Men Strike Back!

[Timberwolf]

There's a 4th of July everywhere on earth.

[Ace]

"Hello, Mr. Obvious?  Long time listener, first time caller..."

Hey Tim howzitgoin.(or Wolfy? Wolfo?); whatever works for you.   I had a question maybe you could help with.  Scuzzy too.  And anyone Men Who Are Prone To Strike Back.

I was thinking of getting a firearm for the home, for recreational and home protection.  First thought was just a Ruger 22 for ease of handling and cheapness of operation, understanding its best means of self defense would be hitting an instruder over the head with it.  Then tried a 9mm this week, but criminy the crackbangblast flames rest of the drama is just too much...  Only thing between them in an autoloader is a 32 or 380ACP right?  Do you guys know if there's significantly less noise and concussion with those?  Only tiny guns (concealers...) available that even bother with those?  I'm definitely not interested in going bigger to a 38 or 40 or 45.  
Thanks for any insights, and other holiday dates you can think up.

Ace; they should tell you to keep your left thumb away from the slide, too.

[Bill]

Well, you didn't ask me, I don't generally strike back.  But, I've had this discussion several times elsewhere and the conclusion was to buy a shotgun.   The choice was made for the fear factor.  Chances are the intruder will be looking at you, or you him, and the sheer size and recognition of the damage to be acomplished with a shotgun often averts the need to actually use it.  

A handgun, such as you asked about, isn't big enough to carry that kind of visual or viseral impact.  If worse came to worse, you might actually have to fire it to have an effect.   Now, if you were talking about a 'make my day' 44 mag autoloader, it might be debatable.

Bill;  heaven help us, the Jester with a gun.

[scuzzy]

I'd go with the "bigger is better" mentality. I'm looking forward to picking up a couple of two-double barrel (sawed down to 2 inches), 12 gage super-magnum shot-pistols; one for each hand. I prefer lots of noise, flash, backlash, smoke, bang, thunder, percussion, recoil, lights, sparkles, ground effects and afterburner.

Based on the little info you gave, a good consideration is the 380 ACP (I like Sig Sauer models in this caliber). It falls below the 9mm and is very easy to handle.

You didn?t mention what brands you tried, but stay away from cheapo models. A quality made 9mm will handle very differently from a poorly made 9mm. The quality of the rounds also make a big difference, especially if you?re trying the weapon using remanufactured ammo, which usually gives you a lot of flash and leaves behind a dirty weapon. Remanufactured ammo is very good for target practice, but use only quality new ammo for testing a weapon.

Prices vary widely depending on what you ultimately choose, and there are good deals to be had in the ?used? market. However, a quality gun can easily exceed $500. Still, with careful shopping you can probably get something very nice in the $300 range.

Glock pistols are not for everyone. Some love them, others hate them. Personally, I think they are excellent weapons.

[Ace]

"Armed jesters" is a frightening concept, I would agree.  I guess I could club somebody with a shotgun if I had to...

The pistol was a full size Taurus; they sorta resemble Berettas in the basic shape.  I thought it functioned fine, and I was accurate with it.  Ammo was basic Remington, so not a cheap grouping.  It's hard to find much data on decibels for various ammo, and comparisons...  Main question I have now is if a 32 or 380 would have considerably less thunder and lightning but still be considered effective as a people stopper.  Or if a high velocity hollow point (I think they're yellow jackets or stingers) 22 would be about the same difference.  Also would want something my wife could handle safely, and I know a 9mm would scare the bejeebers outta her too.  I'm inclined toward semi-autos but I haven't tried a revolver to know that it would be less appealing.  Just seems the caliber in those jumps from 22 to 38 without those other 2 steps in between that intrigue me.

In the meantime, I hope nobody breaks in.  I don't even have my softball bat here.. .just a wiffle ball bat, and it's in the garage.  

Ace; let's see... croquet mallets... tennis rackets.. 2 iron.. a lot of bug spray...

[scuzzy]

Although not as effective as a .40 cal, the 380 ACP remains an excellent weapon. Yes, it will still go "Bang!", but not necessarily "BANG!!". A great ammo to combine with this weapon is the Remington Golden Saber 380 Automatic (102 grain, brass jacketed hollow point).

Bill is correct about the shotgun scare factor. There's no doubt that it's effective. However, when you have any pistol looking at your nose from a few feet away, well... that's pretty effective too. Any pistol aimed at you will look like a canon.

[Ace]

My objective at this point is to minimize the scaring of myself...  It reminded me of watching my father in law twirl bottle rockets, while unclear on the concept of releasing them...   The first reaction was "Let Go!" followed by "ok, hold on..."  

I didn't try aiming the Taurus at myself.  I guess I should have tried that to see if it would add to the jumpiness I was experiencing.  You know, one advantage would probably be not shooting in a concrete bunker...  That's gotta add to the audio impact.

Ace; my left thumb stopped bleeding during the ride home..

[JimS]

Wait a minute... okay, this thread was supposed to be light, funny (to some, at least) and non-PC.  And as usual, a thread doesn't stay on topic long here, but now we're into guns???  Geez, Louise, aren't we manly now...

Oh, and welcome to Poasters, Timberwolf.

[scuzzy]

A semi-auto has a few advantages over a revolver. All things being equal:

1. Less recoil
2. Holds more rounds
3. Slimmer
4. Easier for most people to reload

However, a semi-auto is at a higher risk of misfiring.

[Ace]

I've tried 3 times to do this stupid poast today; we had family over for the race and beer and jamaican chicken and brats and dogs and margaritas and I keep getting interrupted trying to get away...

GEEZ CRIMINY JImS first you actually poast a funny expose on what men are really like and then you apologize for poasting a funny poast and then you blame Scuzzy for being German and from there and me for shooting a Luger cartridge and apologize again for being manly and for Buffalo naming his kid after a Bison more than likely and me for endangering myself and others by being armed and dangerous as all get out during my rental time and then complain that it wasn't about food enough

Hence, my mention of our menu today.  

Since the majority of this poast is by Men, I think you proved your initial thesis true.  I have also taken your advice to speak English and take spelling seriously.  Seriously.

I have a higher risk of misfiring while poasting than most anyone I know, and I could see wearing ear protection here too.

Ace; ok, some of them are still here so I guess I gotta go entertain them.  Jesters always have to work holidays, dangit.

[JimS]

You're attributing a few too many apologies to me, Ace.

I may have poasted this a while ago, but it's worth a re-run:

TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE, FROM MEN WHO HAVE HAD ENOUGH:


Learn to work the toilet seat.  If it's up, put it down yourself.  We need it up, you need it down.  You don?t hear us griping about you leaving it down.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

Don't cut your hair.  Ever.  Long hair is always more attractive than short hair.  One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Birthdays, Valentine?s Days and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. (really, really listen to this one?).

Sometimes, we're not thinking about you.  Live with it.  Don?t ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the Shotgun Formation or monster trucks.

Sunday = Sports.  It?s like the full moon or the changing of the tides.  Let it be.

Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.  Really.  You have enough clothes.  You have too many shoes.

Crying is blackmail.  Ask for what you want.  Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don?t work.  Strong hints don't work.  Really obvious hints don't work.  Just say it!

No, we don't know what day it is.  We never will.  Mark anniversaries on the calendar.

We are not mind readers and we never will be.  Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

Peeing standing up is more difficult.  We?re bound to miss sometimes.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes.  What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.  That?s what we do.  Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.  See a doctor.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.  Get over it.  And quit whining to your girlfriends.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners.  (unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn?t really matter what the hell they're saying anyway).

Check your oil.

If you think you're fat, you probably are.  Don't ask us.  We refuse to answer.

It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.  No, it doesn?t matter which quiz.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.  All arguments become null and void after 7 days.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle.  We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something, but not both.  If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

All men see in only 16 colors.  Peach is a fruit, not a color.  Pumpkin is also a fruit.  We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched.

Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing" we will act like nothing's wrong.  We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

A conversation is only allowed to have one topic.  Start one topic and finish it before starting another.  Starting topic A, then B, then C, then D, then finishing topic B, then adding to topic A, then adding to topic D, then A, then finishing topic C, then adding to topic A again...  Makes our brains hurt, and we?ll leave the table because we can't keep up.

What the heck is a doily?

Thank you for reading this.  Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that?  It's kinda like camping.

[Ace]

You're right, JiMS.  I meant that the other way than I said it.  And here I thought I had "mauve" pretty well figured...  

Is it ok to go into the Victoria's Secret store and say "I'm just looking..."?  And hang around the dressing rooms?  

I have noticed that it's women who tend to do emails in all-caps...

Ace; this was my doily poast.

