Author Topic: More Blond(e)...  (Read 46762 times)

Offline Bill

  • Global Moderator
  • xTreme Poaster
  • *****
  • Posts: 2508
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #30 on: Oct 28, 2004, 06:46 AM »
Duh.
Latest rumor at Poasters:
Ace is (or was) fair haired.
Antec 3700 | Gigabyte GA-EP45-UD3R | Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Wolfdale 3.0GHz | 4 GB (4x1GB) DDR2 PC 5300 Kingston RAM | Antec NeoPower 550W | eVGA GeForce 9500GT 1GB 128 bit PCI Express 2.0 | Intel SSD X25-M 80GB | VelociRaptor 150GB | WD 80GB 7200rpm |Samsung 22x SATA Burner |Windows 7 32-bit

Offline Ace

  • Full Fool Administrator
  • Mighty Jester
  • xTreme Super Poaster
  • *
  • Posts: 5904
  • Ace; he's just not that into you.
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #31 on: Oct 28, 2004, 07:06 AM »
Well, I'm fair minded.

I suppose "light haired" would be accurate.

Ace; light minded, too.
Ring bells for service.

Offline Bill

  • Global Moderator
  • xTreme Poaster
  • *****
  • Posts: 2508
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #32 on: Nov 01, 2004, 03:30 PM »
There is a commercial beibg aired on the east coast that qualifies for this thread.

Woman standing in front of mirror saya to man-

"does this dress make my cholesterol look low"?

Antec 3700 | Gigabyte GA-EP45-UD3R | Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Wolfdale 3.0GHz | 4 GB (4x1GB) DDR2 PC 5300 Kingston RAM | Antec NeoPower 550W | eVGA GeForce 9500GT 1GB 128 bit PCI Express 2.0 | Intel SSD X25-M 80GB | VelociRaptor 150GB | WD 80GB 7200rpm |Samsung 22x SATA Burner |Windows 7 32-bit

Offline Buffalo2102

  • Master Poaster
  • ****
  • Posts: 1073
  • Just for Ace...
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #33 on: Nov 06, 2004, 04:22 PM »
Sorry if this one's already been told but I don't have time to go back and read every blonde joke so far.

A blonde and a brunette are walking through the park when the brunette spots a dead bird.  "Awwww, look a the poor dead birdy" she cries.

The blonde looks up into the sky and says "Where? Where?
Vista x64 Home Premium. Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Abit IP35, 4 Gig Kingston HyperX PC8500C5 DDR2, GTX260, Creative X-Fi Extreme Gamer, Antec 900 Gaming Case.

Offline JimS

  • Senior Poaster
  • ***
  • Posts: 530
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #34 on: Nov 07, 2004, 09:24 AM »
Good one, Buffalo, I like it.

Ace, as far as stealing these jokes, up until recently, the only jokes that I've poasted were jokes gotten the hard way, i.e., hearing or seeing them and passing them on.  Up until recently.  I confess that I've Googled 'blonde jokes' and have been using these.  
A whole mess of 'em out there.  If plagiarizing is good enough for Tom Lehrer to write a song about (dating myself, aren't I) then plagiarizing is good enough for me.

On a similar note, Mark Twain was quoted as saying something to the effect of "In life, get what you need, and if you need to get it legally, do it that way, too."

So by all means, PLAGIARIZE!!! (jokes, that is...)

"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline Karen

  • Poaster
  • **
  • Posts: 322
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #35 on: Nov 07, 2004, 10:27 AM »
Which One Is Which?

A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail and our blonde friend was stuck again.

The neighbor suggested she notch the ear off one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our blonde friend couldn't tell them apart.

The neighbor suggested she measure the horses for height. When she did, she was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black.    :P
I'm at that awkward stage...somewhere between the young and the restless, and the old and the senseless.   ;)

Offline Igloo

  • Master Poaster
  • ****
  • Posts: 1156
  • it tis eye, the pink panther!
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #36 on: Nov 07, 2004, 11:12 AM »
argh, poor horses, stupid blonde, go figure
AMD 64 4400+
2gb PC 3800 RAM
Asus a8n-Sli Premium
Nvidia 7800GT
5.1 creative Speakers
2x 250gb Maxtor S-ata drives
Windows XP Pro
32x DVD,
Dual Layer DVD Burner.

Server:

Amd Athlon xp 2400
1gb pc 2700 RAM
1x 40gb 1x 60gb IDE drives.
DVD - Rom.
Ubuntu Linux 5.10

Offline Ace

  • Full Fool Administrator
  • Mighty Jester
  • xTreme Super Poaster
  • *
  • Posts: 5904
  • Ace; he's just not that into you.
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #37 on: Nov 07, 2004, 12:46 PM »
Well, sure, if they're facing the wrong way.

