Author Topic: More Blond(e)...  (Read 44516 times)

Offline JimS

  • Senior Poaster
  • ***
  • Posts: 530
More Blond(e)...
« on: Aug 02, 2004, 02:12 PM »
A blonde female police officer pulls over a blonde gal in a convertible sports car for speeding.  She walks up to the car and asks the blond for her driver's license.  The blonde convertible driver searches through her purse in vain.
Finally she asks, "What does it look like?"

The blonde police officer tells her, "It's that thing with your picture on it."

The blonde driver searches for a few more seconds, pulls out her compact, opens it and sure enough sees herself.  She hands the compact to the blonde cop.

After a few seconds looking at the compact, the blonde cop rolls her eyes, hands the compact back to the blonde convertible driver and says, "If you would have told me you were a police officer when I first pulled you over we could have avoided this whole thing."
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline pat

  • xTreme Super Poaster
  • *****
  • Posts: 5098
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #1 on: Aug 02, 2004, 02:16 PM »
Good joke, keep them coming.
SeaSonic S12 550W, Athlon 64 X2 6000+, Asus M2N SLI-Deluxe, nvidia 9600 GSO, 2x2 gig Crucial Ballistix, LG DVD/RW, 2x Western Digital Black Edition 640gb,  SAMSUNG 226BW Black 22", Canon PIXMA MP600,  Logitech X-230 speakers, Logitech Comfort Duo keyboard & Mouse, Windows 7 64 Home Premium & Vista 64

Offline Ace

  • Full Fool Administrator
  • Mighty Jester
  • xTreme Super Poaster
  • *
  • Posts: 5904
  • Ace; he's just not that into you.
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #2 on: Aug 02, 2004, 04:48 PM »
Excellent!  Another one of you should be banned for contributing to the delinquency of a miner, but that's ok since there are more of you where that came from.

Yes, I know I spelled "miner" that way.  Miners usually get the shaft, as it is.

Ace; if Scuzzy looked at himself in somebody's compact, it'd break.
Ring bells for service.

Offline JimS

  • Senior Poaster
  • ***
  • Posts: 530
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #3 on: Aug 02, 2004, 07:07 PM »
AT LAST, A REAL MALE BLONDE JOKE

There were two blonde guys working for the city.  One would dig a hole, and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.  They worked furiously all day without rest, one guy digging a hole, the other guy filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing.  So he asked the hole digger, "I appreciate the effort you are putting into your work, but what's the story?   You dig a hole and your partner follows behind and fills it up again."

The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, normally we are a three-man team, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline JimS

  • Senior Poaster
  • ***
  • Posts: 530
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #4 on: Sep 05, 2004, 05:30 AM »
A plane is on its way to Melbourne when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down in a spare seat.

The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.  On producing her cheaper ticket, the hostess tells the blonde passenger that she's only paid for Economy and that she will have to go and sit in the back.

The blonde replies: "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and I'm staying right here!"

The frustrated flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat.  
The co-pilot goes back to the First Class cabin and tries to explain to the blonde that because she only paid for Economy she is only entitled to an Economy place and she will have to leave and return to her original seat.

The blonde replies once again: "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and I'm staying just where I am!"

Exasperated, the co-pilot tells the pilot that it was no use and that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.

The pilot says: "You say she's blonde?  I'll handle this, I'm married to a blonde and over the years I've learnt to speak fluent blonde!"  
The co-pilot is immediately dubious and at the same time curious.

The pilot goes back to the blonde, whispers something in her ear and she replies: "Oh dear, I am sorry, I had no idea," gets up and moves back to her seat in the rear of the aircraft.

The flight attendant and co-pilot of course are amazed and asked the pilot what he said to make her return to her seat without any fuss.

The Pilot replies: "I told her First Class isn't going to Melbourne".
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline JimS

  • Senior Poaster
  • ***
  • Posts: 530
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #5 on: Sep 07, 2004, 01:45 PM »
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.

The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus.  The Blonde team rides on the top level.  The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs.

She decides to go up and investigate.  When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.

She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here?  We're havin' a grand time downstairs!"

One of the Blondes looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver."
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline Ace

  • Full Fool Administrator
  • Mighty Jester
  • xTreme Super Poaster
  • *
  • Posts: 5904
  • Ace; he's just not that into you.
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #6 on: Sep 07, 2004, 06:57 PM »
I quit bowling because my mind is always in the gutter.

You're rolling now, Jims.  C'mon; you can get the record for consecutive blond jokes.  It's ok if you stole them; so do some Olympians.

Ace; I wonder where the redheads were, in all of this?  Let us alone the green and purple haired girls, like my nieces.
Ring bells for service.