[Buffalo2102]

You guys have guns?

We just have to ask the burglar nicely if he'll leave. ::)

Buff; The burglars sometimes have guns though.

[Ace]

Ok; in the theme of celebrating Independence Day in about a month:
(but not the 4th of July, which we found was prevalent nearly everywhere in the world except for those who might still be using the Julian Calendar, or Vegans who might have gone with the Julienne Calendar)

We Americans are prone to guns due to the British, more or less.  Whom we asked politely to leave but dawdled...  And implemented taxes.  So we opted for firearms, and the whole miliita craze, to remove them forcibly and have the place to ourselves.  Later, we shot Native Americans (or "Indians", although they really weren't from India per se.  There have been some customer service people, from India, I would have liked to shoot) and Buffalo.  Which are actually Bison, and not Buffalo at all.  So I guess if you're British, and a Buffalo, you're probably safe.  If you're out of range, especially.

Hope that helped explain why Americans are prone to firearms, and fireworks, which like most everything else we buy from the Chinese.

Ace; and not one dang mention of food.  Unless you eat Buffalo burgers, or their wings.

[Buffalo2102]

Hey, I notice that there was no mention there of you guys deciding use the guns to fight amongst yourselves.  Can't think why it was called a civil war either - there's nothing very civil about shooting each other in my book.

Buff; The only Bisons we have are washing bisons.

[Ace]

Croiminy, I can hardly understand you guys with those accents.  I'm glad Midwesterners don't have accents.

Ok, first of all, nobody shot anybody in anyone's book.  Usually they were shot in the head or lower.  Although I suppose if a musket shot you in the book you could lose an appendix.

Also, we resort to shooting each other here because unlike Great Britain we didn't seek to Invade The Entire Globe and Rule It Within Our Empire, geez Louise.  You don't See the U.S. of A. invading other countries and trying to take over the whole

hold it.  Hold on a minute.  Let me proof this for a minute...
uh.  uh huh.  hmmm.  

Ok, not to change the subject, but so anyway that's why we're independent.  Also, we all promised never ever to talk about the Civil War and how Lincoln didn't actually exist and if DaVinci died of a head code.

Ace; I thought buff a loo was a naked person on the toilet...

[Bill]

If you can remember it, it counts.  

If you can remember    wait. I just   I just   Did I ?

Bill. I think.

[Buffalo2102]

Croiminy, I can hardly understand you guys with those accents.

Yea, in the same way that Dick Van Dyke couldn't understand when he took the part of the chimney sweep in Mary Poppins.  Sheesh!  At least he's learnt to do something more realistic like be a doctor, and solve crimes and stuff.

Gwyneth Paltrow and Renee Zellweger seemed to manage it OK though (the accent), as did our beloved Angelina.  Not in Mary Poppins, of course.  Maybe I wasn't really concentrating on their performances.

Anyway, I thought it was pretty normal to sit on the toilet naked.  Except for the odd thing around your ankles.  You know, trousers and such.  Especially at night.  Especially if you live alone.

I didn't say anything about getting shot in the book.  I don't see how that would work.  I was talking about MY book and it's just a metaphor.  Never mind.

Buff; Cor bloimey guv'nor.

[Ace]

Sorry it took so long, but I don't know if it's the accent or what but I still didn't understand half of that.  Dick Van Dyke is a comedy writer; everybody knows that.  And Mary Petrie was hot in those capri pants.

I know they had separate beds; I think even as a kid I wondered why...

I thought Renee Zellweger was from Chicago.  I know she was IN Chicago.  I read that one news correspondent whose name is Gwyneth.  

Anyone, back on the Tale of Manly Men I shot a 22 Ruger and a couple .380ACPs out of a Sig.  I didn't think the Sig had the bangboomflash drama that a 9mm does.  The guy there (a local cop) did recommend a Glock to tone it down, too.  I can get a used Sig for $400, but that's like... well, $400.

There's a company called Hi-Point in Ohio that makes a $140 or so 380 "compensated" with a barrel attachment to mute it; little longer barrel, all plastic... lifetime warranty.  Reviews said they're fine, guy at the shop said they're junk (which I expected he would...). I'd drive to Ohio to check out the factory but that would take the rest of my life.

The other alternative would be to use one of my Ping irons, in a pinch.  I'd just have to have an intruder hang on while I go out to the trunk of the Taurus to grab one.  

Ace; Jerry Van Dyke is pretty funny, too.

[pat]

I think, in a pinch, I?ll just get out my tape of Emeril yelling BAM. That should do anyone in, scares the heck out of me anyway. Or I could just cajole anyone giving me some sh stuff into my van and park it under an Oak tree, sooner or later they?ll get there?s.

That falling over the foot rest got to be old though.

[Ace]

Hey; Congratulations! You have now pushed Poasts By JimS most recent entry to Its Third Page!  That is always worthy of a special proclamation.

I was confused about the foot rest; I thought you meant in my car.  I had to think about that for awhile, which is difficult on a weekend.  You know, I think foot stools were the chief export of the Ottoman Empire.

I never cajole anyone, because I don't even think I'd pronounce it correctly.  I guess it's a combination of Cajun, and Creole, hence the reference to Emeril.  I do use his spices, but have never seen him perform.

Ace; I've heard if you fire in a movie theatre it will make people run.

[pat]

I don?t know, I like to rest my feet and would just as soon keep them out of anything relating to stools if you know what I mean.

Yuk.

[scuzzy]

I've never heard of Hi-Point guns. They sound junky.

I didn't have a footstool available, so I stuck a 3-step ladder into my car. After some effort I was able to get my feet between the steps to reach the gas pedal. It was anything but comfortable. Now the ladder is stuck under the steering wheel and I have to leave for work shortly.

I'm not really keen on hitting burglars with pig irons or stepstools, and I'm not wasting my gas driving them around town to find a nice, shady oak tree. It's bad enough that Brits have to treat their burglars like guests. I'd rather blow their skunk heads off.

Colorado has a "make my day" law. Basically a person in someone's house without permission gives up their right to watch the next episode of American Idol. Forever. We're allowed to shoot home invaders until their body is an unrecognizable pulp. It's great since it gives us the opportunity to test fire all of our weapons and get rid of old ammo. Of course, someone's gonna have to clean up the mess.  :P

Go with the Sig Sauer. I paid $425 for a used P230 (380 ACP), and it was money well spent. I picked up a Glock 27 (.40 cal) earlier this year, with a short magazine extension to help with the grip. I'm surprised by how well the Glock 27 shoots, considering its small size. With the special night sights, I paid $500 new.

[Ace]

I was going to go with "foot stools; what do you get after you eat pigs' feet" but decided not to.

I like the idea of shooting skunk's head(')s off.  We have a skunk in the neighborhood, and I wouldn't mind ending his prime time viewing.

It's probably not effective to punish someone with not watching American Idol, after this year.  I'll wait for Chris Daughtry's CD.  Or Marty, from last year's INXS find a singer show, who was better than any of them.  I did see that Cat got a record deal from Clive Davis (too) which would include "Over the Rainbow" in memory of Johnny.  Probably could go with the whole soundtrack; I always liked "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead" and "Oreo."

I was gonna mention monkeys flying out of something, but I didn't say that either.  Are 40 calibers loud?  I'd guess they are, being such a fat bullet.

Ace; I just know Scuzzy's gonna invite me over to his house, and I'm gonna be standing in his appliances ringing the doorbell and he's gonna say "C'mon in.. the door's open" and then no more dang Idol....

[scuzzy]

Are 40 cals loud? I guess it's subjective. I fired about 3,000 40 cal rounds when I went through the academy, so I got used to them. In the grand scheme of things, they might be a little loud. Or maybe not. I dunno. Just about any weapon may at first startle its user. But once you get used to it, it's no big deal.

This scale might help:

1. plink - BB gun
2. bang - 22
3. Bang - 32
4. Bang! - 380
5. BANG! - 40
6. BANG!!! - 44 mag
7. BOOM!!! - hand grenade
8. KABOOM!!! - field artillery
9. Aaarggh!!! - passengers in Grandpa's car
10. What happened? I can't hear anything. And where'd my skin go? - atomic bomb
11. HOLY MOTHER OF ALL H*CK! - apocalypse
12. Ow! Ow! Ow! Everything's hot! - too late, welcome to your eternity

[Ace]

Well.  That final "Ow! Ow! Stop it.." sounds hauntingly similar to a Jester being dragged down the highway... I didn't much care for that.

I guess a 45 would be in the BANG!!! range.  I suppose the one you don't hear is the bad one, and the end of your American Idol on Fox viewing.

Ace; a sentence consists of a subjective, and a verbiage.