JOHNNY'S BACK! AND HIS FRONT! AND HIS PUPPY!

[Bill]

Just so we can get things right,
1 I wasn''t talking about oat or corn.
2 Bran flakes are made from Wheat
3  Bill never wished to be Bob.  If I wanted to be "Bob" I would have registered as "Bob.  I mean I had the option.
4 I never wondered about the swinging doors, I figured they were for people coming and going carrying a lot of bagage.

Bill; haven't seen a zit since Animal House.

[Ace]

Just so we can have things just so:

1. I was.
2. Bran refers to a number of grains.
3. Bob didn't want Bill to be Bob, either.
4. People can come and go from the window, if needs be.
5. I didn't know animals got zits.
6. Johnny must be Robt., since I was responding to him anyway.

Ace; Murphy's leaving, right now.

[Bill]

Huh? What was that famous line from Taxi?

Guess I misinterpreted the antecedent  or the precedent or whatever you sergeant majors,  who know what those things are called, call them.  
You really think whozits wanted to be Bob?  I thought-
wait- it doesn't matter what I thought- obviously I misinterpreted the, oh, Ok,  nevermind.   But you said....

Speaking of English Phrases,  The Westminster Dog Show is this week, "Jolly good I'm not a custodian".

Bill; I prefer oatmeal.

[Ace]

Never mind what I said.  It's more important what I meant.  The only famous line from a Taxi I ever got was "I'm off duty."  Oatmeal takes way too much trouble, what with the adding stuff and microwaving.  I'd rather just dump something in a bowl and have it dumped there.  Ready.

I may as well not even poast at Johnny. It's like talking to yourself, anyway.

Well, myself.  

Plus, there was some new guy Robt. here, but now he's gone too.  The 13th was supposed to be some "big something" but obviously not.  Now it's the 14th, and a day to commemorate massacres.

Ace; happy massacre day to everybody.

[Bill]

The other famous line from a Taxi is: "no, no, the city is this way, trust me."

Oatmeal provides that "warm and fuzzy" feeling so appreciated in the morning, lowers your LDL and generally makes a mess of the microwave,  what more could you ask?

If Johnny's original thought was correct, you have been poasting to your alterego for a couple of months, what's changed?

Bill; Now that's a messy sentiment.

[Ace]

Taste, for one thing.

Look, if you'd stir it up you wouldn't have sentiment settling in the bottom of the bowl.  

Sure I poast to my alter ego. Plus my regular one.  I'd poast to an altar boy, if I knew any.  Plus the unwashed multitude on the teeming shore... To the living, and the dead.  Huddled masses yearning for free stuff.  Those here, those absent, those absent minded.

If a Jester poasted to an empty court, would anyone hear it if he fell over?  Well, yeah.  Duh.  He would.  

And if I wanted to serve some porpoise I'd get a job at the aquarium.  The way I see it, if you're reading what I'm writing then the blame lies with you.  (I don't mean "you" personally.. it's used here in general reference).  I may be LD, but LDL just sounds like a copout to make it easier for dyslexics to spell.  Like "Bob".   Of course, to me, that's "scixelsyd."  

I've been known to misspell "L."  I've been known, like others here, to offer stereo advice to people with no money.  I've offered mono advice, to anyone who wants to know how long they'll have that fever and when they'll start to get their energy back... it'll take months; I know.

Do I "like" talking to myself..?  Not hardly.  I find I'm a lousy listener.  Would I rather maintain a dialogue with a photo of Angelina Jolie?  Well, yes.  Naturally.  Criminy, who wouldn't?  

I'm here for the give, and take.  Tit for tat, as the lads across the pond would say.  Probably half of that is going to be bleeped, making for a mystery of just what the heck I tried to poast in the first place.

We're all here for a limited time.  We make our impression, and then we flip over the sofa cushion...  The Johnny come latelies come, and go.  But not on the 13th, regardless of what they promised.  We're born, we die, and everything in between

is everything.  Because, before we're here and after we're gone, it's just one huge desolate empty black void/chasm/precipice/vacuum

Ohio.  Really.  That big, that empty.  the Big Empty.  Like STP used to sing.  That's one of my favorite bands... before they sorta split up, and Wieland went with Velvet Revolver.  I'd like to get a poster of them, if I could find one.  And put it up, at home.  

