Author Topic: IS THIS LOGICAL  (Read 2414 times)

Offline Ace

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IS THIS LOGICAL
« on: Sep 19, 2007, 04:45 AM »
Relatively speaking. 

* I'm thinking "O.J." stands for "Oh. Jail."

* I'd figure the UAW (pronounced "Youaaawww") would strike G.M. instead of Toyota because G.M. workers have more free time since they don't have to rush to build cars people might actually want to buy.

* To compete with the Camry, Honda has redesigned the Accord so that it's now a Large car the size of a Ford Five Hundred oops sorry Taurus with More HorsePower.  Way to think outside the midsize box.  I guess the Maxima and Avalon should now be worried, instead of Camrys and Altimas.

* The new Altimas moved the tailights deep into the fenders, so that you can see from the side if one is braking.... I guess.

* My prediction: Giants fire Coughlin.  Weis quits to take the Giants job.

* Charlie Weis owns horses.  For their sake I hope he doesn't ride them.

* No, ND is not being coached by "Hannah's Friends."  They just look like they are.

* We went to Potawatami (sp) zoo and found a new exhibit; the skeletal remains of an animal (rabbit?) at the bottom of the large pond under the foot bridge by the prairie dogs, being picked clean by large lobster like creatures in the water.  They looked too big, and too lobster like, to be crawdads so I'm at a loss as to just what they are.  But I gotta figure it'll be a big hit with little tykes who happen to look down...

* I was never left in a child's seat as a child, as I usually stood on the front seat during trips in the Studebaker when able.

* I saw the clip on NBC of the filming by scientists of the warming and melting and collapsing of Greenland.  Maybe when it breaks and floats up beside NYC and Miami people will "believe" in global warming. 

* I think Steve Fossett is in Cancun, actually.

* I wish that guy would've grabbed the microphone away when John Kerry was running for president... maybe he coulda won, then. 

* I think teachers should be allowed to Taser (Tase?) misbehaving students.

* There's a huge yellow Burmese python at the zoo.  I thought of Bubba.

* Britney embarrassed herself on the awards show.  It must have been a day that ended in "y."

* I think the grossest thing on television is the initial shows of "Biggest Loser" when the guys take their shirts off for the weigh-ins.

* I wonder if the theme of Kerry's speech was "The Biggest Loser"...  Hey; if FDR was alive today he could be on "New Deal, or Deal?" 

* Besides his years with hair and on St. Elsewhere and in stand up, the last time I saw Howie Mandel before Deal or No Deal was him doing weird candid camera "punkd" bits annoying people...  I do like Deal or No Deal just because people actually do go down in flames and, while not losing money, actually don't win any either.  Greed makes great drama.

Ace; I wish I had enough money to be greedy.





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Offline Buffalo2102

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Re: IS THIS LOGICAL
« Reply #1 on: Sep 20, 2007, 01:18 AM »
Err.....the answer's no.

Buff; How do they genetically modify those GM workers then?
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Offline Ace

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Re: IS THIS LOGICAL
« Reply #2 on: Sep 20, 2007, 04:36 AM »
Ok, but I think you mispelled "Er."  They don't have to modify or replicate GM workers, as they'll be able to distribute the originals into the workforce soon enough.

Hey, another creepy thing at the zoo was a Black Widow.  Criminy, it was Big.  I thought they were tiny things...  Oh, and not to mention the two Red Pandas.  Stupid stinking things were up a tree.  Our zoo's so cheap we can't even get the real fat stinking pandas but have to go with some little red variation.  Thank goodness.  I saw that the Chinese are going to stop giving them away.  That'll probably be as well received as when we stopped giving away cruise missiles. 

Ace; since everything's made in China it figures pandas would be, too.
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Offline Whizbang

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Re: IS THIS LOGICAL
« Reply #3 on: Sep 21, 2007, 05:05 PM »
I guess the Star Trekkers will start wearing shirts that say, "Don't phase me Bro!"  The authorities actually could save a bit on money just by tickling the offenders into submission.  I guess some cop might get too carried away though, and we would be seeing headlines that a "demonstrator was tickled to death."   That headline would serve as a deterrent for objectors since the idea of being tickled to death would not draw many angry dissenters.  Maybe Scuzzy could keep us up to date on this and check on the legal ramifications. 

Incidentally, I think the Software Discussion probably should be changed to the "Whizware Discussion."  At least I got a bit of increase in my work hours or I would be plastering even more stuff on the board.
« Last Edit: Sep 21, 2007, 05:26 PM by Whizbang »

Offline Ace

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Re: IS THIS LOGICAL
« Reply #4 on: Sep 21, 2007, 06:09 PM »
Look, I have to say, I am darn appreciative of Whiz taking the time to come down the hall and answer my poast and allude to his own.  It takes a lot of guts to come in here, besides the fact that it's a loaded question.

Secondly, we're talking about a guy who lives in the snow belt and has an ABC Warehouse Appliance section in his front yard.  I don't necessarily see that as qualifications for ramificating anything.  The dang Ramificator. 

Heh.  That sounded pretty good.  Look, if you keep working that software room you might get overtime, and up to that magic $30 per hour mark.  I'm still minimum wage in the janitorial position, so not like I can make a big dent on my 401K from here.  I thought about just cashing it and taking the tax penalty, but then I'd have to use my PayPal account to send $42.50 back to Poasters.  And I wouldn't mind that, if it went to Pat or Scuzzy so much, but I'm afraid Neon would get it and the guy hasn't bothered to clock in since Last February.  Geez, even Johnny and the JimS show up more often than that.

I like the idea of "WhizWare"... I wouldn't mind being your sales rep, if you decide to market it.  Or CS.  I could get some irate customer on the line, complaining "Hey.. I ordered this dang WhizWare and it's not compatible with my browser and my Outlook Express isn't connecting, now, and I think you sent spyware in the dang download you idiot" and I could say "Oh, I'm so sorry, sir, that you are unhappy with your WhizWare experience and perhaps I can suggest you Whiz Off you lowlife pondscum..." 

Which, in Britain, means "scum of the pond", I think.  It sure sounds nasty, at least.  I like it.

Ace; instead of a download, we could have people "click to Whizload"...
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Offline Bubba

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Re: IS THIS LOGICAL
« Reply #5 on: Oct 03, 2007, 07:58 AM »
Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"

"Yes. What can I do for you?"

"I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Ace.... he's hidin'
marijuana inside his firewood!  Don't quite know how he gets it inside them
logs, but he's hidin' it there."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."  "We will surely investigate."

The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Ace's house.  While
Ace stands helplessly nearby they search the shed where the firewood is
kept.  Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no
marijuana.  They sneer at Ace and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Ace's house.

"Hey, Ace!  This here's Whiz.... did the Sheriff come by?"

"Yep!"

"Did they chop yur firewood fer ya?"

"Yep!"

"Happy Birthday, buddy!"
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Offline Whizbang

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Re: IS THIS LOGICAL
« Reply #6 on: Oct 03, 2007, 12:33 PM »
One good turn deserves another.  I have some sweet gum that needs splitting, and even a log splitter will not do it.

Offline Ace

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Re: IS THIS LOGICAL
« Reply #7 on: Oct 03, 2007, 01:22 PM »
Geez Louise, Whiz, what kind of gum do you chew...?! (,,,!) Are you leaving that on the bedpost, overnight, or what?

You know, speaking of trees:  I was thinking that if Pat was a tree hugger, a tree would likely slug him in return. 

I did like Bubba's joke, of which as usual I'm the rear-end of, although I didn't understand it.  That's because I live in a suburban metropolitan bi-state urbane locale, Michiana.  And we don't relate to rural humour.  Well, those of us in Michigan would, since that's like going back in time once you cross the state line up there...  But not the Hoosiers, who are witty and sophisticated and are named for some speech defect one of us had, back when, supposedly.

Ace; you could split a log on Pat's car, or head, maybe.
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Offline pat

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Re: IS THIS LOGICAL
« Reply #8 on: Oct 03, 2007, 04:17 PM »
Maybe.

Hey how is it that the joke was about Ace, but I get it in the end?
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Offline Ace

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Re: IS THIS LOGICAL
« Reply #9 on: Oct 03, 2007, 06:00 PM »
I guess you're just Lucky.   I had to think log and hard to come up with the Tree Hugger line.

Ace; what do I know.. I own one of those electric fireplaces.
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Offline Bill

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Re: IS THIS LOGICAL
« Reply #10 on: Oct 04, 2007, 07:54 AM »
Apparently not much about slugs.  They're generally on the ground, not in trees, but you do have something in common.  Slugs love beer.

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Offline Ace

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Re: IS THIS LOGICAL
« Reply #11 on: Oct 04, 2007, 09:54 AM »
So that must be wife referred to me as one...  huh.

Ace; if she trys to a salt me, then I'm not going to stand for it.
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Offline Ace

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My logistics
« Reply #12 on: Nov 27, 2007, 04:20 AM »
Things I was thinking about while shivering with chills while running a fever after finishing raking the yard in the cold and wet last Sunday:

* I feel like a hot fudge sundae

* The Monkees was really a lousy show, now that I see the reruns.  I thought it was great, in 7th grade.

* I am hopeful Marie Osmond's second 15 minute month long stretch of fame is about to end.

* Golden Geese remain an endangered species.  Besides money bloated sports leagues periodically threatening their own existence, TV writers are pretty important when it comes to TV shows.  Watch the industry cost itself millions just to wind up where they could've been anyway.

* Although I haven't yet with this afflicton, I will hurl if Ohio State backs its way into the BCS Championship should Oklahoma beat Missouri.  Stinking "The" Buckeyes.

* I was glad we don't get Monday Night Football but that the Stillers muddied up the Dolphins. 

* I will never shop on Black Friday.  I did join in on Cyber Monday, though, ordering the just released Crossroads Guitar Festival 2007 dvd and the Living Colour concert DVD from Amazon.