Offline JimS

  • Senior Poaster
  • ***
  • Posts: 530
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #7 on: Sep 08, 2004, 02:55 AM »
Ace, you give me too much credit.  That'll be the day that I have an original joke.

Plagiarize,
Let no one else's work evade your eyes,
That's why the good lord made your eyes,
So don't shade your eyes,
PLAGIARIZE, PLAGIARIZE, PLAGIARIZE!

- Tom Lehrer
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline Ace

  • Full Fool Administrator
  • Mighty Jester
  • xTreme Super Poaster
  • *
  • Posts: 5904
  • Ace; he's just not that into you.
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #8 on: Sep 08, 2004, 05:48 AM »
Well, Jims, I don't know how many of you there are, but I don't recall giving you anything.  If I did, I want it back, especially with a crowd like you getting it.  You're probably selling it to blond(e)s(s) at a big mark-up.

I plagiarize myself typically.  I don't think I had an original thought since I stood at the Gates of the Quantex Chatroom and thought "Huh, maybe I should go in there.  I'm thinking of buying one of those."

Bad idea.  No, not so much buying the Quantex... it was a decent machine, even though the software arrived about a month after it did.  Just going in to chat.

Probably, to this day, some people stand outside the Great Gates of Poasters and read the drivel I mean Ode to The Origin Of Poasters and think "Hey, this looks like a swell place to get computer advice."  "Oh, and look; they have a Jester!  That's gotta be Fun."

Worse idea.  I gotta think they're gonna be in for a shock when they see an entire chamber dedicated to Dead Monkey Jokes and Blond(e) Humour.  With a madcap jingling dink surly sourpuss in upturned shoes hurling invectives around.  They probably gotta cover the eyes AND ears of the little ones they dragged in; kids usually can recognize the truth more than adults.  They know a Jester is about as scary as a clown.  And to be avoided, along those same lines.  Not as bad as a mime; that's on the level of "panda."  But even a mime knows when to shut up; not a Jester, typically.

Like I said; leave the kids outside.  Let them go wander over to the whitehouse dot com or some other aberrant site while you soak in the computer wisdom and technical expertise here.  And sample the day old coffee and jokes.  It's not a place for the meek, or innocent.  Well, yes, Trav is welcome here, but that's as far as we're stretching it.  And he's not so meek, and the more he explains it I don't think he's all that innocent, either.

Ace; your welcome.  Here.
Ring bells for service.

Offline JimS

  • Senior Poaster
  • ***
  • Posts: 530
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #9 on: Sep 09, 2004, 05:52 PM »
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident.  Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.

?My God!" the trooper gasped.  "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant.  Are you OK ma'am?"

"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.

"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.

"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began.  "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me.  So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree!  I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree!  I swerved to the right and there was another tree!  I swerved to the left and there was...."

"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles.  That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline JimS

  • Senior Poaster
  • ***
  • Posts: 530
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #10 on: Sep 09, 2004, 05:54 PM »
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.  She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.  The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.  As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.  Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen.  I call the police for help, and what do they do?  They send me a BLIND policeman!"
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline JimS

  • Senior Poaster
  • ***
  • Posts: 530
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #11 on: Sep 09, 2004, 06:32 PM »
So there's this blonde out for a walk.  She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.

"Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river, then down the river, and then shouts back, ?You are on the other side!"
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline JimS

  • Senior Poaster
  • ***
  • Posts: 530
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #12 on: Sep 09, 2004, 06:38 PM »
She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:

She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:

She thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.
She thought General Motors was in the army.
She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here:",she put "Sagittarius."

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:

She tripped over a cordless phone.
She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said, "concentrate."
She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:

She studied for a blood test.
She thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train."
She sold the car for gas money.
When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:

When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front.
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline JimS

  • Senior Poaster
  • ***
  • Posts: 530
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #13 on: Sep 28, 2004, 08:08 AM »
Two blondes that were living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking.
One blonde says to the other, " What do you think is farther, Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says, "Helloooooooooooooooooooo - can you see Florida?"
 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A blonde came home from her first day commuting into the city.  Her mother noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right?"
"Not really," the blonde replied. "I'm nauseous from sitting backward on the train."
"Poor dear," Mom said. "Why didn't you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?"
"I couldn't," she replied, "there was no one there."
 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
New Inventions by Blondes...
 The water-proof towel
 Glow in the dark sunglasses
 Solar powered flashlights
 Submarine screen doors
 A book on how to read
 Inflatable dart boards
 A dictionary index
 Powdered water
 Pedal powered wheel chairs
 Water proof tea bags
 Watermelon seed sorter
 Zero proof alcohol
 Reusable ice cubes
 See through toilet tissue
 Skinless bananas
 Do it yourself roadmap
 Helicopter ejector seat
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline Ace

  • Full Fool Administrator
  • Mighty Jester
  • xTreme Super Poaster
  • *
  • Posts: 5904
  • Ace; he's just not that into you.
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #14 on: Sep 28, 2004, 06:53 PM »
Thank you.  I'll take them.

