Author Topic: More Blond(e)...  (Read 42425 times)

Offline JimS

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Re: More Blond(e)...
« Reply #420 on: Jul 28, 2008, 09:56 AM »
Not quite yet, Bill...

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.  Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.  The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.  She walks into the telegraph office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch.  I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds it will cost 99 cents a word.

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'

The operator shakes his head.  'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable'?

The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde.  The word is big.  She'll read it very slowly.... 'com-for-da-bul.'
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Offline scuzzy

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Re: More Blond(e)...
« Reply #421 on: Jul 28, 2008, 12:20 PM »
I would have used a much more explosive word, such as "Abominable".  :o
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Offline JimS

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Re: More Blond(e)...
« Reply #422 on: Jan 27, 2009, 10:31 AM »
A blonde noticed that she was about out of gas and pulled her car into the nearest self-service gas station.  She forgot to put out the cigarette she was smoking as she began to pump her gas, so she flicked it away.

A spark landed on her hand and the gas nozzle.  The blonde's arm caught fire.  She ran about wildly, waving her arm up and down in a feverish attempt to put out the fire.

A Police officer was nearby, saw what was happening and fired three shots at the blonde, killing her instantly.  Shocked onlookers asked the officer why he shot her.

The officer said, "She was waving a firearm."
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline Buffalo2102

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Re: More Blond(e)...
« Reply #423 on: Jan 27, 2009, 10:55 AM »
Hmmm.  Scraping the barrel now - very tenuous link to blondeness in that it might just as well have been a brunette or even a Jester.

Still, I enjoyed it and it's as good a way as any to resurrect a very popular thread.  Well done Jim.  Both of you.

Buff; not all blondes have fun, apparently.
« Last Edit: Jan 27, 2009, 11:00 AM by Buffalo2102 »
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Offline JimS

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Re: More Blond(e)...
« Reply #424 on: Feb 04, 2009, 05:41 PM »
Yeah, I know... kinda weak, I can do better than this.

But the intention was there!
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline JimS

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Re: More Blond(e)...
« Reply #425 on: Feb 05, 2009, 10:57 AM »
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline Bill

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Re: More Blond(e)...
« Reply #426 on: Feb 05, 2009, 11:15 AM »
LOL

Bill; really.
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Offline Buffalo2102

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Re: More Blond(e)...
« Reply #427 on: Feb 05, 2009, 11:38 AM »
Oh yes......much, much better.

Buff; We are amused.
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Offline JimS

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Re: More Blond(e)...
« Reply #428 on: Feb 10, 2009, 05:33 PM »
Hey, I'm on a roll now...


Passing an office building late one night, the blonde saw a sign that said, "Press bell for night watchman."

She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs.  The uniformed men proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.

"Well," he snarled at the blonde, "what do you want?"

"I just wanted to know why you can't ring it yourself."
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline Ace

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Re: More Blond(e)...
« Reply #429 on: Feb 11, 2009, 02:36 PM »
Hey, I'm on a donut.

Good joke, though. 
Ace; I know there's a movie coming out about Watchmen so that was very timely.

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Offline JimS

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Re: More Blond(e)...
« Reply #430 on: Feb 12, 2009, 07:11 PM »
Roll, donut, bagel, scone...

Well, I'm toast.  Which reminds me, The Onion reported today that Johnson & Johnson, who makes the ever-popular K-Y Jelly, will soon be introducing K-Y Jam.

Yum.  Yum.
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet