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BARTER, SELL OR TRADE POASTS

Started by Ace, October 30, 2005, 11:42 hrs

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Ace

Since we were discussing hallowed weenies.  Anyway, for this year's Shop of Horrors I offer the following phoato from across the way, in form of Murphy's latest neighborhood abomination.  Since it being too early for the hideous inflato Grinch to rear its ugly everything, he felt compelled to provide this sicko psycho pumpkin and cat for my viewing pleasure, as it is pointed at my house.



Hopefully the leaves from Bev's tree will bury the stupid thing in a matter of days.  Or it pops.  Or he mows it.  

Tomorrow is also our annual Day To Go Out To Eat For a Couple Hours and so avoid Giving Away Costly Snack Items to Marauding Neighbor Youth.  I liked to go out, when I was a kid, but now I'm not.  They're on their own.

Ace; I gotta remember to chew slow.  And have a couple or 3 drinks.
Ring bells for service.

scuzzy

What in h*ck is a "phoato"? And how is it pronounced? foe-a-toe?
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Ace

It is a "Phoato."  That would be a photo poasted at Poasters.  It is pronounced "Fo-Toe."  A full, complete emphasis on toe.  Not one of those tiny, hardly worth it toes.

Poasters.  Phoato.  Geez louise, get with the program.

Ace; how this guy got elected King I'll never know.
Ring bells for service.

Ace

Scuzzy's a day late and a donut short.  In the southern climes of Michiana, or northern Indianana, or just "Ian" as it's come to be called in our hapless quest to shorten the verbiage, we have reached our initial plan for daylight savings solution.  We will split our state into two timezones.

We, in the Valley of St. Joseph, have been deemed to be aligned with Central Time.  Marshall County, directly South, is in the East.  Elkhart, The Mystical Kingdom of RV's, to the East is Eastern.  The middle of the state, of which we and Elkhart County is, are destined to be an hour apart.  Or, about 7 miles from here.  

Indiana would have done well with a child custody case involving twins:

"Ok, look.  Here's what I think as judge... You've got two kids, right?  So the fair thing to do is cut each one in half, and split them amongst yourselves... Am I right?"

Rather than "The Crossroads of America" I'm thinking a new license plate should proclaim "We're Too Stupid To Live."

Ace; and you thought halloween here was scary.  Just try a normal weekday.  I gotta think up more words with "oa" in them to bother Scuzzy.  Maybe "Potatoae."  Hoosiers have had problems spelling those, historically.  Histoarically.
Ring bells for service.

Ace

Ok; look.  I know Mr. Amazing killed this thing but it's the only dang Halloween poast in the whole dang building, and dangit I think it oughta keep going at least through the day.

I know bringing me in to resurrect a poast is like bringing in a vampire on a blood drive, but I don't see anyone else stepping up to.. dang, I hate mixed metaphors.. stepping up to the jugular.

And, no, I did not misspell "jester," dangit.  Or juggler.

Ace; if you're a pumpkin stay away from Peter Peter.

Ring bells for service.

Bill

#5
And Linus.  I think the Peter's wife has more to worry about than Mr. Amazin'.
Stinkin' doorbell; and beggars.....driving Fido crazy.  
Down, DOWN NO YOU CAN"T GO THROUTH THE STORM DOOR....dang

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scuzzy

Hey, you misspelled Jaguar. And you shouldn't be mixing drinks while you're driving.

Geez, do I have to point out every mistake to you?

Scuzzy; Yes, I do.
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Ace

Well, maybe, but I didn't misspell XKE.  Also, you mispelled "hick."  

Fido storms the door; the dark minions run.

Ok; so if you have refrigerators all over your front yard, do you just let the kids help themselves or do you go out there and hand stuff out?

Ace; I could see this kid dragging home a Maytag and his mom goes, "you know you're not supposed to have those" and he says, "Aw, mom, just one, ok..? Puhleeeze?"

Bob; scariest costume of 2005: panda
Ring bells for service.

Bill

"and his mom goes"....."goes"???  The Engilish Major types "goes?"  

Whut up wid dat???  

Speaking of speaking - football has its own language - "I gotta run more physical."  Running isn't "physical?"  Geez if this trend continues, Mrs. Anderson and her kind might simply vanish from the earth.  No real need for skool, man.  We learn everything thin we need 'fore we even been ina skool.  jus' axe me sumpin'.
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scuzzy

Actually, Bill, he misspelled goat.
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Bill

#10
True enough; and, icebox.

Room is goin' to the dogs.
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Ace

I was speaking in the dialectic of my characters.  It is a literary device good writers often utilize.

I even just pronounced the "t" in "often"; that demonstrates an even keener sense of the nuance of language.

And I didn't "type"; I keyboarded....

You know, the White Sox got the Cubs' goat.  You can't believe how beside themselves Cubs fans are and were with the Sox winning the series.  I've always been a fan of both, so I was pleased to see it.  

To me, an ice box is the cooler.  Or the driveway in a couple months.

Ace; so the jester goes...
Ring bells for service.

Bill

What, you have always been a fan of black and white sox?  Don't like Argyle?  

What World Series are you talking about, soccer?  I thought it had been cancelled, the NY stadium has been dark for weeks.  

"Speaking in the dialectic of my characters" might have been shown by quotation marks.  You've just been spending too much time around today's youth.  

And, by the way, you misspelled macadam.
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Ace

It wouldn't surprise me; I usually mispronounce macadam, too.  And sure I like Gargoyles; I've got a bunch of them around the house.

No, not "futbol."  Baseball.  The World Series, where Americans play but not Cubans or Japanese or any other outsiders.  NY is in the dark in a lot of ways.

ace; one of yesterday's youth.  Ok.. the day before yesterday, then.
Ring bells for service.

Bill

What are you talking about?  Outsiders play, look who won.

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Ace

I know darn well who won.  The Black Sox.  At least that's what they all seem to be wearing.  It's weird; they used to cut the stirrups and show a lot of leg and sox, but now most guys have the cuffs over their shoes....

"Say it ain't so, Joe Dimaggio" as Paul Simon would say.

Well, or I'd say.  I remember the Sox when they had the wide lapels and shorts.  and knee sox.  Greg Luzinski in shorts; that's a look.

The jinx is up; the Cubs are another story.  I suppose the Astros are the outsiders.... that'd be something, to have an alien team.  Well, besides a few scattered Cubans.  

Ace; Kramer brought in some Cubans....
Ring bells for service.

Bill

#16
All I know is there ain't no sports on TV between the end of January and late August.   'Cept maybe hoops.

(That should tick off a few.)  

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Ace

Hoops aren't even worth mentioning, until March.  I'm pretty sure Indianians invented basketball.  It's a state where there's a backboard up at every other house.  Even a rim, on some.  Even a net on some rims, at some.  Of course, this is a state where people put lawn chairs in their garages and sit in them with the doors up in the summer...

What a bunch of mouthbreathers.

Golf is in Hawaii, or California, and maybe getting toward Florida, early in the year.  That's riveting.  The NBA has its finals in June or so.  That's cause for concern.  Hockey's back, like anyone south of Canada noticed.  Baseball is deep into those 160 some games after the All Stars break and go on injured reserve.  

Ok, I agree with Bill that sports is dead from football until football starts again.  It takes the cake.  The other stuff isn't even frosting; it's the crummy hard little sprinkles on top of the frosting.

My brother in law gave me a real Cuban; it was one of those 4" mini cigars, like you'd get in a tin.  What a thrill.  I like cigars from Nicaragua; just because I like to say "Nicaragua."  

"Nicaragua."  Heh, that does sound funny.  

Ace; jesters may not amuse other people much, but they sure crack themselves up.
Ring bells for service.

Bill

Geez, I'm sure glad you didn't abbreviate "brother in law."  I'd hate to be accused of not honoring the Sanctions and Embargos.  Even though the cigars are worth the risk.
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Ace

Well, sure, "BIL" is my one brother in law.  But I got the cigar from his brother, "JOE."

A: Breviations are ok.
Ring bells for service.

Ace

What in the world is wrong with you today?  For a proofreader, you're going deaf in one eye.

I got the stupid little Cuban cigar from my brother in law, Joe.  He has a twin brother, Bill.  Bill and Joe are my brothers in law.  (No, I'm not going to fall for "brother in laws").

Which is it?  It is what it is.  And, no, I'm not about to send a $10 bill to a 4 year old even if it is his birthday.  A kid that age doesn't need to buy anything that expensive.  And it's just extravagant for a margarita.  I had a Long Island Iced Tea that was $8.50 monday, and it was worth it.  And that's not $10...

Ace; criminy, correcting a jester is like straightening your socks.
Ring bells for service.

Ace

Judas Priest, the band, you can't correct what was right in the first place.  That's like "if it ain't fixed, don't break it" you know?

The whole dang point was totally congruent.  I got a cigar, guy who gave it to me is my brother-in-law (ok, Bill; BIL).  Hence: "My brother in law gave me the cigar."  I know it's not up there with "Run, Spot, Run" but it's still grammatically true.

I'm trying to replace the ringing noise with a Heineken.  I'll let you know if it works.

I think the fact you can see out of one ear is telling.  I don't know if you can hear it, but it's telling.

You know, I'd be upset that this dang poast got hijacked except it's mine, and there wasn't much of a point to it anyway except Halloween, which is passed.  Murphy has put up a new unholy inflated deity, and that alone makes sitting here uncomfortable.  I mean, it's right there in its airy evilness.

Ace; that'd be weird if there really was a guy named Sam Hain.
Ring bells for service.

Bill

There should be 2 for saying all those nasty things about sweet, lovable Fido.
I look for it in the mail, along with my winning lottery ticket.

Seeing out of one ear must present interesting views, while you're driving, for instance.

Bill; Earglasses?
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Ace

Oh, it's a fine day, all right.

Besides the musical question "your nuts" it's nice that this has reached that magical mythical 2nd page status.  Especially for something devoted to a defunct holiday, and something stupid Murphy did in his yard.

I wish I did have a real Cuban here, to smoke or roll a crepe.

"Nicaragua."  Man, I still crack up at that.  What a name.

Look, Fido knows I was only kidding.  We had a baby attacked in town by two half-wolves.  They're illegal...  D'juh think?  They said having a half wolf/half dog really makes it unstable.  I was a Wolf, in Cub Scouts.  And Bear, I think.  I didn't make Lion.  

Ace; I'm glad I'm not still in; I'd probably be sent overseas...
Ring bells for service.

Ace

In the Kingdom of the Deaf, the one-legged man still gets beat in a footrace.

And to think lobotomies fell out of fashion...  Bill can tell his son's dog the check's in the male.  Maybe he can sniff it out.  

Actually, I don't think dog's understand English, or Human.  I think it all sounds like "blah blah blah blah walk blah blah blah dinner blah blah."  Mostly blah.  

Of course, "Bark! Bark!  Bark! Woof!  Bark!" means "Hey! Hey! I'm not wearin' any pants!"

Ace; I gotta get a picture of this new yard thing, I guess.  That could be a whole new poast.  Or start one about pizza, maybe.
Ring bells for service.

Bill

I'm inclined to believe that anything with big teeth, a large mouth and 70 or 80 lbs. that walks around with no pants on is unstable.  At least not to be trusted, very much.  

But you understand "dogspeak?"  Is that a talent unique to Jesters or mid-westerners?  Or only those from the magical, mystical land of Michiana?  I guess every region has it's "thing"  The daughter makes voodoo dolls of her principal.   Geez, maybe that was what caused the hurricane.

No, probably blinded by the sound.



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Ace

Sure, I understand Dogspeak.  If you can understand a Hoosier, and that mentality, Dogspeak is a piece of cake.  Or Jumbone.

No one understands catspeak, since they aren't thinking anything anyway and every other word is "I."

The other every other word is "me."

So what'd she do, drown the doll?  Or have it hit the fan first?  It's probably time to mosey on down to that other poast, since it's been about 10 days.   I gotta see how that turns out.

Ace; in the kingdom of the mute, the one-eared man can't wear glasses.
Ring bells for service.

Bill

#27
She broke both legs and then hanged it from the ceiling fan.  The Principle was replaced just before the storm, never to be heard from again.  Guess it worked.
'Course, the whole dang school system met that fate too.

Just as a side note for the other poast.save me from trying to find it,  no word yet on the plates and she worked Halloween night, a biggie in NOLA.  Her share of tips for the night was $550!  Kinda wonder....

Bill; hey, that's a new approach.  Poast here for questions there.
Keep'em guessin', & searching
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Ace

Hanged it, huh?  Rather than hung it, hey?  Coulda hanged, hung and hurled it.  You know, I didn't mind teaching that much but it was the principal of the thing that bothered me, too.

The tip thing does sound lucrative.  Does she have to report it?  Maybe FEMA could've just handed out tips instead of attempting empty water bottles and cash cards.

It'd be hard to make a voodoo doll of a school system...  Maybe someone made one of Louisiana. And then Texas, and then Florida.  They should tell the evil so and so to knock it off, already.  Well, they probably were in Haiti, so they got their just rewards anyway...

Ace; it's all like one big poast after awhile, isn't it.
Ring bells for service.

Bill

"...hanged by the neck until dead,"  should be acceptable. All the old Western movie judges used to say that.  They don't any more though, they're dead too. So are the old movies.  What ever happened to Wild Bill Hickok, movies.

It's become one big, time-delay chat room, without the chat, only the quiet chatter of of keys to interrupt the silence of this nether world.  

Bill; Walter Mitty would feel right at home.
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