Ace; I just looked outside; I can't see Florida either.
Ring bells for service.

Offline Bill

  • Global Moderator
  • xTreme Poaster
  • *****
  • Posts: 2508
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #15 on: Sep 28, 2004, 08:30 PM »
No one else can either. It has been blown away.

Antec 3700 | Gigabyte GA-EP45-UD3R | Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Wolfdale 3.0GHz | 4 GB (4x1GB) DDR2 PC 5300 Kingston RAM | Antec NeoPower 550W | eVGA GeForce 9500GT 1GB 128 bit PCI Express 2.0 | Intel SSD X25-M 80GB | VelociRaptor 150GB | WD 80GB 7200rpm |Samsung 22x SATA Burner |Windows 7 32-bit

Offline pat

  • xTreme Super Poaster
  • *****
  • Posts: 5098
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #16 on: Sep 29, 2004, 03:29 AM »
I can see the moon.
I can?t hear South Bend or to Notre Dame.
SeaSonic S12 550W, Athlon 64 X2 6000+, Asus M2N SLI-Deluxe, nvidia 9600 GSO, 2x2 gig Crucial Ballistix, LG DVD/RW, 2x Western Digital Black Edition 640gb,  SAMSUNG 226BW Black 22", Canon PIXMA MP600,  Logitech X-230 speakers, Logitech Comfort Duo keyboard & Mouse, Windows 7 64 Home Premium & Vista 64

Offline Ace

  • Full Fool Administrator
  • Mighty Jester
  • xTreme Super Poaster
  • *
  • Posts: 5904
  • Ace; he's just not that into you.
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #17 on: Sep 29, 2004, 05:23 AM »
You'll hear ND Saturday, when Purdue beats them.  There will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

I especially enjoy the gnashing of teeth.  Actually, I think that's a spell in Neverwinter Nights I need to learn.  Maybe it could cause silly poems too, if you had Ogden Gnashing of Teeth.

Ace; I heard Nantucket has wailing.
Ring bells for service.

Offline JimS

  • Senior Poaster
  • ***
  • Posts: 530
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #18 on: Oct 24, 2004, 08:42 AM »
Sorry, I've been negligent/busy/blonde...


Did you hear about the blonde who was shopping in Macy's when the power went out? She was trapped for three hours on an escalator.
(Hear about her?!  That was my wife.  Incidentally, she brought the escalator home with her.  She'll buy anything marked down!)


A blonde goes to get her hair cut.  The hair stylist cuts for about 30 minutes, hands the blonde a mirror and asks, "How do you like it?"  The blonde says, "It's okay, but could you make it just a little longer on the back?"


Blonde:   I was born in the U.S.
Friend:   Oh really, what part?
Blonde:   All of me, silly.


A professor invented a lie-detecting chair.  Whenever anybody sitting in it told a lie, the chair would open up and dump the liar on the floor.  During an experiment, a brunette sat in the chair and the professor asked her to tell about herself.
She began, "I think you are the best teacher I've ever had."
The chair immediately dumped her on the floor.
After the brunette left in a snit, a blond sat in the chair.  The professor asked her to tell something of his life.
She began, "I think -"
The next thing he knew, she was sitting in the floor.


What do a group of blonds have in common?
Nothing they can think of.


A blonde's house is on fire when she pulls up to her residence in the country.  From her cell phone, she calls the fire department in a panic.  The dispatcher tells her to settle down; they need to know how to get to her house.  The blonde replies, "Duh, in your big red fire truck."


How do you confuse a blond?
You don't have to.  They're born that way.

How do you confuse a blond?
Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.

How does she confuse you back?
She comes out and says she did.

How do you confuse a blonde?
Ask her, "How do you confuse a blonde?" and walk away.  However, she will bug you for the answer all day.
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline halokid

  • Senior Poaster
  • ***
  • Posts: 522
  • Push it to the Limits!
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #19 on: Oct 24, 2004, 07:21 PM »
There was an enchanted cave with a majic lamp inside...you could make only one wish......
so one day a blonde girl goes in the cave and wishes she were a hundred times smarter......
she turned into a red head.....well another red head came to the cave several years later and....
wished she were a thousand times smarter...she turned into a brunette.....Then alas one day a Brunette came to the cave and wished she were a billion times smarter...well she turned into a man.
 :o

Offline Ace

  • Full Fool Administrator
  • Mighty Jester
  • xTreme Super Poaster
  • *
  • Posts: 5904
  • Ace; he's just not that into you.
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #20 on: Oct 25, 2004, 06:28 PM »
And, lo, the dark haired man thought "Well, I've gone from a blonde woman to a redhead to a brunette and now to a man... all because of this magic (sp) lamp.  What would be the next best thing?"

And he lost his hair.

And then the man thought, "I've gone from not so smart to a hundred times smarter.. to a thousand times smarter... to a billion times smarter (don't ask where the million one went).. no one could be smarter than that.  So where do I go from here?"

And he turned into a Jester.

At which point he thought "Well, dangit, this is no good.  I've lost my hair, I've lost my mind, and now I'm wearing this dang jingly bell cap and upturned shoes and powered vest.  What could be worse than this?!?"

And he turned into a monkey.

And the monkey, who was once a man, let alone the tri-colored (that's triple hued)  females so noted, thought to himself, and forlornly asked "What could be worse than being a dang monkey, dangit?"

And he died.

Ace; could be worse.  Coulda become a panda.
« Last Edit: Oct 26, 2004, 05:29 AM by Ace »
Ring bells for service.

Offline Bill

  • Global Moderator
  • xTreme Poaster
  • *****
  • Posts: 2508
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #21 on: Oct 26, 2004, 06:36 AM »
So thats where the monkeys mounted over the bar came from! BTW, was the monkey blonde?
« Last Edit: Oct 26, 2004, 06:37 AM by luddite »
Antec 3700 | Gigabyte GA-EP45-UD3R | Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Wolfdale 3.0GHz | 4 GB (4x1GB) DDR2 PC 5300 Kingston RAM | Antec NeoPower 550W | eVGA GeForce 9500GT 1GB 128 bit PCI Express 2.0 | Intel SSD X25-M 80GB | VelociRaptor 150GB | WD 80GB 7200rpm |Samsung 22x SATA Burner |Windows 7 32-bit

Offline Ace

  • Full Fool Administrator
  • Mighty Jester
  • xTreme Super Poaster
  • *
  • Posts: 5904
  • Ace; he's just not that into you.
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #22 on: Oct 26, 2004, 08:19 AM »
The dang monkey photos came from eBay, dangit.  It said so in the dang joke.  I wish people would read the dang things closely, to pick up these details and nuances.  

Criminy, I know it's tedious.  Imagine what it's like writing them.

Ace; the monkey was blonde, but not a natural blond.
Ring bells for service.

Offline Bill

  • Global Moderator
  • xTreme Poaster
  • *****
  • Posts: 2508
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #23 on: Oct 26, 2004, 12:55 PM »
Oh, wait..the monkeys were photos, not stuffed?

It was so long ago, I can't remember.
That must have been in the dang joke as well.

Crikey
Antec 3700 | Gigabyte GA-EP45-UD3R | Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Wolfdale 3.0GHz | 4 GB (4x1GB) DDR2 PC 5300 Kingston RAM | Antec NeoPower 550W | eVGA GeForce 9500GT 1GB 128 bit PCI Express 2.0 | Intel SSD X25-M 80GB | VelociRaptor 150GB | WD 80GB 7200rpm |Samsung 22x SATA Burner |Windows 7 32-bit

Offline Ace

  • Full Fool Administrator
  • Mighty Jester
  • xTreme Super Poaster
  • *
  • Posts: 5904
  • Ace; he's just not that into you.
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #24 on: Oct 26, 2004, 04:17 PM »
Geez Crikey.  The JimS go to the trouble of poasting all these fine blond(e) jokes, and Halo The Kid offers up a nice seque, and we wind up talking about some lame joke I made up a few doors down.  And half of it I stole, anyway.  Probably the better half.

I apologize to JimS, one and all, for having this poast take such an unfortunate turn.  Please, if you would, continue the blond(e) chain.

Ace; the weakest link in a blond chain would be.. well, any of them.
Ring bells for service.

Offline Bill

  • Global Moderator
  • xTreme Poaster
  • *****
  • Posts: 2508
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #25 on: Oct 26, 2004, 08:30 PM »
As always in all things Poasters, you're absolutely right  - it was lame.

