters in '06, he wins.

Bill; Jesters have all the luck.

And for your prize winning lunch you are entitled to cold beans and peanut and apple butter on last night's left over French bread.  No toasting or substitutions allowed.

B-

[Bill]

Aha! The first kill in '06.

Bill

[Ace]

Wait a minute.  I haven't lost it, yet.

"You can not lose what you do not have"...

You know, after a few days of this, it's just another year, isn't it.  Huh.

Ace; SHUT (#(@* UP! HAPPY NEW YEAR! would be ok, I guess.

[Bill]

Yup, the only thing that's changed is the date on checks.  And of course the little thing on the task bar.  

Dreary, snow, freezing rain, cold, little sun, cold, more snow, cold, etc., gets a body to wonder why this is really necessary.

Bill

[Ace]

Well, "this" isn't necessary.  I only do "this" so I can fill in the "Professional Organizations" section on my resume.

We're in the 40's here (I wish I was).  I actually went out for a jog yesterday.  I couldn't feel my hands except for the pain, so I figured I oughta do the same to my legs.  For a Michiana January it's nice.  

I wrote checks and got all the dates right.  Of course, that doesn't mean I'll continue with that winning streak.

Ace; "Little sun" would be a good name for a Michiana town.

[Ace]

Another day in my Volunteer Organization.

In the absence of anyone from the Mideast walking into a bar and everyone in it scrambling out, I offer these headlines straight from the West Virginia Mining Company News Service:

*U.S. Wins War in Iraq... oops, wait a minute
* USC leads Texas: Wins Title Game....oops, hold on a minute
*Ariel Sharon fully recovered from Minor Stroke and Is In Excellent Health ... oh oh
* ND recovers in multiple overtimes to shock Pittsburgh in Big East Opener wait dangit
* Jester Awakes Early, Rarin' to Go On Day Off .. just a second
* Patience is a Virtue wait No It's Not hold it Yes It Is
* Children's Game of "Telephone" Where Statement is Whispered from Person to Person Ultimately Changing It is Excellent Technique For Accurate News Reporting

Ace; no, it's not

[Bill]

Much like the quote from Bush, "They survived, give or take a few."

[Ace]

I think the aircraft carrier "The major fighting is over" speech qualifies.

Ace; Scuzzy's Birthday Over! could work

[Bill]

Try as I might, I can find a "next thought."  Guess the only thing left is Trav's solution: ::) ::) ::) ::) ;D

Bill;one more poast to the count.

[Ace]

iN our seemingly never ending Ode To the Holiday Of The Day Day, I would like to commemorate GroundHogDayWeen, the festive Day Before Ground HOG Day.  Much Like Halloween is the Day Before All Hallow's Day/Eve and Christmas Eve is the day before the Holiday That Shall Not Be Named having been replaced by Generic Seasonal Holiday Day, a.k.a. Santa Frosty Rudolph Nameless Tree Day.

GroundHogDayWeen is much like Fat Tuesday, except it's a Wednesday.  Otherwise, I think it's when Groundhogs fatten up for the big coming out party tomorrow.  

Unless they so engorge themselves they become too fat to pass through their groundhoghole opening, and just stay at home and snooze.  Of course, they would miss out at their chance at a moment in the sun, or clouds, whichever.  The spotlight or sunlight only shines on them briefly, this time of year tomorrow.  

You know, the nice thing would be not trying to spell Puxsatauny or whatever that stupid Pennsylvania town is.  Home of the interminably long Bill Murray movie of the same name.  

Not as long as "Beloved", though.  No dang movie will ever be that long again, ever.

So, go feed your favorite groundhog today.  Give him a hug and tell him you love him.  Throw a nice treat down his hole.  Keep him off the streets; it doesn't count if roadkill sees its shadow or not.  Rest up, with him, for a great GroundHOgDay Tomorrow.  Make it the best one ever.

I think groundhogs are funny looking.  Fat little men of the animal kingdom; fatter than ground squirrels, even.  And that one in Punxsatauney is really plump.  That thing looks like a load, to try to lift.  I don't know why they wear top hats, either.  No, not the groundhogs; the guys who do the heavy lifting.  That's peculiar.

And remember the dang myth is backwards; if it's a nice day and sunny, we'll have more winter.  If it's a lousy dark day, then winter is ending.  Go figure.

Ace; I didn't make up the stupid holiday.  I just report on it.  If my pellet gun was working I'd just as soon plug a groundhog in its fat behind than look at it.

[Bill]

Well now it's GroundHogDayWeen eve and I am anxiously awaiting for the little fat rodent to get lost in his sink hole.  I don't need another 6 weeks of winter.  Maybe I'll go shove some rat poison down the tunnel.  Take care of that little version of your backyard panda, and the fireants as well.

Bill

[Ace]

You could try a hot pepper sauce.  I've used that to annoy and eradicate moles.  That could make the groundpig jump right out and scamper all over the yard; probably never go back down.  I like to watch them run; it's sort of a fast waddle.

I did go for a jog last week, speaking of which.  But now winter's returning over the weekend.  There's times I wish I really did live in Neverwinter.

Ace; MJ is still in Bahrain.  Talk about Neverland.

[Bill]

Bahrain is one of the few places in the world that does not tax personal income.
If you could get your employer to pay you there, you could save a lot.
They don't deserve MJ, but then, who does.  The further he falls into the background, the better.  

Fortunately, I don't have any earthrats in the the back yard. Would drive Fido crazy no crazier.   Very hard to get rid of the dang things once they dig in.  

The sun is shinning in NJ, a bad omen for a late spring, dangit.  Who came up with this nonsense anyway?

Bill; are we in the old age room here?

[pat]

I?m not sure how it went here in Michiana today; it was mostly cloudy with some scattered shadows.

I?m thinking maybe the groundhog saw its shadow and winter will be over in 6 weeks.
On the other hand maybe it didn?t see its shadow and it will be 6 weeks till spring.

Maybe it just went down its hole and got pulled into the vortex of the nuclear firmament.

Only the shadow knows for sure.

[Ace]

I didn't even see a stupid groundhog today.  I did feed a squirrel, in the backyard.  She wasn't looking for her shadow, and I wasn't paying any attention to it.  I might have seen my shadow.  

It's not exactly a Gobbler's Knob, on the back patio.  And I wasn't wearing a top hat and gloves.  Nor was I puttin' on the Ritz.

Probably several weeks till the first Robin.  It's going to get cold and snowy again next week.  

ace; probably a month until Batman Returns, too.

[pat]

So, what?s a Gobbler's Knob? Is that the little flappy thingy that hangs down off of the chin of a turkey? Anyway, why, oh why, would you what one of those on the back patio? Youse folk(s) down there in southern Michiana have some mighty strange customs.

And thanks for the encouraging forecast. Dang, I hate winter.

[Ace]

It might refer to the lump on my head, while I'm eating.

Today is now officially the dang of nothing particular.  Just another regular rodent day, as it were.  It says it's MarHk's birthday, but he lies about when that is so I'm not going to say anything about it.

Ace; I wonder when big freakin' rat day is.  

[Bill]

Gee, maybe it's today.

Bill; I only shake in the morning.

[pat]

Sorry to hear you get a lump on your head when you eat.
That doesn?t sound normal.

So, it looks like April 4th.

big freakin' rat day

[Ace]

Well, there you go then. Figures it'd be around my brother's birthday.  

You know, if you build a better rat trap people will beat a path to them and smack them with boards.

It's a snow day in Southern Michiana.  It's been a year since my stress test, so I guess I'll go out and shovel and blow and see if I remain upright.  Well, not later during the game, but for the time being.

Ace; lots of stuff planned. Lots.

[Bill]

Before you go out to shovel and blow all the white stuff, better be sure to have the right kind of lunch.  Geez, now what time is it in Southern Michiana; dang if I know.  Go for the gold!

Bill; sunny in NJ, for now.

[Ace]

IT IS OFFICIALLY BIG FAT TUESDAY DAY
MARDI = TUESDAY
GRAS = BIG FAT

It is the Holy Day of the Church of
of
well.  No church I'm aware, of.  
Wednesday is Ash Wednesday.  That's more commemorable.  Tuesday is the Eve of Ash Wednesday.  Pig Out Day.  Throw or catch candy from a parade.  Food, drink and cross dressing.  Rebuild a levee and run up and down Bourbon Street.  

It'd be like Groundhog Day, if the groundhog ate too much and couldn't get his big fat furry butt outta the hole in the ground he calls home.  Where the sun, nuclear in origin and glowing in the wires above the Earth's core, shines brightly on the merrymakers who will greet Lent with ashes on their sore heads.  

Wednesday then becomes a day of Fishing.  Lots of fish.  Fish isn't meat, so it's allowed.  I guess they're more like vegetables.  Well, at least as far as conversation value...  And they don't have feelings.  Fridays will be meatless.  NO meetings.  Hooray.

Eat lots on Gras Tuesday and try to work it off in the next 40 days and 40 nights.  Wear sackloth.  Listen to Deep Purple.  It's all leading to Easter, a time of chocolate bunnies and stale peeps.  Egg laying bunnies.  Spring.  Rebirth.

Killer rabbits.. the Grail...

