I Have Now Seen It All

[Whizbang]

After picking the purple hull peas this morning I decided to take a quickie nap (my day off) and, like "The Night before Christmas," I was awakened suddenly by an unrecognizable "clunk."  Now I have heard "clunks" before, but this one was definitely different.  It even piqued the 18-year-old cat's interest.  Suspecting that a limb had just fallen onto the roof, I casually went to the back door only to find a mule attempting to steal the sunflower seed from the container on the back porch.  If that was not bad enough, he had his four-legged friend with him.  I know there are all sorts of approproiate but borderline acceptable puns available here, some that would need to be bleeped if applied, given the local name for the rather stupid animal.

I was in my slippers and cannot run anyway, but the future of my immediate world was at stake, so I began to try to figure out how to corral the hybrids.  That really could have been embarrasing because as stupid as an --- (oops) mule can be, he still has the ability to outsmart as well as outrun a man, especially an old man, and even a horse for a short distance.  So, I tucked my toes firmly into the tips of my flopping slippers and began my journey to save my immediate world.  I managed to keep the critters from getting out the gate onto the highway, but they then decided that the best port of departure was the opening at my daughter's house.  I took a definite swing to the west and cut them off, heading them back to my neighbor's field.  Unfortunately, the fact that the mules were in my yard means that the fence is down somewhere.  The temperature outside is 101.2? F, compliments of my Accurite digital thermometer.  

The mules are either very stupid or very sadistic.  And, I am about to get very hot.   :P

[Bill]

Whiz,
I take it you sell the sunflower seeds?  Listen, mules know a good thing when they see it.  It was chow time.  

It was worth the effort.  The large, striped sunflower seeds, at least in NJ, have gotten very expensive as their popularity has grown.  I used to buy them for the bird feeder.  This year, however, I bought the small black ones which were half the price and make a lot less mess.  The birds didn't seem to care.

Bill

[Whizbang]

We feed them to the birds, when the mules, raccoons, and squirels don't get them.

[Ace]

First off, it's just like Bill not to wear shoes.  I know he doesn't have to, but still it'd be the decent thing to do.  Slippers are ok in the morning, for a limited time, but there comes a point where you have to meet with reality and put on decent footwear.

Secondly, I was not at your house trying to steal stuff...  First off, I consider myself more of a smart ___ than a dumb___.  Of course, that's just my opinion.  Secondly, I don't do sunflower seeds.  If they were smoked almonds, sure, I'd take after them.  Or those beer pretzels.  Criminy, I love those things.  Or just beer.  Heck, I could see myself resorting to pilfery.  But not for sunflowers, or seeds.  Fourthly, I think I lost count with the two secondlies.

SQUIRRELS!! can get to a lot of stuff.  I now have the chipmunk fighting them for nuts.  It sure is hot down there; it's been in the 90's here, but that's just nuts.  Well, seeds.

Ace; an 18 year old cat, huh?  I bet the birds are impressed.