Ace; because I just love band posters.  Right.  

[Bill]

Do I sense the "Easter Turmoil" building?  What is it about the celebration of this event that engenders frustration and unrest?   Geez, there are always pretty flowers, lots of candy and goodies, if you're lucky,  good weather over the weekend, except its usually cloudy on Friday afternoon, and a big dinner to top off 40 days of anticipation.  If you happen to be in Rio or Nawleens or Texas, there's even a big party to start.
And yet....

The good news is if the Jester fell over in Court,  he could sue the Queen of Hearts, then settle out of court, negoiating with the White Rabbit for more  time between the beginning and the end.  

You must have a different brand of vacuum, or maybe need a new one.  Mine is never black, more like a collection of gray stuff (and recently some dog hair) and the dang thing is never empty.   Seems like every other day I hear"Would you change the bag please?"   And the dang bags are big enough to handle all of Ohio.  I tried to recycle one once, never again.  

And you misspelled poasters.

Bill; you never walk alone, but that's Jerry, not Bill.

[Ace]

I finally got a "Jaguar" vacuum without the bag; you lift off the canister and dump it out.  Partially on yourself, due to the dust and all.  But that's ok, because you can use the attachment on yourself.

Be careful where, though.

I didn't mispell anything.  Or Poasters.  I was talking about band posters.  Defunct groups.  Some of them you'd just as soon not have to listen to anymore.  I got enough of that stuff in 7th grade; like the Monkees.  

It's too dang lousy out for Easter.  Easter should be sunny and flowery and warm and sunshiny.  Not 35 degrees and dark and raining.  At least the snow is melted, or watered, down.  I'm ok with Lent; it's good to be somber and reflective sometimes.

This is the winter of my discotheque, some French person once said.

Ace; I wish my head wasn't so reflective.

[Bill]

Talking about bad posters,I once saw a 3x4 one of a panda, of all the stinkin' things.   The whole dang gift shoppe smelled.

It's begininng to look a lot like Chris  no wait Spring-
sunny, 55, everything's mushy underfoot, yard's covered with the debris of shedding trees, and probably Fido.  Maybe Whiz could lend me his neato compost gathering tractor.  And supply the manpower., I hate yard work.  All that dang bending over, picking up, haul it to the curb, argue with the collectors - "no, the dang can is not too heavy, if I can move it ..." and then the stupid competition  begins for who has the greenest and best groomed lawn.  I don't care one dang bit.  "My shears aren't as sharp as yours,  you win, big deal."

bill; my thumb is not green.

[Buffalo2102]

Dangit!  I've missed Johnny again!
I haven't been around for a day or two because I've got the plasterers in.  Pretty soon I'll have the painters in.  I expect he'll swoop in and out of the swing doors then as well.

"Easter Turmoil"?.  I'm with you - loads of good food, loads of sweets and chocolate.  Loads of kids off school as well, unfortunately. :(

Who cares about lawns?  I tarmaced...tarmacked......surfaced mine so that I could park cars on it.  Looks great now and definitely low maintenance.

Good job your thumb is not green.  That means it is still growing and you don't want a really long thumb.

Oh, and you misspelled everything.

[Ace]

Johnny who?

Heh; Buff said Bill mispelled everything.  He's probably right.

Who's this Chris everything looks like?  Or is he mispelled too?  I think the trash collectors are just teasing.  They do that with Murphy; they won't pick up stuff if he has too much out or if it's not just in the right place or if he doesn't bundle the yard waste.  They just do it to antagonize him... I know I would.

Are plasterers people you hire to come in and get plastered?  I think I could do that.

Ace; I wonder if they have sick days.  I hate a smelly gift shop(pe).  

[Buffalo2102]

Are plasterers people you hire to come in and get plastered?  I think I could do that.

Nope.  Don't need any help with that, thanks anyway.  Besides, I've got my friend Merlot here.
These plasterers are smoothing my walls and ceilings.  I have been a victim of the Artex craze of the '70s.  Everywhere in the house, textured Artex has been applied with a frightening liberalism.  The property is a '20s period house and it has retained a lot of the period features and feel - until you go inside and are assaulted by the textures!  Well, that is all changing now, to the detriment of my wallet.