So; If I steal a joke from JimS or Karen and it's already been stolen, is it now original?  Like a double negative is positive?

Ace; I'm positive.  Type O, I think.
Ring bells for service.

Offline Karen

  • Poaster
  • **
  • Posts: 322
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #38 on: Nov 07, 2004, 03:00 PM »
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly said, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them!"

Her friend said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wisconsin?"

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! W."
I'm at that awkward stage...somewhere between the young and the restless, and the old and the senseless.   ;)

Offline Ace

  • Full Fool Administrator
  • Mighty Jester
  • xTreme Super Poaster
  • *
  • Posts: 5904
  • Ace; he's just not that into you.
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #39 on: Nov 09, 2004, 04:24 AM »
Ask her what the capitol of Michiana is... Heh.

Oh, shoot.  Hold on.  There isn't a dang capitol of Indiana. Oh, but you know what:  I is the capital of Indiana!

Cool.  I is the Capital of Indiana and not Pat!  Sweet.

Ace; keep the blonde jokes coming.  I use them, and it keeps one of my stupid poasts from being in the top spot.
Ring bells for service.

Offline JimS

  • Senior Poaster
  • ***
  • Posts: 530
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #40 on: Nov 09, 2004, 07:17 AM »
Just got back from a week at Disney/Epcot/MGM with the family.  One night we ate at a restaurant with the kind of table manners my kids love, i.e., the waitress throws a pile of napkins and a handful of straws up in the air over the table and shouts, "Here's the napkins and straws!"  Anyway, our waitress was this blonde who spoke in the most annoying, loud, nasally voice, which she obviously used just for this job.  If she made any kind of error or mistake, she'd loudly exclaim "What'd ya expect, I'm a blonde!"

All in all, a great meal and a great time.
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline Ace

  • Full Fool Administrator
  • Mighty Jester
  • xTreme Super Poaster
  • *
  • Posts: 5904
  • Ace; he's just not that into you.
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #41 on: Nov 10, 2004, 02:39 PM »
I oughta throw napkins and straws and yell that at the Squirrels, to scare them away.

You know, I had this vision of a Public Speaking for Blondes class where they're trained to acquire loud, nasal, irritating vocal mannerisms.  All of them reciting "What'd Ya Expect..." at once.  

Glad you had a good time.  Now, if you could please, start poasting some more dang jokes.  I'm glad you caught a break, but vacation is over.  Get back to work, dangit.

Ace; criminy, I can just see a crowd of JimS trying to cut into line at one of the exhibits...  
Ring bells for service.

Offline Buffalo2102

  • Master Poaster
  • ****
  • Posts: 1073
  • Just for Ace...
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #42 on: Nov 11, 2004, 11:44 AM »
OK, back on topic.

Three women are about to be executed.  One's a brunette, one's a redhead and one's a blonde.  The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.  She says no and the executioner shouts "Ready!..., Aim!..."  Suddenly the brunette yells "EARTHQUAKE!"  Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.  She says no and the executioner shouts "Ready!..., Aim!..."  Suddenly the redhead yells "TORNADO!"  Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.

By now the blonde has it figured out.  The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.  She says no and the executioner shouts "Ready!..., Aim!..." and the blonde yells "FIRE!".

Not brilliant but I don't feel bad 'cause I stole it anyway.
Vista x64 Home Premium. Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Abit IP35, 4 Gig Kingston HyperX PC8500C5 DDR2, GTX260, Creative X-Fi Extreme Gamer, Antec 900 Gaming Case.

Offline JimS

  • Senior Poaster
  • ***
  • Posts: 530
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #43 on: Dec 26, 2004, 11:18 AM »
Another good one, Buff...

Sorry I haven't contributed in a while.  I'm in between jobs, and the process of tying up as many loose ends as possible in the old job while getting ready for the new one exceeded my mental bandwidth (which, in truth, isn't all that hard to do).  Add the holidays and the multitude of unfinished jobs around the house, and, well, you get the idea.  The job, by the way, is an upgrade.  I feel very fortunate that while there are so many unable to find work, I was able to land a position in a renown institution at a salary higher than I requested.

This is supposed to be about blond jokes, isn't it?  I hate it when someone hijacks a thread.  Wait a minute, this was my thread...  Okay, let's get it back on track:


A blonde named Barbara appeared on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire...

Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left.  The next question will give you the million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"

Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go."

Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?  Is it...
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush

"Remember, Barbara, it's worth 1 million dollars."

Barbara: "It's a cuckoo."

Regis: "You're sure?  You can walk with the $500,000 or play on for the million."

Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C - Cuckoo."

Regis: "Is that your final answer?"

Barbara: "It is."

Regis: "Are you confident?"

Barbara: "Absolutely!"

Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C -Cuckoo.  Well...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS!  Here is your check.  You have been a great contestant and a real gambler.  Audience, please put your hands together for Barbara."