* It would be funny if Amazon really employed Amazons, to work there.

Ace; brrr
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Offline Whizbang

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Re: IS THIS LOGICAL
« Reply #13 on: Nov 27, 2007, 05:49 PM »
And speaking of logical, Houston Nutt resigned as Arkansas head football coach after thr team defeated LSU, which was #1 at the time.  The University of Arkansas offered him an extended contract, but he decided to "get out of Dodge" before detractors buried him.  It seems that the Freedom of Information Act doomed him because of several documented calls from a female sports reporter got blown up into an affair by the head hunters who would settle for nothing else.  A plane carrying a banner demanding Nutt's firing flew over one Arkansas game.  That, along with a full page ad in the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette calling for his firing, tipped the balance in favor of the University Mississippi for Nutt.  In Arkansas, people do not care who the 8 to 10 teams were that the Razorbacks defeated; the only concern is for the games that were lost.  There is an unwritten precept that if a coach does not win the national championship, he should be fired for being incompetent.  When you consider that the Razorbacks have won only one national championship. that makes the head football coach's job extremely temporary, although ridiculously overpaid.
« Last Edit: Nov 29, 2007, 02:43 PM by Whizbang »

Offline Ace

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Re: IS THIS LOGICAL
« Reply #14 on: Nov 27, 2007, 06:25 PM »
Well, he's no Lou Holtz...

You know, I thought that was bogus too.  It was a weird weekend for winners losing; I wondered how intentional the Razorbacks thing was.  I'm glad you said what was going on down there behind the scenes.  What is it with Arkansas men who get in woman trouble once they get into a position of great influence and power... 

(Sometimes you feel like a )Nutt, Franchione, Doba, all beat the nemesis and walked.  Or like Sonny Lubick (Today, the coach resigned "I DID NOT"...)It's like musical benches, without the music.  If Miles goes to Michigan and Bo Pelini to Nebraska LSU is gutted again.  Maybe Saban will run into another natural disaster or homeland terrorism act in Alabama and go back.  Not. 

Maybe human Dominoes.  Plus, a Razorback sure sounds tougher than "Ole Miss."  It also sounds like a shaver made especially for me.

Somebody wins twice as many as they lose (Chan Gailey; GT) and that's not nearly good enough.  Although I will say for Joe Tiller at Purdue to beat up the patsies and lose to every decent team and wind up 7-5 that isn't good enough.  It's almost like half the teams lose, every week.  And about that many coaches switch sides.  I do have to say I always figured "Houston Nutt" was a made-up name.  Like a character in some stupid Adam Sandler movie.

Sometimes you yearn for the good old days when information wasn't free, and sports reporters kept tight lipped about the real life exploits of our sports heroes and leaders.  Anyway, all jobs are temporary, especially coaching.  Even Charlie Weis's, in spite of his decade long extension.  (no, that is not a Catholic sports/rosary reference).  I mean, sure they could fire him.  Golly, they'd have to pay him a ton though.  It's like it's worth his weight in

Ok.  Cheap joke.  Anyway, a lot.  "Gee, where would they get the money..?"  Criminy, they probably happen upon a couple million a week just sitting around in brown paper bags on benches around the administration building and Sacred Heart. 

Ace; I didn't mean like Derek's Dominoes.
« Last Edit: Nov 28, 2007, 04:17 AM by Ace »
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Offline Ace

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Re: IS THIS LOGICAL
« Reply #15 on: Nov 29, 2007, 09:56 AM »
Well, while I'm sitting in the waiting room and since I've read all the magazines already, I may as well talk to myself..

You know what's peculiar:

* Basketball coaches nearly always wear suits/sportcoats/ties.  Even the tieless (TurtleNeck Mike Brey of ND) still wear the jacket.  Well, Bob Knight does the school colors/sweater thing.  Probably others.  And a lot of them throw the jacket.  Only one to go without, including a shirt but not body paint, is Bruce Pearl of TN.

Can't think of any other coaches who dress that way... Football coaches used to (Landry, Bear Bryant, Earl Bruce while at Ohio State) but can't think of any that still do.  I remember reading somebody sought permission to dress up, but can't think of who it'd be.

* Football coaches have gone team gear oriented, to the extreme of the mondo casual sweatshirt chic of Bill Belichek and Charlie Weis.  I always mistake Belichek for some homeless guy who happened to wander onto the field.  and picked up headphones.

* Baseball coaches (managers...) wear uniforms,  Which can look silly, on some.  Been eons since any of them "dressed up." 

* What'd be funny.. Football coaches, in uniform.  Basketball coaches, in uniform.  Bob Knight in a sleeveless tee and baggy shorts.  Joe Tiller or Paterno wearing pads. 

* Maybe they could dress AS the mascot.  Pete Carroll in Trojan get-up, with spear and helmet.  Charlie Weis as giant Leprechaun.  Les Miles or Tommy Tuberville in a Tigger suit.  Heh; Steve Spurrier in a big chicken outfit.

Ace; Ditka really does resemble a bear...
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