[Ace]

I never heard of Artex.  It sounds like it can be a mess to remove.  And older versions could have asbestos?  That's nice.

I'll tell ya, having lived through them, the 70's had some problems as far as fashion sense.   I mean, when you're in bell bottoms and a Nehru shirt you can imagine what your walls could look like...  

You should poast some photos of the reformation.  Maybe a "before" and "after."  

Ace; keep the merlot handy, if you decide to check your wallet.  It will help.

[Bill]

Now wait just a dang minute.  Not only are bellbottoms still being worn, they were really great if you put your shoes on first.  'Course you have to remember TGIF.

Artex was the guy that worked with Gleason.  He tough to get rid of, for sure.  And air freshener
was always required.

[Buffalo2102]

I do have a lot of "before" photos, so I will do some "after" ones and poast them in the Poast Office.

Yeah.  I remember the bellbottoms.  And the huge, pointy shirt collars!  And platform shoes!

Shudder!

[Ace]

"Body shirts."  They were way cool, with hip hugging bell bottoms.  And, yes, large collars.  With large ties.  Double windsors.  Big dang knots.

I wore boots, so the pants were even more conducive.  

I have decided to name my Texas Poaster "Artex" in honor of your textured surfaces.  He's sorta textured... at least his hat.  He's kinda a "boy in the hood," too.

ace; it was that or "Neon"...

[Buffalo2102]

I have decided to name my Texas Poaster "Artex" in honor of your textured surfaces.  He's sorta textured... at least his hat.  He's kinda a "boy in the hood," too.

I'm honoured.  So are my textured surfaces, which shouldn't be very textured anymore.  I'm just about to go home and find out......

[Ace]

I wonder if tattoos are textured.  Do they make your skin bumpier, or is it smooth?  I wonder what it's like to rub your hand over the illustrated skin of a

Ok. Ok, already.  That's enough.  Knock it off.  Geez Louise, you're breathing hard and getting all a-twitter thinking about it.  Stop it.  Criminy.  You idiot.

Ace; the root word of a-twitter is "twit".  

[Bill]

Pictures of tatoos are not textured, and pictures are as close as you're ever gonna get.  Just calm down before you need to go back to the ER.

I have to ask since you laid it out there, is your Texas poaster gasey?  Sorry, couldn't let it pass, no pun intended.

Are we flashing back to Saturday Night Fever or something here.  And while we're talking about style, big knots are back, along with multiple stripes and checks and stripes and..it makes me dizzy to look at it.   What happened to regimental ties and solid colored shirts and suits?  

Crikey.

Bill; no brown hats with white suits for me.  

[Ace]

So very little in my life is regimented.

I still have mostly solid color shirts.  I tend to put the pattern in the tie.  I've found a patterned tie on a striped shirt looks "busy."  I hate to look busy.

You know, I may as well just set up my own ER.  I go there, go to the doctor, they don't have the ER test results... finally get them while I'm sitting there waiting, and then have me retest anyway.  So they set up a clinic test; I go there, have it, go to my doctor and they don't have the results.  I have to tell them how it went, and how I did.  They call me the next day at home to tell me I was right.  I might as well phone it in, as far as having these visits mean anything.

I wouldn't mind a white suit; and a black tee shirt.  Miami Vice.  That was the height of fashion.  Get me a quiana shirt.  

Hold it.  Wait.  Let's try that after a few more weeks on the treadmill.

Ace; months.  

[Bill]

What did I tell you about doctors?  Biggest collection of
inefficient systems you will ever encounter, and the most expensive.   And, they act like they're doing you a favor.  Geez.  Chances are 50-50 the test results were "misplaced".  They get to run the test again, bill the insurance company again and get their "professional component", again.  And, if they weren't "misplaced"  the other version is "We have ever really trusted x,y,z Lab, the results are inconsistent.  Let us do it again, right here in the office."  Bingo, "bill'em again, Mary and double the price, I am, after all, supervising the test, personally."  While he goes off to see the patient in the next room.

Bill, I like Shamen and feathers.

[Ace]

Well, yeah.  Feathers.  Sure, I like feathers.  Angelina Jolie in feathers would be something.