That night, Barbara calls her friend Carol and they go to a local bar for a celebration drink.  As they are sipping their champagne, Carol turns to Barbara and asks, "Tell me, how did you know that it was the cuckoo that does not build its own nest?"

"It was so simple," Barbara replied, "Everybody knows that cuckoos live in clocks."
« Last Edit: Dec 26, 2004, 06:31 PM by JimS »
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline Ace

  • Full Fool Administrator
  • Mighty Jester
  • xTreme Super Poaster
  • *
  • Posts: 5904
  • Ace; he's just not that into you.
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #44 on: Dec 26, 2004, 05:25 PM »
Finally; the Ghost of Blonde Jokes Past appears for the holiday.  I hope next year you are able to contribute in a more consistent, and timely, fashion.  About time you showed up for work.

Just remember, if you don't poast a joke one of us has to make one up...

Ace; nobody needs that, especially this time of year.  
Ring bells for service.

Offline JimS

  • Senior Poaster
  • ***
  • Posts: 530
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #45 on: Dec 27, 2004, 12:31 PM »
Ace, I consider myself properly chastised.  I'll do my woeful best to pull my weight around here.
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline Ace

  • Full Fool Administrator
  • Mighty Jester
  • xTreme Super Poaster
  • *
  • Posts: 5904
  • Ace; he's just not that into you.
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #46 on: Dec 27, 2004, 01:41 PM »
Well, good.  I don't like to see someone improperly chastised. Chastized.  Chastity belted.

"Woeful best."  That'd be nice, as an epitaph:  "He did his woeful best..."  

The loser...

Ace; don't try to pull my weight... you could get hurt.
Ring bells for service.

Offline JimS

  • Senior Poaster
  • ***
  • Posts: 530
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #47 on: Dec 29, 2004, 04:39 AM »
Reading that milk baths would improve her skin, the blonde left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of whole milk.  He read her note, but thought there must be a mistake.  Surely she wanted 1.5 gallons.
He knocked on her door, she answered, and he said, "I found your note.  Did you mean a gallon and a half?"
She replied, "Nope.  15 gallons.  I'm going to take a milk bath.  They're good for your skin, you know!"
The milkman asked, "Do you want it Pasteurized?"
She replied, "No, about up to my chest.  I'll just splash it in my eyes!"
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline JimS

  • Senior Poaster
  • ***
  • Posts: 530
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #48 on: Jan 08, 2005, 06:48 PM »
A blonde hurries into the hospital emergency room late one night, with the tip of her index finger shot off.

?How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.

?Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.

?What?" sputtered the doctor.  "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off the tip of your finger?"

?No, silly!" the blonde said.  "First I put the gun to my chest, and thought, 'I just paid $6,000 for these.  I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'"

"So, then?" asked the doctor.

"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000 to get my teeth straightened.  I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."

"So, then?"

"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought, 'This is going to make a loud noise.' so I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline Buffalo2102

  • Master Poaster
  • ****
  • Posts: 1073
  • Just for Ace...
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #49 on: Jan 09, 2005, 02:04 AM »
There was a power outage at the shopping mall and 12 blondes were stuck on the escalators for over four hours.
Vista x64 Home Premium. Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Abit IP35, 4 Gig Kingston HyperX PC8500C5 DDR2, GTX260, Creative X-Fi Extreme Gamer, Antec 900 Gaming Case.

Offline JimS

  • Senior Poaster
  • ***
  • Posts: 530
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #50 on: Jan 17, 2005, 02:59 AM »
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline Bill

  • Global Moderator
  • xTreme Poaster
  • *****
  • Posts: 2508
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #51 on: Jan 17, 2005, 09:02 PM »
The tee would have to come with instructions!

B-
Antec 3700 | Gigabyte GA-EP45-UD3R | Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Wolfdale 3.0GHz | 4 GB (4x1GB) DDR2 PC 5300 Kingston RAM | Antec NeoPower 550W | eVGA GeForce 9500GT 1GB 128 bit PCI Express 2.0 | Intel SSD X25-M 80GB | VelociRaptor 150GB | WD 80GB 7200rpm |Samsung 22x SATA Burner |Windows 7 32-bit

Offline Ace

  • Full Fool Administrator
  • Mighty Jester
  • xTreme Super Poaster
  • *
  • Posts: 5904
  • Ace; he's just not that into you.
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #52 on: Jan 18, 2005, 03:59 AM »
I'm pretty sure the tag goes in front...


AC/BC
Ring bells for service.

Offline Bill

  • Global Moderator
  • xTreme Poaster
  • *****
  • Posts: 2508
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #53 on: Jan 18, 2005, 09:40 AM »
And the big opening goes up.
Antec 3700 | Gigabyte GA-EP45-UD3R | Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Wolfdale 3.0GHz | 4 GB (4x1GB) DDR2 PC 5300 Kingston RAM | Antec NeoPower 550W | eVGA GeForce 9500GT 1GB 128 bit PCI Express 2.0 | Intel SSD X25-M 80GB | VelociRaptor 150GB | WD 80GB 7200rpm |Samsung 22x SATA Burner |Windows 7 32-bit

Offline Ace

  • Full Fool Administrator
  • Mighty Jester
  • xTreme Super Poaster
  • *
  • Posts: 5904
  • Ace; he's just not that into you.
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #54 on: Jan 18, 2005, 10:16 AM »
Usually, when somebody here leaves a big opening, the whole thing goes down..!  As in "collapses."

I wound up buying XXL tee shirts since my legs wouldn't fit an XL.

B.(the C)
Ring bells for service.

Offline Bill

  • Global Moderator
  • xTreme Poaster
  • *****
  • Posts: 2508
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #55 on: Jan 18, 2005, 10:33 AM »
And suspenders, but we were talking about  Blond(e)s
Antec 3700 | Gigabyte GA-EP45-UD3R | Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Wolfdale 3.0GHz | 4 GB (4x1GB) DDR2 PC 5300 Kingston RAM | Antec NeoPower 550W | eVGA GeForce 9500GT 1GB 128 bit PCI Express 2.0 | Intel SSD X25-M 80GB | VelociRaptor 150GB | WD 80GB 7200rpm |Samsung 22x SATA Burner |Windows 7 32-bit

Offline Ace

  • Full Fool Administrator
  • Mighty Jester
  • xTreme Super Poaster
  • *
  • Posts: 5904
  • Ace; he's just not that into you.
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #56 on: Jan 18, 2005, 11:51 AM »
I may have been Blond, once.

I may have been a lot of things.  Once.

RobCat
Ring bells for service.

Offline Bill

  • Global Moderator
  • xTreme Poaster
  • *****
  • Posts: 2508
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #57 on: Jan 18, 2005, 01:01 PM »
" I may have been Blond, once."  but  what, you don't remember?

I have been a lot of things too. Confused, foolish, rich, now poor, but never, never a hyjacker of Poasts.

B-; not C
Antec 3700 | Gigabyte GA-EP45-UD3R | Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Wolfdale 3.0GHz | 4 GB (4x1GB) DDR2 PC 5300 Kingston RAM | Antec NeoPower 550W | eVGA GeForce 9500GT 1GB 128 bit PCI Express 2.0 | Intel SSD X25-M 80GB | VelociRaptor 150GB | WD 80GB 7200rpm |Samsung 22x SATA Burner |Windows 7 32-bit

Offline Ace

  • Full Fool Administrator
  • Mighty Jester
  • xTreme Super Poaster
  • *
  • Posts: 5904
  • Ace; he's just not that into you.
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #58 on: Jan 18, 2005, 03:12 PM »
Vaguely.  I still own a comb.. and brushes.  I don't know why.  I remember having a comb, in my back pocket.  I remember feeling undressed, and ill prepared, without one.  In High School, I would stop between every class and comb my hair.

I remember how a hair drier felt.. a hot comb, even.  Shampooing, and actually grabbing a-hold of something.  Conditioning, after.

Criminy, now it'd just be "polishing."

There was a time when I'd actually use a little Nice & Easy from my wife while she was dyeing her hair, and apply it... and, yes, it was blond.  I figured "why not."  So, yeah, I may have been.  Once.  For a little while.

On a little bit.  What was left.

Sigh.  

Phonetically, that's "Heeaaaaauughggghh."

Oh, and you mispelled "hi."  I mean "high."

Bobcat.  Not a blond cat.  
Ring bells for service.

Offline Bill

  • Global Moderator
  • xTreme Poaster
  • *****
  • Posts: 2508
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #59 on: Jan 18, 2005, 03:24 PM »
I do it all the the time.  Like what that famous president said, "Be sure you're certain, then go ahead." Or was it "be certain you're sure...."?

Its like that with me and spelling- looks right, must be OK.  Do you mean it should look like this: highjacker or hijacker  -none look right- a stealer of poasts- works for me.
 'course if the powers that be could arrange a spell checker here; but probably more of a headache for some of us that routinely misspell.  What the heck..guess we'll and you'l suffer with it -typoes and all.
« Last Edit: Jan 18, 2005, 08:25 PM by Bill »
Antec 3700 | Gigabyte GA-EP45-UD3R | Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Wolfdale 3.0GHz | 4 GB (4x1GB) DDR2 PC 5300 Kingston RAM | Antec NeoPower 550W | eVGA GeForce 9500GT 1GB 128 bit PCI Express 2.0 | Intel SSD X25-M 80GB | VelociRaptor 150GB | WD 80GB 7200rpm |Samsung 22x SATA Burner |Windows 7 32-bit