Blondes do have more fun, they just don't know it.
Antec 3700 | Gigabyte GA-EP45-UD3R | Intel Core 2 Duo E8400 Wolfdale 3.0GHz | 4 GB (4x1GB) DDR2 PC 5300 Kingston RAM | Antec NeoPower 550W | eVGA GeForce 9500GT 1GB 128 bit PCI Express 2.0 | Intel SSD X25-M 80GB | VelociRaptor 150GB | WD 80GB 7200rpm |Samsung 22x SATA Burner |Windows 7 32-bit

Offline halokid

  • Senior Poaster
  • ***
  • Posts: 522
  • Push it to the Limits!
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #26 on: Oct 26, 2004, 11:36 PM »
well my last joke was one i have known since....
junior high...you know.. that era where suddenly knock knock jokes arent cool anymore.
but let me try a little more adlib on the fly...

why are blondes so dumb?
because god bleached thier hair....... and thier brains.

( im making these as i go along here)

why do blondes have more fun?
because thier the only ones who
can play with spoon for 5 hours
(awww that was a miss)

Blondes are sooo stupid
they throw a rock at the ground and miss.
(not to bad)

The Barbie Doctrine.....
Ask yourself this..... what is Barbies purpose in life? to drive a corvet? to hang out with ken  then walk over to her trailer and drink soda?
and then giggle and change into a another outfit anf start jaming to  tunes with her barbie radio....see many girls do this but dont live thier lives like barbie.. so why do blondes?
they try to live like a barbie commercial. I think its because Barbie and the blondes have the same color hair.. a kind of imprinting. or mimicry by means of association. (that barbie world song comes in mind)

who likes convertables the most?
Pink Anyone?
who sounds just like the girls in the commercial?

so i think there are less Blonde Doctors in the world today because of Barbie.....Just think ...
there could be blondes doing  open-heart surgery in a neighborhood near you.
Thanks, Mattel.






« Last Edit: Oct 26, 2004, 11:45 PM by halokid »

Offline Ace

  • Full Fool Administrator
  • Mighty Jester
  • xTreme Super Poaster
  • *
  • Posts: 5904
  • Ace; he's just not that into you.
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #27 on: Oct 27, 2004, 05:20 AM »
I don't think you needed to say you were making them up...  Probably equating Barbie with trailer trash brings to mind Paris Hilton.

I'll try one:

Knock Knock

Blonde:  huh?

Ace; I make everything up.  Blondes probably makeup more than anyone.
Ring bells for service.

Offline JimS

  • Senior Poaster
  • ***
  • Posts: 530
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #28 on: Oct 27, 2004, 07:49 PM »
Hey, Ace, I thought you did pretty well.  I can't complain about this thread being hijacked, since my contributions haven't been all that regular.  Neither have I, for that matter, but that's for another thread...

A blond painted an X on the bottom of the boat.  His blond friend walked up and asked, "What are you doing?"
He replied, "Now we'll be able to find the same fishing spot again."
"You idiot!" his blond friend said.  "We may not get the same boat again!"

Three blondes were sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water.  A game warden came up behind them, tapped one on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."
"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.
"Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses."
"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing.  We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of  the river."
The warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were magnets tied on the end of each line.  "Well, I know of no law against it," said the warden, "take all the debris you want."  And with that, he left.
As soon as he was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically.  "What a dumb cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?!"

A blonde was staring, dumbfounded, at a rushing river blocking her path.  As she wondered how to cross, she saw another blonde on the other side.  She yelled, "Hey, can you help me get to the other side?"
The other blonde replied, "You ARE on the other side!"

What happens when a blond gets Alzheimer's disease?
Her I.Q. goes up!

What did the blond get on her I.Q. test?
Drool.

What do you call a blond golfer with an I.Q. of 125?
A foursome.

What's five miles long and has an I.Q. of forty?
A blonde parade.

Why did the blonde bake a chicken for three and a half days?
It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.

Why can't blonds make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.

Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
Because they can't fit eight cups of water in the little packet.

Why don't blondes double recipes?
The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

What does a blonde make best for dinner?
Reservations.
"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good I can do, or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again."
 - Stephen Grellet

Offline Ace

  • Full Fool Administrator
  • Mighty Jester
  • xTreme Super Poaster
  • *
  • Posts: 5904
  • Ace; he's just not that into you.
Re:More Blond(e)...
« Reply #29 on: Oct 28, 2004, 05:14 AM »
Geez James, about time you got back to work.  Thank you.  I can steal a few of those; I always liked the "other side" one especially.

I was thinking of trying another one I'd make up.  I haven't had a series like that since the Korny Jokes.  And everyone remembers how well they were received.

Ok; here goes:

Knock Knock

Blonde:  Is that my phone??

Ok; one more:

Blonde:  Knock Knock

non-blond: Who's there?

Blonde:  Well, it's me.  Duh!

Ace; no joke.
Ring bells for service.