Hey Jude, could you do something with that?  Thanks.

I don't know what Mary did but I'm mad at her too, now.  He didn't even stay in the room for their EKG.. just had the nurse do it.  Looked at it with a scowl, trying to see something wrong.  Couldn't.  That frustrated him even further.  This from the guy all concerned about my "heart" who prescribed Bextra without a blink.  

I would like to be a Shaman someday.  Unless you misspelled Charmin.  Then I don't think I'm for being that.

Ace; where's Johnny, anyway?  Wasn't he supposed to show up on the 13th?  What's THAG doing stopping by, but not saying anything?  Is this a set-up?  

[Bill]

Sounds as if you are beginng to see the light, not the one on the end of the no better not.   Not all operate that way, but too dang many do.    Last example... A while back I took the youngest to the pediatrician for an infection in the ear.  we were promptly ushered into a treatment room where we waited 35 minutes.   Doc finally arrives, asks about the problem, looks in the kid's ear and says, "yup, he has an infection". Writes a prescription for amoxacilin and we head to the front desk.  "Mary" proceeds to charge us for an"extra long" visit.  I comment, she says "you occupied the room for 40 minutes, that's an extra long visit, $120.00 please.

Bill

[Ace]

Mary should not be long for this world...

ACe; I'm pretty sure last time a doctor put a flashlight in my ear he saw a light at the end of the tunnel, too.  On the wall.

[Bill]

To get back to the point...
Looking "busy"  may not be a bad thing.  After all, seeming to be productive at your desk while actually poasting  witticisms here keeps the task master at bay.  Maybe you should redecorate your desk with stripes and checks so you look "busy" all the time, even when your not there.   Impressions and perceptions are perswaysive   persuasive   important.

[Ace]

I agree with style or substance, in all things.  I am nothing if not stylish.

I've found a messy office gives the perception of business. Busyness. Bussines. Being pretty darn busy.  I don't bring checks into the office, as I don't want them to get into the wrong hands.  I have cash, but not that much.  I shift the piles of papers, to update my surroundings.  For decorating, I've just got photos I've taken and my Far Side calendar.  I don't own, I just rent.

Walk around with papers, and you'll look like you're working on something.  Leave your jacket in your office, and people will think you're still on the premises even if you ducked home for a minute.  Walk fast, with a thoughtful look.  Even if it's just out the door and to come in the other one.  

"You never get a second chance to change your first perception," I've always learned.

Ace; something like that.

[Buffalo2102]

Well, yeah.  Feathers.  Sure, I like feathers.  Angelina Jolie in feathers would be something.

Hey Jude, could you do something with that?  Thanks.

Nope.  Sorry.  No can do.
Feathers are OK, but when that stunted Kidman woman turned up at the Oscars wearing them I went right off them.  Besides, they tickle me tats.

[Ace]

holy cow.  Somebody got up on the wrong side of the zoo today.

You know, I had my hair like that back in college.  Finally went back to the side part.  Now I guess it's parted down the middle, again.  

I guess.

Don't worry about the feather thing.  Heck, Nicole doesn't need anything on to look ok as far as I'm concerned.

Ok, look, you know what I mean.

Yes, that's what I meant.  I knew you'd know.

I didn't know you had tats.  Heck, poast a photo of those.  See if they're textured or not.   I'm running out of household statuary to shoot, so I'll probably go to some other theme soon.  Maybe "my best Nike caps" or "muddy backyard shots" or "peanut shells left by fat little men on my porch" or "Murphy going for a walk."  Something.

Ace; I wonder if you have to dry clean feathers.  

[Bill]

Buff
You misspelled  no wait...

No pictures of piercings, please.

Bill; no, really, tell us what you meant.

[Ace]

This is so cool; poaster goes MIA and the whole chain is now on page 4.  That just goes to show you.

What do you mean, what did I mean?  I meant what I said.  That's what I mean.  I'll be the first to admit I layer meanings deep within each poast...  subtle, subliminal levels of thought, and nuance.  Reading them is like peeling an onion, as each layer reveals a deeper, more substantive one..

And, yes, they can stink.  And, yes, they've been known to make people cry.  And not in a good way.

Ace; who knows where we'll be, once we get to page 5.