Ok. Hold it.  Hold on just a minute.. got sorta carried away, there.  I think that's in the DaVinci Code.  Or the book he stole it from; whichever.  Probably a true story.  If so, it'll be on Oprah.

Ace; I'm living gras this Tuesday.

[Buffalo2102]

Well, today is pancake day in the UK, or Shrove Tuesday as it is otherwise known.

Buff; how exciting.

[pat]

Huh, it?s Fatty Lupmkin Day over here in Michiana.

It?s a very special day, we all take off work at noon and head to the local pup pub for refreshments and entertainment.

I?m not exactly sure of the origins of the occasion though. But, hey, a holiday is a holiday.

[Ace]

2. You Shall Have No Other Jesters Before Me
dangit.  And don't put one of those things behind me, either.

First off, it seems someone had a liter of margaritas with his pancakes this morning... Pronouncing any word with "pm" in the middle is gonna be a tough task.

Secondly, the tradition in Michigan of going to a local pup for a drink is unique in Michiana.  First, you've got to find a neighborhood dog to visit, and then hope he'll be in good spirits about it.  I'm not sure what the entertainment value would be.  I guess if you got him drunk it'd be kinda funny.  I used to give my dog Heineken; she'd huff and puff and wheeze and go for more.

I don't know where that tradition started.  At least they don't bother with trying to party with a stupid cat.  Like that'd be enjoyable, in the least.

I didn't have a pancake to flip off today.  Probably just look for some idiot on the road to do something dumb, near me.  I had whole grain toast.  It's my regular fare.

I don't want to burst anyone's bubble, but we do make pancakes, jjust in the pan instead of on the stove.  I've had some go on the stove, and to me it's just a mess.  But I guess you could cook them that way if you want.  I'd just rather not have that much of a clean-up to do.

You guys have some interesting traditions.  I guess people of different faiths do some different things.  "Shrove Tuesday" sounds pretty official; I like that.  I don't know exactly what a shrove is.  I know what a grove is, and a shove, and a sheet...  Maybe it's when you drove through a grove with a sheet over your head...  Or when something hits the stove, you say "Shrove." As an abbreviation.

Dogs will go for pancakes, too.  I know that from experience.  Although I'd go easy on the syrup, if I'm having a beer.  That is one big fish.  I saw that movie, and the fish wasn't even that big.  I'd hate to clean it, I know that.  

Ace; fish pancakes don't sound too appetizing.

[pat]

Ok, the p is silent; we speak a very archaic Pidgin English in this part of Miciana.
Dangit.

You got me on the pup though. I did go back and edit my poast for those who couldn?t figure out what I meant what I was saying.

And I?m being up front about it, so do go off and give me some 15 page retort on how I edited my poast and changed the meaning after you read the forward and it was by some guy who changed his religion.

Ok, thanks.

See you at the pup.

[Ace]

Ah. Only for those who couldn't figure out what you meant.  Let's call them "Everybody."

Also, you mispelled "report" and "pump."  I won't even mention the butchering of "pigeon."

You're probably feeling pretty darn special to push this thing to page 3, just so you can lead off.  I don't mind, even though I like being the one to have that happen.

Dangit.

Ace; I am not going to get a margarita at some dog with this guy.

[Buffalo2102]

How do you butcher a pigeon?  Surely there's not enough meat on it to warrant butchering?

Page 3 eh?  If this was a UK tabloid we'd have a scantily-clad young maiden pictured here somewhere.


OK, for those ignoramu ignorant of the tradition of Shrove Tuesday, here are the origins.

Shrove Tuesday is the day before Ash Wednesday which is the first day of Lent.

Therefore it's the last chance to "pig-out" before Lent, hence the mass consumption of food so that it didn't go off during Lent.  We all have freezers now so we just gorge ourselves on pancakes as a tradition.

Shrove Tuesday is named after the ritual of shriving, in which christians used to confess their sins and receive absolution.

Buff; this is developing into yet another food poast

[Ace]

I don't remember shriving before or during confession, but I may well have been shivering.  If not shaking in my shoes.

I don't know about you guys, but I don't find confession very appetizing.  I'm more inclined to get nauseous just thinking about it.  Shoot, some stuff is bad enough without talking about, too.

I could use absolution, though.  Absolutely.

I do like the idea of the scantily clad maiden somewhere here.  Probably have to confess that, later, but may as well add her to the list.  

It's probably just as well you crossed that out, because you weren't even close to spelling hippopatums right.

Ace; I don't want to try pigeon either.  Especially a stool pigeon; yech.

[Bill]

Hey, Absolute is only $18.00 a bottle.  Go for it!

Bill; Wolfschmidt is just as good.